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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
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For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause.
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Frank. It may vary by state but here if you served in the military with an honorable discharge ( as my husband did) you can receive the full military honors at the grave site even if you choose a cemetery that is not a national one. We did not want him far away and alone so we used the cemetery close to home where my parents are buried and where I will be one day as well. The military gestures were still free but cemetery costs were not in my husband's case. Very touching ceremony. I still hold the American flag they presented to me as his widow in my arms now and then and know he would have been pleased to have had the acknowledgment of serving his country in his youth. I know we are all proud of his service. We also had a bagpiper playing near the grave site as well. It was a wonderful ceremony.
As his death was unexpected and sudden I was comforted in how quickly the necessary people came on the scene to help. We were blessed it went flawlessly. I still wish it had not happened when it did~ it's still as puzzlement to me and I still miss him . 44yrs was a long time for a marriage and the sudden ending still brings pain without answers. Have you had snow yet? hugs lj
Hi Frank, what a great post. One of these days I will come up to your place and have coffee with you.
You might want to check with the laws of the state in which you are planning to spread your loved one's ashes many states will not allow that, especially in smaller lakes, streams, and ponds.
There most all cemeteries have walls with holes in them in which the urn may be placed and the front of the hole is covered by a plaque with whatever you want inscribed on it.
After Susan passed, she wanted to be a donor, but she was without oxygen and circulation too long making her organs not viable. I gave her to "Science Care" and when they were done, they cremated her remains and gave them to the mortuary that we had designated. I brought Susan home and put her in the closet behind my back where I spend most of my time. I through much of our marriage I cared for her reminding her to check her blood sugar and other things such as helping with her "at home dialysis." I was her caregiver for several years. After a period of time, I came to realize that even after her passing, I was still (in effect) taking care her by keeping her home with me. I contacted the members of our family and told them that I was going to inter her at a national cemetery in Denver and when the service would be. My boys and I came up with what we thought would be a good inscription that honored her life and our love, and we had the service. As I am retired military she now has a spot at Ft. Logan in Denver, and a head stone. When I fall off my perch I will be interred beside her.
If your spouse served in the military for any length of time and was honorably discharged they have a free plot reserved for them. They will, if you wish be buried with full military honors, again, at no cost. And you can be buried beside them, again at no cost. Check with the Veterans Affairs office.
Susan passed in December and in August I was able to let her go. That next November, I was visiting her and found myself holding onto the grave stone, leaning over the area where she was buried, sheltering her from the falling snow. Suddenly, in the crying and tears, I realized what I was doing, and the folly of it. She no longer needed my to care for her. I asked her what I was doing, dried my eyes, and walked back to the truck. She was safe and in good hands. That was the beginning of my turn around.
My husband's urn is beside my bed and that is where he will stay until I join him.
He never wanted a marker.
In fact he was hoping to be donated to science and organs harvested and that would be the end of if. But because of him lying overnight in the ambulance before and the cause of death was cyanide he is stuck with me. (which he would be okay with as he knew he might not have been needed)
I thought cemeteries did this for people.
I want to thank you all and to soaring spirits dot com for having this site. I truly find reading the blog helpful.
I lost my husband very suddenly and unexpected 27 months ago from heart attack while he was walking outside. We have a home in another state and he was there alone when he died. He was fixing our home preparing it to put it in the market. He was in good health except high blood pressure which he takes medication for it. He was very strong. After he died I was numb and felt like a robot. I just do whatever I need to do. I couldn't sleep nor eat for over a month. I cried and cried and screamed sometimes. I couldn't breath at other times and having panic attacks. I went to grief share in few churches; one church is not enough. I also went to counseling and also see a private grief counselor. I also just retired from work few months before he died and now being home alone without him is very lonely. I feel lost and some days I feel hopeless. The agony is non stop and I have to learn to live with this. This is how I learned this site trying to reach out. I am very grateful to all of you.
(((HUGS Weigh Anchor)))
Try calling the medical examiner to ask what has been found as well get answers to questions you may have - be sure to mention the sounds your husband was making ...
Too many people assumed the sounds my husband was making was the death rattle which explained absolutely nothing as far as I was concerned ...
The ME explained that following the car collision, Bob was having a massive heart attack ...
Those sounds are similar to snoring, gurgling, groaning or labored breathing ...
The correct term is "agonal breaths/respirations" - abnormal breathing ...
When this occurs, only a trained professional might be able to save the person - my husband was too far gone ...
Bob was killed in June, I received the autopsy report on Wednesday prior to Labor Day weekend ...
Since charges were pending, the autopsy report was required ASAP b/c his death was by a road rage driver ...
Anyhoo, I waited till the kids were safely on their way out of town on vacation before I read the report for the sake of privacy- I spent the entire holiday in bed screaming & crying ...
It is over. Detour gave its guilty plea and the judge made a decision.
It took all of 2 days.
The reason it was quick and we didn't get the penalty we were hoping for, was because the judge din't want us to have to deal with it any longer. We suffered enough.
I do get a settlement, which Detour was hoping to give in monthly payments over 10 years. I told the crown I can't deal with them that long.
He told the court and the judge agreed. I will get the amount in full and it won't even say Detour on the cheque. They pay the court and the court pays me.
Needless to say it was a relief it was over, despite the Detour group smiling and all happy that they didn't have to pay more.
Next up, starting January 29, will be a four week trial for the 3 managers.
For now I will relax and hope to get the money sooner than later. (they have 60 days to pay)
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