Long-term illness

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Comment by Tulsa Chris on June 19, 2012 at 9:50am

I have been doing so well in my journey since my partner Susan's death.  But, last week my sister came to visit and since she left I have been rocky.  This despite special messages from Susan.  I am facing six months  at the end of this month so I suspect that is the reason.  Was the six month marker extra difficult for any of you?

Comment by Cristina on June 18, 2012 at 1:32am

Freddieb, thank you so much for your kind thoughts.  I am doing better, and have made the decision, along with my sister, that I should not go up there this week but wait til later for a variety of reasons.  This makes me sad, as I was also looking forward to seeing her, but it also is a relief as this is not the right time for this trip.  Sharing my burden with you all on Friday helped immensely.  Your warm support and understanding just truly eased my pain.  Thank you.  I wish you the best, as well. 

Comment by camry on June 17, 2012 at 12:52pm

Sherbear, I'm glad you are having some peace. For us and our plans, we went to church where we got to read the bulletin the priest wrote all about Peter and what a great father he was. That was tough to read but it was beautifully written. Then we went out to his favorite breakfast place. The owner knew my husband because he coached his sons at football. He asked me for a picture of Peter said he could hang it on the wall! I had a prayer card on me and gave him that. And when we asked for the check, we were told the it was on the house.

I cried in the car. Heck, I have been crying all day, lol.

Comment by Sherbear on June 17, 2012 at 12:17pm

Yesterday was Daves birthday and I did a balloon release. But, I feel as though he gave me a gift on his birthday. A gift of being able to move on just a little further down this grief journey.

I got to gether with a long time friend of ours on Friday for lunch. She felt as though Dave was telling her to "Take care of me". So, we spent our lunch speaking freely of this and that and happened to start to speak of the day after Dave died. He died on a Saturday so I made myself go to church the next day.

The pator opened up a time for testimonies about their love for Dave. There was one in particular we started speaking about and immediately my friend became very upset about it.

Apparently, this person have spoken inappropriately to the whole church concerning conversations she had with Dave. She is head of our prayer chain and actually disclosed some private prayer requests he had with her. The requests where about me and my need for strenght and how sometimes I would get angry and so and and so forth.

Well, at the time I was pretty numb, thank God, and it didn't occur tome how deeply wounded I would become from this testimony.

Being able to speak about it Friday wa sso healing, and to see how it had effected others helped me with some unacknowledged guilt and extra grief it had brought to me. It was so good to be able to process the words that were spoken, feel the anger, speak with others to help me understand it was inappropriate, understand that she was most likely oblivious to what she was doing, put it perspective, receive validation from others that I did do everything humanly possible to full fill my vows "till death do us part", and begin to forgive, release and move away from this guilt. Today I intend to journal about it and have received encouragement from close friends, one being my pastors wife who remembered the testimony and thought it was inappropriate,to call and speak with them any time I need to.

I literally felt like I was being stripped naked before the congregation that Sunday but didn't realize that until just this Friday as well as yesterday as I continued to spend the day with my friend and heal.

Comment by alliot123(Susan) on June 17, 2012 at 12:13pm

I meant 2nd year

Comment by alliot123(Susan) on June 17, 2012 at 12:11pm

This week is a horrible week. First it's fathers day today then This coming Saturday would have been Wayne's 57th birthday and our 28th wedding Anniversary. This is the 3nd Fathers Day, wedding anniversay and birthday since he died. I just can't believe I am a widow at 47.

Comment by Sherbear on June 17, 2012 at 11:37am

(((((camry)))))  Big Od Hugs to you and your son today. What have yo got planned for today? I know, just thinking about planning something is uggghhhhh.

It's just that sometimes just planning something, anything, doesn't even have to be connected to Father's Day, just to get you through the day is helpful. And some others like to plan to have some kind of cerimonial planned of some kind like a balloon release with a note attached to it to your loved one. A spirnkling of ashes smewhere, planting something either in you yard of in a prak in dedication to your husband.

Since it was Daves birthday yesterday I did a balloon release with a ziplock baggy attached with a card, letter and a little piece of banana bread, took a close friend and did a balloon release.

I do hope this day goes quickly for some many here.

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) to everyone here today.

Comment by camry on June 17, 2012 at 6:39am

As Peter's cancer progressed, he couldn't talk much so he'd blow a whistle if he needed me. That whistle is still by my bed (I sleep on his side of the bed now). The other day, my friend came over with the three year old twins and one of them went into my room and started blowing the whistle. My nine year old son and I looked at each other, frozen. Then I just lost it, I broke down into tears. The poor little girl was so excited to have found a whistle but just hearing it again brought me practically to my knees. Ugggh, and today is Father's Day. I just want this day to be over.

Comment by Suz on June 16, 2012 at 4:17pm

Sherbear,

We have had a year of grief. Sometimes I forget that. Our friend, neighbor and Jud's colleague died of the same illness (pancreatic cancer) last May. Everyone was flabbergasted that this could happen to these two men who worked together and lived close together in a big city. On December 24, one of our lifetime friends, Iver, died of Multiple Myeloma, exactly two months before Jud did. Some days I feel overcome with all the sadness but I also have two wonderful women to share my grief with.

((((Hugs)))) to you, too!

Suz

Comment by Sherbear on June 15, 2012 at 11:16pm

(((((hugs)))))) Cristina, Suz, Ccdague

 

Cristina, it seems as though there are a few here that are dealing with this "sandwiched grief". So sorry you have to deal with this so soon.

It's heartbreaking to see my mother as well.

Just do what you can do and nothing else Cristina. Leave when you have to. Stay only as long as you are able to. Please, keep in touch with your own grief and the needs you still have at this moment.

I know I've become I little less able to cope with the pending death on my mom. It's understandable here in this forum. Just remember that. There are many others in your same shoes that are still reeling from their own grief of the loss of their spouse. We can only give so much right now. And, remember, you are still recovering from this past Sunday.

Give yourself time to heal from that.

Take care.

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