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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 732
Latest Activity: Nov 18

Discussion Forum

With the holidays upon us...

Started by Don. Last reply by goingon (Cynthia) Nov 18. 3 Replies

How do I answer the comments that haven't come when I talk about the things that happened to Arlene around two holidays? She had her first heart attack on Christmas eve day 2012 on dialysis as we…Continue

How do you process your anger/disappointment at people who didn't "show up" for you and your spouse?

Started by Surreal17. Last reply by adoption1964 Oct 30. 14 Replies

I have no idea if any of this will make sense, but my husband just passed away on August 10th after an 11 month battle with pancreatic cancer, and I guess I just need to "get it out".  We lived a…Continue

Grief and release at the same time?

Started by Germaine. Last reply by Susan Jul 31. 48 Replies

I am aware of two different forces acting from within me.  One is the downward weight of grief. The other is an upward energy that comes from the release from caregiving.  After 16 years of part time…Continue

just joined this group

Started by Riley. Last reply by Steve Jul 11. 20 Replies

My husband died a year ago this July 27th.  He first got cancer in 2007, CNS lymphoma, a brain tumor .  Then we had 7 more good years , until July of 2014 and another brain tumor formed.  Then a year…Continue

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Comment by booktime (Susan) on May 25, 2017 at 4:12am

Hello I_was,

So sorry for so many losses. It is hard being the caregiver so intensely and then ... nothing. For me, now it seems long ago (4 years this Sept) but I remember the transition was hard. I threw away all of his medical stuff almost immediately.

I just lost my mother on March 7 (she was 96 so a good long life). I find myself going through the same fuzzy and unfocused moments as I did when Ed died. I am guessing it is grief I am feeling.

It is a roller coaster ride. Hugs to you. You sound solid - this doesn't assume how you should feel or anything. You are, I guess, solid in how you are feeling and I think that is good.

Comment by I_was_here (Jamie) on May 24, 2017 at 11:13pm

I'm new here and not sure really what to post, but it's late and I'm not sleeping yet although I just told myself I would.  

I lost my husband on January 31st of this year.  We had 3 short years together, 15 months spent with the threat of stage 4 lymphoma.  He was beautiful, soulful, happy and loving - even through his disease.  I miss him so much.  

I find myself now mostly wound down from the constant battle mode - reading every possible medical publication about his disease and the next treatment, scheduling appointments, making sure his weekly meds box was filled (and emptied), watching for signs that the disease had spread back into his brain and finally full time caregiver in his last month.  Not to mention kept my job and maintained a loving relationship with, and took care of my daughter.  Followed by the massive amounts of paperwork and loose ends to tie up with all the agencies and companies we have accounts with. I'm thankful for the friends we have in this world.  

I've spent the past few months getting back to work, meeting with my grief therapist (long time relationship as we lost my daughter's father and my own in 2007 and my mom in 2014), general grief groups, visits with our friends and found myself kindly and greatly supported but dying to talk to other people who had lost a spouse.  

For me, I didn't lose a 30+ year marriage, but I lost my best friend, my spiritual match, my love and I lost a future we had planned together.  My poor daughter's lost a dad and stepdad before she turned 16.  Like a roller coaster ride, I'm savoring the moments that I'm able to stay in gratitude for the experience we had together and letting myself just be sad and mad and lost when I need to.

Comment by Beansy on February 21, 2017 at 9:13pm
Hi. It may seem odd that I have been a widow for 20 years. Norm became ill with heart failure when he was 37. He died at 47 in 1n 1997. I have been alone since then. I still miss him and always will. Beansy
Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 8:51am

I found the book - clicked on it, took me to an order option - could choose as a contributor - cost was the $0.  I'm wondering if that is the "registration"?  That is the only thing I can think of as there was no other link it seemed as far as being able to sign up/register as a contributor.

Comment by Patience (Diane) on January 25, 2017 at 7:51am
Dianne, I too had trouble navigating the web site- it kept bringing me back to the "home page" no matter what I did. At one point it asked me for my email and name, but then again simply brought me back to the beginning...
Comment by Slick on January 25, 2017 at 4:49am

Diane..I couldn;t get to where I had to be....got into the second phase...but then couldn't find "through the eyes of cancer" anywhere...

Comment by Patience (Diane) on January 24, 2017 at 6:41pm
Thank you Dianne- will check this out!
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on January 24, 2017 at 6:07pm

If you lost your love to cancer and are interesting in writing about it, Grief Diaries is looking for some contributors to their Through the Eyes of Cancer" book. There is no fee to contribute. I participated in their Loss of a Spouse and How to Help the Newly Bereaved books previously, and plan to participate in this one, too.

 

Comment by Patience (Diane) on January 15, 2017 at 11:45am
This Ted Talk is a tribute to a young widower's late wife and their life together.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KeT221skphw
Comment by Athena53 on January 7, 2017 at 2:35pm

Slick-  thanks for your response.  I know the caregiving I did for DH (really bad only the last 2 months, he was sweet and kind to the end, I'm retired so not trying to hold down a job and he supported me keeping up my outside activities) was a picnic compared to what many here have been through.  Yes, I'm sure the PTSD complicates your reactions to life in ways I can't understand.  I'm glad you have the support of a therapist.

 

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