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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 754
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

Not like the Movies

Started by Snow. Last reply by CaliforniaGrieving Aug 27. 10 Replies

In 15 minutes I will have passed my third day of being a widow. I have been bracing myself for this pain for 10 years, when my beautiful husband of 26 years was first diagnosed with advanced…Continue

Neurodegenerative disease MSA anyone else?

Started by LP. Last reply by riet Jun 2. 6 Replies

my husband died in Feb’18 of a rare condition called Multiple System Atrophy, a form of Parkinsonism, for which there is no treatment. He gradually lost all ability to move, speak, swallow, blink and…Continue

how to handle life now

Started by nayajivan. Last reply by Mamitha May 11. 3 Replies

Hi,I have lost my wife Archana on 12th March 2018.19 years of Marriage..2 beautiful and lovely sons - 17 and 14 years..15 years of battle against 2 deadly diseases - Kidney Failure and AIHA...9 Years…Continue

Tags: sons, marriage, AIHA, dialysis, failure

Unexpected Emotions

Started by Snow. Last reply by Linda C Mar 3. 10 Replies

I had braced myself for the grief of loss, unbearable loneliness, some other things too awful to write about, but I'm also starting to feel quite hurt and let down by some people. Is this normal?…Continue

Comment Wall

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VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 25, 2017 at 7:23am

We're hanging out in the WV chat room for anyone who finds themselves alone on Christmas day. Join us!

http://widowedvillage.org/chat

Comment by adoption1964 (Kim) on November 7, 2017 at 6:57am

Phoenixring: I just read your post in July.  You are writing my story.  I am just into my 6 month of widowhood.  My husband was diagnosed with a type of cancer in November 2016.  The final and official diagnosis was January 23. 2017.  He passed May 2, 2017 Stage IV Kidney cancer.  He did so well for a while, but the last 2 weeks were so tough for he, my daughter and I we were the primary caregivers.  We had hospice help at the house 15 mins 2x a week.  I gave him all the meds and breathing treatments. Hospice was brought into the picture April 19th 2017 and he passed May 2017.  Watching him fade away at home was the worse thing in the world.  I was thankful for the time however he wasn't always clearing thinking.

Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on November 2, 2017 at 7:10am

Terry and only1sue... I too am going though health issues and miss my husband being here to help me.  Terry one thing you said - you don't want to ask people to drive you when you need a driver.  I've had that issue; it's very hard for me to ask for help.  It always has been.  But I've also learned that sometimes I need to reach out and just do it, as hard as it is.  If someone I ask to drive me to an appointment for a procedure can't do it, they say so.  So I take some comfort in having those few friends I can ask, who are glad to help when they can.  

Comment by booktime (Susan) on November 1, 2017 at 2:34pm

Oh yeah, only1sue, I can totally relate. There is no one to care for me either. I think it's ok for us to have blue days. Take care of yourself and hugs.

Comment by only1sue on November 1, 2017 at 2:32pm

I have been through a recent health scare and want to wail:  "Where is my caregiver?  I cared for everyone else why is there no-one to care for me?"  I know I will get over it, I always do, but just for a day or so how nice it would be to be pampered and looked after.  Okay I am having a blue day and will be better tomorrow but I know some of you long term caregivers will be able to relate to what I am thinking..

Comment by Fluffycat52 on September 26, 2017 at 1:52pm

Hi everyone, my husband had Congestive Heart Failure he passed away on June 12th 2016 he was ill for a year and a half, he was on Hospice almost 6 months from Dec 24, 2015, until he passed away on June 12th. It was sad to see him suffer but he is a free Spirit now he is at peace with God now. I miss him a lot but not suffering. Hope everyone has a good week. Lisa C.

Comment by Athena53 on September 21, 2017 at 11:58am

Sue, I absolutely agree that long-term caregiving can have many effects.  While my husband had been deteriorating slowly over the last 10 years (partly age, partly his polycythemia and the effects of his necessary meds), for the most part I was able to maintain some of my own pursuits.  I was in a couple of clubs, got to the gym every day, did different things for the church, etc.I really think it helped me deal with his death because I still had a life that didn't depend on my being married to him- in fact, some never knew him.  When you're the 24/7 caregiver for along period, you don't have the luxury of outside activities and relationships unless you have plentiful resources for in-home care, which is $22/hour here.  You have to start all over again.  

Comment by Beansy on September 21, 2017 at 5:33am
Hi, I just saw your comment about 5years widowed. You are not alone. My husband was ill from 1986 to 1997 with a heart failure disease. He died in 1997. Next week is the 20th anniversary. I grieved during the time he was ill, knowing our lives were forever changed because there was no cure but a heart transplant. He was 36 then. He was 47 when he died. Only recently have I come out of denial that he is gone. beans
Comment by only1sue on September 21, 2017 at 4:27am

I have just passed five years of being a widow.  I am finally getting used to being alone.  Call me a slow learner.  I do think the longer you have spent caring for someone the harder it is to be that blithe spirit you once were.  That may not apply to everyone but it has been my experience. So feel in a way I am starting a new phase of my life as a widow.

Comment by TxDD on July 13, 2017 at 5:58am
Slick,
Unfortunately they very much are. But please know I am here and willing to talk to anytime. It is a lonely journey when you feel no one understands. (((Hugs)))
 

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