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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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More Than One Loss (Multiple Losses)

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More Than One Loss (Multiple Losses)

For Villagers who had more than one loss close together, or who lost a child, or were widowed more than once.  You're not alone... please connect here.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 223
Latest Activity: Aug 24

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Comment by Steve on May 16, 2017 at 5:29pm
Hi GTMI, sorry, i forgot your first name. So sorry to hear of the 3 recent losses. They are tough one at a time, nevermind 3 in 1 month! Last year was like that for me, Dad passed Feb 16, dear friend April 19th, (my bday is April 21) then my partners mother in May 2 days b4 mothers day. I was very close to Mikes mom, closer than my own mother.
This year 2 friends in early 50s, and a very sweet aunt is days away from passing, w stage 4 cancer at 63. Ugh. I know everyone shares similar journies. Its just so difficult to heal, when they keep happening over and over. I dont go to funerals anymore, because i dont want to remember them that way. I would not go, then continue to support families after. Thats how i am. I know most feel differently, but, i dont visit Mikes grave either, or anyone elses. I dont believe our loved ones are there, i visit them in my mind every day. If i go to grave, im in bed for a week after. (((((Hugs))))
Comment by going to make it on May 16, 2017 at 4:24pm
Steve, I feel exactly the same! 3 deaths in the past month!! Thought it was just me. I still attend some funerals out of respect, but not all of them. It's just too much.
Comment by Steve on May 16, 2017 at 8:15am
Hi Hyliek, sorry to hear you had some bad weather, hope all is well now. Its strange how i have found life works. At least for me and maybe you, and others. Once 45 hit, in my age, all hell broke loose with people passing. Friends, relatives, spouse, parents, so on. No kidding, i cant count them all, at least 20 or more, in past 10 yrs. significant people in my daily life. Its been really tough. Its kind of weird now, its almost like it doesnt surprise me anymore. Im sad at another loss in my life, but, its not a shock, like it used to be. I dont go to funerals anymore, ive been to too many. So many passing in mid 40s, thru early 60s. I always thought most people made it to mid 70s anyway. Not in my life. Maybe its because we were all a child of the 60s and 70s? Lol. I know i was crazy in my teens and early 20s! So were most of my friends that are mostly gone now.
Comment by hyliek on May 16, 2017 at 2:43am

Sorry our weather affected our internet a bit.  How you all keeping.  Thanks for the positive feedback, at least I am not crazy yet.  The deaths were close together so I think it is all hitting me at once, but I will be fine. (((((hugs)))))

Comment by Steve on May 12, 2017 at 10:51pm
Oh yes, i remember after my partner passed, I of course was lost without him, however, i was just so lost not having 1000 things to do everyday, to care for him and keep things going at home. I went from going 100mph from 6am till midnight, 7 days per week, to nothing! It was so hard to get used to "relaxing" and just concentrating on me for the first time in years. It took quite awhile to get used to that new norm. Also, personality quirks, like shorter temper, being sleepy, or not being able to sleep, now liking reading, or now hating reading, its all completely normal with what we have been thru. Its crazy-making.
Comment by hyliek on May 12, 2017 at 9:28pm

Hi Steve, yip sometimes it is harder than others.  I find myself becoming irritated more easily with people, as I work with people all day.  It is not in my nature, but I think it will pass as I learn to settle down to a single life again.  Find my feet etc.  Always had to take care of someone now I feel at a lose end sometimes. 

Comment by Steve on May 12, 2017 at 8:26am
Hi Hyliek, oh my goodness, (((hugs))) to you with regard to your husbands and daughters. I have family in Joberg, have never been to Africa, but hope to go someday.
I have also been thru a period of great loss over the past 10 years, and its tough to learn to live without these people and animals in our daily lives. Im so grateful to this site, and all the wonderful people i have shared with here. Its truly saved me countless times in those darkest of times. My heart and thoughts are with you. Take care
Comment by hyliek on May 12, 2017 at 3:44am

Hi Slick, I am forever grateful that I have a super Church who is so supportive.  Even helped to break down my bathroom door to get my husband out when he collapsed from a stroke, unfortunately he passed away within 12 hours.  What you do you do for a living and where do you live.

Comment by hyliek on May 11, 2017 at 9:28pm

Hi everyone.  I am in South Africa, so our time lines are different.  I have lost 3 husbands and 2 daughters.  My heart really goes out to you guys.  I is hard to keep going with a smile.  But we have to remember the good times as much as possible.  The laughs and fun.  I don't dream of my lost loved ones but I think of them often. God bless to you all.

Comment by Steve on March 4, 2017 at 6:00pm
Hi everyone, Baranik, sorry you suffer from Panick Disorder, i do as well and know how disabling and terrifying that can be. Its been quite awhile since i have dreamed with Mike, but i remember them very well. The first two were upsetting, frustrating, the last one was so amazing, beautiful, deeply emotional and loving. The last dream effected me so greatly, in a positive way, i still feel the warmth from it probably 6-7 yrs later.
I have had quite a few important, dear people in my life pass over the past 10 yrs and i havent dreamt about any of them, as of yet.
Slick, such a great and wonderful point, about being semi prepared for grandparents, parents who are older, and not so much younger people in our life. So true for me, anyway.
Hi Beansy, thank heaven for Jim, your seeing eye companion, and your strength to face the world alone and vision impaired. So admirable! Im terrified to travel on planes period!
Hello Lostmyeverything, i lost my 1st life partner to cancer March 1st, 2009, after 31 yrs together. My heart goes out to you, ((big hugs)). Mike my first partner always appeared in our dreams, around 28-30 years old. (He was 9 days past his 50th birthday when he passed). He was so freaking beautiful to me, i had forgotten his long gone, full thick hair on the top of his head, he looked so vibrant, healthy, full of life in these dreams, such a sweet shock, compared to his last years so sick and becoming more and more frail. Everyone take care, steve
 

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