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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 691
Latest Activity: 11 hours ago

Discussion Forum

What are your thoughts about "Dating"?

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by Steve 11 hours ago. 8 Replies

What are your feelings about "dating"? As a person who was a long term caregiver, do you sometimes have mixed feelings? Have you joined a dating site? Do you NOT want to date?

NY Mag Article "The Day I started Lying to Ruth" by a cancer doctor on losing his wife to cancer

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by Patience (Diane) Sep 24. 23 Replies

Has anyone read this article?  It stopped me in my tracks yesterday. http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Aug 19. 39 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Retreats?

Started by katjames. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Aug 19. 15 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

Comment Wall

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You need to be a member of Long-Term Illness to add comments!

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on August 10, 2016 at 12:15pm

Oh, ebwilkie, I am so sorry. There are still some of us from the 'early' days hanging around here in the Village.

Comment by ebwilkie on August 10, 2016 at 10:08am

I haven't been active in this group for a long time.  That must mean that I'm getting over the loss. No, I cry everyday for the one I loved and lost.  I just been busy with myself.  You see, I was diagnosed with ALS two years ago.  I lost my husband 5 years ago.  I just been busy running to doctors, taking pills, etc. etc.  Is anyone here that I used to talk to?

Comment by Bonnie on July 30, 2016 at 7:46am
only1sue, I hope you are feeling better now. It is hard enough battling illness withuot also struggling with feeling alone. I think that when we are physically weak, grief can get a harder grip. My sister-in-law has had hip replacement surgery and breast cancer in the last two years, and although it is now six years since her busband died and she had lots of caretakers throughout, she expressed the same distress about having to do it alone. Of course you need someone to look after you! I don't think that expressing that need is "moaning." I can only send best wishes that you are soon better and able to return to that healthy life. Sending hugs, and mental orchids!
Comment by only1sue on July 29, 2016 at 10:13pm

I have been unwell the last couple of days (some virus going around) and once more the "poor me, who is going to look after me?" comes into play.  I looked after my husband for so many years, now there is no-one to look after me. It is one of the downsides of being alone. My old Dad looked after Mum when she had dementia and when he died I looked after her.  I feel as if there should be someone to look after me.  But I know I am a strong person and this is just a little glitch in what should be a long and healthy life.My Dad would say :  "stop moaning and get on with it".

Comment by Patience (Diane) on July 28, 2016 at 11:51am
Moonstone, so very sorry for your loss..
Dionne, so sorry ... Glad you found us here..
Lizabet and all.. Yes, we are a resilient bunch... It's good to have this safe place to share.. I sometimes wonder what I'd do without all of us at widville.. Friends try to understand but you all "get it"
Hope everyone is enjoying this beautifully WARM summer as best they can :-)
Comment by Bonnie on June 30, 2016 at 7:18am
So perfedtly said, Lizabet. It will be two years for me too on July 29 and although I know that I am facing the day with less overwhelming grief than I did last year, I also know that I will forever feel the void my husband left. I agree that "moving forward" is a better way to say how I feel. I know he is pushing me to find ways to find at least contentment and I am trying to do that. Still, this journey without him has been hard and I will never stop wishing he was still here by my side.
Comment by Lizabet on June 30, 2016 at 7:05am

As I read through the posts here, I am struck by how similar all our "stories" are, and what a resilient bunch we are!  We all will forever know the pain of loss of our soulmate, yet we move forward (I NEVER say move on, as that implies leaving the old behind), dealing with the realities of this life the best we can. We will forever have the empty spot in our heart where our love used  to reside, and we must figure out new ways of finding joy and happiness.  I'm not there yet, July 13 will be the two year "rememberversary" (I won't call it anniversary because that implies GOOD in my mind), but I try to live to honor my husbands legacy.  God's peace to all, and His blessing be on each of you.  Love and hugs to all. 

Comment by Bonnie on June 29, 2016 at 2:19pm
Moonstonre, I am so very sorry for your loss, which is indeed a heavy one. I hope that you can find some help and support here. I have, but I also had 33 wonderful years with my husband, and you have the heavier grief of losing your fiance such a short time ago without the compensation of time together. It is unfair, but life sometimes is. I will keep you in my warmest thoughts and pray that time will make things easier for you and that you will be able to find comfort in the memories you shared togehter.
Comment by moonstone on June 29, 2016 at 2:01pm

Hi all.  My fiance passed away a month ago, and we were due to be married in about a month.  He had a condition similar to ALS.  He was my world, my light.  Helping him and taking care of him was a natural part of our relationship.  We also had caregivers to help.  I miss him fiercely, and I always will.  He was the most beautiful person, inside and out.  It seems so unfair that he's gone.

Comment by Dionne on June 2, 2016 at 10:43am

Hello Everyone,

I joined WV last month right after the year mark of my husband passing from brain cancer. I joined two groups this one and widowed in 2015. This site has been so refreshing and yet sad, its great to know that there are other people who understand things that would take to long to explain to people who don't know what say cancer does to a family. It makes me sad because so many people here are awesome, loving, overall good people and yet we have all been dealt a horrible hand on this side of life. Anyhow I look forward to reading about, getting to know you guys and empathizing with you all. 

~ Dionne 

 

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