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Remarried After Loss

Have you found your "Chapter Two"? Here's a place for those who have remarried or are in a new committed relationship to get acquainted and discuss concerns or issues - and maybe even answer questions for those who are just considering remarriage.

Your group Greeter is Doug.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 48
Latest Activity: Feb 13

Discussion Forum

Kids - What do you tell them when we start dating ?

Started by Doug02122014 Dec 31, 2017. 0 Replies

The following is a summary of a lady's question in another Internet grief support group with my response. I’ve been spending time with a guy our family has known for some time.  Up until now we have…Continue

Tags: loss, after, dating, and, Kids

Dealing with the fear of losing a 2nd. or 3rd. spouse .

Started by Doug02122014. Last reply by Doug02122014 Dec 1, 2017. 7 Replies

Ok, how many of us have been down the road of "I'm not dating / remarring because I don't want to go through another loss of a spouse"?I have said all that, but the urge to continue living and moving…Continue

Wedding planning for Volume Two

Started by JHclecce. Last reply by Maria Louisa Nov 18, 2017. 5 Replies

I am finding that wedding planning is becoming VEEY difficult. I see these adorable ideas and now look at them through a widows eyes. For example instead of a guestbook there were empty bottles…Continue

Who is the best fit to marry a widowed person ? Another widowed person, someone who has never been married, or someone who is divorced ?

Started by Doug02122014. Last reply by Maria Louisa Nov 17, 2017. 20 Replies

This was my experience at getting back in the dating scene. The first person I went out with after loss was divorced, about 6-years younger than I and like me had 2-kids at home. I cannot tell you…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Doug02122014 on August 18, 2017 at 3:55am
Let's set the stage here. I lost my 1st wife Darlene 2-12-2014 which correspond to the numbers next to my name on here). I got remarried to my 2nd Chapter wife Tamela 9-26-2015. Tamela is a 4th grade school teacher. Yesterday on the way home from school she said I have something to tell you when you get home. Turns out the new boy in her class that started Monday this week is on the run with his mom trying to escape his dad in Washington State. Dad showed up today at school here in Indiana and was very pissed. School was placed on lock-down. The whole time he was on school property he was determined to talk to my wife about his son. School officials refused to let him talk to my wife.

We're both my wife and I are on Facebook and he tracked them here. I'd say he's likely to show up on my front door or possibly follow her home or hell who knows what.

Before loss I'd be as happy -go-lucky as my wife is about it all believing all is well and she left this at school. Believing that because they threatened to call the police and he left the school grounds everything is going to be all right today. Believing that if he does come back the police will get to the school in time.

Am I going crazy here or should I be on high alert ?
Comment by camom on January 16, 2017 at 5:18pm

My late husband will be gone 5 years in May.  I'm 45 years old and have 2 kids ages 17 and 13.  I've been on this site a long time, in other groups that pertain to those issues (young widowhood, etc.).  However, now I am experiencing a new sort of issue that none of my friends can understand (again!) and just don't know where to turn to for advice.  Although I miss my husband, and still struggle with those issues, I am in a more positive mode because I have found the second love of my life.  My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now, and both of us strongly feel we have met the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with (hopefully!).  Being married at age 20 and then married to my late husband for nearly 20 years, it is marriage that I again desire, and am to the point that I can't wait to be married to my new love. However, therein lies the problem.  Getting married in your 40's seems to be a whole different ball game.  He has a house, I have a house.  He has kids, I have kids.  He has "stuff", I have "stuff".  We each have things to "protect" and things we are willing to share.  It just all seems very messy, and I don't even know where to start.  Then the biggest problem is that right now, it would be a financial disaster for me to get married.  I would lose so much of the aid that my children and I currently receive, merely because his income would now be part of our household income.  And it is unfair to expect him to pick up all the extra costs at this point.  However, I feel that once again, I am being denied the happiness I deserve, all because of technicalities.  Some days I feel as if I don't know what I want.  I am just looking for opinions and guidance from others who have been through this.  Is what I am feeling normal, and how do you handle it?  Help! 

Comment by cec on December 1, 2016 at 8:38pm
I have been here for years . Didn't even know this group was started .all I can say being remarried and blending a family is a big challenge. Good luck to us all .
Comment by Sharynat on July 9, 2016 at 7:55pm

Ok, how did I meet my new mate? When my late husband's daughter brought us to TN, she moved us into a house she shared with her step dad. Well, my husband died and a few months later I was making praise reports in church about what a great friend I had in Bill. Then, when the time was right, he kissed me. Actually, he missed cuz I ducked. I ducked cuz I didn't think someone was going to kiss me! A couple of weeks later we went out on our first real date to Golden Corral. So the step mom from the bio-dad got together with the step dad from the bio-mom. Top that people!!  ROFL

Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 11:04am

Lostwithoutyou<3 no you don't have to be miserable. No one can put a time on how long you are supposed to grieve. Live and be happy!

Peace & Blessings

Comment by Lostwithoutyou<3 on April 14, 2016 at 10:43am
Wow Tia33- I feel like we're the same person! I feel exactly the same way and I'm so glad to hear the way your feel after being almost a year out! You give me hope that I don't have to be miserable. I felt the same way and started dating right away. My family was supportive and even though I'm close with my husbands family, I felt like I couldn't tell them. The relationship has hit some rocks and I was thinking maybe because it's too soon but your an inspiration. I love my husband like crazy but I don't want to be alone and miserable either!
Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 10:14am

Thanks for the advice Doug! We actually had a serious conversation last night about trying to break my old habits I had in my marriage. He seemed to understand and we're looking forward to me starting off at square 1. Thank you for sharing your experiences as well, I'm glad I'm not the only person that feels a little smothered. I mean granted I love the attention, but it can be a little annoying at times. Thanks again!

Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 10:06am

Hi Lostwithyou<3! I did not hide my dating from my family, but I am from my husband's family because they are still grieving and is in denial. My family are happy that I picked myself up so quickly, but I knew that that is what my husband would want. I absolutely did not want to grieve for years on out-my mind doesn't work that way. I can't focus on negatives, pain, fear, and stress. It will put you in a dark place you don't want to be. I have to focus on the positives, the future, my children, and how I can fulfill my life. I learned from my husband that life is too short to be concerned about things that I cannot change. My family understands me and know that while there is still breath in my body, I will live. Eventually, I will tell his family since I am moving with him, but for now, I rather not. 

Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 9:38am

Don, Thank you for your advice. Yes, he is needy and I guess I can be too, but his neediness is much more than mine. I absolutely try and see things from his prospective and act accordingly. But I think my problem is breaking habits from my marriage. My husband and I were together for 10 years, but only married for two before he passed. As I said before, my husband was laid back, I didn't have to check in all the time- my new beau wants me to check in all the time.. I'm just not use to it. Thanks again.

Peace & Blessings


Comment by LindaLou on April 14, 2016 at 3:27am
My story continues… We talked about the fact that we live 35 minutes from each other and that I had a 100-year-old house that I have been working on for 25 years to update… And that he had a retirement condo… We talked about everything … Including the fact that if we started to date and things did not work out would we be jeopardizing our friendship that we have had for seven years prior… ????? And we talked about the fact that if we ended up getting married one of us is going to end up being a widow/widower eventually someday… And that statistically that could be me… Like I said we talked about everything… In the end of the conversation we both decided that we were willing to just go with it and see how things work out… with the number one thing being that the faith that we have in our God and our Savior was going to get us through any of the things that we talked about… So we started to date on July 19th 2014...
Since that time we have fallen in love with each other… Very deeply… Became engaged in October 2015… And we are getting married this coming Monday, April 18, 2016.
Though everyone knows that we are engaged, no one knows that we're getting married on Monday… We decided that we just wanted to be married with just the two of us there… We're going to get married in the office of the pastor at the church that he belongs to… we are going to be leaving immediately after we get married to North Carolina for a honeymoon trip visiting some dear friends and relatives… We decided that I am going to his condo as a starting point… As my home does not really suit our lifestyle and the purpose of what we want to do next… So we are going to continue to upgrade my house and to eventually sell it or possibly rent it to his son… Who has expressed an interest in it… Telling us that if we were not going to live there… That he had an interest in living in my house…he is also a very good handyman and could be doing a lot of the upgrading that needs to be done while living there…

So we've come up with this idea of a one-year plan...with me moving up to his place… though it would mean that I will now I have a 45 minute drive to work instead of a 15 minute drive to work... However, we will be working very hard in redecorating his condo that he shared with his late wife the last two years of her life… And to make it our home together…
I will continue to work for at least a couple of years… In the meantime, like I said, we will be busy redoing his condo and making it into our home… And continuing to work on my house and to do with it whatever happens.
Prior to these decisions we talked about getting a place together that is new to both of us and to get a place that is more centrally located to my side of the family… And we may end up doing that… However in order to do that we would need to get rid of two homes… And go through all the stuff that two homes have… And we realize that to do that now it would take a minimum of at least one year and we did not want to wait that long to start our lives as a married couple…
So it was just two weeks ago that we decided just to go for it… I was planning on taking a vacation the week of April 18… And I was just going to be working around the house when we decided it would be the perfect time to just get married and start our lives and to start working together as a team to build whatever life that would be… We know that there will be family and friends that will be upset that we did not include them on our special day… however we are planning a special dinner party about a week after we are married for just our immediate family that will be a celebration of the start of our life… And then sometime in June we will have a big family and friends get together… like a BBQ as an opportunity to celebrate with our extended family and friends…
Soo....tonight after work we are going to go pick up our rings that we picked out and were ordered… And then wait for Monday morning at 10 o'clock..

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