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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 716
Latest Activity: Jun 19

Discussion Forum

The Long Good-Bye

Started by Leeky. Last reply by Steve Jun 19. 6 Replies

My grief counselor just told me about the Long Good-Bye and it made things so much clearer for me.  I was feeling guilty on so many levels over the last month.  I miss Lee terribly - you don't lose…Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by Tate2701 May 29. 43 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Anyone ever have a sense of peace?

Started by Timetoheal. Last reply by Dan May 25. 39 Replies

Has anyone been doing normal chores or random things around the house and had a feeling of calm or peace come over them? As if your loved one is standing there with you or just brushing by you to let…Continue

Feelings of freedom, guilt, sorrow and loneliness

Started by Nacho2017. Last reply by Steve Apr 13. 16 Replies

My name is Rich and Nacho is my dog.  I should start off by telling you a little bit about me.   My soul mate (Patti, passed away may 15, 2016) had Multiple Sclerosis for 30 Yrs.  The last several…Continue

Tags: Nacho

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Comment by sueprnova on January 6, 2017 at 9:09am

Gaining Strength, 

Thanks!

In all honesty - after my husband died- much to my horror, I realized that my weight had skyrocketed to almost 300lbs.  At 5'4 that wasn't a good look. I took it slow...about 1.5 yrs in I was, physically, in so much pain that I started changing up my diet and began to walk. I started feeling better and had dropped some weight.  I took the next step and walked myself into a Crossfit gym.  I fell in love.  All the exercises are difficult but the coaches will make modifications so you can do them. Somewhere along the line it changed from wanting to get fit...to wanting to insure that at 60-90 yrs old I would be able to get in and out of bed...to be able to sit down and get back up. It's preventative maintenance and functional fitness.  It makes me feel good, makes me feel strong which in turn gives me confidence in all things. I like that feeling....so thats my motivation. The power lifting is a byproduct of all that.  I am 54 yrs old and stronger than most other women...my age and much younger. I advocate that people just move!  Do something.  Walk, ride a bike...swim.  It's so important and is the cheapest therapy around! 

You have to find your "why" 

Comment by sueprnova on January 6, 2017 at 9:06am

Gaining Strength, 

Thanks!

In all honesty - after my husband died- much to my horror, I realized that my weight had skyrocketed to almost 300lbs.  At 5'4 that wasn't a good look. I took it slow...about 1.5 yrs in I was, physically, in so much pain that I started changing up my diet and began to walk. I started feeling better and had dropped some weight.  I took the next step and walked myself into a Crossfit gym.  I fell in love.  All the exercises are difficult but the coaches will make modifications so you can do them. Somewhere along the line it changed from wanting to get fit...to wanting to insure that at 60-90 yrs old I would be able to get in and out of bed...to be able to sit down and get back up. It's preventative maintenance and functional fitness.  It makes me feel good, makes me feel strong which in turn gives me confidence in all things. I like that feeling....so thats my motivation. The power lifting is a byproduct of all that.  I am 54 yrs old and stronger than most other women...my age and much younger. I advocate that people just move!  Do something.  Walk, ride a bike...swim.  It's so important and is the cheapest therapy around! 

You have to find your "why" 

Comment by Gaining Strength on January 6, 2017 at 8:52am

Sueprnova,

Awesome! You are my hero. I am so lazy (physically) and out of shape and I wish I could be motivated. I do not want to date either. My friends are always trying to fix me up but I keep thinking that things are fine the way they are and I do not need to  accommodate a new person. I have my lonely moments but I counter them with my work and hobbies or something else. However, my wish is to work out. I have always been lazy with exercise since childhood.  If you have any tips on how to get motivated to work out please let me know. Regular work out would probably go a long way in completing my life.  Thanks.

Comment by sueprnova on January 6, 2017 at 5:09am

I have no desire to date or anything else.  That's just me.  What I did do was scour meetup.com and find groups that interested me and started getting involved!  I found an awesome womens outdoor adventuring group.  I have made some amazing friends and have gone on some awesome adventures!  They are all different ages and no one cares if I'm a widow or not.  Frankly, I don't care either.  It doesn't define who I am.  I have a lot of life left to live and I intend to do just that.

Also I work full-time, I am a competitive powerlifter and work-out daily.  

The more out in the world I am, the better it is for my mental health. 

Cheers to a beautiful 2017!

Comment by Slick on January 6, 2017 at 4:50am

feelinglonely......I understand totally...I am very happy in my home,....can afford it ..and of course am familiar with all the sounds...and everything around me....BUT ...have been very physical all my life I have a bad knee that we're trying to keep out of surgery , and a shoulder that will probably end up in surgery....I have many strained body parts....a one floor , large apartment would suit me...maybe one of those carts that you put your grocery bags in up an elevator would make food shopping so much easier for me...I will be 63 Monday ..and am still too with it and on the move to stop doing for myself...for the life of me I just can't find an area that calls my name...I thought of buying a COndo but in my area have heard horror stories about the HOA being raised every year.....and certain things the assoc wants to do.....we all pay for , it has cost people thousands of dollars...I really will only go if I;m going somewhere hassle free.....got up this morning to a dusting of snow, my car is covered, so I am stuck in....I have a large tear in my right rotator cuff and bursa in my right shoulder....not chancing anything...already had left shoulder surgery in '07 ....so I;m really not equipped anymore to shove anything......good luck in all your decisions.

Comment by Slick on January 6, 2017 at 4:43am

widowdad.....I am so happy for you....I hope you both are happy forever....

I also always posted recent pictures of myself ....have been told by almost every man I met that I was actually a pleasant surprise in person....appearance and personality...I was the one after 2 years of lies, bogus pictures, dirty , sloppy men who have nothing to talk about but sex and themselves.....who called it quits...I met 3 men who I have kept in touch with as friends...but never went on a second date with probably 50 men in 2 years....because there was a lie somewhere...some were married and told me when we met....some just really needed a personality, sense of humor, haircut, clean clothes and a shower....I could tell halfway through a cup of tea...why most of them were divorced.....I'm at peace after 6 years with myself ....yes I would like to meet a partner but really believe I will have to meet him in person somewhere....PEACE 

Comment by feelinglonely on January 6, 2017 at 4:28am

I might try one of the sites if I could get a decent picture of myself.  I know there are sites geared toward the Over 50 age group.  There is one called Our Time and a few others.  Can anyone suggest a site or sites?  It would be so nice to have someone to go to the movies with or out to dinner.  Im not looking for a long term thing--just a friend. 

As for moving--I am in a three level townhouse which we both loved--but now the stairs are just too much.  I need to get into a one level something. 

Too many decisions to make add to my anxiety and bp.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on January 6, 2017 at 1:12am

Widowdad, so glad it is working out for you. I am completely honest with my profile pictures. And I think that is what turns the guys off. I do not think myself unattractive but apparently I am to these guys. It is based on looks. There is no way a guy can get to know me by looking at my picture for 2 minutes.

But I am happy for you and I like the way you put it! Best wishes!

Comment by Widowdad33 on January 5, 2017 at 6:28pm
So I've been widowed for 2.5 years. After my wife died I really thought I would never date. I just didn't want to go through the dating game. However, I got tired of being alone, so my friend suggested on-line dating. I went on several. Most were terrible, a few were ok. (And, let me be honest, people really need to be honest with their profile picture)

I was about to give up trying when I meet a wonderful woman. we are still early in our relationship, so I don't know how it will turn out. But I'm just trying to let you all know there is hope. My wife was the love of my youth, but I feel this new woman could be the love of my adult life.
Comment by Slick on January 5, 2017 at 3:04pm

No Susan ,it isn't easy at all...I am just about at 6 years...I did the dating site thing..years 2-3.....I agree with you 100%....I met no one nice...they either wanted coffee and in bed...which was a NO......or you had to look 30 for them to even talk to you....how many times I wanted to write.."when is the last time you looked in a mirror" they are sloppy, neat a haircut, don't even smell good....I stopped and put it in God's hands....if and when I meet someone it will be in person...and not be a creep......I have gotten used to being alone...not that I like it all the time...but would prefer it to most of what's out there our age

So glad you found a place to move and are happy there...I have gone through the multiple changes we all go through and am happy and at peace most of the time...I 've wanted to move for two years and can't seem to find where I want to be...I'm sure when the time is right , I;ll find the place of my dreams...God bless and be well

 

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