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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 771
Latest Activity: Aug 16

Discussion Forum

I'm lost

Started by Ozzy turtle. Last reply by Ozzy turtle Apr 9. 7 Replies

I'm new to this. My husband passed away on January 2,2019 from respiratory failure after a 10 year battle with COPD.We were married for 6 years, together for 9. Now I'm completely lost without him. I…Continue

Neurodegenerative disease MSA anyone else?

Started by LP. Last reply by LP Jan 24. 8 Replies

my husband died in Feb’18 of a rare condition called Multiple System Atrophy, a form of Parkinsonism, for which there is no treatment. He gradually lost all ability to move, speak, swallow, blink and…Continue

Not like the Movies

Started by Snow. Last reply by CaliforniaGrieving Aug 27, 2018. 10 Replies

In 15 minutes I will have passed my third day of being a widow. I have been bracing myself for this pain for 10 years, when my beautiful husband of 26 years was first diagnosed with advanced…Continue

how to handle life now

Started by nayajivan. Last reply by Mamitha May 11, 2018. 3 Replies

Hi,I have lost my wife Archana on 12th March 2018.19 years of Marriage..2 beautiful and lovely sons - 17 and 14 years..15 years of battle against 2 deadly diseases - Kidney Failure and AIHA...9 Years…Continue

Tags: sons, marriage, AIHA, dialysis, failure

Comment Wall

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Comment by riet on July 21, 2019 at 4:25am

Dear Flower Girl,
I feel for you. I can't say anything that will make you feel better. Just: take care of yourself now. I myself took care of my dear husband for 4 years, who fought against a brain tumor.
I know how tired you feel now. How exhausted. How everything seems so unreal now. How terribly lonely you will be now.
I thought I would be prepared because of his terrible illness. I thought I could go on because I had already done so much alone in this terrible time. But nothing was less true. How wonderful the time was when we were still together. Even though he was so sick.
What a difference now: He is no longer there, I can no longer hug him, I can never hug him again. He will never call me his number one again.
Do not believe the people who say: move on as quickly as possible because life goes on.
That is not the case for me: The world keeps turning . And there are still very beautiful things in my life. I am very happy with children and grandchildren. But "my" life died with him.
That has not changed in the 15 months that he is no longer there.
I hope that there will also be beautiful things for you. But take the time to discover them, all the time that you need.
And be gentle with yourself.
So bad that you had to experience this too.

Comment by flowergirl537 on July 20, 2019 at 6:21pm

My spouse died June 2019 after 9 years of battling cancer. I am exhausted, sad, grieving, feeling alone and often overwhelmed. It is so nice to have a group like this to connect with and share, learn wisdom and "feel at home". Thank you!! 

Comment by only1sue on April 15, 2019 at 3:11pm

I still belong to a couple of organisations that Ray and I belonged to for a long time. I kept on with them because these were the people who always supported us through Ray's long battle with stroked and dementia. Now I am able to pay back that kindness in small ways. Sometimes moving on does not mean letting everything from your past go but moving on within the life you shared. Of course my life is very different now but I am glad I have kept these friends on my journey alone.

Comment by Kimba on January 11, 2019 at 1:59pm

Hi Susan,  Like you I hate when people say that prostate cancer is the best kind of cancer to get, as if there isn’t any bad cancer to get.  This was my Don’s third occurrence and it came back stronger than ever.  I believe that his two previous treatments only left the strongest cancer cells in his body.  For us, the last two years were hard when Don was fatigued and nauseous all of the time.  But, we still lived, travelled, ate out and continued to live our lives.  My Don was so courageous and strong in his fight — it,was an inspiration.  

‘Thanks for,writing and have a great weekend!

Comment by Kimba on January 11, 2019 at 1:53pm

Only1sue:  For me taking care of my Don was the best and the worst time of my life.  I felt so honored that he would let me in during his darkest hours, yet it was stressful with lots of precipitory grief.  I know I did the very best for him — giving 110%.  Putting his needs in front of mine all of the time.

Now, I am finding my way without him and it is both scared and exciting.  There are still periods of grief but there are also small moments of Joy.  Like you, I will never not miss him but I know that he wants me to be happy.  So I just put one foot in front of the others, every day that I can.

Thanks for writing and have a great weekend.

Comment by only1sue on January 11, 2019 at 11:57am

Kimba, I looked after my husband Ray for twelve years with multiple strokes.  He died at the end of 2012. The life of a long term caregiver is hard whatever the cause. All I can say is we did our best and now we deserve a peaceful life. Hope you find some joy in the life you lead now. I will never stop missing Ray, we had 44 years together.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on January 11, 2019 at 5:59am

Kimba,  That is so hard. Ed died of Prostate Cancer, probably Stage Four, in 2013. Watching the decline was so very hard. But we were blessed that he had 10 years from diagnosis and it was only the last year that was so very difficult.

What's hard for us is that many folks say that is the best cancer to get....not in our cases.

Hugs to you. I am here and feeling what you are going through.

Comment by Kimba on January 11, 2019 at 5:43am

Just joined this group.  My husband Don passed away from Stage Four Prostate Cancer, exactly five years after he got the diagnosis.  I took care of him for those years watching a steady decline in his health, his energy, and his person.  It was so hard to be supportive and upbeat while I knew he was dying.  He died in May 2017 from complications in his brain.  And I miss him every day.

Comment by Kaydee on December 10, 2018 at 8:32am

@Jess.. Hugs to all of you to have to go through this.

My hubby also passed from kidney cancer. Treatments for 4 1/2 years. I took care of him most of those years. His sisters helped also. Then when he is dying they accused me of killing him. My gosh cancer is what is killing him! All because he made a comment that it was killing him to go through all these treatments.

So I was not allowed to take care of him the last few days. Just to give him water. Round the clock. When the hospice nurse came, I was not allowed to talk to her in private. Very controlling women.

My hubby was also very controlling. Married for 38 years and he was 58. Five years in October he passed.

At the funeral I was not family anymore. They wouldn't talk to any of my family or friends.

They wanted to be involved with his funeral planning. I said no, just my 2 sons and me. Also wanted it to be a private burial, nope very public with many friends and family.

I don't talk to them anymore. It is sad because  my sons missed out.

I am also a cancer survivor. Got breast cancer 7 months after he died. Radiation for 30 days. Not fun.

I met a very nice man on ourtime. We have been together for 3 years. He is also a widower twice over.

He is completely different doesn't smoke or drink. We are not married but we are in our hearts.

I wasn't happy in my marriage. I was treated like I had no brain. So some people do look for others to fill that void. Take care everyone!

Comment by MFARM on December 9, 2018 at 5:26pm

My husband died almost seven years ago after 54 years married. I was 72 at the time.  One of my husband's best friends called me not long after  and wanted  to know when I was going to remarry.  I said a I couldn't  imagine  any man in this house except  my Benedick.  He said " You might just have to move." In the mean time   two days later and said she thought one husband was enough.  My daughter wondered  if they ever communicated  in their 55 years together.  Well, I've made lots of new friends, keep very busy,  and miss my husband every day, but I still can't  imagine being attracted  to anyone but my Benedick.

 

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