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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 675
Latest Activity: Apr 18

Discussion Forum

NY Mag Article "The Day I started Lying to Ruth" by a cancer doctor on losing his wife to cancer

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by Patience (Diane) Apr 5. 20 Replies

Has anyone read this article?  It stopped me in my tracks yesterday. http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/Continue

I'm Lost

Started by MickeysLove. Last reply by NewLoss Apr 3. 21 Replies

So, 4 days ago marked the 2 month period.  I had joined a support "group" where you go and sit with other people and talk about whats bothering you. I had went 2 times, I'm not going anymore - I…Continue

Retreats?

Started by katjames. Last reply by judy Feb 11. 14 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by goingon (Cynthia) Jan 15. 38 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

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Comment by CarolinaHeart on March 9, 2016 at 8:27pm

GBM family...Each narrative is heartbreakingly familiar, and we share a common bond. Thanks to each of you for sharing your scars and painful past with courage and boldness. Death always feels like a surprise even when the comfort and attention of those surrounding us rush in to prepare us. Gentle wishes and kind thoughts to you all, and yes, thank you for the (((hugs)))! 

Comment by Tink on March 9, 2016 at 8:12pm

I lost my husband at 58 in 2013, from Corticobasal degeneration, a rare brain disease which progressed quite quickly for him. Being a caregiver to a spouse is difficult. It was hard to be the one who had to tell him he could no longer drive or take walks by himself. Then having to take him to an adult day care with all the elderly people while I worked full time so we could have health insurance, and finally placing him in a home where he had always said he would never want to have to go. It is hard to remember him when he was well, but I can remember all too well that day I walked him through that door to the nursing home! From then on, it was endless paperwork and visiting every day, feeding him and spending the nights with him on the weekends sleeping in a recliner by his bed. Some how it still feels like I could have done more and been more patient with him at times. I hope as time goes on, I will be able to remember more of the good times.

Comment by BESTBUDS1 [Norman} on March 9, 2016 at 6:33pm

Karol to answer your question, my wife was 51 when diagnosed and turned 52  and passed at that age after 6 months 7 days of diagnosis.. 

Comment by Gaining Strength on March 9, 2016 at 6:17pm

Idaho,

you echo my sentiments. I remember struggling to keep my business and his business alive. I remember going to the hospital practically every day for appointments even when he is not hospitalized. I remember trying to hide the severity of the situation from my children because I was afraid that they would drop out of university. I remember fighting about the cost of some drugs. I remember calling the Oncologist constantly when the numbers were going the wrong way. I remember watching the bills pile up and the telephone was cut off. I remember wondering why his family does not visit him regularly.  I remember my miserable behaviour and I regret the moments that I missed. It is almost five years  and I still remember. My husband had a different form of cancer but the feelings are all the similar.  Peace to all.

Comment by idaho on March 9, 2016 at 4:07pm

I wish this sight had a "like" button as they do on face book!   ill take that group hug! thank you, I needed it!!

Comment by BESTBUDS1 [Norman} on March 9, 2016 at 1:08pm

{{{{{Group Hug for all of us}}}}}}}

Comment by BESTBUDS1 [Norman} on March 9, 2016 at 1:03pm

IDAHO,its is not your fault, we all walked in shoes we never walked in before... Be gentle with yourself as that is what he would want.... So sorry for your los as for all of us... Take care

Comment by idaho on March 9, 2016 at 12:49pm

hello, my husband also was taken from me due to a GBM. I was lucky that we had 4 good years after diagnosis but the last 1/2 was horrible. However, I have much guilt that I didn't make the 4 years great! we had money issues due to medical so Instead of spending the last years with my husband enjoying every moment...I stressed out, I yelled at the kids, I had to work 2 jobs, i made me and everyone around me miserable! I was soo scared I guess...its my excuse anyway!  we had some good times those 4 years, but mostly stress! so much regret. and then in the last 1/2 year...when he got bad and as many of you experienced, it was like taking care of an elderly person....i got frustrated and impatient with him! I feel like a horrible person/wife/mother and now its too late!! we had 27 years together and I wish I would have cherished them more at the time! Throughout the 4.5 years, even at the last 10 minutes, I always thought he would be ok. That somehow he would beat the cancer and everything in our lives would heal and we would be walking on the beach holding hands on our 50th anniversary!  

Comment by shell on March 8, 2016 at 8:54pm

Hello friends... another GBM widow here  CarolinaHeart my husband was also like yours so different from the beginning, so many changes even before the seizure and then GBM diagnosis. Oh to look back is so hard but I do as it seems to be the only way I can begin to accept all that happened to Jon. He died in January 2013 after 14 months of treatment after what I considered at times to be his hell on earth. So unsure if he had really any idea of what was happening. Gone before we knew. Miss him so much..Peace to you all..

Comment by CarolinaHeart on March 8, 2016 at 4:24pm

lonelyinaz and Maggie...another GBM 4 widow here,  and it strikes me how much more common this hideous cancer is than any of us were led to believe... in the name of compassion. Our med team was not necessarily encouraging, but they did not  give me any idea how drastic the cognitive side of this disease could be. At a time I was reeling from the shock of the sudden diagnosis, I was totally unprepared for the diminished mental ability and psychological changes present. He was never the same following surgery. There was no opportunity to talk about it because he understood very little about his situation. I have repeated many times as well...what a blessing for him that he was unaware of his pending doom. Married 32 years, I took a stranger home to care for and grieved in silence...missing the man I knew long before he was gone. We were robbed of our last good-bye by not knowing the worst-case inevitability. Thank you, ladies for sharing the anguish of your souls. Peace to you!

 

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