Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation


Suddenly widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. The complementary group is "Long term illness." Yes, you may join both.

We now have a "Suddenly widowed" discussion in the PERENNIAL main forum. Q's? Widville@gmail.com

Members: 1247
Latest Activity: 6 hours ago

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Comment by Mary H yesterday

Tonight, driving to dinner with my 10 year old, just the two of us for a few days, I was struggling like I so often do with my feelings that what happened doesn't make any sense, when I just said to myself, "that's it, it's official, the world doesn't make any sense."  Then we get to the restaurant and they sit a man right across from me wearing the same shirt I gave the mortuary to put my husband in.  It was just too much for me.  So add crying at the Islands to my list.

Comment by mixelated yesterday

Oh, gosh, I sure do know that feeling. It's as though I'm waiting for some big event that brings Tom back to me. I want to stop feeling this way, but I guess I can't. My emotions are not in sync with my conscious mind.

It's a little more than three months out, and we're finally having his committal ceremony tomorrow. I am hoping that bringing his ashes to the cemetery shows the part of my mind that doesn't understand yet that he's really gone. But I'm dreading it because I don't want to believe it.

Beth, I was reading what you've written on your blog. You said, "If I accept it, then he is gone." That's where I am.

Comment by WefW yesterday

Beth, I just visited your blog and will be an avid follower.  You have a gift, I am glad you are sharing.

As a new widow I looked for reading material - I am a reader and know that an author can offer the wisdom of an event or a lifetime and I can gain access to that wisdom in a few short hours - invaluable.  I think your posts will be of more comfort to me than the information that I've read thus far.

Very little helps me to feel better with my journey.  I usually avoid.  I think I will gain from your blog.

Thank you, Beth.

Comment by WefW yesterday

The thread we've touched on is so common, and again so very different for each of us.  I remember in the first months after Wayne's Passing (which until only the past several days I've been able to refer to as "passing" as opposed to "the event" - growth happens in baby steps) I wanted to get past the one year mark...which was a bench mark given to me that suggested I will be less confused and feel a little more "new normal" and at the same time feeling that each passing day was a day that made Wayne's condition more permanent ...like if I could slow time down enough I might find the solution to reversing something - sounds crazy - but I know some of you know this feeling.

I get your references, Beth - and yours as well, Kittens123.  I don't want to be distant from the greatest love and adventure of my life and yet, there are some days that I laugh more than I cry.  16 months.  I can laugh, I still cry and I carry on.

We will and do survive - we do move forward - we learn and grow...and we continue to grieve, all in our own way and at our own pace.  

I think I have chosen "slow" as my moving-on speed.  I still haven't cleaned out the closet or dressers, although I have given much away to family members.  The clothes that Wayne was wearing on his last day with me are on his side of the bed and I talk to him most nights before I go to sleep.  AND, that is alright for me :)  I will grow and I will survive - I will laugh.

Congratulations Penelope!  Being in sales puts you with people and that was and has been good for me.  Wayne always used to say..."nothing happens until something is sold"   

Comment by Kittens123 on Thursday
Congratulations Penelope, that sounds great. You will know if something is right for you. A dream job sort of fell into my lap which will help going down to one income. There are so many decisions to make and it is hard not to have your special someone to share the good and the bad. Best of luck on this new chapter for you. I am doing only what I want lately which includes working. Today I found a CPA to help me because my Greg was the one who did the taxes. I am so grateful for a friend singing him my way.
Comment by Penelope on Thursday

It has been a big week. I passed my real estate course exam. I was so excited and ran into the bedroom and then the next second I was doubled over sobbing. It felt like a gut punch that Pat wasn't there to celebrate with me.

I have an interview on Friday with a broker. I wish I knew for sure what course to take. I wish Pat was here to help me sort things through. I wish he was here for a lot of reasons.

Nine months ago tonight that I took him to the ER.

Comment by Beth on Wednesday

I just wrote a post on my blog dealing with time and perception.  It's almost like I want time to speed up to lessen the hurting, but I want it to stay still because I'm still very close to the time that he was alive and going forward puts more distance between us.  Hard to understand myself.  If anyone is interested it's at www.unwillingwidow.com

Comment by katpilot on Wednesday

WefW  I had to laugh. I just watched Groundhog Day for the umpteenth time

"That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I have gotten that day?"

I so get what you said

Comment by katpilot on Wednesday

You guys! I am so sorry for what you are feeling right now.  The early months are so hard and it won't get better real fast..... but one day you will discover that you laughed more than you cried, you were happy more than sad.  It just takes time.   I'm still standing..........four years behind the mast, even if I still have those trigger moments.

Comment by Mary H on Wednesday

Me too, I'm missing my husband a lot today.  It's been 2 1/2 months for me, and today my older two children (in high school) are going away for a several day Robotics competition, and I feel so distressed.  They are keeping me going, for sure, but they won't be here forever.


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