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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 747
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

Not like the Movies

Started by Snow. Last reply by riet on Monday. 9 Replies

In 15 minutes I will have passed my third day of being a widow. I have been bracing myself for this pain for 10 years, when my beautiful husband of 26 years was first diagnosed with advanced…Continue

how to handle life now

Started by nayajivan. Last reply by Mamitha May 11. 3 Replies

Hi,I have lost my wife Archana on 12th March 2018.19 years of Marriage..2 beautiful and lovely sons - 17 and 14 years..15 years of battle against 2 deadly diseases - Kidney Failure and AIHA...9 Years…Continue

Tags: sons, marriage, AIHA, dialysis, failure

Unexpected Emotions

Started by Snow. Last reply by Linda C Mar 3. 10 Replies

I had braced myself for the grief of loss, unbearable loneliness, some other things too awful to write about, but I'm also starting to feel quite hurt and let down by some people. Is this normal?…Continue

With the holidays upon us...

Started by Don. Last reply by goingon (Cynthia) Nov 18, 2017. 3 Replies

How do I answer the comments that haven't come when I talk about the things that happened to Arlene around two holidays? She had her first heart attack on Christmas eve day 2012 on dialysis as we…Continue

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Comment by Kittus on April 8, 2013 at 4:58pm

@4ever-  Was dealing with your husband's stomach cancer the same as the hell we have gone through?  My husband was 6'2" and 210 lbs.  When he passed he was 128 lbs....  He couldn't get anything down at all...

Comment by Kittus on April 8, 2013 at 4:56pm

First day back to work!  UGH!  Apparently the girl that was doing my job while I have been away has made a mess and now they want me to clean it up while still keeping her employed.  

Remember awhile back that I knew that that  wonderful CEO had firing plans.  So my guess is that she wants me to clean up the mess, then let me go. Such a hateful woman.

I really dont want to be there but nothing else has nibbled yet.  I am looking.  Just a very stressful day, just worse than usual.

In the meantime, I feel like I am just falling apart emotionally....

Comment by 4ever on April 7, 2013 at 8:44pm

 Kittus-Meeting someone is the last thing on your mind when you are lost in the pain and sorrow of such a devestating loss. I felt the same way when I lost my husband to stomach cancer in Oct/21/09 but these last few months I have thought how nice it would be to meet someone to share the rest of my life with but that thought also came with guilt and sorrow. Don't get me wrong I love and miss him and our life together everyday. So I talk to my husband and I tell him how much I love and miss him and that no one will ever take his place but being left here to continue on without him I have to know that there is a future for me. My husband was my first love and life has been very hard to live since he passed and I wish more than anything that he was here but he can't be and I have been slowly learning to accept that.God Bless.  

Comment by lillymarlene on April 7, 2013 at 8:09pm

Speaking about going back to work, I just wish I didn't have to. It has now been 29 days. My boyfriend's sister said: Oh, why don't you wait a few weeks? It's way too soon! Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of staying home. There are bills to be paid.

I found a "mindless" temporary job, and but I can barely handle it. As I mentioned my concentration is way off. I'm also so afraid of something setting me off, and I dissolve into tears.

Comment by t2 on April 6, 2013 at 3:55pm

Our country has never really been kind to women, or the widowed. Kittus, and those in similar circumstances should have at least a 6 month leave with pay from their jobs. Other countries do it. It is obscene we don't. Kittus, take Dianne's advice and speak with your supervisor/boss and request that they please respect your situation and allow you to proceed with the pace and the respect you deserve.

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on April 6, 2013 at 3:30pm

Kittus - 19 days? Oh honey, don't you worry about the tears or the overwhelming feelings or any of that.  Being tired ... exhausted ... all perfectly normal. Just try to be kind to yourself. You're doing a lot of things right, I am sure.

I hope your workplace is considerate of your situation. Can you talk to your supervisor when you first go in to let them know how fragile you're feeling? Perhaps they'll offer you some options. 

Comment by Kittus on April 6, 2013 at 2:55pm

I just read Pierce Brosnan's article.  At this stage of the game, finding 'love' again has got to be the FURTHEST thing from my mind.  The article states that he remarried after 3 years.  But I just don't see remarriage happening again.  

I am 19 days out and have to go back to work Monday...that will be day 21.  I just don't know how to stop crying to concentrate.  I was driving today aiming to take a street past the toll road...I missed and turned on the toll road,  No change to pay and no way to turn around.... I just pulled over and cried...

I just feel like there isn't anything I can do right right now....

Comment by Kittus on April 6, 2013 at 2:47pm

For those of you who has spouses treated at MD Anderson...there is a "clinic" of sorts in Orlando...not far from me.  I took David there for his second opinion and wish we would have stayed there although there was nothing they would have done differently.  Since David had a very aggressive form of stomach cancer there was very little anyone could do.

I will be in Florida awhile but I am bringing my dear husband home to Texas with me.  He has been cremated and I will be as well.  We have a dual urn, one side for him and one side for me.  He used to joke that he was going to "sit on  a shelf" until I could go home.  He is from Virginia and it was extremely cost prohibitive to get him to either Virginia or Texas any other way.

I guess, I am just tired.  It seems that I have tons of good intentions to do during my days....but they just don't seem to get done.  By 4 I am exhausted.

Comment by Cristina on April 6, 2013 at 12:59pm

My dear friends,

Forgive me for writing you all like this in one letter, but I don't have the energy to write you individually.  I had another heart attack Tuesday, on the way back from the cardiologist's in San Diego...and Thursday they finally talked me into going to the hospital.  They did the angiogram and found no blocked arteries, thankfully, though I have part of my heart off-line, now, if you will, damage down in the apex.  Not something any of you really need to focus on, with all we have been through medical details are overwhelming, I know.  Just want you all to know how much I appreciate you and your good wishes and prayers....and that Monday is the two year sadiversary of Billie's passing...the heart attacks were stress induced, ie, grief, big surprise, eh?  So I have to stay off this site for a while, as I have to really be careful not to get too deep in my sorrow.  I hate to stay away as you guys are some of the very few who understand, but I can't do anything now but take it really easy and read cheerful books and try not to think, including about the absolute hell I went through in the hospital, once again....mistakes, mistakes, mistakes, thank god (well, not, but, yes, but, wish I didn't) I have so much experience advocating and turning down stupid medications that would have killed me, literally....they got my heart beat down to 40, bless their crazy lame doctor's mentalities....and with my low blood pressure tried to give me something else to lower it even more...and od'ed me on other meds. you know the drill...anyway, finally got out. My dear, strong son went with me, though they wouldn't let him spend the night, which is just as well, cuz that was when the overdose happened, and I'm glad he was spared watching that....I had the one idiot cardio guy tell me, yeah, your husband died two years ago, and grief is understandable, but to still be crying over him two years later is really overdoing it.  I thought of one woman here who put it so well, "Let's revisit this discussion when YOUR wife dies,after a year and a half of watching her fight for her life, after fatal errors on the parts of doctors...." but, I bit my tongue. 

Anyway, very thankful to have gotten out before they did me in, and now must take a sabbatical from you all beloveds, to try to let my heart heal.  I love you all, and will check from time to time, cuz I need to, but I can't get deep into anything with anyone....but if you guys could send your love and prayers for Monday, as I will not be allowed to have my real ceremony and feelings, this is so freaking crazy.  Blessings to all of you dear, kind, understanding, wonderful people, you mean the world to me, and I will resurface when it is safe for me to. 

May you all find more healing and solace along your paths. 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on April 6, 2013 at 12:45pm

I saw that article, too, Tim - and I agree.  It also makes me like Pierce Brosnan even more.

 

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