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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 679
Latest Activity: on Friday

Discussion Forum

NY Mag Article "The Day I started Lying to Ruth" by a cancer doctor on losing his wife to cancer

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by Patience (Diane) Apr 5. 20 Replies

Has anyone read this article?  It stopped me in my tracks yesterday. http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/Continue

I'm Lost

Started by MickeysLove. Last reply by NewLoss Apr 3. 21 Replies

So, 4 days ago marked the 2 month period.  I had joined a support "group" where you go and sit with other people and talk about whats bothering you. I had went 2 times, I'm not going anymore - I…Continue

Retreats?

Started by katjames. Last reply by judy Feb 11. 14 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by goingon (Cynthia) Jan 15. 38 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

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Comment by Terry on March 9, 2016 at 9:29pm

I echo the difficulty of being a caregiver to a spouse. At times I tended to be less sympathetic than what my wife deserved. I realize now it was because I was too close to the situation and it was my way of distancing from it. By doing that I could pretend it wasn't happening. She was hospitalized 4 times between December of 2014 and her passing in March 2015. I know they were concerned about the best place for her each time when she was released as I was working full time and not able to be with her every hour. I did eventually get a leave of absence with took care of that. She would not have wanted to go into any kind of nursing home and I couldn't even bring up the subject of hospice as she refused to accept that she was dying. My daughter and I did visit a local hospice the day before she passed more to check out the options but never really believing she was that far gone. Had I known she would be gone the next morning, I would have chosen to be with her not checking out end of life care facilities. I found myself exhausted much of the time and feeling guilty because I was getting too tired. What would I do differently if I had to do it again? Lots of things probably but I will never get the chance so I just need to be content on what I did do. Most of all I would have practiced more patience. It seems like I had it for everyone else.

Comment by idaho on March 9, 2016 at 9:28pm

well said BetBuds1!   

Comment by BESTBUDS1 [Norman} on March 9, 2016 at 9:13pm

Until being diagnosed I doubt any of us knew what  GBM was or any other unfamiliar or disease except by experience or study. I guess our greatest rewards to use that word loosely , would be quality of life for first 3 months and Hospice for last 3 months with Reiki in all aspects of our journey.. WE can never bring them back , but we can make a difference by what we have learned. Our journeys brought us all here, not by coincidence .nor  chance but by destiny, Others who cross our paths can now hear of our experience that their journey can be HONEST, instead of false hopes and promise.. May we all be blessed in our journey and may each of us bring comfort to others in their honor.... Hugs to us all.... 

Comment by CarolinaHeart on March 9, 2016 at 8:27pm

GBM family...Each narrative is heartbreakingly familiar, and we share a common bond. Thanks to each of you for sharing your scars and painful past with courage and boldness. Death always feels like a surprise even when the comfort and attention of those surrounding us rush in to prepare us. Gentle wishes and kind thoughts to you all, and yes, thank you for the (((hugs)))! 

Comment by Tink on March 9, 2016 at 8:12pm

I lost my husband at 58 in 2013, from Corticobasal degeneration, a rare brain disease which progressed quite quickly for him. Being a caregiver to a spouse is difficult. It was hard to be the one who had to tell him he could no longer drive or take walks by himself. Then having to take him to an adult day care with all the elderly people while I worked full time so we could have health insurance, and finally placing him in a home where he had always said he would never want to have to go. It is hard to remember him when he was well, but I can remember all too well that day I walked him through that door to the nursing home! From then on, it was endless paperwork and visiting every day, feeding him and spending the nights with him on the weekends sleeping in a recliner by his bed. Some how it still feels like I could have done more and been more patient with him at times. I hope as time goes on, I will be able to remember more of the good times.

Comment by BESTBUDS1 [Norman} on March 9, 2016 at 6:33pm

Karol to answer your question, my wife was 51 when diagnosed and turned 52  and passed at that age after 6 months 7 days of diagnosis.. 

Comment by Gaining Strength on March 9, 2016 at 6:17pm

Idaho,

you echo my sentiments. I remember struggling to keep my business and his business alive. I remember going to the hospital practically every day for appointments even when he is not hospitalized. I remember trying to hide the severity of the situation from my children because I was afraid that they would drop out of university. I remember fighting about the cost of some drugs. I remember calling the Oncologist constantly when the numbers were going the wrong way. I remember watching the bills pile up and the telephone was cut off. I remember wondering why his family does not visit him regularly.  I remember my miserable behaviour and I regret the moments that I missed. It is almost five years  and I still remember. My husband had a different form of cancer but the feelings are all the similar.  Peace to all.

Comment by idaho on March 9, 2016 at 4:07pm

I wish this sight had a "like" button as they do on face book!   ill take that group hug! thank you, I needed it!!

Comment by BESTBUDS1 [Norman} on March 9, 2016 at 1:08pm

{{{{{Group Hug for all of us}}}}}}}

Comment by BESTBUDS1 [Norman} on March 9, 2016 at 1:03pm

IDAHO,its is not your fault, we all walked in shoes we never walked in before... Be gentle with yourself as that is what he would want.... So sorry for your los as for all of us... Take care

 

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