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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 646
Latest Activity: Jul 15

Discussion Forum

Grief and release at the same time?

Started by Germaine. Last reply by Terry Mar 31. 32 Replies

I am aware of two different forces acting from within me.  One is the downward weight of grief. The other is an upward energy that comes from the release from caregiving.  After 16 years of part time…Continue

Retreats?

Started by katjames. Last reply by katjames Jan 18. 12 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

I'm Lost

Started by MickeysLove (Sandi). Last reply by my roses Dec 9, 2014. 19 Replies

So, 4 days ago marked the 2 month period.  I had joined a support "group" where you go and sit with other people and talk about whats bothering you. I had went 2 times, I'm not going anymore - I…Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by MickeysLove (Sandi) Dec 3, 2014. 32 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on June 19, 2015 at 8:14pm

Dear friends. I have learned that on the rare occasion someone does bring up my husband, I thank them for mentioning him and tell them how it warms my heart to hear that they still think of him! I do truly appreciate it, and that way, they know to not act like he was never here!

Wishing everyone as good a weekend as possible. Missing my dad and husband terribly this weekend. Surprised at how after 2 1/2 years, the missing my husband sometimes hurts almost as badly as when he first died. Still in love with him and the life we had together with our kids...

Comment by Cathy G on June 18, 2015 at 12:03am

I have noticed the same thing. My late husband died nearly 5 years ago, and after the first year, very few people seemed to want to discuss him. It was as though he never existed at all.

My parents and some of my closest friends were ok with conversations about him, but my more peripheral friends and contacts weren't as open.

My theory is that a lot of people just don't know what to say. I'm sure I was that way before I was widowed. I try not to take it personally when someone is non-responsive :)

Comment by booktime (Susan) on June 17, 2015 at 7:43am

I do count myself fortunate as far as family goes. We talk easily about Ed. They still love him.

I am still trying to deal with my next door neighbors and how I have totally dropped off their radar. I am gradually realizing and just as gradually trying to accept that Ed was their friend, I am not. they were incredibly helpful at the beginning. Now, almost two years later, I don't think I have talked with them but once since january.

I'm trying to let go resentment and hurt. Almost there! It helps to vent about it.

Hugs.

Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on June 17, 2015 at 12:29am

I mention Don all the time - my mom gets it, even tho she has Alzheimer's she still gets it.  Thank  goodness for Mom!  I'll just drop something like, "Don would say..." or "Don always..." etc.  They just don't get it.  But I'll raise a glass of "whatever" (probably wine!) !  We have to walk on; what else can we do? And here I am, almost 5 years ;later, still questioning why I'm still here without him...

Comment by seegoogle on June 16, 2015 at 10:13pm

Hello again, I found lots of good suggestions for books to read, going on Amazon now. Thanks Dianne

Comment by MLI on June 16, 2015 at 9:53pm

Dianne, Thank you for your thoughts and I hope that glass was wonderful. It will be another day to get through, but I will be okay.

 

Comment by seegoogle on June 16, 2015 at 9:44pm

Hi Dianne, thank you for providing the link to the forum discussion about recommended reading.  I am going to check it out right now.


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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on June 16, 2015 at 6:15pm

Connie/seegoogle ... regarding books ... you may also want to take a look at this Forum discussion. We started it back in the early days of Widowed Village, but it's been added to along the way.  Here's a direct link to it:

http://widowedvillage.org/forum/topics/recommended-grief-books


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on June 16, 2015 at 6:09pm

I have no family here other than our adult son and when I've traveled back to Michigan to visit my siblings the same thing happens. No mention at all. So during the last visit I dropped Vern's name into the conversation ... often. No one acknowledged it. But I actually think I did it more for me (and him), not them, so I felt good about it.

Last August would have been our 45th wedding anniversary and it wasn't acknowledged - other than by comments regarding my Facebook post about the 45 random acts of kindness I did that day.  I've just stopped expecting anyone (other than my widow friends) to understand. MLI ... I'll raise my glass of wine tonight in honor of the life and love you shared with your guy.

Comment by MLI on June 16, 2015 at 4:09pm

Cynthia, I think that is what bothers me the most... when the family does get together, he is not mentioned unless I do it and then I sound like I can't stop talking about him in this awkward silence. And I can't quite figure out do I say anything, not say anything, leave them alone? I get that people grieve in their own way but seriously, he was one of the people who held his family together, sick or not, and they don't talk about him at all, much less acknowledge that we were together for a very long time. It's a relief to be able to say this, honestly, and I thank you for being there to listen. I hope that you are able to walk on. Join me in raising a glass of whatever you like. M

 

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