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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 645
Latest Activity: 4 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Grief and release at the same time?

Started by Germaine. Last reply by Terry Mar 31. 32 Replies

I am aware of two different forces acting from within me.  One is the downward weight of grief. The other is an upward energy that comes from the release from caregiving.  After 16 years of part time…Continue

Retreats?

Started by katjames. Last reply by katjames Jan 18. 12 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

I'm Lost

Started by MickeysLove (Sandi). Last reply by my roses Dec 9, 2014. 19 Replies

So, 4 days ago marked the 2 month period.  I had joined a support "group" where you go and sit with other people and talk about whats bothering you. I had went 2 times, I'm not going anymore - I…Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by MickeysLove (Sandi) Dec 3, 2014. 32 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by MLI on June 16, 2015 at 1:58pm

Hi everyone,

I don't write often. But, tomorrow is our 26th anniversary. He has been gone since 2013. No one in my family or his acknowledged our 25th last year and I have decided that I am the only one who has the right to acknowledge it anyway so tomorrow I am going to go to work, get my kids, fix dinner, help with homework, and have a big glass of wine. I confess, I know that sounds angry and part of me is feeling that way about so much of this but I know that writing this little bit helps and I appreciate you being there to read it.

Comment by seegoogle on June 12, 2015 at 3:40pm

Hello Lakegirl, I am lucky to have my daughter and her family nearby.  I don't know how would have gotten through these last weeks without them. Thank you for recommending the books, I have been thinking about looking for something to read and a recommendation is always better than just picking something off the shelf.  I hope you and your kids are able to enjoy your rafting trip together, maybe it will help you all, just to be together.

Comment by Lakegirl33 on June 10, 2015 at 7:28am
Morning, seegoogle. I am very glad that you have your daughter and grand children near by. Thinking about Lorne is a good thing. As a teacher I bet u are used to reading when you want to learn something. At about two months I went to the local book store and found two helpful books. I did cry on and off through both. Still have them, but haven't re read any part in the past year. One is called "How to go on living when someone you love dies" by Rhondo? And the other is Called widow to widow. It is emotional reading, but helpful, too. I did a little at a time( always with Kleenex and a bottle of water next to me).i folded pages and would return to them. Maybe you will find some helpfulmreadingbduringbyourvsummer break. How fortunate that you have family nearby. I traveled yesterday yo Nashville(4 hr flight) to join my daughter for CMA fest. She has lived there for five years. So a girls tradition. Whenever I go, I want to call Bob to tell him that I arrived safely, as he would stay home the first two years to care for my mom then the third year my son stayed with him, and last year and this he was gone. I travel about once a month to visit a child. Usually cry on he way home. So strange still that he does not meet me at the airport! Last night we went to a benefit and a writer named Cole Swindel performed a song hecwrote after loosing his dad. And another Dierks Bently my daughters favorite " I Hold on" about a son and his father driving his truck to Tennessee , every time she hears it she remembers the drive she and her dad made in her car, the year she moved. Another song that expresses so much that many of us feel is Bittersweet by ZAC BROWN Band! Tissues again..... But says it so well. Music was always a big part I our life! There are still many songs that reduce me to tears, yet others that now bring a good memory ( but at 18 months different than at first). I find myself keeping very busy, then will crash, then get going again. I miss sharing with him. So glad you have the appointment with the councilor. I hope she/he is a good match. If not it is ok to search for another. Mine has told me, "sue, this is the hardest work you will ever do"- referring to the work of grief. I think what keeps me going is remembering how much Bob loved living, our family, nature and of course how much we loved each other. You will find what helps you, even though there will be days that you even question why bother, why me, what's the point. This is normal to. Just remember that life is a gift , we each have only so much time. This is not how we hoped or expected it to be, but it's what we've got. I am super busy the next three weeks! Busy helps. Look forward to hearing about your journey. cMA fest this Next week will have no electronic communication. My three adult children and I are doing a family trip we had hoped to do as five ( rafting through the Grand Canyon ) I'm sure there will be many " dad would have loved this or we have to tell dad" or remember when we ratted in Maine moments ..... So will look forward to catching up with this site then.
Comment by seegoogle on June 9, 2015 at 10:31pm

Hello all, thank you again for your encouraging comments. Lakegirl, thank you for your advice.  I have scheduled an appointment with a counselor, and I am hoping to join a group too.  I'm a teacher and yesterday was my last day of work for the summer, so I'm at a loss for what to do to keep myself moving.  At least if I was working, I would have a reason to get up in the morning.  My daughter was off work today, so she invited me over to help with her 2 boys while she got some things done around the house.  I stayed for dinner too and just got home a little while ago. It was hard to get up and go, and it was hard to really enjoy the kids, because I think about my husband, Lorne, every minute. But, even though the day started out hard, I was feeling a little lighter by the late afternoon.  Being with the kids and keeping busy helped.  Being able to talk here helps, but I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

Comment by Lakegirl33 on June 8, 2015 at 10:05pm
Dear see google,so sorry tha you have this new hole in your heart, so glad that you have found this site. Your pain is still very raw. I did not come here until 14 months after Bob died. He also had a chronic condition, but I expected him to come home from his hospital admission as he had every other time. Please be patient with yourself. Please come here often. I have joined born in the 50's, long term, sudden and 2013. It has been 18 months tomorrow. I still cry, still feel lonely, still work and returned within a week of his death. I needed something that was normal, because the rest of my life was forever changed . I still cry on the way to work and on the way home. Lunch and coming home were the giant adjustment , because that was when I would check in. I have found other s that I can call then. Totally not the same but fills that time. I check this site when I wake and before I go to bed. There are many wise and kind men and women here.this roller coaster may become more difficult before it becomes a bit easier. Please be patient with yourself. If you have not already done so , look into a grief counselor. Either private or group or both. Don't feel like you need to be strong, let others care for you and about you . Be ready for many emotions at the craziest times. Yes he will never be there again, but your memories will be. Cherish them. So so sorry for your pain. A dear friend told me , what ever you do, if you are invited somewhere go! I thought she was nuts, but glad that I have followed her advise. Not invited often, but have tried some activities that I never would have, still hurts to come home to the empty house, but being with people who care is a good thing. Hugs to you
Comment by booktime (Susan) on June 8, 2015 at 6:35pm

Connie, more hugs and be good to yourself.

And keep coming back.

Comment by seegoogle on June 8, 2015 at 6:30pm

Thank you Dianne and Susan, for your kind responses.  My name is Connie


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on June 8, 2015 at 5:12pm

Oh seegoogle, I am so sorry.  You are so new to your grief. Be kind to yourself, and know that we are here when you need us.

Try the different groups to see where you feel most comfortable. And you may want to try the chat room, too. That's not for everybody, I know, and we do ave a regular group of folks in there so it may appear they're having a private conversation because they know one another. But just like in the groups, if you post that you're new and you're hurting, you will get a response and they will wrap you up in their caring comments.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on June 8, 2015 at 5:12pm

Hugs, seegoogle, that is so hard. You aren't interrupting anything. We are all here trying to make sense of our new lives and stumbling all over the place. Thankfully we understand each other. Come here and say anything you want. Someone is always here to listen.

You are still in a raw and numb place. Take one moment at a time (best advice I ever got!)

Again hugs. It's awful you have to be here but this place is here for you.

Comment by seegoogle on June 8, 2015 at 4:56pm

Hello all.  I am new here.  I have been reading a lot of comments for a week or so and I tried a few posts on both the born in the 50s and the 2015 group pages, but I sort of feel like I'm interrupting a conversation.  I just got home from work, so I came to this site to try not to feel so alone.  My husband, Lorne, died just over 3 weeks ago while I was at work.  He was disabled by a brain aneurysm 12 years ago, and I have been taking care of him ever since.  I went to work.  It was just another day.  When the lady I hired to come and get him up and give him some therapy and give him lunch got here, he was gone. I think he must have had another aneurysm, and I don't know why I never thought to ask the doctors to check to see if another was developing.  I just said goodbye and left.  I expected him to be here when I got home. He never will be here again.

 

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