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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1287
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Lakegirl33 yesterday
Little Rosie, I would not have known either, my daughter helped me. I think it is
Comment by his little Rosie yesterday
Thanks lakegirl- you literally meant a meetup site! Lol. See how little I know? Someone else just told me about it too. I'll check it out. Thanks!
Comment by Lakegirl33 yesterday
His little Rosie, Google Meetup. There is an app. You then look for groups in your area. I am in RI. There are about 300 different groups , you select what ones you want to join. I tried the widow/widower group, it is great! Good luck finding one where you are .
Comment by his little Rosie yesterday
Lakegirl- what's the online meet up group that one can sign up on? I would like to look in to it. Thanks. I'm only 3 months out and having a really difficult time.
Comment by Lakegirl33 yesterday
Dear Ellen Joy, at the one year point I also found this site. I agree with what Ellen and Terry said. I visit this site when I wake up and before I go to sleep . There is something about knowing that people on here truly understand . I attended my first bereavement group in April, ( at 15 months) and have made several local friends, which have also helped . I have found this second year much more difficult . It seems that many do . My extended family consists of an 86 year old aunt and three adult children all a plane ride away. I know they all worry about me and call me , but they don't get it like those kind souls here and in the bereavement group. I also think crying is ok! Not on the eyes and headache, but for our souls. I still cry and sometimes it's expected and more often than not when I have bonuses why. Like you Bob was my soulmate , best friend , and sounding board. I never before had. Trouble making decisions, always could discuss with him and get input , now I avoid decisions ....crazy, but I miss that too. Like so many , we are lonely . I also joined a widows meet up group. It is a group you register for on line and they put on local activities. Dinner and comedy , boating, hiking, bowling , music. Things to do with others who get it. This gets me out. I still work which helps too. Our lives have changed. We dont want this , but have no control . All of our plans ..... Gone. Now we have to start over. It is the hardest work we will ever do. I don't know if this is good or bad, but when I get really down, I tell myself, bob loved life and people , he would want me to keep busy and have fun. He always loved to do! So I make myself do things . I still come home to an empty house , miss holding his hand and cuddling after , then tell him about what I have done. I am so sorry that you needed to find us, but glad that you have. I sort of also think that once we get thru the firsts we somehow ( probably by culture) expect something to change , as how many times do we hear, oh it's your first....... Without ....) in reality, each day is a first without our beloved . So we make a conscious thought and effort to get up , get out, "function" and might just have a good time. Scarey as it sounds it is ok to have a good time, our beloved s would want that for us as we would for them. Sending you a hug.
Comment by Ellen on Monday

EileenJoy:  Please know you are never alone here.  We are all here for each other on this journey none of us ever wanted.  Only those who have lost a life partner can truly understand what it feels like when that special person is no longer with us.  Do not avoid grieving - you need to feel the pain and cry whenever you need to in order to truly heal.  Come here as often as you can, and if possible, join a bereavement group in your area because it will help you a great deal.  I also read many, many books about grieving which also did wonders for me.  This is the most difficult experience I have ever had and I have had many deaths and illnesses in my family.  Take things slowly and don't think too far ahead into the future.  It is more important to just get through one day at a time.  You will have many ups and downs on this journey which is all perfectly normal so know that you are not going crazy.  My condolences on the loss of your beloved husband.  For me it will be 2 1/2 years on July 1.  With time and patience and support from the right sources, you will learn how to adapt to this major change in your life so please do not despair. I wish for you and all of us here, peace and comfort and hopefully, with time, some degree of joy and happiness.  Our lost loved ones would only want this for us as life is much too precious to waste.  

Comment by Terry on Monday

EileenJoy, you have come to the right place as I am sure many of us will attest to.  I for one have those days when I feel I just can't go on.  When that happens, I log on here and know that someone will respond just as I am doing now.  I used the chat room last night for the first time as I was having a particularly rough day.  Just being able to reach out to other people who 'get it' enabled me to calm myself down and get through another day.  I am definitely discovering that sometimes telling myself I can get through today is too difficult.  I have to break it down into more manageable pieces.  You may not have the support of your husband's family but you have the support of everyone here.  We all need you just as much as you need us.  Take care.

Comment by EileenJoy on Monday

This is my first post. My husband died suddenly one year ago on May 21.  He was otherwise healthy but had an brain aneurysm that ruptured and led to his sudden death.  He became an organ donor. The day he died I lost my husband, my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. I do not have the support of my husband's family.  Within the past 5 years I have lost my mother, a sister, a brother.  My father died almost 28 years ago. I have only one sibling living a brother, and we are not close. I have children and they provide some support but they are grieving too. Since the anniversary of his death I have been feeling really alone and feeling like I cannot keep going on.  It is helpful to know that others sometimes feel the same way and find a way to go on. 

Comment by Gary'swife on May 17, 2015 at 4:44pm

Terry- I have been following your story, and was so sad to read your friend died.  Perhaps you can use this site more often for support.  Not sure if you have ever used the chat room, but sometimes it's nice to just have someone to chat with who "gets" what you are going through.  (((hugs)))

Comment by katpilot on May 17, 2015 at 2:52pm

Lady v, don't think of it as leaving him behind. In a way, you are taking him along. We all have or will do things in this new "world without them" yet we honor them actually in experiencing new adventures. I kind of look at it as if I was doing what we would both have done had Kathy still been here. So while I may feel a little sad, I also feel  happy inside to even be able to accomplish it myself. And you might even find a peaceful and satisfying feeling when you look at what you accomplished that day. 

To move forward is to honor them.  After a while, you begin to smile a little more and start planning your next adventure, loving him still. I started on this path in my second year by the way. Now I do more things on my own still quite in love and yet "living".


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