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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
If you are pregnant now, or were pregnant when your partner passed, you'll find others here who share your story.
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Latest Activity: on Thursday
My husband and I were on vacation in Italy last month and he tragically died of a heat stroke - just 5 days before his 34th birthday - after going for a run while dehydrated. The day after I returned to the US with his ashes, I found out I was pregnant. After going to my first prenatal, I realized that we were unknowingly three weeks pregnant on the day that he tragically passed away. While I am relieved to be carrying our baby, I can't help but be anxious about how I am going to raise our child on my teacher salary. I realize many widows lose their husbands while trying to grow their family and I feel like I should only be grateful for this miracle, but I'm also devastated that my husband will never hold our baby. He would have been the most incredible father, truly.
Today I went to a mall and it seemed like there were hundreds of families there. All I seemed to notice was fathers with their children. I couldn't help but be sad that that was ripped away from me. I would then try to escape the constant visual of happy, loving fathers by going into stores only to be greeted with a "how are you?," a question I have come to despise.
It makes me so, so sad that my child won't have his/her father and that I won't experience the joy of parenthood with my late husband.
How are others coping with this heartache?
P.S. - I am in San Diego and I'd love to meet up with any other pregnant widows in southern California. I have found it very helpful to connect with widows...and we pregnant widows are a rare breed.
@laurawc I am so sorry that you are in the poaposit to need this group, but glad you found it. I lost my incredible husband at almost exactly 16weeks pregnant with our first child. My son is five months old now, but I remember the feelings you describe about entering the third trimester so well. I know words mean next to nothing, but you can and will do this. You will bring your little angel into the world and be the best mom he or she could possibly have. I'm preaching to myself here too as each day has its challenges and doubt reigns as often as not. Solo parenting isnhard, but we are strong! Let yourself feel the pain, the anger, the bitterness, the fear. It's all valid and real. Know that peipeo will say some idiotic things in the coming weeks and months .They mean well, but they just can't comprehend what you're going through. If you ever need to talk, vent, scream, cry to someone who has an idea of your journey, I'm here.
My husband passed away when I was 4 months pregnant and I just started my third trimester yesterday. Reality is definitely setting in that he is not apart of this journey. I try to focus on the good memories from the four months when I got to share the experience of looking forward to our first child, but I am so overwhelmed and scared about going through the rest of this journey without him. I miss him so much. He was such a huge support and no one can ever replace him.
Grieving and taking care of a newborn is taking a bit of a toll on me but not sure exactly how. Definitely emotionally from the grieving but also maybe mentally. I am getting a significant amount of help from my mother; I think she's doing 70% of taking care of the baby. And I'm sure it's taking a toll on her too.
But this is still not even a fraction of the toll that my wife was able to handle through the pregnancy, labor, and delivery with no pain meds; sacrificing her own life for our baby girl. So how could I not feel guilty about feeling this way?
And I'm so scared I'll screw this up somehow. The only way I can honor my wife and her sacrifice is to raise our little girl right. Before, I was confident that my wife would have been an amazing mother (she is already) and I think I could've been a good father but only with my wife's help. Now I'm not so sure if I can be a good father. Everyone tells me "you'll be such a good father"... how do they possibly know that at all? I mean I'm already a bad father, letting her grandmother do most of the caring.
Boo, I'm so sorry for so many things. I feel so lost and having so many doubts about everything.
Hi everyone, I lost my husband unexpectedly to cancer on November 3rd. I'm here now waiting for our first child to be born via surrogate. Our carrier is in labor (they sent her home) but she will likely have the baby with the next day or so. It is very surreal to be here without my husband. This was an eight year journey for us to have children and he wanted this so badly. I am excited for my daughter but so very sad that he's not here to share it with me. I'm glad to find you all. No one really understands what I'm going through so it's helpful to read your posts.
To loveboo, may God wrap his healing arms around you. I was left behind with a 5 year old son that my husband and I had tried for for 8 years, 5 and 1/2 years ago. I know being told to be strong is very hard to do. But your baby is a blessing and a part of your wife that you will hold onto forever. I still have days that are hard to manage my emotions, but when I look at my son, I get strength for him. I can not imagine the pain that you are feeling now, but just keep swimming...
Hi, I am not sure if I am allowed to post here. My wife passed away two weeks ago on December 13th, approximately 18 hours after giving birth to our beautiful baby girl. My wife initially was a little scared of labor and delivery when she found out she was pregnant but as the pregnancy went on, she read so much and researched so much. She was so excited to be a mother and what devastating me the most is that she fought through the discomfort for nine months then labored for 14-15 hours with absolutely no pain medication only to have only a few minutes where she heard the baby crying. Maybe she got to see her daughter from afar because as soon as the baby was delivered, the doctors had to take the baby to a nearby table to check on her. The baby was put on her for skin-to-skin just for a few seconds but had to be taken because she lost consciousness. She later regained consciousness in the ICU and nodded if she heard the baby cry but shook her head no when I asked if she remembered holding the baby.
She fought so hard and bravely. She sacrificed her life for our baby. After carrying her for nine months, I know she would've done it if that was the choice she was given but I still can't help feel tremendous sadness spread over everything. It used to be that every time I would see our baby girl, I couldn't help control my emotions. Now I am trying to smile when I hold her and feed her. People have been telling me that I need to be strong for our baby girl and I am trying. My mom and my sister have been helping with taking care of our baby.
Lastly, I just want to say how much I want to honor soon-to-be moms and how in awe I am for what you can do. You have this huge burden both physical and emotional and I just don't know if I could have handled it.
I never got to say this to my wife so I will say this to all of you soon-to-be moms. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the sacrifices you make with your mind and body to help us build families and love. Thank you so much, boo. I love you so much and will love you for the rest of my life.
Hello to those who have recently joined this group. This month marks 13 years since Matthew died, just 2 weeks after we found out we were expecting our first child.
I periodically come on Widowed Village to read through threads, especially the Pregnant Widows stories/comments. In some ways it’s like digging up all the pain again, reliving those first weeks, months. But I need to do it.
I don’t remember a lot of the first couple of years after Matthew died. Pregnancy, birth, my daughter’s first year—it’s all fuzzy. (It’s a very good thing there are a lot of photos.) I was on auto-pilot, trying to survive. I buried my grief until I got to a time and place when I could deal with it. So I didn’t really begin grieving until about 5 years out. And the process continues to this day. It will never end.
Everyone does this thing differently. There is no right or wrong. All of it sucks, nothing about what we have to go through is fair. Each of us has a unique journey, but what we all have in common is that we get through the best we can, knowing we are not alone in our journey.
Love to each of you and your sweet children (and children-to-be),
I just found this group through a fellow widowed friend. My husband passed away in a car accident last 4th of July...I was 40 weeks pregnant...three days later (July 7, 2017) I gave birth to our first child, a baby girl. It’s been SO difficult finding people to relate/understand such a tragic situation so I’m very grateful to have come across this group. Just looking for words of advice on how you coped after such life altering events. Even though it’s been a little over 10 months now, it still feels just like yesterday...that and the fact that my husbands one year passing mark and daughters first birthday are coming up are bringing on a whole different array of emotions...any advice would be much appreciated...thank all!
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