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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1734
Latest Activity: yesterday

Discussion Forum

Breaking Point 1 year

Started by jlsrdh. Last reply by BA7.5 yesterday. 11 Replies

I year ago today my husband of 38 years, Tom, died suddenly from a sudden heart attack. I had 2 intense dreams last night that he was here, alive again. Both woke me up, I think it was him saying…Continue

this is perfect site to journal

Started by jlsrdh. Last reply by BA7.5 on Wednesday. 2 Replies

 this is the perfect site to journal, and express any thoughts and feelings we all go through at these terrible times. Its is helpful to read what others are feeling, thinking too. The responses from…Continue

Guilt, Shame and Pain

Started by Snagglefoot. Last reply by Kris63 on Tuesday. 15 Replies

Hello Group. I don't know if this is the correct place to say this or talk about what has taken place this last week but I need to let the pain out because it is hitting me hard today. RIP August 7,…Continue

He deserved so much more love

Started by KJPE. Last reply by Roxana Aug 17. 12 Replies

At least once a day, I feel intensely frustrated & sad because my husband was exceptionally wonderful to me, and I keep wanting to give him more love and cannot believe that I can't any more. …Continue

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Comment by BA7.5 on Wednesday

I am new to Soaring Spirits and have been reading the conversation threads for a week or so.  It's so helpful to hear others going through the same thing I am living. My husband, best friend, soulmate, adventure-mate and king of fun died of a heart attack on Valentine's night while we were sleeping.  I tried to resuscitate him but was unable.  I still have nightmares about it... 

Life is so empty... painful... surreal... I still don't want to believe that he is really never coming home... The heartbreak is unbearable sometimes... 

I grieve the fact that he's not here today sitting next to me... I grieve the fact that I wasn't able to revive him... And I grieve the fact that we were counting down to our retirement and had amazing plans ahead together...So now what?  How to live without him??  How to live without our plans to grow old together?  

It was 6 months last week which is unbelievable.  I am incredibly fortunate to have supportive family and friends. But I just don't know how to continue without Dave... I don't want to continue without him.  We were incredibly happy.

Grieving him is the hardest thing I've ever done.  It's exhausting... So few people truly understand... It means the world to now have a place to come to where there are others who get it.  Thank you.  I'm sorry we are all here but am grateful for your kindness and understanding.

(My apologies if you see this post more than once as I'm posting it to the 5 groups I'm a member of.)

Comment by Melissa on August 17, 2019 at 12:07pm

I'm so sorry, LadyHawke. You've been through a tremendous shock; you and your daughters need to take care of yourselves. This is still so new and fresh for you.

Do you have friends or family nearby who can help you through this?

I agree with everything Pualili said. Share your feelings and take care of yourself.

I wish you peace.

Comment by Pualili221 on August 16, 2019 at 8:31pm

@Ladyhawke, So Sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.  Just as KJPE said, you will find very caring people on this site. It’s unfortunate we are all on this site but everyone I have encountered on here have been helpful and most of all understanding. Share your thoughts and feelings because there are days when we need validation for some of those thoughts and emotions we have during our grieving process; this site has helped me with that. Take good care of yourself.

Comment by KJPE on August 16, 2019 at 7:08pm

Dear Ladyhawke I am so so sorry to hear of this sudden & violent loss of your husband.  I'm sure that you and your daughters are heart-broken.  Here on this site you will find caring & sympathy & much understanding.  Please stay in touch & feel free to express whatever is on your mind & in your heart.  Hugs to you, KJPE

Comment by LadyHawke on August 16, 2019 at 6:59pm

Hello I lost my beloved husband on 27/3/2019 he was checking tyre out on his car when a truck struck him on a freeway I feel so lost without him and the suddenness and violence of his death are really affecting myself and our daughters 

the process of the police and coronial investigation is draining and I hope to find some comfort here

Comment by Frank on August 3, 2019 at 9:11pm

Hi John,

Thanks for the laugh.  I served 20 years in the Navy and retired in '84.  I guess that the military somehow leaks out in much of my writing.

As for writing, yes I'll continue.  It helps me and I hope it helps those who read as well.

Thank you,

Frank

Comment by chef (John) on August 2, 2019 at 6:29am

Frank,

I've often heard "The Club No One Wants to Join" too.

It feels more like soldiers on a battlefield to me--brothers-in-arms who just "get it".

SFbay,

We do get our futures--although those futures are going to be very different from the ones we expected. I just hit my eight-year mark, so I sorta, kinda believe I can speak to this issue. Keep reading and posting in the meantime, because that will make all the difference to you.

Hugs to all from Cleveland.

John

Comment by Frank on June 2, 2019 at 10:31pm

Hi Melissa,

I'm not sure I'd call this a "Hobby"...maybe more like a "club" as my eye doctor told me when he learned of Susan's passing...He shook my had and said WELCOME TO OUR CLUB.  Not a "club" I'd have eagerly joined.  But, in a sense, it is a group of folks with the same trauma and we join together to help each other.

Hugs

Frank

Comment by Melissa on May 26, 2019 at 8:59pm

Nancy, that's what I love about this place. There's always someone who understands.

I wish we were all here for another reason; sharing the same hobby, perhaps. But here we are, and we have each other. That's such a gift.

Take care during the coming week, and have a nice birthday.

Comment by Nance63 on May 26, 2019 at 4:05pm

Hello,

I've been catching some of these recent posts by email. You all are talking about the very thing I have been talking about with my daughter, my friend and my therapist, lately.... because I am in that season right now.

actually, today IS the "first" death day of two, similar to what you describe, Melissa.  My husband had a cardiac arrest on May 26, at home. I feel certain he died then, but his body was kept alive for another week, so that his actual legal death was June 2, my birthday.  And yes, I recall very well that at first, each week it would be on the day of the week, I'd feel it, whether I knew it or not.... later, monthly... the body knows. It knows and our heart and soul know even if we're not keeping track of the calendar.   I'd be very down, moody, sobbing... whatever.  

But this is the three year anniversary of that dreadful night.  And I AM handling it much better... I am still feeling the "knowing" and I am having some flashbacks and pondering some things, but I am much more even keeled than I was the first year.... the second year maybe was even harder, but this third year I feel as though I am starting to feel like I might be going to live still...  it had felt like MY life ended then.  Even though I have five children, was having marriages happening and grandchildren coming AND, even though we did not have a good close, romantic, soul mate type of relationship. I was very UNhappily  married, but I was married and then I was not. I was shattered, frightened, frozen in time....

I want to send sympathy, empathy to you all, but also to let you know that while it feels like hell at first, it doesn't have to feel that way forever.  it's not something one can tell you and you'll think, oh, ok, thanks.... nooo…. it will just have to evolve for you, but it will....

Melissa, I totally understand having those TWO death days and feeling both of them. I feel sure my husband died here at home on May 26. THEy were able to keep his body sort of there, and that was a gift for us to have time to resolve some things both practically, and emotionally... and not just FIND him there in the morning.  But that was a horrible week, and there are a LOT of memories of that night, the week between and that final awful day...  It's good to be understood, isn't it? 

peace and comfort to you all....

~Nancy

 

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