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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

More Than One Loss (Multiple Losses)

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More Than One Loss (Multiple Losses)

For Villagers who had more than one loss close together, or who lost a child, or were widowed more than once.  You're not alone... please connect here.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 227
Latest Activity: on Tuesday

Discussion Forum

Wedding rings

Started by Jo. Last reply by DIVA70 on Tuesday. 1 Reply

Hello everyone, I am hoping you could share your thoughts/ experiences with me on wedding rings.  I lost my second husband 10 months ago and I still choose to wear my rings every day.  I like the…Continue

For Marina

Started by Gary'swife. Last reply by Marina Apr 15. 1 Reply

MarinaI saw your post.  I have never used the discussion function before, but thought I would give it a try.   Four months is a very short time.  I know....everyone else thinks you should be better…Continue

Comment Wall

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You need to be a member of More Than One Loss (Multiple Losses) to add comments!

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on Monday

Marina - It sometimes just takes one person posting and responding to get things moving and keep a group active. I hope that happens here.

Comment by Marina on April 15, 2019 at 8:32am

Thank you Tess for your share as well. I’m trying to wait to make any more decisions right away if possible. Because I know my brain is not functioning the way it used to. It’s such a weird feeling to not be in control. But I know Life will continue and I will get a grip on it. Even if it just means taking a shower today. Thank you again

blessings

Comment by Marina on April 15, 2019 at 8:29am

Thank you Dianne for adding a discussion forum. It does not appear this group is very active so maybe it didn’t need one?  But maybe I’ll start a discussion thread just to see if anyone wants to join it. Thank you for your support. Can’t say thank you enough for this site. Though I hurt for everyone else who is on this site, I’m still grateful that many seem to want to share their stories and their experiences. God Bless

Comment by Tess on April 14, 2019 at 1:31pm

Marina, my condolences to you for your losses. Is is so hard to adjust to one loss, but when another loss comes soon after, those previous wounds are re-opened in a big way.

I lost three family member each two months apart with the last being my husband. That was 2016, so I can tell you it does get better.

Don't be in too much of a hurry to make changes in your life, living situations, etc., unless you have to. When I think back I really thought my head was clear enough in the months following my husband's death. I now know I was no where ready to make lading decisions.

Hugs to you in whatever you decide.

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on April 14, 2019 at 12:40pm

Hi Marina.  I've added a Discussion Forum to this group for you.

Comment by Marina on April 14, 2019 at 12:22pm

Doesn’t seem to be a discussion option for this group. So I guess we just write in the comments section? For all of you that have suffered multiple losses in a short time or even a long time I am so sorry. I feel your pain. And I even feel guilty that many of you have gone through more pain than I have. It’s been 4 months and two days since I lost my husband. Two years, two months and ten days since I lost my younger sister. 56 and 42. So young. So hard to even comprehend. It hurts to breathe still. I cannot understand why my heart continues to beat, but it does. I have so much to be thankful for, yet I sit in silence more often than not. And I can’t seem to connect. I still have a mother and children and grandchildren, yet even when I’m with them I feel utterly alone. Like I’m outside looking in. Beginning to worry that I am not going to be okay. Wondering when I will start to feel something other than this tightness in my chest and the rock in my stomach. I put on my “face” as Rick would say. I try to fit in wherever I am. But inside, well it’s like I’m just in a fog. Wandering around in a haze. I cannot seem to get a grip on what I need to be doing. Finding either a full time job or another part time one in order to live. Sell my house or not sell? Eat or not eat. Sleep I have down pretty well. Except the dreams. Those are wonderful and horrifying at the same time. Because I have to wake up. Then it all comes crashing in again. If I have a good day then I have a bad night. Guilt. Guilt for a good day. Guilt for a bad day. I swear I feel like I’m on edge all of the time. My poor dogs don’t even know what to think anymore. I get restless and load them up in the truck just to drive to nowhere. Then we get home and they look at me like ummm we thought we were going somewhere. Well I’ve rambled enough for the day I suppose. Pray everyone else in this group are having a positive day and a promising future. 

Comment by Tess on February 19, 2019 at 2:08pm

Baranik, you reminded me that I belong to this group. There isn't a lot of activity, as you said, so I forgot about it. Those words of Gwen Flowers' are so very wise. This is the very thing that others that have not suffered these losses do not understand. There is no completion, just change.

I am so sorry about your father-in-law. The feelings of loss are so much more poignant after suffering from such considerable ones.

Thank you for the words that we can all benefit from hearing.

Hugs

Comment by baranik on February 19, 2019 at 11:44am

hi there my goal this year is to be more active in this group . I came across a poem by Gwen Flowers to share I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was a sad time that followed the death of someone you loved. And you had to push through to get to the other side.But I am learning there is no pushing through. But rather, there is absorption,Adjustment,Acceptance. And grief is not something you complete,But rather you endure. Grief is not a task to finish  And move on,But an element of yourself being. An alteration of  your being. A NEW way of Seeing.  A new definition of Self. My  father in law died and I am finding that it is bringing back feelings about my husband and daughter's death as well. After reading your stories of loss, I wish I had a magic wand to make everyone  feel better

Comment by NYC Widow 71 on August 7, 2018 at 8:48am

Hi friends. My name is Ayelet. Sadly, I lost my younger brother in 2014, followed by my husband 8 months later. They were childhood friends and both struggled with addiction in their lives. My brother Amir was 38; my husband Jason was 40. It's been difficult to grieve for them separately and together.

Comment by Tess on June 6, 2018 at 2:41pm

Thanks so much Z. So you've lost more than one husband. I'm so sorry. That must be so difficult for you. I hope you had marriages filled with happy memories.

I lost my husband 21 months ago. I do have a daughter and grandson. They live a state away from me, which isn't too bad, but it does get lonely.

I do hope you have friends or extended relatvies that live close enough to you to be of support.

Peace to you as well.

 

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