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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 750
Latest Activity: on Thursday

Discussion Forum

Not like the Movies

Started by Snow. Last reply by CaliforniaGrieving Aug 27. 10 Replies

In 15 minutes I will have passed my third day of being a widow. I have been bracing myself for this pain for 10 years, when my beautiful husband of 26 years was first diagnosed with advanced…Continue

Neurodegenerative disease MSA anyone else?

Started by LP. Last reply by riet Jun 2. 6 Replies

my husband died in Feb’18 of a rare condition called Multiple System Atrophy, a form of Parkinsonism, for which there is no treatment. He gradually lost all ability to move, speak, swallow, blink and…Continue

how to handle life now

Started by nayajivan. Last reply by Mamitha May 11. 3 Replies

Hi,I have lost my wife Archana on 12th March 2018.19 years of Marriage..2 beautiful and lovely sons - 17 and 14 years..15 years of battle against 2 deadly diseases - Kidney Failure and AIHA...9 Years…Continue

Tags: sons, marriage, AIHA, dialysis, failure

Unexpected Emotions

Started by Snow. Last reply by Linda C Mar 3. 10 Replies

I had braced myself for the grief of loss, unbearable loneliness, some other things too awful to write about, but I'm also starting to feel quite hurt and let down by some people. Is this normal?…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Athena53 on September 21, 2017 at 11:58am

Sue, I absolutely agree that long-term caregiving can have many effects.  While my husband had been deteriorating slowly over the last 10 years (partly age, partly his polycythemia and the effects of his necessary meds), for the most part I was able to maintain some of my own pursuits.  I was in a couple of clubs, got to the gym every day, did different things for the church, etc.I really think it helped me deal with his death because I still had a life that didn't depend on my being married to him- in fact, some never knew him.  When you're the 24/7 caregiver for along period, you don't have the luxury of outside activities and relationships unless you have plentiful resources for in-home care, which is $22/hour here.  You have to start all over again.  

Comment by Beansy on September 21, 2017 at 5:33am
Hi, I just saw your comment about 5years widowed. You are not alone. My husband was ill from 1986 to 1997 with a heart failure disease. He died in 1997. Next week is the 20th anniversary. I grieved during the time he was ill, knowing our lives were forever changed because there was no cure but a heart transplant. He was 36 then. He was 47 when he died. Only recently have I come out of denial that he is gone. beans
Comment by only1sue on September 21, 2017 at 4:27am

I have just passed five years of being a widow.  I am finally getting used to being alone.  Call me a slow learner.  I do think the longer you have spent caring for someone the harder it is to be that blithe spirit you once were.  That may not apply to everyone but it has been my experience. So feel in a way I am starting a new phase of my life as a widow.

Comment by TxDD on July 13, 2017 at 5:58am
Slick,
Unfortunately they very much are. But please know I am here and willing to talk to anytime. It is a lonely journey when you feel no one understands. (((Hugs)))
Comment by TxDD on July 13, 2017 at 5:29am
Slick,
My sincere hugs too you on the loss of your daughter. My apologies for the confusion, my dayghters and
I were on n a house fire. They were 5&7 and it has been 33 years this December. I agree so different but the pain is so devasting. I still write letters in a journal to my daughters to keep them near me. No warning just here in minute then not. Greg was 50 and like yours and so many of tjis horrible disease, horrific pain the last few months.
Thiughts and prayers. I'm working long hours to get cope over the years. Going to retire in a year or so. I want to volunteer and honor the three of them. Hugs.
Comment by Susan on July 13, 2017 at 4:23am

TxDD,

    Thank You for your words of comfort... And you didn't go on and on. People NEED to tell their story. It's part of healing.

((( HUGS )))

Susan

Comment by TxDD on July 12, 2017 at 7:28pm
Susan, I'm sorry for your loss, all of is here have our pain and
Although some us it came early in life in some form (me with my dayghters) and
Has just continued on with my husband Greg, the grief is the same and it is such a blessing that we Have each other to share with. I'm so thankful I finally have this site. I have been Alone in my journey without a support system. It's nice to be abke to read and share with others. It is healing. Reading Phoenixriaing and understand the journey of her and herbhisband. Greg only made it 4 days in Hospice before passing in my arms. I just kept telling himbit was ok to let go. You know for 13 months but you are never ready. Sorry, didnt mean to go on. Hugs to everyone.
Comment by Phoenixrising on July 12, 2017 at 6:30am

Thank you all for your kind words. I know this group will be a great comfort as I figure out my new normal. I recently attended the 10th annual Pancreatic Cancer Advocacy Day in Washington DC. I spoke with Congress regarding the pathetic lack of progress in the fight against this horrific disease. Pancreatic Cancer is the 3rd leading cause of all cancer deaths,  with a survival rate of only 9%. The good news is, we were able to gain support and provide the needed pressure to continue funding NIH, NCI, and DoD cancer research. Hopefully we can improve survival rates for all the recalcitrant cancers - Pancreas, Liver, Lung, Esophagus, Stomach, Brain & Ovarian. My husband lost his battle, but I will continue his fight. I think it's the best way for me to honor him and it helps me work through the grief.

Comment by Susan on July 12, 2017 at 6:03am

TxDD,

   It sounds like Grief won't leave you alone. I'm so sorry to hear that. ... :-( 

   I was told that Paul's Brain Cancer wouldn't spread. ( My husband of 38 years.) But it did. It spread to his spine.  The 2nd anniversary of his first brain surgery is coming up. Don't we all have strange anniversaries now? But it's all down on my calendars.

HUGS to You!

Regards,

Susan

Comment by TxDD on July 11, 2017 at 7:39pm
Phoenixrising- My heart is heavy for you and I'm sending you thoughts and wishes of comfort. Your journey is all too famiar. My Greg also passed from this horrible monster Pancreatic Cancer. He was diagnosed in December and passed January 13 months later. They gave him 4-6 moths and he lived *shall I say suffered 13, but he was determined to make it through Christmas. He went into the hospital on December 30, Hospice was called in on the 31st and he went into a coma on the 4th. His last 3 months were brutal as well. He passed in '09 and I miss him like it was yesterday. I lost my best friend to Lung Cancer that metastasized to his brain last year, and my Dad is in Hospice now, maybe that is why I'm having such a rough time lately. Regardless, there is no time limit on missing those we love. I'm sorry we all have a bond, but glad we can share since we know and understand each other. (((Hugs))) Always here if needed.
 

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