Long-term illness

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Comment by Suz on June 19, 2012 at 1:41pm

SherBear,

You are taking good care of yourself. I am so glad the whales were there!

Big hugs,

Suz

Comment by Suz on June 19, 2012 at 1:40pm

I sure would like to have you, greyeyes. It is such a rough disease. I am hoping you will be able to join us.

Fondly,

Suz

Comment by greyeyes10 on June 19, 2012 at 1:29pm

Not sure if I can join this- my mother has pancreatic cancer. So I wont be widowed, but was widowed suddenly. My sister was widowed suddenly also- a week ago.

Comment by Sherbear on June 19, 2012 at 12:28pm

TAt the six month mark I was finally coming out of the fog and yes, it impacted me even before the actual six months. Knowing that there are "trigger dates" I actually really needed to set extra time aside to give myself time to grieve. I remember my brother was pushing me to get involved in my moms care and I told him I really needed some space and time right now to grieve. I did take some of his ashes the day of the six months and released some into the ocean off the shore. I remember two whales were close to shore at the time which was unusal. ((((Hugs to you))))) I just passed the 9 month mark this month

Comment by Joyce on June 19, 2012 at 10:47am

Yes Chris, the six month mark was very rough for me, you know, like half a year he's been out of my life.  How can that be when sometimes I think he is going to be home when I get there.  Someday my brain and heart will be on the same wavelength but doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon.  Hugs!

Comment by Tulsa Chris on June 19, 2012 at 9:50am

I have been doing so well in my journey since my partner Susan's death.  But, last week my sister came to visit and since she left I have been rocky.  This despite special messages from Susan.  I am facing six months  at the end of this month so I suspect that is the reason.  Was the six month marker extra difficult for any of you?

Comment by Cristina on June 18, 2012 at 1:32am

Freddieb, thank you so much for your kind thoughts.  I am doing better, and have made the decision, along with my sister, that I should not go up there this week but wait til later for a variety of reasons.  This makes me sad, as I was also looking forward to seeing her, but it also is a relief as this is not the right time for this trip.  Sharing my burden with you all on Friday helped immensely.  Your warm support and understanding just truly eased my pain.  Thank you.  I wish you the best, as well. 

Comment by camry on June 17, 2012 at 12:52pm

Sherbear, I'm glad you are having some peace. For us and our plans, we went to church where we got to read the bulletin the priest wrote all about Peter and what a great father he was. That was tough to read but it was beautifully written. Then we went out to his favorite breakfast place. The owner knew my husband because he coached his sons at football. He asked me for a picture of Peter said he could hang it on the wall! I had a prayer card on me and gave him that. And when we asked for the check, we were told the it was on the house.

I cried in the car. Heck, I have been crying all day, lol.

Comment by Sherbear on June 17, 2012 at 12:17pm

Yesterday was Daves birthday and I did a balloon release. But, I feel as though he gave me a gift on his birthday. A gift of being able to move on just a little further down this grief journey.

I got to gether with a long time friend of ours on Friday for lunch. She felt as though Dave was telling her to "Take care of me". So, we spent our lunch speaking freely of this and that and happened to start to speak of the day after Dave died. He died on a Saturday so I made myself go to church the next day.

The pator opened up a time for testimonies about their love for Dave. There was one in particular we started speaking about and immediately my friend became very upset about it.

Apparently, this person have spoken inappropriately to the whole church concerning conversations she had with Dave. She is head of our prayer chain and actually disclosed some private prayer requests he had with her. The requests where about me and my need for strenght and how sometimes I would get angry and so and and so forth.

Well, at the time I was pretty numb, thank God, and it didn't occur tome how deeply wounded I would become from this testimony.

Being able to speak about it Friday wa sso healing, and to see how it had effected others helped me with some unacknowledged guilt and extra grief it had brought to me. It was so good to be able to process the words that were spoken, feel the anger, speak with others to help me understand it was inappropriate, understand that she was most likely oblivious to what she was doing, put it perspective, receive validation from others that I did do everything humanly possible to full fill my vows "till death do us part", and begin to forgive, release and move away from this guilt. Today I intend to journal about it and have received encouragement from close friends, one being my pastors wife who remembered the testimony and thought it was inappropriate,to call and speak with them any time I need to.

I literally felt like I was being stripped naked before the congregation that Sunday but didn't realize that until just this Friday as well as yesterday as I continued to spend the day with my friend and heal.

Comment by alliot123(Susan) on June 17, 2012 at 12:13pm

I meant 2nd year

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