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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Pregnant Widows

If you are pregnant now, or were pregnant when your partner passed, you'll find others here who share your story.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 70
Latest Activity: Apr 10

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Comment by uswithoutyou on April 5, 2011 at 8:01pm

Hi, all-

 

I'm so sorry to see a few new members here.  It is good you found others to connect with during this ordeal.  It is so hard to find others in these particular circumstances.

 

I was 9 months pregnant with our daughter when my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  He lived 3 weeks and died when she was 10 days old and our son was 17 months old.  It all happened so fast that it sort of felt like he was hit by a truck.  I barely had time to grasp that he was going to die in (supposedly) about a year let alone so fast.  Then throw in having a baby during that time (without him there because of his condition) and you have a recipe for a complete nervous breakdown.  It is a miracle I made it through but I did with the help of a lot of family and friends (and some good drugs...anti-depressants, that is).

 

One of the most difficult things for me was not feeling excited about having or meeting our daughter once I knew what was going on.  I felt horrible about that because it was in such stark contrast to all the feelings surrounding my son's birth.  I even drove to the hospital with feelings of dread and zero excitement.  But, I have to say, once she was born, she brought an incredible joy into my shattered life.  I don't know how I had the capacity to fall so in love with her but I did.  And even though the first six months of her life were spent in a complete fog, she (and my son) were the best source of healing for me.  Of course, I'll always mourn the fact that they won't know their father but I am so blessed to have them.

 

I guess I just wanted to let you know, MissHim especially, that even though your heart breaks, you can and will feel some joy again.  I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes as smoothly as possible.

 

Wendy

Comment by Kane on April 5, 2011 at 5:07am

MissHim,

You are so right, you are moving one breath at a time right now, please only do what you can and try if you can to be kind to yourself - kind thoughts....I know this is hard and so exhausting right now!  I did not sleep for months after my husband died and my world fell apart, just like yours, it is so crazy and painful and no one can help you with that pain, you must feel it all, but it will become different!

 

Do you have any help right now, any family living with you, any meals coming?  The difficult part is there is a baby growing in you right now and it is so hard to think of taking care of that one, your daughter that already is here and yourself.  I remember this September sending my husband a text at my first parent teacher interview alone, it was so sad and awful, I tried not to cry the entire way through!!! 

You are brave reaching our so soon, I know I did and needed to know there were others who were like me and who had started to make it through.  I do understand how much you miss him, I cried at dinner every night for months because he did not come home after work, our dog ran to the garage door every day looking for him at the time he should have come home, the pain is still here just not like it was in the beginning.  Please feel free to contact me anytime, are  you on FB?  There are a lot of us on FB as well and SSLF was how this site got going and they have lots of great posts and help.

Denise

Comment by MissHIm11 on April 5, 2011 at 2:22am

Kane, 

Thank you for sharing your experience. Right now I am in that stage of all the reminders he is not here and it is killing me. Just a few minutes ago I went to the bathroom and checked to make sure the seat was down on the toilet. He always left it up. He was a part of my life in every way. So many things. I just miss him so terribly. 

 

 

Comment by Kane on April 4, 2011 at 4:11pm

MissHim11,

My husband dropped dead after running a 10km race the moment he crossed the finish line.  I was 6 months pregnant with our 3rd baby and had 2 boys 4 and 2 at the time.  I am 18 months out and still feel so much pain, but it is different now.  It is so difficult when this happens and you are pregnant, not only are you dealing with intense grief, but also a huge fear and vulnerability about this baby you have not yet met.  The first year of our daughters life was insane, I still take help anyone gives and meals/babysitting/gift cards/clothes for kids, anything, cause it helps in every way!

 

My daughters birth was beautiful, she was born at home and I was surrounded by 4 of my closest friends and my Mom.  It was so different than Rick and I had with the boys and exactly what I needed.  What you want/need at the time of your babys birth will come to you, just know that it will be the right thing for all of you!  My vulnerability was so intense that I could not leave the house even to grocery shop without a friend!!

 

My husband died of myocarditis, I did not find our for months, he was completly healthy and we did not know he had a virus that affected his heart.  My heart is still broken, but the fog you are in now is different and that fog has lifted for me.  You found the right place, please know we are all here for you with different experiences and lots of love and support.

Comment by MissHIm11 on April 4, 2011 at 2:44pm
I am very new to widowhood. My husband died suddenly in our home on March 12 at the age of 29. He was holding our 14 month old daughter in his arms when he collapsed. We are still waiting to find out his cause of death. I am also 7 months pregnant. I am so extremely torn up inside. I wait for him to come home each day. I actually went to text him about something today. I can't believe he is gone. I just can't understand what happened so suddenly that would cause his life to end. 

Comment by roters on March 31, 2011 at 5:52am
5 weeks pregnant with our "combined" 2nd (each had one from previous relationship) and 5 weeks away from our wedding when he died in his sleep from a heart condition we didn't know he had.
Comment by Kane on March 26, 2011 at 2:11pm

Erin,

I am from Calgary, Canada and knew of your story, I tried to email you through the obituary but not sure if you ever got my message.  Hope we can stay in touch, are you also on FB?

Denise

Comment by Kane on March 26, 2011 at 2:09pm

Sorry you are here, but welcome.  I was 6 months pregnant with our 3rd baby (I have 2 boys 5 and 4 now, and my daughter is 14 months) when my husband collapsed after running a race, he had myocarditis and we never knew.  I am 18 months out today and agree, the taking care of a newborn and grieving has been the hardest, darkest time in my life!  So much joy yet so much sadness.  I wonder how she will feel to never have been held by him, never have a picture with him (both our boys have lots of picture with their dad - of course!)  The first year was so hard and I have no family here, but great support from our friends!  Welcome here, hope you can find some support and know you are understood.  Email whenever you need to chat.

Denise

Comment by Erin on March 26, 2011 at 1:52pm
Hi there. I was 7 months pregnant when my husband and I were hit by a car driven by someone on drugs. My husband was killed instantly, but thank goodness my little one remained safe in the womb. She is now five months old, and it has been a real struggle to balance meeting the needs of a newborn with meeting my needs as a grieving widow. I feel a lot of pain when I think about the fact that she will grow up without a Dad, and worry that I could never be enough parent for her. My husband was thrilled to be a Dad, and he didn't even get to meet our sweet little girl.
Comment by Kane on March 3, 2011 at 11:54am
Wow we are a small group, but rare I think. 
 

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