Long-term illness

Comment

Comment by chrism on July 10, 2012 at 3:47am

Kerryn

Thank you and I really feel for you 13 years is such a long time to deal with hospitals and knock backs that go with it,I,m so pleased you made the time between visits and treatments extra special,we too often travelled for treatments and always made a point of going out for a special meal after the treatments .

Up until I read your message I had never thought of that aspect of medications lying around the house,I have a teenage daughter and she has her "down" moments too,so I have made the decision to dispose of them,I have just returned from taking my daughter to the airport as she is going on a 2 week holiday and I am dertermined that on her return the house will be clear of all medications as her well being and safety far out weigh my grief,so give your mom a big thanks and a hug from me.

 

Comment by Kerryn on July 9, 2012 at 5:22pm

Chrism,

Welcome to the site - so many times this is the place I go where I know someone out there will "get me".  I relate to the long battle, my husband died 12/2010 after battling Hodgkins for 13 of the 15 yrs we'd been married - it was pretty much our life, yet not.  Dave battled, did all the trials, was positive all the way through it and we worked hard to not let the cancer BE our life.  It was a huge part of it, controling more than what we believed it did, but the times he wasn't doing chemo or felt half-way decent we did so much with our sons so that it wasn't the focus of their lives.  THOSE are the times I work hard to focus on and remember.  We also made the trips to Rochester, MN for treatments to be our quality time as well - joking that they were our dates. He was an amazing man.

We also had many prescript, syringes, etc. left afterwards.  I walked into my bathroom one afternoon to find my mom, a nurse, emptying all the bottles, etc. into the toilet.  I about came unglued.  Her reasoning though, was sound and I wasn't thinking straight.  We have teenage boys in the house - her fear was that one of the boys - on a bad day - might get into them.  Gotta love moms, even when I didn't think I needed her, she was looking out for me in ways I'd never have thought possible.

Do the things you need to do, in the time you need to do them - there is no outline on how or order to be done when it comes to grieving, and this is a safe place in which to do it with an amazing amount of support.  Visit often.

Comment by chrism on July 9, 2012 at 4:45am

well it is early morning over here at the moment and you have actually started my day off with a smile (Aussie athletes winning the golds over here),so I really hope you day stays a good one.

I am really sorry to hear about your husbands clinincal trial and poor treatment he recieved,luckily I only have the ut-most admiration for the trials team Elaine was under,they never gave up in trying to help her and the care and treatment and she got was amazing,even when there was no more trials to try they didn,t abandon her, I could go on for hours about the good they did and do .

Good luck with the job application.

Comment by aussiewidow on July 9, 2012 at 4:23am

Well, I hope you have some sun in the UK during summer - especially when our Aussie athletes are over there winning gold:) That will be something to look forward to. Always enjoy Olympic swimming events.

From my point of view the day can start well at the moment, instead of with tears, but then there can be low points like this evening, feeling all alone but not wanting to dump it on friends.

Learning to be single all over again is hard. Even judging food quantities. My freezer is full.

As for the clinical trial my husband went on - don't think it helped him at all and nobody bothered to read his blood results faxed through from a country pathology centre before one round of treatment (injections five days a month). He should not have had treatment that week because he was neutropenic.

I'm distressed by the fact that his specialist here (we moved interstate last year) said he'd been "overtreated" and his bone marrow was very weak.

If he'd nhot had the stem cell transplant and the trial chemo then maybe he'd still be here today. Only supportive care was offered with his May relapse.

All very sad. Anyway, hopefully I will perk up tomorrow. Have to write a CV for a job application and haven't written one for a few years...

Comment by chrism on July 9, 2012 at 3:50am

Hiya Ann,I can so relate to what you say about the rollercoaster effect between hospital visits,we took every opportunity to travel and spend as much time together doing the things we enjoyed,

Your comment about the sun is so true as well,we both loved the sun and some of our happiest times we just sitting in  our own back garden chatting and listening to music ,

It is almost as if the sun knew shes gone as here in the U.K. we are having the worst summer ever with no sunshine and constant rain and grey skies,but on the plus side I have only been on here a short while and the fact that people in such similar circumstances can be bothered to give others support is definately uplifting and I am determined to get those happy memories back.

Comment by aussiewidow on July 8, 2012 at 8:30pm

Chrism, I hope you can access grief counselling. That may help - it's definitely helped me to deal with and work through a lot of pain.

 I guess I'm blotting out the final days of my husband's life at the moment.  We had a rollercoaster with leukemia relapses and also multiple myeloma but had excellent and fun times in between the months in hospital- among the best times in our lives. I'll always treasure memories of singing and playing keyboards in a casual band with him on drums.

I'm starting to cope a bit better. Have been ticking off the list of things to do. I think sunshine helps:) I hope you can think about happy times you had together. Ann

Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on July 8, 2012 at 4:12pm

Chris, that's where the magic is. Everyone helps everyone, regardless of what "stage" one is at. I've been widowed for a very long time and I feel supported and loved by everyone here--including those newly widowed. Many roads, one journey.

Comment by chrism on July 8, 2012 at 3:25pm

thank you all for your kind and supportive comments,I guess I have found the right place and friends to share my thoughts and fears with.I know I am still in a bad place and everything is raw but if I can help anyone in anyway please ask

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on July 8, 2012 at 11:37am

Thought I'd share a photo of the meds I got rid of.  Each community has their own advice/restrictions on how to dispose - but please DO NOT flush them down the toilet. Pharmaceuticals in the water supply is a serious issue. Check with your local water or sanitation district to see what is available in your area or just Google "prescription med disposal" and add your city and you'll find the options.

Comment by sherwen on July 8, 2012 at 11:31am

Chrism, sorry for your loss.  You are not lone..all of us here know what you are going through.  One thing I have learned is we all grieve differently, so you need to do what feels right for you.  You will know when it is time to get rid of all your wife's medications.  I believe it will be the same with the memories.  No one can tell you when the good memories will come but I know they will :-) Hugs and prayers for your journey....

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