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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1791
Latest Activity: on Friday

Discussion Forum

From diagnosis to passing in a month

Started by CatCo. Last reply by CatCo on Friday. 3 Replies

In February, my husband began feeling weakness on his right side. When he finally got the right doctor's appointment at the end of March/beginning of April, it was a whirlwind. He had a biopsy, met…Continue

New to this forum - Grateful for this support forum

Started by Viva. Last reply by littleblue May 15. 11 Replies

HI GM everyonethis is my first post to W.V. .  I lost my husband on April 4th due to Covid.  He was only 51 , we were married 19 years.  We have 3 children. Quite unfortunate that we allare in this…Continue

Regrets

Started by Elizabeth. Last reply by Clare May 1. 16 Replies

I am new to this forum, but not new to this journey. My husband died suddenly in 2013. He had talked about back pain for a few days and never went to have it seen to. He was upstairs marking test…Continue

Being a new widow

Started by widowboymom34. Last reply by Rainy (Misty) Jan 18. 6 Replies

I became a widow on August 16. I also being the lone ranger in raising our boys, age 9 and 13. I feel like everyone around me things I am a complete idiot and I feel completely alone. I know when my…Continue

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Comment by Estragon on Thursday

WTF  is right!  How does a normal day, and a normal life, go so wrong, so fast?  I dunno.

Comment by Brave2b1 on Thursday

My husband had a massive heart attack May 15 and after giving him CPR until paramedics arrived he was rushed to the hospital and needed 3 stents. His heartbeat returned to normal and I was told that he could go home in a couple of days.  Exhausted I went home. A short while later I got the call that he didn't make it. Now I'm devastated. WTF?!

Comment by Melissa on May 1, 2020 at 1:20pm

Loo, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved.

This is all new for you and you're still in shock. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly as well, and for me, that added even more of a sense of unreality. 

Please accept as much help as possible from friends and family. If you need something, ask for it. People want to help, but don't know what to say. 

There is nothing I can do to ease your pain, but I can tell you that at 2 1/2 years in, I no longer cry every day and I can talk about my husband and laugh. You really will feel better someday, but you'll have to trust me on that for now. I know it seems impossible to believe.

Please keep posting here. We do know how you feel, and there is always someone here to listen.

I wish you peace and comfort.

Comment by Estragon on May 1, 2020 at 12:50pm

Michelle - FWIW, 3mos in I miss my wife every day too.  I'm pretty sure I will every day for as many days as I have left though - hopefully, maybe, it will hurt a bit less in time though.

The voice mail thing - I hear my wife's voice on the answering machine greeting sometimes and find it a bit of a comfort.  My wife inherited my mum's flip-phone when she died and never figured out how to change the voicemail greeting.  Weird but sort of comforting to hear my mum's voice when I called my wife 10yrs after my mum died!


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on May 1, 2020 at 11:52am

Check out our Telethon for HOPE live streaming on https://soaringspirits.org/ or on the Soaring Spirits International Facebook page. Kelley Lynn did a keynote and Cindy is doing a cooking lesson right now. Non-stop entertainment all day today until midnight Pacific time and then we're back at it tomorrow from 10am to 10pm Pacfic time. 

Comment by Michelle on May 1, 2020 at 11:34am

Loo, Jlsrdh, Annie and All - thank you for sharing your stories and I too am so sorry we are a part of this group by no choice of our own.  I appreciate you all sharing your stories as it helps me so much.  I keep wondering if the pain of losing my husband unexpectedly will lighten but I just don't see how that is possible.  My daughter saved a voicemail from her dad and she sent it to me earlier this week.  I wasn't ready for it and I just started bawling as I listened.  I miss him everyday!  Thank you all for your strength in sharing.  My hope is to make connections here with people that understand what this pain is like.  

Comment by jlsrdh on May 1, 2020 at 10:37am

Loo, I’m so sorry you are now part of our widow/widower club. You are in a perfect  site to connect with others who do 100% understand. I too felt the need to talk to others who got this, unless you go through the loss of a spouse you will Never really understand just how terrible this is. I could read the pain in what you wrote. I too lost my husband to a unexpected heart attack on 8/20/18. 
Now, with this pandemic and the call to social isolate this has got to be so difficult for you. I do know how hard it has been on me, and my little bit of new normal is gone again. 
some good online sites for you to read info are: 

widow411.com

whatsyourgrief.com

bertramsblog.com

talk to him is there.  Journal. It helps. You experienced a traumatic unexpected death, me too. Yes, we get PTSD from this. My PTSD has increased due to the lockdown with covid. I had not journaled for many months, I was doing ok. I started intense bereavement counseling immediately after he died. I stopped after 15 months, again because I was ok.  However, 2 weeks ago I found myself crying or weepy watching anything on tv. I got out my journal and wrote. I always read it out loud to Tom once I’m done. Yep I cried while I wrote and while I read. My PTSD/anxiety was released from doing this. So, I’m ok again. Will it build up again, who knows, but if so I’ll journal. I was told initially the grief would soften over time, and like most just could not believe this. However, it did. Please journal here often. Others will answer, and show tremendous support. 
hugs 

jlsrdh

Comment by Loo on April 30, 2020 at 7:43pm

I'm new to this group and not sure where to start. I just want to try to connect with people who may understand what I'm going through. My husband passed away 3/18/20 at the age of 43. We went to sleep and he didn't wake up to his alarm in the morning. He was laying next to me dead in our bed. He died of sudden cardiac arrest due to cardiomyopathy. We were not aware anything was wrong with his heart.  It was a second marriage for both of us. He has a ten year old son who will now brow up without a father. I still can't believe this is real.

Comment by ImTheMarigold on April 14, 2020 at 8:54am

Annie, 

Self care is a real challenge for me. Sometimes I feel like it is one more obligation, one more thing I'm supposed to do right now. I've started making it very simple and giving myself credit for the self care basics like drinking enough water, taking a shower, putting on clean clothes, etc. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to do anything, but if you think a schedule or a to do list around the estate will help you feel organized or motivated, go for it. If it just feels like more pressure, ease off. We have to be really gentle with ourselves and the expectations we have for ourselves. You're doing a great job. 

Pam

Comment by AnnieDReich on April 14, 2020 at 8:48am

Thank you Pam and BEAV. I have been able to have a couple of Zoom time with some family members. Easter Sunday was an interesting new event but we made due with what we had. It was actually kind of fun and we talked longer that we would have on a phone call for sure. 

I can occupy my days pretty easily with work. I have been thinking about breaking out my puzzles recently, but I feel guilty because I still have a lot of work to do for my husbands estate. Maybe if I create a schedule and follow it I will do better. 

Do you have anything that has been working for you to make sure you self-care consistently?

Annie

 

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