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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Pregnant Widows

If you are pregnant now, or were pregnant when your partner passed, you'll find others here who share your story.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 81
Latest Activity: Mar 9

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Comment by MrsHill2015 on January 9, 2020 at 5:42am

My husband will have been gone 6 months tomorrow. Just feeling down and out. Im trying not to think too far into the future but Im so concerned with how our baby will feel as he gets older, being that he never met his Daddie. Our other kids have memories, even tho i think our 3 year old will lose many of his :-( Does anyone have older kids that have experienced this? How did you help your children through this grieving process, especially very young ones that are too young to understand & too young for counseling? 

Thank you 

Comment by MrsHill2015 on December 18, 2019 at 6:07am

Our baby is 5 months today. Our baby that my husband didn't get to see enter this world and never got to meet. When I'm in mine & my husband's bedroom, baby stares up, at seemingly nothing, and smiles and laughs and coos several times a day...I like to think he's talking to his Daddie. But he never physically met him. It just sucks so so so bad. I'm at 5 months. The last week wasn't the worst, didn't have as many meltdowns or have to pull over during my commute because I was crying so hard I couldn't see.....and today I'm back to being close to unable to function...

Sorry just needed to vent. Hope you all are coping as well as can be....

Comment by MrsHill2015 on December 13, 2019 at 10:37am

Suzo, thank you SO much for your reply! and for your compassion. It was horrible. It still is. Our middle son is 3 yo and is so confused. He asks for Daddie every day. Cries and says he wants to see him. Im beyond angry. I dont understand. Why him? Why now? I definitely have thoughts here and there of checking out. I never will!! I have 4 kids that need me. And are dependent on only me now. But I long to be back with my love sooooooo bad. And to escape this horrible pain. He passed suddenly, and I have so much I want to tell him. I hate that my pain, my loss, my shattered life is a lesson for my friends and family. A lesson on how short life can be and to live it as such. I'm jealous of happy families. I teach, and have to watch fathers picking up their kids daily.....watching them run into the open arms of their dads....it hurts so so bad. I want to find hope one day....I'm just not there yet. Thank you so so so so so so much again!!! I know there's light at the end of the tunnel. A different light than want I expected and wanted, but light nonetheless. I just cant see it yet.....

Big hugs and kisses xoxoxoxo

Comment by Suzo on December 13, 2019 at 9:32am

MrsHill, I don't know if my comments will be helpful, because I'm 8 years out, so my pain is older and no longer raw. But your message popped up in my email and your story made me cry. I can't imagine having to give birth and worry about your newborn's health so soon after your loss, all the while helping the rest of your kids deal with losing their daddy. I just want to say that while what happened to you and me and Guapi and everyone else on here never stops being senseless and tragic (no matter how much time passes), I promise things will get easier eventually. After my husband died, I wanted so badly to climb into that grave with him. I wouldn't have actually done anything because of the little unknown person in my belly, but I would fantasize about accidentally getting hit by a car, etc. And I felt so isolated in the wreckage of my life, and so surrounded by happy unbroken families. I don't know if you believe in God, but I was ANGRY at him, and I felt like he was silent when I needed him most, and there were lots of one-way conversations with lots of four-letter words. But I did keep talking to him, and looking back, I believe he was listening the whole time. I healed very gradually, and not in the way I wanted (because all I wanted was to have my husband back and see him hold our daughter, because he would have been so thrilled to meet her), but one day I realized I actually felt like living again. I don't pretend to understand why the world is so full of tragedy. My mom's small group at church threw me a baby shower after all this happened, and some of the stories I heard from them were so much worse than mine. These sweet, happy old ladies' lives looked so clean-cut and easy from a distance; I would never have guessed that they'd actually been messy and heartbreaking. But they made it through, and managed to find joy despite all the pain. So even as you work through the grief and darkness and senselessness of it all, don't lose that little spark of hope and faith. I'm praying for you and your kids to make it through this holiday season and to be comforted. You can do this. Love, light and peace to you, too. 

Comment by MrsHill2015 on December 13, 2019 at 5:23am

In July, my husband suggested taking our 3 kids to the pool. I was 33 weeks pregnant. I almost didn't go. It was a scorcher. I didn't have a maternity bathing suit so I had to find something I could wear in the water that would cover my huge belly. We had a great time. It was also our anniversary. When we got home, my husband, the resident chef, made us steaks on the grill. He got me cupcakes and icies....pregnant snacks :-) The next day he just didn't wake up. My pregnancy immediately became high risk due to stress, and I gave birth 8 days later at 34 weeks. I gave birth without my husband, my forever love, the man who couldn't wait to meet his 3rd son. Baby was in NICU for 8 days but he's almost 5 months now and doing great thank God  To say this has been earth shattering is an understatement. I cant accept it. I have scary thoughts. This is HORRIBLE on so many levels. Indescribable. And it super sucks that he didn't get to hold our baby. Wasn't there when he was born. My heart and soul sincerely go out to each and every one of you!!! This has made me question existence, the meaning of life...why do people have to endure this kind of terrible unbearable pain? Why don't my children deserve their doting, loving, protective Daddie? Its hard to find people that can relate to my kind of grief. I wish I didn't need it, wish I wasnt part of this club that no one wants to be in :-( but Im so glad that I found this site. Love light and peace to you all 

Comment by Guapi on September 2, 2019 at 9:48pm

My husband and I were on vacation in Italy last month and he tragically died of a heat stroke - just 5 days before his 34th birthday - after going for a run while dehydrated. The day after I returned to the US with his ashes, I found out I was pregnant. After going to my first prenatal, I realized that we were unknowingly three weeks pregnant on the day that he tragically passed away. While I am relieved to be carrying our baby, I can't help but be anxious about how I am going to raise our child on my teacher salary. I realize many widows lose their husbands while trying to grow their family and I feel like I should only be grateful for this miracle, but I'm also devastated that my husband will never hold our baby. He would have been the most incredible father, truly.

Today I went to a mall and it seemed like there were hundreds of families there. All I seemed to notice was fathers with their children. I couldn't help but be sad that that was ripped away from me. I would then try to escape the constant visual of happy, loving fathers by going into stores only to be greeted with a "how are you?," a question I have come to despise. 

It makes me so, so sad that my child won't have his/her father and that I won't experience the joy of parenthood with my late husband. 

How are others coping with this heartache?

P.S. - I am in San Diego and I'd love to meet up with any other pregnant widows in southern California. I have found it very helpful to connect with widows...and we pregnant widows are a rare breed.

Comment by hamm4d on February 16, 2019 at 3:54pm

@laurawc I am so sorry that you are in the poaposit to need this group, but glad you found it. I lost my incredible husband at almost exactly 16weeks pregnant with our first child. My son is five months old now, but I remember the feelings you describe about entering the third trimester so well. I know words mean next to nothing, but you can and will do this. You will bring your little angel into the world and be the best mom he or she could possibly have. I'm preaching to myself here too as each day has its challenges and doubt reigns as often as not. Solo parenting isnhard, but we are strong! Let yourself feel the pain, the anger, the bitterness, the fear. It's all valid and real. Know that peipeo will say some idiotic things in the coming weeks and months .They mean well, but they just can't comprehend what you're going through. If you ever need to talk, vent, scream, cry to someone who has an idea of your journey, I'm here. 

Comment by laurawc on February 16, 2019 at 2:39pm

My husband passed away when I was 4 months pregnant and I just started my third trimester yesterday. Reality is definitely setting in that he is not apart of this journey. I try to focus on the good memories from the four months when I got to share the experience of looking forward to our first child, but I am so overwhelmed and scared about going through the rest of this journey without him. I miss him so much. He was such a huge support and no one can ever replace him. 

Comment by Kkat5701 on January 5, 2019 at 2:35pm
  • Hi, glad I found this site and group it is hard to find people who understand. It helps to read your stories thank you. My partner died by suicide 16 weeks ago. We had a bit of a fight about him drinking too much so I went to stay at my dad's house the night with our 2 year old daughter. Came home in the morning and found him in his car in the garage. Was a huge shock. He was a mechanic and had a nice old car which he used to gas himself and took painkillers and alcohol. Looked like he was sleeping. I felt so guilty. I had no idea he was feeling like that or would even consider it. He was my best friend. I am pregnant with a boy he was due yesterday just waiting now. Christmas and new year was so hard. He has missed so much already now I have to have our baby alone too. I am scared. I have my parents but we weren't that close. My dad is a lot closer now my daughter loves him. She has been very good and grown so much already. But I feel like I can't grieve properly sometimes because I am always focused on her and being pregnant is hard. Miss him so much it hurts. I wish I appreciated him more he was an amazing person and dad. We even liked nearly all the same things. We have a beautiful home he worked so hard for and improved and a car we got together. It is hard living here with all our memories but I feel I need to stay close to him as well. I have photos everywhere too. Maybe I am in denial still but I know he is not coming back. Just wish he was here.

Comment by loveboo on January 2, 2019 at 7:28pm

Grieving and taking care of a newborn is taking a bit of a toll on me but not sure exactly how.  Definitely emotionally from the grieving but also maybe mentally.  I am getting a significant amount of help from my mother; I think she's doing 70% of taking care of the baby. And I'm sure it's taking a toll on her too.

But this is still not even a fraction of the toll that my wife was able to handle through the pregnancy, labor, and delivery with no pain meds; sacrificing her own life for our baby girl.  So how could I not feel guilty about feeling this way?

And I'm so scared I'll screw this up somehow.  The only way I can honor my wife and her sacrifice is to raise our little girl right.  Before, I was confident that my wife would have been an amazing mother (she is already) and I think I could've been a good father but only with my wife's help.  Now I'm not so sure if I can be a good father.  Everyone tells me "you'll be such a good father"... how do they possibly know that at all?  I mean I'm already a bad father, letting her grandmother do most of the caring.

Boo, I'm so sorry for so many things.  I feel so lost and having so many doubts about everything.

 

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