More than one loss (Multiple losses)

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Comment by Sherbear on April 4, 2013 at 1:44pm

GRIEF COMA

Do you ever feel as though grief has you in a coma? With the multiple losses and being thrown back into mourning/grieving even when I feel something, like love towards someone, I find I'm not able to even speak yet alone act upon them. I feel frozen, like in a coma.
Don't know if that's my mind and body putting up a survival mechanizim or what.
But, I sure would like to be able to feel and speak what I feel.
Is this normal? Or, at least normal for this kind of loss and season inmy life?

Comment by Sherbear on April 4, 2013 at 1:38pm

(((PM))) welcome to the place where others resonate with you. I'm do terribly sorry for your losses.

Big Old Hugs

Comment by PM on March 31, 2013 at 8:02am

Hello, I am new to widowed village and I am very happy to have found this group. I have been married 3 times and widowed 2 times. Joseph passed away in January 2011, and the first person I decided to date,Steven my third husband passed away on the last day of February this year. I am going to grief councilling and she says I should talk to others that have had a loss because I have some heavy trust issues. That is why I am here and I want to try to be 'me' again, I am sick of being sad all of the time. I feel like in the last two years all I have done is grieve, except for the bright spot that Steve represents, and that was only six months. We were only married for a few days. 

Comment by Sherbear on March 29, 2013 at 4:59pm

Well, I'vegot complicated/postponed grief. Complicated because of multiple deaths, postponed because the other deaths interupted the processing of the two most significant deaths, my husbands and my moms. I'm now, after 1 1/2 yrs from my husbands death, just returning to pick up the grieving process of both of them, simultaneously. I had a dream of my mom two nights ago. In my dream she was here and then I'd realize she's not here, but then again she'd be here toonce again realize she's not here. Last night I didn't get to sleep until after 3 am due to a constant battle in my mind and melt down over the lose of my husband.

 

And day by day, yes, you fit :(. So sorry for your losses.

I lost my husband on 9/10/11, one day before you lost yours. ((((hugs)))

Comment by day by day on March 13, 2013 at 3:48pm

Hi All,

I'm so happy to have found this group, in my area not many fit in this category. I lost my oldest brother on 12/07/09, my 39 yo daughter 11/10/10 and my husband of 50 yrs on 9/11/11. Everyone keeps telling me I'm the strongest person they know, if only they knew how wrong they are. I am fortunate to have my other 6 children very near by and we are a close family, but I still get very lonely at times.

peace to you all

Comment by feelinglonely on February 17, 2013 at 7:59am

Jeanie---Thank you for the encouraging words.  I also lost many loved ones in a short period of time.  My mom in 2005, dad in 2006, my aunt in 2008, my husband of 41 years in 2010 and my brother in 2012.  Although it has been almost 2 1/2 years since my husband's passing, I still feel that ache in my heart every day---granted, it is not as intense as it once was--but--it is there every day.  Your statement about pleasing others is how I have been living for so long--nobody wants to hear how you really feel---they cant handle it--I am trying to enjoy life once again---maybe one day it will happen for me.  Love to all.

Comment by Jeanie on February 16, 2013 at 8:30pm

Hi Everybody,

I have always just looked around on the walls and saw what people were posting.  I thought that I would share this with you and offer a small bit of encouragement.  It has been almost 8 years since my husband was killed at work in a construction accident.  I also lost my parents and my stepson was taken away to go live with his mother all in an 18 month period.  It has taken a long time to work through the loss of each one.  Believe me it has not been easy, as you guys are well aware of.  But I do want you to know that one day you will want to get back into life again.  No it will not be the same life or one that will even resemble the one we lost, but it will be life none the less.  I have found comfort starting a widow and widowers group at my church.  We had our first luncheon on Feb 13, 2013.  I have found comfort helping others who are just starting this journey and I have been helped by ones who have been walking it for a long time.  We each have a story and it helps tremendously to be able to offer our hand to help someone else.  It takes time...don't try to rush to please others, this is our journey and we have to take it in our own way.  Life is livable again....love you all!

Comment by Ellybean on February 15, 2013 at 8:34pm

Oh my goodnes arnie (new normal) that is so much!!! I am so sorry for everything that you have gone through.

Comment by Ellybean on February 15, 2013 at 8:30pm

Hi i am new. In the last year i lost my two best friends; my mom and my husband. My husband died of pancreas cancer which developed due to a genetic condition both my kids also have. A month after losing my husband my son had to have a transplant and i had to leave my 13 year old behind with friends. It has been tough. Kids so mad at losing their dad and grammy and being sick. Miss my hubby so much.

Comment by Love2stage on February 12, 2013 at 8:03am

Renae,

First I can't imagine what it was like to lose a husband to murder. I do understand what it is like to lose your Mom and Husband close together. I lost my husband March 31, 2011 (heart attack), Grandma August 17, 2011 (stroke) and Mom December 8th 2011(cancer 3.5 mos after diagnosis).

My Dad and I have been each others support system too. Honestly don't know what I would have done with out him. I certainly never thought one of my parents would be widowed the same year as me.

I pray the authorities have found your husbands murder. Many hugs!

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