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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1656
Latest Activity: on Thursday

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Comment by shelley on Thursday

Thank you, Mrs.Hehar.  Yes, when I was in shock, I didn't have these thoughts.  Now that the veil has lifted a little, I find myself thinking he's still here somewhere.  Maybe I'm incorporating him into my current life.  Don't know.  I have had several people ask to buy my husband's car.  Can't do it.  Can't let it go.  

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on Thursday


it’s okay, I do the same thing. I feel like he is just gone to work. My husband left on November 15, 2017. I never went to a therapist, but I know I need to make that call. I just keep putting it off. I think it’s progress, I want to believe it is. Having ok moments in a day is all I wish for at this point. I always think omg I need to tell him this or that. I know he isn’t here or he won’t come home but I still pretend. Today his friend came to pick up my husbands motorcycle so we can sell it, it was unexpected, I cried, like I wanted to wail but his parents were there so I went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out. It’s too soon and that’s what everyone tells me but I really hope one day it gets easier to get out thru the day for all of us. I still just count the days as if it’s closer to when we will meet again. 

Comment by shelley on Thursday

I have a question but first some background.  My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on November 10, 2017.  My therapist says my PTSD is subsiding.  I feel a little more clear-headed.  This past Saturday I actually had an okay day.  Not a great day, not a good day, just okay.  So.....  I now find myself thinking that John's not gone.  It's actually not as simple as that.  I know he's gone.  But as I get back into routines that were mine, ours, I find myself thinking, 'John will be home soon', 'have to call John now', 'I should do John's laundry'.  I didn't think those thoughts while I was in shock.  Why am I thinking them now?

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on June 1, 2018 at 11:16am

Sarcasm in being judgemental of others was certainly one way I had dealt w/anger ...
Eventually, I got rid of my Voodoo doll, and began to enjoy Grim Reaper cartoons to confront my anger w/death as well as get a handle on my hatred for everything people said & did in getting to forgiveness albeit starting with ripping out hair. It certainly helped keep me seated instead of jumping over the courtroom bar/railing ... ;-)

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on May 31, 2018 at 6:53am

as usual, :) my thoughts mirror Laurajay.  I'm happy for you Shelly. 

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on May 29, 2018 at 6:32pm

Shelley, you might want to add your movie list "Death at a Funeral". Both the American & British versions w/Peter Dinklage are too funny ...

Comment by laurajay on May 29, 2018 at 12:41am

Certainly  not my role  to judge  but a published psychology professor  who lacks  politeness, thoughtfulness and good manners  ought to think about going on a   sabbatical  and  taking  a few life  skills  classes.  I'm glad the ceremony  went well so your  husband received  the honor  a good man  deserves when he passes  on.  As for the the stepdaughter... You are  wise to let it go and  move on.  Peter   Principal prevails in this situation  imo.

Comment by shelley on May 28, 2018 at 10:15pm

I'd just like to give myself a little credit.  With the advice and support of the members of this website, I was able to attend my stepdaughter's "Celebration of Life" for my husband and support her efforts.  It took place in a meadow in Golden Gate Park; I carefully positioned myself in the crowd of people to be part of the ceremony but to let her be prominent.  She spoke for 50 minutes (a long time!); I did not speak.  This was not unusual-  she's a published  psychology professor and speaks all over the world; I am shy and my relationship with my husband was a very private one.   I was glad to see that she was comforted by the people she invited; I enjoyed listening to the guests I've been close to.  I was able to have empathy for her and wish her peace.  I don't know if I've forgiven her for her poor behavior, but I believe we've turned a corner.  I don't feel angry with her any more.  

Comment by shelley on May 28, 2018 at 9:38pm

SweetMelissa2007, Just watched on Amazon the trailer for "Kingdom Come".  Looking forward to watching it all this weekend.  Thank you!

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on May 28, 2018 at 6:24am

(((Happy B-day Shelley)))

Yesterday, on regular TV I watched "Kingdom Come" - a comedy about a funeral with family ups & downs from money to parent/child conflicts - Whoopi, Cedric the Entertainer, Loretta Devine, Anthony Anderson & many more great actors/actresses.
At 11 years out, it was easy to laugh while swaying my head side to side remembering all those I forgave for their brazen words & inappropriate behavior. One, I had long forgotten was my ex-MIL announcing to my family "Don't worry about her, she'll have a boyfriend in a year". The room fell silent like the E. F. Hutton commercial - I went outside to avoid listening to the conflict it ensued. All the way around, everyone continues to be relied & happy in having cast eachother out of one another's lives years ago. As young as they were, my kids had already recognized their positions at the bottom of the family chain beside me & their father b/c it was well known he was not his parent's favorite of 4 children. In having treated Bob like a lowly hamburger flipper, his parents were shocked to learn from going behind my back in searching our files & contacting his company that his computer analyst career was highly lucrative, specialized & in demand in his 6 state region as well as others. He earned three times or more what his engineer, lawyer & dental hygienist siblings brought home individually. I'm certain they suspected as much from all the toys Bob had accumulated, but why admit to it when wanting to discredit your own child over a lifetime, then in death immediately try to get me to hire his brother for the lawsuits & sign over power of attorney to the life insurance money. Very sad people - all around the world. Never know who in a family will unmask themself as a predatory wolf or vulture. In my case, I knew it would be them who would immediately pounce on the money - its their nature. Whether they appreciated anything, I'm still glad their sneakiness allowed them to see how successful their son was & from the outpouring what he meant to my family, his friends, boss, co-workers & the others he worked w/in surrounding states.
In time w/alot of work & forgiveness, it might all take on a look like the movie as a laughable ridiculous family circus even if there is flinching ...


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