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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

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Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 716
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

The Long Good-Bye

Started by Leeky. Last reply by Steve on Monday. 6 Replies

My grief counselor just told me about the Long Good-Bye and it made things so much clearer for me.  I was feeling guilty on so many levels over the last month.  I miss Lee terribly - you don't lose…Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by Tate2701 May 29. 43 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Anyone ever have a sense of peace?

Started by Timetoheal. Last reply by Dan May 25. 39 Replies

Has anyone been doing normal chores or random things around the house and had a feeling of calm or peace come over them? As if your loved one is standing there with you or just brushing by you to let…Continue

Feelings of freedom, guilt, sorrow and loneliness

Started by Nacho2017. Last reply by Steve Apr 13. 16 Replies

My name is Rich and Nacho is my dog.  I should start off by telling you a little bit about me.   My soul mate (Patti, passed away may 15, 2016) had Multiple Sclerosis for 30 Yrs.  The last several…Continue

Tags: Nacho

Comment Wall


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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on June 11, 2017 at 10:42am

If you've ever thought about writing your story, Grief Diaries gives you an opportunity to do that in a published book at no cost to you.  I'm writing in their Surviving Loss by Cancer book and they are seeking additional writers. If your loss was by cancer - or if you've lost another loved one to cancer - and are interested in writing about it, here's the link to register. Sharing our stories can be an important healing tool for us, but it's also important for those who will follow us to learn they are not alone.

To register, just click on this link and choose 'contributor' in the dropdown box. (There is no fee to be a contributor.) Click on 'Add to Cart' which takes you to a checkout page where you'll provide your contact info. You'll receive questions, which will help to prompt you with writing your story.

Comment by Slick on May 27, 2017 at 5:30am

Thanks Sue....we're not hot and heavy either....but do have a good bond....we have our arguments and it's funny because he always thinks I'm walking away when all I need is a break.....then we talk things through ...and we're OK's definitely a learning lesson....I'm glad to have him in my life....I had lung cancer 3 1/2 years ago ....and now have skin cancer, treating it at home with a Chemo cream...and am facing shoulder surgery.....he is so empathetic and caring. has been good for me to let someone else be strong....God bless and peace always........

Comment by only1sue on May 26, 2017 at 11:38pm

Slick, lovely to hear you have someone special in your life again.  Yes, for me I am only looking for a friend too, nothing hot and heavy. You have had a hard journey so hope there are happier times ahead for you.

Comment by Slick on May 26, 2017 at 5:22am

It is scary at times ....BUT....I went through lung cancer alone....and now the skin and shoulder's nice to have someone my age to share with....not that my daughters weren't always there for me...but they have their own lives and I want them to live them , not worried about me....and I have to say most importantly....between my daughters death in a split second auto accident and my husband;s young, painful death ....I guess I have truly learned acceptance...and that I have no control of many things......PEACE ...we all get where we need to be in our own time....there is no right and no wrong way to grieve...God is never  late....

Comment by I_was_here on May 25, 2017 at 7:07pm

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories with me.  Booktime:  yes - grief comes in waves, although most of my days are spent grieving Jake, some days I am still missing my mom.  She died at 63.  Terry:  I can't help but be a little jealous over the years you got to spent with her, but I know there's a plan for us all and it's better if I just stay out of trying to control that.  And Slick:  you are walking through my second biggest fear. I pray that someone is there for you like you were there for your husband years ago, even if it is surgery and chemo cream.  

Comment by Slick on May 25, 2017 at 6:21am

I_Was_There and everyone else here.....I don't have much to add.....except my prayers....I too was a FT caregiver...Bill was dx at 51 and passed at 54 ..I was it unless he was hospitalized....I was 3 years older ..retired when he was dx so I could be a FT's been 6+ years......and I have no regrets of leaving my job so young...or being with him and caring for him on a constant 24/7 was hard...very  hard....but we all do what is best for our spouse and ourselves....I spent my first year, catching up on sleep and my own health...eating right....going to 2 grief groups, spending time with my daughters and friends have either passed young or walked away when Bill passed so I was very much took me 5 years to get used to being alone so much, but I those 5 years I volunteered at a specialty cancer treatment center that my husband was treated at and loved every minute of being there...and then after 2 years it started to wear me youngest had her first child and I started to "volunteer for me and my family" I did donate all of his clothing to the Cancer research center....within a couple of months...and then just recently whatever I had left to Homeless Veterans....4 months ago I met a nice man, we're very much alike, he's empathetic and has compassion for me, what Bill went through since his death was lengthy and extremely painful for almost 4 years....his conversation and companionship are welcomed....not a hot and heavy romance....good friends...I appreciate day at a time's all we can do....through my grief I had part of my right lung removed due to lung cancer , no treatment needed after the I have had skin cancer eruptions twice....this one is different and being treated with a chemo cream.....and I;m facing shoulder hard being alone....I am glad I have my friend in my life now...he does buffer some of the blows......God bless all.....and may we all find the peace we need in our hearts..

Comment by Terry on May 25, 2017 at 5:10am

I_Was_There, like so many people feel, after being my wife's caregiver for 5 years, I felt completely lost when she passed a little for 2 years ago.  I remember leaving the hospital that morning having just left her bedside where she had died about an hour and a half previously, my first thought walking towards my car was 'what now?'  When I arrived to my house, immediately upon entering the room her medical equipment such as walker, oxygen machines etc. seemed to emphasize the fact to me that she was no longer coming home.  I immediately called the oxygen supply company and they were here within a half hour to clear their stuff out.  Everything else I had to clear out such as meds, wheelchair, walker etc.  I think in my mind at the time I believed that if it was gone I wouldn't see it as a constant reminder.  I believe anyone who has gone through this knows that there is no escaping it in any way.  Although she spend a good part of her last 3 months in the hospital, even there I played a huge role in her care as she told the nurses she wanted me to do a lot of her personal care etc. as I am the only one who knew what she needed.  Thankfully they were quite happy to give me that role.  It was a major shock to all of a sudden have nothing to do.  After 3 weeks I returned to work but found that I no longer had any passion for that job.  I recently left that job and am in the process of trying retirement at the pretty early age of 57.  I promised myself a year to just have time to take care of myself and then i will reassess at that time.  What I have found is that although it has never gotten great, it has gotten better over the last two years.  I actually enjoy time on my own now.  I go to bed when I like, get up when I like and fill in the time between with whatever I feel like doing.  I was very fortunate that Anne and I were married for almost 27 years and had been friends for 5 years before that.  She almost died 1 year into our marriage due to a cardiac emergency so I can definitely understand how you did not have enough time with your husband.  I remember at the time when they didn't know if she would pull through, thinking how could I have finally found happiness in my life to have it ripped away after such a short time.  My thoughts are with you as your travel this difficult path.

Comment by booktime (Susan) on May 25, 2017 at 4:12am

Hello I_was,

So sorry for so many losses. It is hard being the caregiver so intensely and then ... nothing. For me, now it seems long ago (4 years this Sept) but I remember the transition was hard. I threw away all of his medical stuff almost immediately.

I just lost my mother on March 7 (she was 96 so a good long life). I find myself going through the same fuzzy and unfocused moments as I did when Ed died. I am guessing it is grief I am feeling.

It is a roller coaster ride. Hugs to you. You sound solid - this doesn't assume how you should feel or anything. You are, I guess, solid in how you are feeling and I think that is good.

Comment by I_was_here on May 24, 2017 at 11:13pm

I'm new here and not sure really what to post, but it's late and I'm not sleeping yet although I just told myself I would.  

I lost my husband on January 31st of this year.  We had 3 short years together, 15 months spent with the threat of stage 4 lymphoma.  He was beautiful, soulful, happy and loving - even through his disease.  I miss him so much.  

I find myself now mostly wound down from the constant battle mode - reading every possible medical publication about his disease and the next treatment, scheduling appointments, making sure his weekly meds box was filled (and emptied), watching for signs that the disease had spread back into his brain and finally full time caregiver in his last month.  Not to mention kept my job and maintained a loving relationship with, and took care of my daughter.  Followed by the massive amounts of paperwork and loose ends to tie up with all the agencies and companies we have accounts with. I'm thankful for the friends we have in this world.  

I've spent the past few months getting back to work, meeting with my grief therapist (long time relationship as we lost my daughter's father and my own in 2007 and my mom in 2014), general grief groups, visits with our friends and found myself kindly and greatly supported but dying to talk to other people who had lost a spouse.  

For me, I didn't lose a 30+ year marriage, but I lost my best friend, my spiritual match, my love and I lost a future we had planned together.  My poor daughter's lost a dad and stepdad before she turned 16.  Like a roller coaster ride, I'm savoring the moments that I'm able to stay in gratitude for the experience we had together and letting myself just be sad and mad and lost when I need to.

Comment by Beansy on February 21, 2017 at 9:13pm
Hi. It may seem odd that I have been a widow for 20 years. Norm became ill with heart failure when he was 37. He died at 47 in 1n 1997. I have been alone since then. I still miss him and always will. Beansy

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