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Remarried After Loss

Have you found your "Chapter Two"? Here's a place for those who have remarried or are in a new committed relationship to get acquainted and discuss concerns or issues - and maybe even answer questions for those who are just considering remarriage.

Your group Greeter is Doug.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 39
Latest Activity: Apr 25

Discussion Forum

When do you know the time is right...

Started by MsMouse. Last reply by Doug02122014 Apr 25. 4 Replies

Hi, I'm a recent widow.  My husband of 13 years of marriage passed away this January 8th.  I'm doing good for the most part.  I'm not sad all the time, because my husband didn't like me to be upset. …Continue

Jealousy. Anyone been down this road ?

Started by Doug02122014. Last reply by NMWidower Mar 7. 3 Replies

As a lot of you know I was married 19+ years and after the loss of my first wife Darlene I have remaried a 40 year old lady, Tamela, who has never been married. About 3 months ago, like clock work…Continue

unexpected things

Started by barbee. Last reply by NMWidower Mar 7. 6 Replies

Thanks, Doug, for getting this group started! I suspect others will be grateful, too.You mentioned that unexpected things came up when you married again. Are you ready to share?The biggest for me was…Continue

What is the best way for your kids to address your new spouse ?

Started by Doug02122014. Last reply by NMWidower Mar 7. 7 Replies

Recently I have been struggling with what/or how do I refer to my wife (2nd.First) Tamela around my kids. I am the one in the relationship with kids (2-daughters ages 19 & 16 now; the oldest is…Continue

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Comment by camom on January 16, 2017 at 5:18pm

My late husband will be gone 5 years in May.  I'm 45 years old and have 2 kids ages 17 and 13.  I've been on this site a long time, in other groups that pertain to those issues (young widowhood, etc.).  However, now I am experiencing a new sort of issue that none of my friends can understand (again!) and just don't know where to turn to for advice.  Although I miss my husband, and still struggle with those issues, I am in a more positive mode because I have found the second love of my life.  My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now, and both of us strongly feel we have met the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with (hopefully!).  Being married at age 20 and then married to my late husband for nearly 20 years, it is marriage that I again desire, and am to the point that I can't wait to be married to my new love. However, therein lies the problem.  Getting married in your 40's seems to be a whole different ball game.  He has a house, I have a house.  He has kids, I have kids.  He has "stuff", I have "stuff".  We each have things to "protect" and things we are willing to share.  It just all seems very messy, and I don't even know where to start.  Then the biggest problem is that right now, it would be a financial disaster for me to get married.  I would lose so much of the aid that my children and I currently receive, merely because his income would now be part of our household income.  And it is unfair to expect him to pick up all the extra costs at this point.  However, I feel that once again, I am being denied the happiness I deserve, all because of technicalities.  Some days I feel as if I don't know what I want.  I am just looking for opinions and guidance from others who have been through this.  Is what I am feeling normal, and how do you handle it?  Help! 

Comment by cec on December 1, 2016 at 8:38pm
I have been here for years . Didn't even know this group was started .all I can say being remarried and blending a family is a big challenge. Good luck to us all .
Comment by Sharynat on July 9, 2016 at 7:55pm

Ok, how did I meet my new mate? When my late husband's daughter brought us to TN, she moved us into a house she shared with her step dad. Well, my husband died and a few months later I was making praise reports in church about what a great friend I had in Bill. Then, when the time was right, he kissed me. Actually, he missed cuz I ducked. I ducked cuz I didn't think someone was going to kiss me! A couple of weeks later we went out on our first real date to Golden Corral. So the step mom from the bio-dad got together with the step dad from the bio-mom. Top that people!!  ROFL

Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 11:04am

Lostwithoutyou<3 no you don't have to be miserable. No one can put a time on how long you are supposed to grieve. Live and be happy!

Peace & Blessings

Comment by Lostwithoutyou<3 on April 14, 2016 at 10:43am
Wow Tia33- I feel like we're the same person! I feel exactly the same way and I'm so glad to hear the way your feel after being almost a year out! You give me hope that I don't have to be miserable. I felt the same way and started dating right away. My family was supportive and even though I'm close with my husbands family, I felt like I couldn't tell them. The relationship has hit some rocks and I was thinking maybe because it's too soon but your an inspiration. I love my husband like crazy but I don't want to be alone and miserable either!
Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 10:14am

Thanks for the advice Doug! We actually had a serious conversation last night about trying to break my old habits I had in my marriage. He seemed to understand and we're looking forward to me starting off at square 1. Thank you for sharing your experiences as well, I'm glad I'm not the only person that feels a little smothered. I mean granted I love the attention, but it can be a little annoying at times. Thanks again!

Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 10:06am

Hi Lostwithyou<3! I did not hide my dating from my family, but I am from my husband's family because they are still grieving and is in denial. My family are happy that I picked myself up so quickly, but I knew that that is what my husband would want. I absolutely did not want to grieve for years on out-my mind doesn't work that way. I can't focus on negatives, pain, fear, and stress. It will put you in a dark place you don't want to be. I have to focus on the positives, the future, my children, and how I can fulfill my life. I learned from my husband that life is too short to be concerned about things that I cannot change. My family understands me and know that while there is still breath in my body, I will live. Eventually, I will tell his family since I am moving with him, but for now, I rather not. 

Comment by Tia33 on April 14, 2016 at 9:38am

Don, Thank you for your advice. Yes, he is needy and I guess I can be too, but his neediness is much more than mine. I absolutely try and see things from his prospective and act accordingly. But I think my problem is breaking habits from my marriage. My husband and I were together for 10 years, but only married for two before he passed. As I said before, my husband was laid back, I didn't have to check in all the time- my new beau wants me to check in all the time.. I'm just not use to it. Thanks again.

Peace & Blessings

 

Comment by LindaLou on April 14, 2016 at 3:27am
My story continues… We talked about the fact that we live 35 minutes from each other and that I had a 100-year-old house that I have been working on for 25 years to update… And that he had a retirement condo… We talked about everything … Including the fact that if we started to date and things did not work out would we be jeopardizing our friendship that we have had for seven years prior… ????? And we talked about the fact that if we ended up getting married one of us is going to end up being a widow/widower eventually someday… And that statistically that could be me… Like I said we talked about everything… In the end of the conversation we both decided that we were willing to just go with it and see how things work out… with the number one thing being that the faith that we have in our God and our Savior was going to get us through any of the things that we talked about… So we started to date on July 19th 2014...
Since that time we have fallen in love with each other… Very deeply… Became engaged in October 2015… And we are getting married this coming Monday, April 18, 2016.
Though everyone knows that we are engaged, no one knows that we're getting married on Monday… We decided that we just wanted to be married with just the two of us there… We're going to get married in the office of the pastor at the church that he belongs to… we are going to be leaving immediately after we get married to North Carolina for a honeymoon trip visiting some dear friends and relatives… We decided that I am going to his condo as a starting point… As my home does not really suit our lifestyle and the purpose of what we want to do next… So we are going to continue to upgrade my house and to eventually sell it or possibly rent it to his son… Who has expressed an interest in it… Telling us that if we were not going to live there… That he had an interest in living in my house…he is also a very good handyman and could be doing a lot of the upgrading that needs to be done while living there…

So we've come up with this idea of a one-year plan...with me moving up to his place… though it would mean that I will now I have a 45 minute drive to work instead of a 15 minute drive to work... However, we will be working very hard in redecorating his condo that he shared with his late wife the last two years of her life… And to make it our home together…
I will continue to work for at least a couple of years… In the meantime, like I said, we will be busy redoing his condo and making it into our home… And continuing to work on my house and to do with it whatever happens.
Prior to these decisions we talked about getting a place together that is new to both of us and to get a place that is more centrally located to my side of the family… And we may end up doing that… However in order to do that we would need to get rid of two homes… And go through all the stuff that two homes have… And we realize that to do that now it would take a minimum of at least one year and we did not want to wait that long to start our lives as a married couple…
So it was just two weeks ago that we decided just to go for it… I was planning on taking a vacation the week of April 18… And I was just going to be working around the house when we decided it would be the perfect time to just get married and start our lives and to start working together as a team to build whatever life that would be… We know that there will be family and friends that will be upset that we did not include them on our special day… however we are planning a special dinner party about a week after we are married for just our immediate family that will be a celebration of the start of our life… And then sometime in June we will have a big family and friends get together… like a BBQ as an opportunity to celebrate with our extended family and friends…
Soo....tonight after work we are going to go pick up our rings that we picked out and were ordered… And then wait for Monday morning at 10 o'clock..
Comment by LindaLou on April 14, 2016 at 2:57am
Hi Ron… I am thrilled to have just found this group just this morning… The timing could not be more perfect… Let me share a little bit about my story, OK?

On May 8 of this year will be four years since my John passed away unexpectedly of complications following a bone marrow transplant 18 months earlier.....it was such a shock to lose him because he had been declared cancer free and cleared to go back to work in the end of May 2012....We were looking forward to getting our life back on track after a very difficult previous 2 1/2 years. However on May 1 I found my husband and respiratory failure and he passed away a week later… I was devastated...I could not understand how the God we loved and loved us could cure him of his deadly cancer yet take him as a result of a complication of the treatment that cure his cancer to begin with… I struggled with that for a very long time and after ahile had to come to the realization that there were no answers to my many questions.

So I allowed myself to just be in my grief and to try to figure out how I was going to re-create a new life for myself… My John and I had only been married almost 5 years when he passed away… Yet we have had such a full life and we were planning a wonderful future together… Our marriage was a second marriage for both of us… And we had remarried again when we were both in our 50s… He was 56 years old when he passed …

2 1/2 years into my grief journey a… Another member of the Bible study my husband and I were in lost his wife unexpectedly… He had been a caregiver for her for several years… Though she had her many health issues… Her passing away was still unexpected… About six months after his wife passed away I noticed on Facebook that he was really struggling with his grief… He had let our Bible study group know that he wanted to be left alone for a while… However after six months and I saw his difficult posts… I did reach out to him and ask if he was ready to talk to someone who has been where he's been… At that time I was almost 2 years out from the loss of my John… my friend took me up on my offer and reach back out to me and we started to meet monthly for lunch… Sometimes we talked about our losses and how we were coping and other times we just spent time together chatting… About four months later he told me that he could no longer see me… Which I was OK with though I was perplexed… Thinking that maybe I was pushing him too hard down his own journey of grief… As I was turning away from him to go into my house, as he was dropping me off, after going out to dinner… He grabbed my elbow … And said " No, I think you are misunderstanding me, I can't continue to see you the way we've been seeing each other… I think I'm starting to have feelings for you… And I would like to explore those more… And the only way I think that I can do that is if we are dating. "
Well, to be honest, I was shocked… As I never thought that he would ever want to be with anyone other than his precious late wife, Judy... Both my husband and I knew Judy as my husband and I were in the same Bible study group as as them.....and I never really thought of this man assomebody that I would be attracted to yet I knew that he was a good man that treated his wife like a queen… Though I also had to admit to myself that I truly enjoyed his company and always look forward to our get togethers....
So I told him when he made his declaration of what he wanted to do next… And that was to transition to dating… That I needed time to think about it… So the following week we sat down in his car and had a very frank discussion… We talked about the fact that he had only lost his wife seven months before .... We talked about our age difference as he is 11 years older than me… We talked about the fact that I am working and have a very busy work schedule and personal life schedule and he was retired…
To be continued......
 

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