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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1528
Latest Activity: 7 hours ago

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Comment by going.on.slowly 7 hours ago
Oh Gosh. That is beautiful. It made me cry. I hope one day to be there. I can talk about him, talk to him, tell funny stories about him, write to him and think about him but I still wail and rage against the universe (but not against him as he would have moved heaven and earth to stay). Thank you for writing.
Comment by laurajay 8 hours ago

going on slowly.  After   44 yrs of marriage  I will mark  5 yr since his  sudden unexpected death on March 30.  No elaborate  ceremony.  As in years past,  I will take a new candle after the sun rises.   Seated at the table alone   I will talk to him.   I will light the candle and remind myself  and him  that my love for him burns  as brightly as it ever has and always will.   I will sing him a song...one he enjoyed.  I will add a verse or two of Amazing Grace to praise God and honor him for giving us so many years together.  I will watch the candle burn  for a while.   I will then go about the day  and put out the flame  when it gets  dark outside.  I will remind myself that life is not in the wick   not in the candle   but in the burning.    It is a sacred time so I might shed a tear  but mostly  I will let the quiet remind me of life and in his honor  I will keep peace in my heart  that day.  It will be enough  because our love   endures  beyond death.      Good  Luck in finding  your best way  to honor your spouse when the yearly  anniversary arrives.    Follow your heart.  It knows best.      lj

Comment by going.on.slowly yesterday
Another good idea. Thank you. This is hell on earth going through this. Glad I found the website though.
Comment by daringtoday yesterday

Going on Slowly, I can totally relate because I lost my partner, Loren, last year on March 22 also from an aortic dissection. He died in the ER because by the time the doctors realized what was happening, it was too late to operate and he bled out. They called me at 2 a.m. after I had left the hospital at midnight to say that he had lapsed into unconsciousness and they were trying to revive him. By the time I reached the ER he was dead. It is a very difficult situation to lose someone you love in such a sudden, inexplicable way. 

I have found many different ways to honor Loren's memory and the anniversaries. I usually buy flowers on the anniversary of our first date, because he always did that for me. And I usually write him a letter on the monthly anniversary of the day he died. Loren's birthday is the same day as your husband passed away, Feb. 27. I plan to have dinner with his sister. Thinking of you and sending hugs! Amy 

Comment by going.on.slowly yesterday
Thank you for your honest answer. It makes me feel more "normal" when I hear of other people's struggles!! Helps me realize that I don't have to have it all together. I like your idea of doing something he always wanted to do. I will have to mull that over. Thanks again.
Comment by Cookie_love yesterday
Going on slowly,
My heart goes out to you. I lost my husband almost 2 years ago suddenly in a car accident. So I did acknowledge the anniversary, but not in a way that I would repeat. (Disclaimer: this probably is not considered "good" advice, but I will share what I learned from it and what ideas I have for the next anniversary since it is coming up soon). Not sure if it helps, but I'll still share. So, few weeks before the 1 year anniversary of his death in was extremely depressed, sad, angry, I was exhausted and I found myself stuck..again in that grief monster trap. I kept thinking how I could say that 1 year ago I was with him doing this or that. I couldn't say that 1 year ago we were together relaxing watching a movie and laughing. After the year I couldn't say any of that anymore. So I believe that realization triggered me to feel all these emotions like it was yesterday. I felt stuck and the only thought I had at the time was to do something he would like to do. However the grief monster had a hold of me so bad I was paralyzed and had no willpower. The anniversary day came and I spent it crying, stayed home and wrote to him and cried some more. It took another 2 weeks after that day to get out of that deep agony grief state I slipped into. I do look back and makes me sad I didn't do anything to honor His death that day expect cry, but I later realized that I wasn't ready. Everyone deals with it different and for me, I needed to realize that 1 year has really passed by without him.

Now that 2 years is coming up, I do plan on something different. It may change of course, but these are my ideas so far. I would like to do something that he didn't get to do that I know he wanted to. I know he likes bike riding, but we never got bikes for ourselves until our youngest learned so we could all go as a family. He also always wanted to jetski so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna do that. I was also told by my therapist that I should also do something just for MYSELF the day after, like a spa treatment, a facial or massage pamper myself to feel some kind of PRESENT relaxation. That is something I have never done, but I am going to try it.

Please share what you decide to do. I'd love to hear about it.

Cookie_love
Comment by Cookie_love yesterday
Sorry I pressed the comment button too soon... standby and I'll finish my comment.
Comment by Cookie_love yesterday
Going on slowly,
My heart goes out to you. I lost my husband almost 2 years ago suddenly in a car accident. I habe
Comment by going.on.slowly yesterday
I lost my husband of 27 years last Fevruary, 2016. It will be a year on the 24th. There were no warning signs. He had just kissed me good bye. "See you tomorrow night honey" He called me from the car to discuss a trip we were excited to take. He collapsed in the airport and was taken to the hospital where a team of doctors tried to save him. It was an aortic dissection. He was 58 and the light of our lives. The first year is a blur. I'm a bit more present now but some days find it hard to put one foot in front of the other. Things seem rather pointless. My sister is coming next week to be with me for the anniversary. Our odldest son will be with me too but the younger one (24) is away at college. I have booked a night away with my sister, son and his girlfriend at a hot springs a few hours from here. Spa, dinner etc. Hope to get my mind off of the day but I also want to mark it, somehow. I don't know if that will be of any help or not..any ideas of acknowledging the anniversary? I
Comment by Hope on February 13, 2017 at 6:39am

Tomorrow being Valentines Day some of us thought it would be a good support for us to share some hugs and love with fellow widows and widowers who may be finding the day difficult. If you can join on Chat we will be there at 8 eastern, 7 central, 5 pacific.

 

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