Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Pregnant Widows

If you are pregnant now, or were pregnant when your partner passed, come say "hi" and find others like you in this group. As always, we want to see PICTURES and you can post those anywhere!

Members: 47
Latest Activity: Jul 6

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Comment by MissHIm11 on July 6, 2014 at 10:29pm

Hello Ladies! I just wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing these days. Sending much love and hugs to all of you! 

Comment by saltypearl on February 4, 2014 at 10:48pm

Nicole:  I haven't asked.  I've been more concerned about the physical side of keeping the baby.  After/during the 3 days we were in hospital I wasn't eating or drinking and ended up in the ER for fluids and something to help the vomiting.  Now I'm just trying to survive with sleep.  With a 17 m old also I honestly haven't thought about how my grief would affect him.  

Comment by NicoleD42 on February 4, 2014 at 10:44pm

Saltypearl,

Do you sometimes worry that your sadness may affect the baby? I was going to ask my midwife, but wondering if you have already asked.

Comment by saltypearl on January 24, 2014 at 11:17pm

Nicole, I think we are almost due at the same time.  I have to admit I'm slightly terrified with this baby in a way I wasn't the first time around.  Single motherhood was obviously never in the "plan"

Comment by Halfking on January 15, 2014 at 8:40pm

Hey Nicole - I was widowed at 8 weeks  and you will get through this despite the challenges.  The DVDs are a good idea but I did birth classes with my brother in law and sister in law and it was very helpful to have them there.  THe make up of the class was pretty conventional but I found it helpful for the Q & A.  That said, if you can find a doula they're tremendously helpful and supportive and present for all of your needs - so I urge you to consider hiring one.  Where are you? (here in NYC they're quite common).  Regarding keeping Lily's dad memory alive for her we talk about him frequently and she's surrounded by our collective family and our collective friends and we all celebrate him - we share funny stories, I tell her his favorite foods, his quirks - we look at photos - the opportunities are endless,  I'm happy to share more with you if you want to email me directly.  I also wrote a children's book for all of us who've lost our childrens' fathers and the link is below - many of my daughters peers have found it very helpful - not clinical and very happy.

Keep going and I'll hope to hear from you!

Susan

susarama@gmail.com

www.thesusie.blogspot.com

Comment by Brittany on January 15, 2014 at 2:12pm

I had already started my classes, so I only had two left. I ended up attending classes during the day since there were less couples at that time. During the birthing process I opted to be by myself. Honestly my doctor made sure I had the best experience possible and the staff was all aware of the situation so I didnt have to deal with telling the story repeatedly. I'm a little over a week out and I know I made the right choice for myself about being alone. Just do what is right for you and not what everyone else thinks is best. There is no right or wrong. As for keeping my husbands memory alive I made a scrapbook for my daughter and set clothing back for her when she gets older. Also, even though she is only a week old, she gets a story about dad every night and we say I love you and good night to dads picture. I felt it was important to start this early.

Comment by Suzo on January 14, 2014 at 4:03pm

Hi Nicole! I'm so sorry you're in this situation. My hospital had a DVD version to send home with women who couldn't come to the classes. They were happy to let me use those so I didn't have to be in a classroom with all the excited couples. So I sat and watched them (and made fun of them) with my mom and sister, and that got me through. During the actual birth, I was so focused on getting that kid out that I (fortunately) didn't have much time to think, and then my baby was there, which was a welcome distraction. I really appreciated having my mom and sister in the room for support, but I know some people prefer to be alone. My daughter is 21 months old now, and I just try to make sure she is developing a relationship with my husband's family. I also have a big picture of him up, and she says "Daddy!" now when she sees it. Kind of sad, but you do what you can.

Comment by NicoleD42 on January 14, 2014 at 1:51pm

Hi I am newly widowed and 18 weeks pregnant. I am wondering how it was going through the birthing classes without your loved one as well as the emotions at birth. Also what are things you are doing to make sure your child knows about their father or mother.

Comment by longcat on January 1, 2014 at 1:33am

something i learned from my doctor about PPD vs grief is that they are NOT the same...grief can affect PPD though, if you develop it.  my doc was very understanding about all of it though and generally understood that my answers to the required PPD screening questions at my PP checkup were kind of skewed because of my grief.  she did recommend a grief counselor to me, who i saw till my insurance wouldn't cover it any more.  honestly, for me it was kind of a waste of time...which was good at the time because i was laid off before rob was killed, so i needed stuff to fill my days with.  it didn't really help me directly though.  everyone is different and i know some who have greatly benefitted from counseling or grief support like that though, and others yet for whom that wasn't enough and needed medication as well, which is fine too.  i didn't want to do the medication route though because most of them cause the taker to sleep heavily, and i didn't want to risk not waking while my son was crying.  if you don't live alone and are having trouble, it might be a viable option though.  oh...i'm also not sure if it gets into breastmilk, if you plan to breastfeed.  probably, i would think.  something to talk to the doctor about, if you need it.  (((hugs))) and good luck.

Comment by Brittany on December 26, 2013 at 9:54pm

Thanks everyone - I'm hoping I won't have any problems, but I am glad that I have resources available if I feel as though I am starting to get to that point.  I think the closer I get to my due date the more anxious I feel.  I think this is because I feel as though I am starting a new chapter in my life and my husband isn't a part of it.  I think I am finally getting my boundaries lined up with people, so I don't feel as much pressure about the birthing process as I was earlier this month.  I have about a week and a half left and at this point I am just hoping for the best and nothing to go wrong!

 

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