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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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More Than One Loss (Multiple Losses)

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More Than One Loss (Multiple Losses)

For Villagers who had more than one loss close together, or who lost a child, or were widowed more than once.  You're not alone... please connect here.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 203
Latest Activity: on Friday

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Comment by Steve on May 12, 2017 at 10:51pm
Oh yes, i remember after my partner passed, I of course was lost without him, however, i was just so lost not having 1000 things to do everyday, to care for him and keep things going at home. I went from going 100mph from 6am till midnight, 7 days per week, to nothing! It was so hard to get used to "relaxing" and just concentrating on me for the first time in years. It took quite awhile to get used to that new norm. Also, personality quirks, like shorter temper, being sleepy, or not being able to sleep, now liking reading, or now hating reading, its all completely normal with what we have been thru. Its crazy-making.
Comment by hyliek on May 12, 2017 at 9:28pm

Hi Steve, yip sometimes it is harder than others.  I find myself becoming irritated more easily with people, as I work with people all day.  It is not in my nature, but I think it will pass as I learn to settle down to a single life again.  Find my feet etc.  Always had to take care of someone now I feel at a lose end sometimes. 

Comment by Steve on May 12, 2017 at 8:26am
Hi Hyliek, oh my goodness, (((hugs))) to you with regard to your husbands and daughters. I have family in Joberg, have never been to Africa, but hope to go someday.
I have also been thru a period of great loss over the past 10 years, and its tough to learn to live without these people and animals in our daily lives. Im so grateful to this site, and all the wonderful people i have shared with here. Its truly saved me countless times in those darkest of times. My heart and thoughts are with you. Take care
Comment by Slick on May 12, 2017 at 4:02am

I retired 10 years ago when my husband was dx with lung cancer...he was only 51....and we wanted to spend as much time as we had together....well he lived 3 1/2 years....the lung was removed but cancer came back and ate through his ribs and spine...such a painful death...I thank God that I could be there for him....I am from Pennsylvania ..in the US..

Comment by hyliek on May 12, 2017 at 3:44am

Hi Slick, I am forever grateful that I have a super Church who is so supportive.  Even helped to break down my bathroom door to get my husband out when he collapsed from a stroke, unfortunately he passed away within 12 hours.  What you do you do for a living and where do you live.

Comment by Slick on May 12, 2017 at 3:15am

Hi Hyliek...I am so sorry for your losses.....I have lost a child also....my husband passed on her birthday....my heart feels yours although you have suffered so many times over .....God bless ....may peace fill your heart...

Comment by hyliek on May 11, 2017 at 9:28pm

Hi everyone.  I am in South Africa, so our time lines are different.  I have lost 3 husbands and 2 daughters.  My heart really goes out to you guys.  I is hard to keep going with a smile.  But we have to remember the good times as much as possible.  The laughs and fun.  I don't dream of my lost loved ones but I think of them often. God bless to you all.

Comment by Steve on March 4, 2017 at 6:00pm
Hi everyone, Baranik, sorry you suffer from Panick Disorder, i do as well and know how disabling and terrifying that can be. Its been quite awhile since i have dreamed with Mike, but i remember them very well. The first two were upsetting, frustrating, the last one was so amazing, beautiful, deeply emotional and loving. The last dream effected me so greatly, in a positive way, i still feel the warmth from it probably 6-7 yrs later.
I have had quite a few important, dear people in my life pass over the past 10 yrs and i havent dreamt about any of them, as of yet.
Slick, such a great and wonderful point, about being semi prepared for grandparents, parents who are older, and not so much younger people in our life. So true for me, anyway.
Hi Beansy, thank heaven for Jim, your seeing eye companion, and your strength to face the world alone and vision impaired. So admirable! Im terrified to travel on planes period!
Hello Lostmyeverything, i lost my 1st life partner to cancer March 1st, 2009, after 31 yrs together. My heart goes out to you, ((big hugs)). Mike my first partner always appeared in our dreams, around 28-30 years old. (He was 9 days past his 50th birthday when he passed). He was so freaking beautiful to me, i had forgotten his long gone, full thick hair on the top of his head, he looked so vibrant, healthy, full of life in these dreams, such a sweet shock, compared to his last years so sick and becoming more and more frail. Everyone take care, steve
Comment by Lostmyeverything(Denise) on March 4, 2017 at 1:48pm

Baranik - just wanted to respond to 'do other people dream about their relatives who have passed'.

My husband passed in Dec. 2016. I yearned to have him in my dreams. It wasn't until about 3 weeks after he passed he was in my dreams. The first few times the dreams were completely about him and they were awful dreams, he appeared in the dream as he left us, very frail, sick and withdrawn. But, happy to say, these past two weeks he has appeared in my dreams and he is smiling. Only one dream this past week was in a hospital setting, he had oxygen on but was happy and able to speak his needs during the dream. My grandmother who passed when I was young has appeared periodically in my dreams over the past 30 years. When I would wake up from the dreams with my grandmother, I always had a peaceful feeling, very uplifting and would try to figure out why she appeared in my dream. The relatives who she lived with the years before she passed never talk to me ( they are all older than me and live a distance away) so no one was mentioning her in conversation for me to dream about her on those occasions. Anyway, each night when I turn out the lights, I try to clear my mind and think of a happy memory with my husband with the hopes of dreaming about him. -DG

Comment by Beansy on March 4, 2017 at 8:35am
Baranik: thanks for responding. Your question about dreams of family and friends who passed is one I can answer. Yes, I still have dreams about my husband, and wake up now and then thinking he is here, in the bathroom, getting ready for work. It is a great feeling, until I realize he is not here. I dream about others, but those dreams are vague. I have lived here in FL for ten years by myself. I am not a fan of FL since I moved here. It is a sketchy place with a lot of guns and crime. I just love the weather so much. It is easy to walk places with Jim, my guide dog. But I lived in Delaware for over 30 years, and had to sell our house we built there. My heart is back up there, but you can't walk much where we lived. No grocery stores closer than 5 miles, etc. you must be able to drive if you were to live where we lived. In the middle of nowhere. So, I still at times think I am in Delaware when I hear certain things outside. It was very hard at first, trying to figure out where I was. It is better, but still happens. And there are so many people gone who I knew and loved. Two to dementia, which is so difficult. My best sister-in-law and good friend since she married my brother many years ago, now has dementia. They are in CA, and I went there last summer with Jim to see her before she did not know me. It was joyful, bittersweet, we laughed like we always did, she knew me, but she does not now. I am so glad I went. I took planes and trains with Jim the guide dog, and he was so good and so helpful. So I guess dreams go on, and sometimes they are good. Take care of yourself, and know you can and should take care of you. I never thought I would ever feel better after all the hard times, but I have learned to care about me and like me. Or really, I keep on trying. beans
 

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