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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Pregnant Widows

If you are pregnant now, or were pregnant when your partner passed, you'll find others here who share your story.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Members: 54
Latest Activity: on Thursday

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Comment by Kenna'sMomma on June 27, 2015 at 2:16am

Wow.  Just read all the posts on here. 

I am so grateful for, and so encouraged by, this online community. 

I was 28 years old and 8 weeks pregnant with our daughter when my husband passed away 10 years ago.  I searched for this support system back then--I found it years later and attended Camp Widow. 

I've been 'revisiting' my pregnancy and the infant months with my daughter recently by watching videos of that time with her.  For me, this means revisiting some of the grief.  I am so glad there's lots of photos/videos of her first year.  I have no clear recollection of most of the two years after Matthew's death.  Snippets.  Pieces.  I know it was survival/widow brain/pregnancy brain/mommy brain.  But even this many years later I feel sad that I didn't get to enjoy pregnancy more.

Every few years my daughter has 'issues'.  Stuff with grieving the loss of a father she'll never meet.  With every developmental stage she recognizes anew that something is missing in her life.  My daughter is so blessed to have male family members, friends, teachers and coaches who fill in where they can. 

As I reflect on the journey, I know I'm doing the best I can, and I'm doing a good job. I'm not sure I can say it gets any easier.  My coping mechanisms have improved.  I have good support systems/friends/family.  However, grief waves can still flatten me without warning, and nighttime in bed alone with my thoughts is usually when I end up crying.

Here's my two cents, 10 years out:  you're not alone, and trust your instincts (or if you don't feel like trusting YOUR instincts, tell your widowed peeps and trust THEIR instincts)

Blessings,

Sarah

Comment by Halfking on June 26, 2015 at 10:59am

Hi All - Awhile back people were wondering how to approach memory books etc... There are some very easy ways to do this, you can just electronicallyfile away people's personal contributions when you receive them and when you're ready , at some point, you can put them into a book.  You can begin by collecting or printing out emails and letters that people sent when your husbands were alive but ailing - In our case when people knew Alan wasn't going to make it they sent lovely emails with memories/anecdotes etc... Some day, I will put those in a book for my daughter when she is old enough to handle it and appreciate it.  In the meantime, you can email family and friends closest to you to solicit funny stories, work anecdotes, family memories.  Just have them write it in email form and send it to you when complete.  All of those anecdotes you can cut and paste into a photo book - many sites are very easy, there's MixBook, shutterfly - any of those photo book sites - but make sure you can add written word to their templates - some only allow photos.  This is more labor intensive, but you can print out the letters, take a photo of them with your phone and then upload THAT, as a photo - it's a good way to work around that hitch - you don't even need to print and scan or anything.  There are SO many ways to do things like this, I actually led a workshop about all of this at the last Camp Widow and will do so again in Toronto. But for more details and ideas you're welcome to email me directly and I can share more ideas that are awesome - I just don't want to bore anyone here!  But I will add that it is lovely to revisit memories and hear about their lives through the perspectives of others.And kids love to read these.  I recently gave my 6 year old a book of "Funny Daddy Stories" and she loves it - has photos, drawings, letters.  Most importantly, if you do not have the energy to do this now, then just write write write it all down for yourselves - even in fragmented emails to yourselves.  You will be thankful you did because your memories are still fresh and vivid.  Over time, some fade - so you'll appreciate having done so now.

Warmly,

Susan (susarama@gmail.com)

http://thesusie.blogspot.com/

Comment by Chi1102 on May 24, 2015 at 11:03pm

That is a good idea. When we found out our twin's genders, we signed them up with email addresses because we already had names picked out. My husband and I planned on writing them emails before they were born and after until they are older when they can read them. Unfortunately he never got a chance to write to them, but I told all of his family to write emails to them and tell stories about their Dad or really anything that came to mind. I think it's kind of the same idea. I would like to compile stories for them in some way, but so far I have no ideas. If you put something together, will you share with us? They are 3 months but so far my husband's Dad, Aunt and grandmother have all written to them and I treasure each email. I hope the babies do too some day, especially the ones from their great-grandma. She was very close to my husband and I hope through the emails they get a sense of her relationship with him and a little bit of who he was. 

Comment by lstar26 on May 24, 2015 at 10:38pm
I read somewhere that making a memory book with contributions from all different people for when the baby is older is a good idea. I tend to agree, but can't get started and have no idea where to begin or how to ask people to contribute. Has anyone done this or have any advice?
Comment by Halfking on February 18, 2015 at 11:12am

Chi - Wondering how you're doing?  I don't check in with this site enough but am here for support if you want to email me directly.  This is a long haul that you're embarking on but you will be an amazing parent - it is so incredibly hard but there are happier days ahead, I promise.  I was widowed when pregnant, married 10 months and was devastated.  But almost 7 years past we're doing just fine - we celebrate my husband every day in little ways and my daughter has a strong connected sense of who he was.  Not easy, the sadness never goes away but the memories and reconstructed memories for your babes will help and be lasting.  Keep on keeping on!!

Susan

http://www.thesusie.blogspot.com/

Comment by NicoleD42 on February 14, 2015 at 1:16am

Hi Chi,

I put a frame of many different picture for Steve in the labor room. My sister was my coach as well as my doula. They changed the pictures through out my labor and brought the frame for me to look at when they changed it. I thought that was really helpful. I also know Steve was in the room with me when I was in labor I could feel him and you will too. Best of luck and keep in touch!

Comment by Chi1102 on January 30, 2015 at 4:34am
Hi everyone, I'm now 35 weeks and can't stop thinking about delivering these babies. How did you all do in the room without your husband there? I will have my mom with me, but obviously that's not the same. I definitely also want to honor him and will have a picture of him there with me. My emotions have been all over the place, obviously missing him myself and still mourning for what he and the babies will never experience together. I feel more connected to the babies again but it's still not the same as when he was here. The joy of pregnancy is just not there anymore. I know everyone says when the babies come it will all change, and I hope it does but I also worry that it won't. Anyway, it's been a tough couple of days and I just wanted to reach out.
Comment by Suzo on December 28, 2014 at 11:34pm

Chi, I am so sorry. I just want to echo what everybody else is saying: It's awful, but you will get through it and I promise there's life on the other side, maybe not the one you wanted or planned but there can be beauty and wonderful surprises. Let us know if there's anything on your mind that you'd like to talk about. You're in my prayers.

Comment by MissHIm11 on December 27, 2014 at 8:31am

Chi, So sorry you found this site but happy you did. I will never forget the sleepless night filled by this community. My husband died almost 4 years ago now. I remember thinking my life was over. It isn't. Know yours isn't either. You can do this. We are here for you. <3 

Comment by NicoleD42 on December 27, 2014 at 12:05am
Welcome to our page let us know if you need anything. I am very sorry that you are here, but want to reassure you that you are strong and can do this.
 

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