Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Suddenly widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. The complementary group is "Long term illness." Yes, you may join both.

We now have a "Suddenly widowed" discussion in the PERENNIAL main forum. Q's? Widville@gmail.com

Members: 1176
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

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Please welcome Eternally Yours as your group greeter.

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Comment by Ellen 3 hours ago

Joette:  The day will come when the pain which now feels like a dagger piercing your heart will be eased.  I know it is very hard to believe that right now but it will.  It will be 2 years for me since my husband of almost 28 years died suddenly from cardiac arrest while we were away for New Year's weekend in Atlantic City.  Just like you, I never, ever expected this to happen so soon and so unexpectedly, since my husband had just turned 64 and I had already lost my first husband 30 years before.  We just never, ever expect things to happen as they do because we are busy living our lives which is just what we should be doing.  But when it hits, the shock and pain is absolutely undescribeable.  All I can say to you now, Joette, is just not to look too far into the future and take things a day at a time.  It all becomes overwhelming when we try to foresee the future.  As far as the upcoming holidays, if it is too much for you to do what you would normally do, maybe you should just do the things that you are able to do.  This is your time now, your journey, and you need to take care of yourself first and do only what you are able to do.  Without a doubt, this is one of the most devastating experiences one must face in this lifetime, so be kind to yourself.  I wish you peace and calmer days ahead for you and your family.  Ellen

Comment by FindingMe ( Joette) 3 hours ago

Being 5 months into this, I truly thought I was gaining some control to get thru the upcoming holidays. However, I'm finding I'm losing that control. Tears flood daily and when I go in stores I see everyone getting ready for the holidays and all the decorations!  It causes such anxiety and a first impulse to run out.  I have not run out tho.  Which I don't know if its an accomplishment or me just making matters worse by forcing myself to stay. 30 years of holidays with the same man and our children n grandchildren turned into a dread and fear of the holidays approaching. At 49 years old I never expected this would now be my life!  Finances are a nightmare! And only adding to the grief of the loss of the love of my life.  I hope the day comes this pain eases as everyone says it does. Because right now I feel like a dagger is piercing my heart!  

Comment by nancyde 5 hours ago

Dear Creativestamper,  I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband.  This is an awful club to join.  My husband of 40 years died  8 months ago too--I know how over-whelmed you feel with everything.  Someone on this board advised me to just go a day at a time and never look on down the road and I have gotten this far by following that advise.  I think the up-coming holiday season is scaring us all!

Comment by creativestamper yesterday

Greetings, my husband of 25 years passed away 8 months ago.  I have been on autopilot since.  I have a daughter in her second year of college and a daughter in the 8th grade.  My husband was self employed and was the primary income as I worked part time.  I have found myself in a constant world of financial worry. I have picked up more hours at work but between heath insurance and mortgage I am in negative numbers each month.  Nothing has gone smoothly.  My husband was an alcoholic, who finally stopped drinking.  We were all very proud of him.  Unfortunately he had a blood condition which we thought he was on top of but later found out he stopped all treatment.  He was not well but we never thought he was going to die.  The only family we have are his and they are not really there for us.  I have made some new friends and are grateful for their care and concern.  My youngest attended attended Comfort Zone Camp and what a wonderful organization.  We are all trying to rebuild from our loss but it will be so hard as the holidays are upon us.  My heart is not there at all.  I am just getting ready to work on the many thank you cards.  I have tried on several occasions but could not complete the task.  I see this as a good sign starting this task again.  I am glad I found this board and know I am not alone.

Comment by sugr-plum (shelly) yesterday

Hi Rose, I also have a son at home (16) and its comforting to know that he's also trying to help take care of things (me included) My husband passed away in March, so we are about at the 8 month mark... just a few months behind you.  Hope you have a great Thanksgiving week... Come into the chat room when you can, there you'll get a chance to meet several great ppl! :)

Comment by Bruja on Friday
Welcome Rose but so sorry you find yourself here. I have met amazing people here that are permanently embedded in my life now. Without the support I got and get here I really do not know how I would have coped. The support system is incredible. I think because our first meeting, so to speak, is at such a deep personal level, there is an honesty and trust that allows friendship to blossom in it's purest form. I hope you find the friendship and support here that will help you on this journey. Hugs Bruja
Comment by FindingMe ( Joette) on Friday

Hi Rose,  sorry for your loss. And sorry you have to be part of this group. Altho, you will be in good company.  And get lots of support.  My name is Joette. My husband died 5 months ago due to a fall in our home that caused a severe brain injury. We were married 30 years.  He was only ,58 at the time and turned 59 in September. I'm 49. We have 3 grown children, 4 grandchildren, and another on way in December.  You will find lots of comfort here, as I have. And you will see we are all going thru the same grieving. 

Comment by Rose on Friday

Hello to Everyone in this group!

This is my first post as a new member, and I hope it is OK to introduce myself here.  My husband died ten months ago, due to an aortic aneurysm just above his stomach.  I miss him so badly.  He was such good company to me, and my two sons are doing great trying to fill the void.  I am blessed to have them, and I know it helps them to take over for their dad, as taking care of their mom is healing to them.  I am glad to be here and to meet some new friends, and perhaps be less needy for companionship. Smile :)

Comment by sugr-plum (shelly) on Friday

Hi everyone, I know a lot of you are already voting...but we need more votes to help others get to Camp Widow!  This contest is almost over... it takes very little of your time, and can make a very BIG impact!  (I"m hoping to attend next year)  So please...go to this website and vote for Finding Hope at Camp Widow every day (until the 30th) Its about half way down the page... 

http://www.designpm.com/contest/vote-now/

Comment by Lakelady on Thursday
I just blogged about our holidaze and the fact that we are changing up our Thanksgiving.

I think what tipped me over the edge was my MIL. My birthday was Nov 7 and I got a card and check...both addressed to Mrs. John XXX. Can you say "passive aggressive?" I sure did. It was bad enough I lost John in an auto wreck in April, but to have to deal with this nonsense? She tries to be a bully, plain and simple. John and I are the only ones who ever stood up to her.

I know for a fact that I will miss John forever, but I will not put my grief journey or Collin's at risk by putting either one of us in a stressful situation at the holidays. Much as it hurts some days, we are facing our grief head on and will make this journey and build a life for ourselves.

Thanks for giving me a safe space to vent this nonsense-I try to be positive most days, but sometimes it gets to me, too.

Lakelady
 

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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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