Long-term illness

Comment

Comment by Nance on March 5, 2013 at 7:54pm

Thank you Jocelyn There is always something to remind you. It will be four years for me this month and I still have those moments. I was in SAMs the other day and had one of those moments. Funny where you can be at those times. This group really understands what we went through as care givers.

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on March 5, 2013 at 7:40pm

Hi Suz, Marlene and Ellybean. Glad you enjoyed the We Remember Them reading. I find anything to do with nature always soothes me. 

Dear only1sue. I understand what you are saying. Even when my hubby was bedridden and couldn't really speak any more, I still knew he cared about me more than anyone else in the world. It's so difficult to adjust when we lose that special feeling. I imagine especially for you because you took care of your husband for so many years. It's sad to feel how people, even family, are so often in a hurry to dismiss us. Seems to be part of what being widows/widowers so hard, to figure out where we "fit" in life now. I wish you luck going forward, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. We will help each other heal.

Take good care my friends. Jocelyn~

Comment by Suz on March 5, 2013 at 6:23pm

Jocelyn,

I love that. I have heard it before and I think I have heard it sung. It is incredibly beautiful. I think I will print that out!

Suz

Comment by only1sue on March 5, 2013 at 4:41pm

No-one says:"I am proud of you".  No-one says: "I will be here for you".  Friends say that but when you ring they are never home. One of my grandsons says:"I love you and I miss you."  I miss him too and the rest of his family who I see maybe three times a year.

I have always thought I was a very independent person and I was but I was also always a busy person so I never noticed the gaps in my life.  Now I see them all, so I see the lack of real family support, the sort that says "How are you?" and then listens for the answer.

It is my fault I am like this, I so devoted my life to looking after Ray for the past 14 years that there was not a lot of room for others, just 20 minutes here and there was all I could spare.  Now they do the same to me.  Even over the phone it is as if they are looking at their watches and I know it is coming, they will be saying:"Nice to talk to you Ma, I have to go now".

So I guess I have to fnd my own way of filling those gaps.

Comment by julesdb99 on March 5, 2013 at 4:14pm

Hi Marlene - My 1- year mark is approaching April 1.  I like how you expressed all the questions that swirl around my head.  I, too, think I've done pretty well for myself-  I think Frank wound be proud--  but oh how I wish he were here to tell me so.

Comment by Diane on March 5, 2013 at 3:39pm

I thought I was the only one, I too threw all of the meds, the day he died I thought I was gonna have a stroke I had a terrible headache right up the middle of my skull. They were talking about hospice, I told them I couldn't do it, I live one hour from the hospital and had noone to help me. He was so ill, liver cancer, cirrhosis, hep C, the last few days he was delirious, swollen and I think the bag of chemo hurried it along. He was on oral meds, then they switched him to the bad, he had one dose and was dead the next week, coincidence? He died in the ambulance from the hospital to the hospice, he was a truck driver so he died on the road. I sent his family many of the photos. Chrism it is so hard on us caregivers, we are human, and we did all that we could do. I have a burn barrel out back and have used it quite often, don't know why my post isn't showing is it?

Comment by Ellybean on March 4, 2013 at 5:05pm

I agree Jocelyn beautiful...............thanks for sharing.

Comment by Mford4 (Marlene) on March 4, 2013 at 4:56pm

Jocelyn, this was beautiful.  We do not forget those we have lost.  There will always be a hole in my heart for what I lost.  The hope is that we can find a way to live with that loss.  Thank you for sharing this most beautiful writing.  Marlene

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on March 4, 2013 at 3:46pm

Dear Friends. I'm going to paraphrase something written by Rabbi Sylvan Kamens that was given to me recently at a bereavement group. I found it to be very comforting and hope you will too. The rabbi said "we remember them" after each phrase. I will only say it at the beginning and end for space.

We Remember Them

In the rising of the sun and its going down,

We Remember Them (WRT).

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, WRT.

In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, WRT.

In the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer, WRT.

In the rustling of the leaves and the beauty of autumn, WRT.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends, WRT.

When we are weary and in need of strength, WRT.

When we are lost and sick of heart, WRT.

When we have joys and special celebrations we yearn to share, WRT.

So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are part of us.

We Remember Them.

 

Comment by Ellybean on March 4, 2013 at 3:14pm

Diane and jen i also am at 7 months in a few days.  All of us grieve differently and that is ok - we are doing what we need to.  for me it is hard not to think of the number of days he has not been with us.  Hugs to both and hugs to all.  Hardest thing I have ever, ever had to do.  Right now I am just surviving but I made a promise to my husband - to take care of my kids and so we have to push on and learn to live again.  I laugh and smile but not how I use to but I know my husband would want me to and we WILL.  Hugs to everyone. 

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