Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation


Pregnant Widows

If you are pregnant now, or were pregnant when your partner passed, come say "hi" and find others like you in this group. As always, we want to see PICTURES and you can post those anywhere!

Members: 49
Latest Activity: Dec 12

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Comment by Suzo on December 12, 2014 at 4:38pm

Well, if you just want to dip your toe in and see how you feel, you have the best excuse in the world: "I'm a widow and I'm not sure how I feel about dating yet, so for now I'm just looking to talk to someone." At that point, you're free to keep communicating with the person or disappear, and they have no reason to take it personally. If you get started and it feels too weird, you'll know you aren't ready yet.

Comment by NicoleD42 on December 12, 2014 at 2:53pm
I joined a dating website but now am unsure about it. Someone contacted me and it feels weird but I am not sure how I am supposed to feel about it.
Comment by Suzo on December 12, 2014 at 1:50pm

Well, I sort of had the two-year mark in my mind (that's totally individual, though; your timing might be completely different). And I couldn't stand being alone anymore. My husband's memory wasn't enough, I needed a living, breathing guy. So I started poking around dating websites at night to see who was out there, and then clearing my search history, which is funny because it's not like anyone else even uses my computer. I just wasn't comfortable with the idea yet, so I wanted it to be like it hadn't even happened. But gradually I adjusted, and started actually contacting people, and eventually let my family know I was doing it. They were super-supportive. Once it was out in the open, it was easier. Didn't say anything to my inlaws until I'd met someone I was really interested in, though. How are you feeling about it?

Comment by NicoleD42 on December 12, 2014 at 12:59pm
Thanks Suzo! How did you know you were ready?
Comment by Suzo on December 12, 2014 at 12:43pm

I love that idea, Nicole! I hang up my late husband's stocking every year and put something really "him" in it (stinky cheese and olive tapenade, obviously not something my daughter will appreciate for a while but still a good way to remember).

Dating. Oh man. I started a little after the two-year mark, and it was rough at first. It's difficult to go from being loved unconditionally to the whole dating thing (evaluating and being evaluated, rejecting and being rejected). And of course, dating with a little one is already a challenge (I have a great support system, so it wasn't that bad). But going out on the town again (at night!) was FUN. It made me feel alive again. So if you're going online (that's what I did), just be careful what personal information you put out there (I made no mention of my daughter in my profile and was careful not to say anything that would allow some weirdo to track me down) and be choosy about who you meet in person. And know that no matter what your in-laws say about wanting you to be happy and find someone, they WILL feel weird about it when it actually happens. They will be anxious about their son being "replaced" and some new person being around (and eventually parenting) their grandchild. I'm getting serious with my boyfriend, and it's been over three years, but my in-laws think it's too soon and are freaking out. They're terrified about who this guy is, but they also don't want to hear about him (or even see pictures of him on facebook), so there's not much I can do to reassure them. Sometimes I feel like they don't trust me anymore. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Comment by NicoleD42 on December 11, 2014 at 11:38pm
Hi all my little guy is almost 6 months already and I can't believe it! I just wanted to share that each year at Christmas I am going to give him a gift I think Steve would have gotten him. I am wondering if you have any other traditions that you found helpful to remember your loved one during the holidays.

Also have if you have any advice about getting back into dating let me know. I think I am ready just nervous and afraid I think :(
Comment by Halfking on November 6, 2014 at 11:07am

In our case I appreciate that relationship - in our family, that's the next best thing and I think it's special for my brother-in-law.  I think if everyone is conscious of the fact that she does have a dad, and he's celebrated and discussed, then she'll understand the distinction.  That he's not her dad, but he is like a dad to her.  Then ideally despite the tragedy, she gets the comfort of thinking she does have a father figure present...  Additionally, genetically or historically, he'll be the closest thing to your husband and her father - so that's an added bonus if you are fond of him as a person and as a relation.  Yesterday, I was talking with my 5.5 yr old about how my boyfriend, who is now a very special part of our lives, would be picking her up at after-school and I told her I would tell the office that he would be picking her up and I'd give them his name.  She said "just say it's my dad" and I said "well pumpkin, I'm not going to say that because he's not your dad, you have one. - But he does love you, and he's like a dad to you, but I will just tell them he's our special friend."  Not easy, big steps and a lot of heart tugging for all of us - moms and kids...



Comment by Brittany on November 5, 2014 at 2:41pm

Hey everyone!  Today has just kind of been the first tough day I have had in awhile (I'm a little over a year out).  I think last week was the first time I realized my daughter looks to my brother in law as a father figure.  I'm very grateful that she has him in her life, but it also kind of made me sad.  Am I the only person who feels, or has felt this way?  I'm guessing not, but just kind of wondered how other people felt and dealt!

Comment by saltypearl on September 23, 2014 at 12:16am

Get help for those early weeks so that as you are adjusting to having 3 that your help can attend your toddler and your 6 year old.  It will ease the loss of attention from you as you deal with the new baby and attempt to get some sleep.  Beyond that it's more important than ever that you ask for help if you need it or have trouble managing.  I also have the local health unit monitoring me to catch it if I start sliding into depression.  Don't be afraid to take the pills if you need them,  we're on a grief spiral and a hormone spiral!

Comment by lizi1234 on September 19, 2014 at 10:53am

Hi Saltypearl

Thank you - I have my mum as my birthing partner who has been amazing and I don't know what me or my girls would do without her.  I'm booked into the community hospital so I get my own room after baby is born.  The staff have been great and all know my situation so I'm feeling ok about it.  Just want baby to be born now and so fed up of being pregnant.  how did you cope after birth - I've no history of PND but really worried how my head is going to cope after baby is born.



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