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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause.
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Latest Activity: on Sunday
Nance63 I also get email notifications and read every post on this group, as well as the suicide group, the LGBT group, the born in the 80s group, and the widowed in 2016 group. Seeing all the new posts is so sad! I wish I could have been the last one this happened to because it is so deeply awful.
Thank-you to all of the kind words. Troy and I had actually had known each other since the fifth grade. We share such an amazing back story and we both felt like we had finally were going to live the "happily ever after", and then, it's all gone in just one brief and excruciating moment. Sometimes I feel like because I was so happy, I didn't deserve it and that's why he was taken away.
The grief comes in such waves, especially in the mornings or quiet times, that I don't feel like I can breathe. Sometimes its such despair. I have been blessed with some very amazing friends and family who listen and help so much but I feel that the ones who have not experienced loss are going to get tired of me crying and lamenting.
I get the new comments by email and every time I see them and read newly joined person's comment, my heart breaks a little. I want to respond to each and every one, but I am reading the comments on my nook where it's not easy to respond. Later I come reread what I can find and can't seem to find the words to answer all. It IS sad to see all the unique stories and sadnesses and hurts and complications!
I am so sorry how may people are using Widowed Village. We all have a unique story and different ways of coping. How do we handle the adult children, small children, inappropriate comments, work, neighbors etc...etc...etc Everyone is so kind. Thank you
I am sorry Angela - I confused you with My New Life in my response to her. You are so very hurt right now and we have all been there. This is not an easy process but it does get easier. Please take care of yourself right now. I actually had to make lists to get through the first few weeks - reminders to eat, to feed the dog, to take out the garbage, to get up and take a walk. Find what works to just get you up and moving every day. Focus on that for now. Talk to friends, family, clergy. Social media helped me realize I wasn't alone and there were people who understood exactly what I was going through. We do care.
Now even the ending to Forest Gump makes me cry like a baby.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. The word cleave is to be bound like plywood. What happens if you try to separate plywood. It will just be a shredded mess. The is why divorce is so messy but death is worse. I physically hurt. My heart aches. My thoughts are torture. People tell me to enjoy the memories but I wish I could take a pill to forget him as we had such a wonderful marriage it is unbearable to think of him. So, IBelieveInYou I understand how it feels that a part of you died. I think it actually does. But the sun still comes up and work takes my mind off of him. I have a 20-year-old son that is grieving that I have to support. I wish he didn't have to go through this.
Angela- You and I have been coping with our loss about the same length of time. I fully understand it is not the life we would have chosen, but the one we have been given. Every one of us is different and our grief impacts us in ways we didn't think possible. I found solace online but it was very solitary. Previously my life revolved around my husband and our relationship. We had recently moved from out of state and not yet made any new friends. The sudden solitude was also my enemy. This forum and a grief group that meets in my area called Grief Share have helped me tremendously. I also started a journal to help me express myself. I wrote my husband letters and for awhile continued to have conversations with him as if he were just in the other room. I worried if I was "normal". I am learning it is all normal. You have to find what works for you. I am rediscovering who I am and figuring out who I want to be for the time I have left. I have accepted I cannot change the past and can only deal with today and have faith in the future. You are not alone. Don't be afraid to reach out.
My new Life - I'm sorry for the reason you are here but it is good that you have found us. Many of us are further out than you. Come here and read and write when you want. There is no judgement. I remember life at 2 months out. I felt (and sometimes feel) as you do. Yes the solitude sucks and yes you are alone in a way that is tough to understand by those who have not experienced it. My brother was widowed young and he described the situation like this: When a couple is together there really are three entities, the individual persons and the relationship. When my wife died suddenly and without warning, I felt as though 2/3 of me also died; in a way that is actually what happened. A lot of me died that day and I'm just now trying to figure out who the hell I am and will become. Trust that your friends want to help you. Reach out to them. Thirty years...that is a hard thing isn't it? We had so many plans. Hang in there. Time helps you deal with the pain.
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