Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Long-term illness

For those widowed by cancer AND other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

We now also have a "Long Term Illness" discussion forum in the PERENNIAL main forum. Questions? Widville@gmail.com

Members: 614
Latest Activity: 14 hours ago

Group greeters

Dianne in Nevada and Celestia have agreed to greet and coordinate for this group! Thank you, ladies!

Discussion Forum

I'm Lost

Started by MickeysLove. Last reply by GinaG Nov 1. 18 Replies

So, 4 days ago marked the 2 month period.  I had joined a support "group" where you go and sit with other people and talk about whats bothering you. I had went 2 times, I'm not going anymore - I…Continue

Grief and release at the same time?

Started by Germaine. Last reply by Vettegirl Oct 18. 29 Replies

I am aware of two different forces acting from within me.  One is the downward weight of grief. The other is an upward energy that comes from the release from caregiving.  After 16 years of part time…Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by ebwilkie Oct 16. 31 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Anyone ever have a sense of peace?

Started by Timetoheal. Last reply by Juls Sep 17. 38 Replies

Has anyone been doing normal chores or random things around the house and had a feeling of calm or peace come over them? As if your loved one is standing there with you or just brushing by you to let…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by 7greatyears on October 17, 2014 at 9:13pm

I lost my husband last week to cancer. He was 30. The last few months were so intense...so hard....and now it's all over and I'm just sitting here empty. My husband is gone and I'm left with painful memories of his illness and I just don't know what to do now.

Comment by lonelyinaz on October 13, 2014 at 11:18pm
Hello shell glad u find comfort here at wv. I also lost hubby to gbm 18 months now. As you can tell we have some very carrying and great folks to lean on who share this same type of loss. My guy was in hospice inpatient 2 days. It took so much to honor his wishes that i not remember him dying in our bed. He kept teling me i have to go so get with it darling and get me a room. The memories of saying goodbye just overwhelming still. Check in often shell were all here.
..
Comment by shell on October 13, 2014 at 7:56pm

Thanks so much for all your responses it really means a lot. This day seems to be the worst of all the anniversaries for me. So many emotions and memories that come out all at the same time.  Thankfully this day is coming to an end and I hope that tomorrow will bring some light back. I hope one day I will believe that I did the best I could.. Hugs to you all.  

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on October 13, 2014 at 6:30pm

Dear Shell. I'm so, so sorry for what your husband, you and your sons had to endure. None of these diseases are nice, but it seems that brain cancer often changes the ones we loved, and not in a good way. I'm a really strong person, but I don't believe I would have the guts to keep pushing thru with all the treatments our people had to get thru. You and your sons did the best you could. That's all we can do. Hope you are able to start having some peace and joy in your life. Big hugs.

Comment by Maggie on October 13, 2014 at 6:27pm
Shell, my husband too died of GBM and I saw a definate change in his personality about the last two years and more so 6 months before his diagnosis. Plus he had some heart issues that kept him from being able to do the things he use to do. He was also bored from retirement and all this put a strain on our marriage, and I feel he took his frustrations out on me, verbally at times. Plus I do believe the cancer was affecting his personality. I also have the guilts from some decisions I made ( you can see it on this board back in Sept). He tried to make decisions on everyday life stuff after the surgery, chemo etc., but often they would be irrational. I feel he would have chosen as Brittany has if he had had that choice. His suffering and loss of dignity was appalling and I would have supported his choice either way, but it would have been a moot point, as our state, NC, doesn't allow it.
Comment by Widowdad33 on October 13, 2014 at 6:05pm
Shell, I can relate to what you said about having fleeting thoughts of divorce. For about a year before my wife was diginosed with cancer I was feeling neglected. She would do stuff with her friends, but when I wanted to do stuff she just wanted to "stay in and watch TV". (Our sex life was also less than passionate). I actually considered the possibility she was having an affair. Looking back, I believe the cancer was slowing her down. I want to believe she felt she did not have to put up a front with me. I am still working through my emotions. Though she was sick for two years before she died, I was so concerned with taking care of her I forgot about these feelings. Since her death these emotions keep coming back.
Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on October 13, 2014 at 2:37pm

Shell -

Hi. I'm so sorry for what you went through.  I wanted to respond because of what you said about guilt and not knowing if you made the right decision, etc...

We can never know.  We all just did - and do - the best we could at the time, and you need to try to make that your new mantra:  "I did the best I could.  We loved each other.  I did the best I could..."  because it doesn't really matter now.  I think we all go through it, though.  Hugs. 

Comment by shell on October 13, 2014 at 10:15am

Jocelyn and lonelyinaz, I have seen the video on Brittany and I am so sorry for the journey she is on. 3 years ago today was the day my husband Jon had his 1st seizure and diagnosed with the same brain cancer monster GBM. He had not been acting quite himself at times just small things and things that now when we look back were out of character, but just thought he was 48 and maybe he was just getting ornery in his old age. There were things he said or did but then shrugged them off like they were normal. I even had fleeting thoughts of divorce he would be so angry at times. I went to bed before him upset with him, now I don't remember why.. but not sure I said I love you before I went to bed. I woke up that night on the 13th to a banging noise and thought I don't know what the heck he's doing now  I'm not getting up... but thankfully that was just a passing thought. I found him in the bathroom wedged between the toilet and the door having a grand mal seizure and his nightmare began.. He was diagnosed that day with a tumor and had surgery. He endured chemo, radiation, multiple seizures, hospitalizations, rehab, feeding tube, clots, a shunt and so much more. His life never returned to normal and neither did he. He needed someone with him 24/7 from the beginning.
He was never able to make any decisions for himself from that first seizure. He tried but just could not grasp it all.Our sons and I had to make the decisions and it was the hardest thing we have ever done. I would have given anything to know his thoughts, his desires his wishes and input.. to know what he would have wanted but he was not able to... He fought for 14 months and lived through what I can only surmise hell is. I live with regrets and guilt everyday on the decisions we made. Not sure we would make the same ones again. I so wished that he would have been able to make his own decisions with us regarding his treatment and his life but that was not the case.

I too think he would have considered the decision that Brittany has made and in all honesty I think he would have chosen it. My heart goes out to Brittany and her family and all those dealing with cancer.

Comment by my roses on October 11, 2014 at 7:49am

Have been sent this info about  Cancer. It can cost about $1.4 million to treat a person with Stage 4 cancer.

Quote "If you or someone you know is suffering from cancer, you owe it to yourself to listen to this extraordinary broadcast and expand your options and knowledge about treating cancer.  You can register to hear the whole broadcast on your computer.  It is starting on or about 13th October.

  Here is the link to 28 Doctors, 11 Scientists, 9 Survivors And 1 "FDA Dragon Slaying"  Attorney Break Their 'Code Of Silence' And Expose The
TRUTH About Cancer And Exactly How To Prevent,
Treat And Beat it 100% Naturally - See more at:

http://thetruthaboutcancer.com/fall_quest1.php?af=1587332#sthash.LX...

Or go to naturalnews.com  and search for this 

profound and interesting video.

http://thetruthaboutcancer.com/fall_quest1.php?af=1587332

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on October 9, 2014 at 11:35pm
Dear lonelyinaz. I lost my wonderful husband to brain cancer as well. He was perfectly healthy before being diagnosed with a deadly GBM and given 4 months to live. I took a leave from my job and took care of him for 20 months.
Our 28 year old daughter saw the article about that dear Brittany and sent it to me. The day she has chosen to die will be the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death. He endured brain surgery, 6 weeks of chemo and radiation, weekly blood work for nearly 2 years, monthly oral chemo, emergency hospitalizations too numerous to count, more radiation, countless brain CT scans, brain MRIs with dye, shingles, blood clots, then weekly IV chemo once the oral chemo stopped working, expressive aphasia, and finally, lost the ability to walk, talk and even see. He was completely bedridden the last month of his life, and his brother moved in with us, because I could not lift him myself anymore. I was so grateful to have had this time with him, but our kids saw him fade away from us every day. We were h.s. sweethearts and married for 37 happy years. I will miss him for the rest of my life.
He was a proud but private man. He hated all the attention he got for having cancer. I dare say if he could have made the choice that Brittany has, he would have considered it.
Sending prayers to her and her family. A choice none of us would ever want to have to make...
 

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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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