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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 732
Latest Activity: Dec 31, 2017

Discussion Forum

With the holidays upon us...

Started by Don. Last reply by goingon (Cynthia) Nov 18, 2017. 3 Replies

How do I answer the comments that haven't come when I talk about the things that happened to Arlene around two holidays? She had her first heart attack on Christmas eve day 2012 on dialysis as we…Continue

How do you process your anger/disappointment at people who didn't "show up" for you and your spouse?

Started by Surreal17. Last reply by adoption1964 Oct 30, 2017. 14 Replies

I have no idea if any of this will make sense, but my husband just passed away on August 10th after an 11 month battle with pancreatic cancer, and I guess I just need to "get it out".  We lived a…Continue

Grief and release at the same time?

Started by Germaine. Last reply by Susan Jul 31, 2017. 48 Replies

I am aware of two different forces acting from within me.  One is the downward weight of grief. The other is an upward energy that comes from the release from caregiving.  After 16 years of part time…Continue

just joined this group

Started by Riley. Last reply by Steve Jul 11, 2017. 20 Replies

My husband died a year ago this July 27th.  He first got cancer in 2007, CNS lymphoma, a brain tumor .  Then we had 7 more good years , until July of 2014 and another brain tumor formed.  Then a year…Continue

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Comment by Susan on July 12, 2017 at 6:03am

TxDD,

   It sounds like Grief won't leave you alone. I'm so sorry to hear that. ... :-( 

   I was told that Paul's Brain Cancer wouldn't spread. ( My husband of 38 years.) But it did. It spread to his spine.  The 2nd anniversary of his first brain surgery is coming up. Don't we all have strange anniversaries now? But it's all down on my calendars.

HUGS to You!

Regards,

Susan

Comment by TxDD on July 11, 2017 at 7:39pm
Phoenixrising- My heart is heavy for you and I'm sending you thoughts and wishes of comfort. Your journey is all too famiar. My Greg also passed from this horrible monster Pancreatic Cancer. He was diagnosed in December and passed January 13 months later. They gave him 4-6 moths and he lived *shall I say suffered 13, but he was determined to make it through Christmas. He went into the hospital on December 30, Hospice was called in on the 31st and he went into a coma on the 4th. His last 3 months were brutal as well. He passed in '09 and I miss him like it was yesterday. I lost my best friend to Lung Cancer that metastasized to his brain last year, and my Dad is in Hospice now, maybe that is why I'm having such a rough time lately. Regardless, there is no time limit on missing those we love. I'm sorry we all have a bond, but glad we can share since we know and understand each other. (((Hugs))) Always here if needed.
Comment by Gary'swife on July 11, 2017 at 6:25pm

Phoenixrising...  So sorry for what you have gone through.  My first husband died of colon cancer,  1 1/2 years after diagnosis.  It has already spread to the liver.     I know that I was so focused on taking care of him, when he died I was lost.   You might have experienced the same thing, but everyone is different.

Welcome to this group, sorry for the reason you are here.   Hugs.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on July 11, 2017 at 1:58pm

Hi Phoenixrising, So sorry for you loss. Cancer is awful. My sister-in-law died of pancreatic cancer. She too was one of the "lucky" ones, surviving 22 months. But her last days were hard for my brother.

My husband died of a different type of cancer - prostate. His last 3 months were hard. Lots of pain. Hospice was only about 8 days. There is no preparation.

Hugs to you.

Comment by Phoenixrising on July 11, 2017 at 1:01pm

I'm new to this group. My husband died of Pancreatic Cancer in September. As with most people diagnosed with this deadly disease, his battle was short lived. He survived for 12 months, after diagnosis. He was one of the lucky ones. Many are lost within 6 months. He was doing quite well, and then began to decline rapidly the last 3 months. I became his full time caregiver when he went into hospice care. I treasured the time we had, but nothing could prepare me for those final days. It was as if a switch was flipped, and the death spiral began. The last 3 or 4 days of his life were brutal. No one should leave this world like that. 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on June 11, 2017 at 10:42am

If you've ever thought about writing your story, Grief Diaries gives you an opportunity to do that in a published book at no cost to you.  I'm writing in their Surviving Loss by Cancer book and they are seeking additional writers. If your loss was by cancer - or if you've lost another loved one to cancer - and are interested in writing about it, here's the link to register. Sharing our stories can be an important healing tool for us, but it's also important for those who will follow us to learn they are not alone.

To register, just click on this link http://shop.griefdiaries.com/products/cancer and choose 'contributor' in the dropdown box. (There is no fee to be a contributor.) Click on 'Add to Cart' which takes you to a checkout page where you'll provide your contact info. You'll receive questions, which will help to prompt you with writing your story.

Comment by Slick on May 27, 2017 at 5:30am

Thanks Sue....we're not hot and heavy either....but do have a good bond....we have our arguments and it's funny because he always thinks I'm walking away when all I need is a break.....then we talk things through ...and we're OK again...it's definitely a learning lesson....I'm glad to have him in my life....I had lung cancer 3 1/2 years ago ....and now have skin cancer, treating it at home with a Chemo cream...and am facing shoulder surgery.....he is so empathetic and caring. ..it has been good for me to let someone else be strong....God bless and peace always........

Comment by only1sue on May 26, 2017 at 11:38pm

Slick, lovely to hear you have someone special in your life again.  Yes, for me I am only looking for a friend too, nothing hot and heavy. You have had a hard journey so hope there are happier times ahead for you.

Comment by Slick on May 26, 2017 at 5:22am

It is scary at times ....BUT....I went through lung cancer alone....and now the skin and shoulder surgery....it's nice to have someone my age to share with....not that my daughters weren't always there for me...but they have their own lives and I want them to live them , not worried about me....and I have to say most importantly....between my daughters death in a split second auto accident and my husband;s young, painful death ....I guess I have truly learned acceptance...and that I have no control of many things......PEACE ...we all get where we need to be in our own time....there is no right and no wrong way to grieve...God is never  late....

Comment by I_was_here (Jamie) on May 25, 2017 at 7:07pm

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories with me.  Booktime:  yes - grief comes in waves, although most of my days are spent grieving Jake, some days I am still missing my mom.  She died at 63.  Terry:  I can't help but be a little jealous over the years you got to spent with her, but I know there's a plan for us all and it's better if I just stay out of trying to control that.  And Slick:  you are walking through my second biggest fear. I pray that someone is there for you like you were there for your husband years ago, even if it is surgery and chemo cream.  

 

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