Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Suddenly widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. The complementary group is "Long term illness." Yes, you may join both.

We now have a "Suddenly widowed" discussion in the PERENNIAL main forum. Q's? Widville@gmail.com

Members: 1214
Latest Activity: 2 hours ago

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Please welcome Eternally Yours as your group greeter.

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Comment by Lady v 5 hours ago

JustJoMissingCed, you write powerfully and you tell the story we all feel. The loss of the beloved partner, the deepest confidante, the one who is there for you, the one you crawl into bed with - all you say so powerfully - is the deepest most heartbreaking loss. I lost my beloved husband of 21 years in a

traumatic moment after surgery that was supposed to make him better. I was in the room when they called code blue. It is 10 months and I am still broken. I do all I can to take care of myself but the loss is beyond words. Women who are 3 or  4 or 5 years beyond the loss say it never goes away but it moves fromthe center to the side

Empathy, this group of people who share the story, helps.  Reaching to help others helps. But it is a long hard journey.  It does help to hear the stories of other

Wonderful book that helps me and that I have shared with friends - Tear Soup.  Has anyone read it or seen the video?

Comment by JustJoMissingCed 11 hours ago

Pain is pain. But gosh, how does a 36 year old die from stepping on a sewing needle. Seriously. I suppose I m reaching for my husband. I am desperate and sort of like an addict without their coke, I am reaching in desperation for anything that works, anything to fix this pain. I have Jesus, I have the Lord, and CEd had the Lord, but we lost him anyway. How? Why? Why>? WHY>??????????? As I am sure you guys who have lost someone unexpectedly have gone through these same emotions. IF you have suddenly lost a spouse, I feel confident you too have wondered, this grief is so fresh. It's just been 4 months. I am desperate. I am in counseling and started an anti-depressent ( praise God for medicine) I have tons of friends on Facebook and in real life who have been precious to me ( seriously)_ I even started a grief share page on Fb. And it's helpful but it's not enough. Nothing is enough. ( I know I sound so bratty) That is what I mean by desperate. AT times, I can smile and laugh. I have some great neighbors who have been there. But everyone, everyone eventually tires of our grief. They do. It's not that they mean to, it's not that they aren't real friends. It's not that they haven't been there, they have, but they've moved on-- what they are supposed to do. Even my girls appear to be getting better. I won't attempt to garner sympathy from people. I've had tons of well wishers, supporters, friends who have done so much. . Someone out here is hurting as much as I. I personally cannot stand poor me people. I would hate to be one now. I feel so desperate. At times, I can laugh, joke, but it always goes back to one thing. Ced is gone. and he's NEVER coming back. Why? How does stuff like this happen? Only God knows. I am writing a book to vent out my feelings and also to document this journey. I've always been a hand on vent my feelings out on paper kind of girl.I am sorry to each of you who have lost your spouse, I am so sorry. I understnd this pain. I won't compare my grief, losing a child sucks, it's probably the worst. I've never had to experience, praise God. Losing a clos siblings, a parent, it all is terrible. But your husband, the one you crawl into bed with. The one you tell your deepest confiding to, the one who is there for you, through thick an thin, the one , in my case, I thought would be here with me until Jesus came back is now Gone. I praise Jesus still in this storm, even though I feel completely victimized and punished. Jesus didn't kill Ced. Jesus loves Ced. It IS because of Jesus and the knowing that Ced is still alive, just not here with me, that gives me and the girls hope. Grief has made me the most self centered and selfish person alive in these last 4 months. I pray for all of you who are hurting. Thanks for listening.

Comment by JustJoMissingCed 11 hours ago

Hey all of you. You are so kind. So kind. I didn't even get notifications that you guys replied. I need to figure out how to do that. I just came here and saw my name in several paragraphs. I am broken. I am feel desperate at times. I won't compare grief. IT all sucks. But Ced wasn't sick. I have gone from every emotion, shock, to numb, to furious to bitter sadness, to outrage to despair, crying, crying, to desperate. Do you know before I found this Widow's site, I went to Christian mingle to try to find and reach for other widows, I mean duh I knew it was a dating site, but I heard it's also for friends. But a few tried to message me. and in order to read those messages or to have any communcation I had to pay. Forget that, I have 700 friends on Fb. Why do I need to pay for Friends. Then I went to Eharmony, I was thinking hmm, maybe they have a widow sections, and I clicked on this thingy, Epay ( I'd ordered from them before, they already had my debit card info) or whatever and it stole a payment from me. Haha, I HAD to laugh. I hated the site, It took me like 5 minutes of scrolling for me to figure it was a site for people looking for love. I am looking for love but not the kind of love E-harmony provides. .I called the company and immediately canceled the payment they took from me. Disbelief. I am looking for understanding and compassion and other widows who can relate to me. I went to one session of grief share in Waco, live, in person and they are wonderful ladies. But I don't always have the time to drive out there. Or the energy. It's more energy. I kind of want someone to talk to, who like me, has lost their spouse unexpectedly, with no warning, who wasn't like in their 60's or 70's. That sounds mean and heartless. I mean nothing by it,

Comment by RVLlover on Thursday

I'm so thankful for the support we all give each other here.  I'm only at 8 weeks and last night I saw a friend at a church meeting who has just lost his wife last week to breast cancer.  As I gave him a hug I gave him this website and said it's the only thing that has consistently helped so I hoped it would help him as well.  So thank you all for being here under such horrible conditions doing our best to lift each other up and giving each other a voice.  Knowing that i have somewhere to turn to at any given moment is a wonderful thought, and I'm thankful for the emails that come to my phone at just the right moment.  Love you all!

Comment by CGPandMe on Thursday

Thanks for the support Onmyown.  It sucks that everyone here is walking the same path.  Your point about having to accept that if those large steps are to be experienced in our lives that they will be with someone else - it's something that I can't quite wrap my head around.  In time I guess.  

Joanna, as others have said it sucks that you're here, but we are thankful that you found us.  Those first few days, weeks, and months are so painful.  Come here and post whenever - we're all together in this and I hope you are able to find some peace in knowing there are others that share your experience.

Comment by Gaining Strength on Thursday

Hi Joanna,

I am so sorry that you had to come here. Having said that, this is the best place for you at this time. It is hard to believe that stepping on a sewing needle could create such havoc. I found that the first two years were the worst. (I am now 3.4 years). The first year was disbelief and dealing with paperwork, much like a robot. The second year was gut wrenching grief for me and the third  year was somewhat of a coming out and accepting my new role. My children had a hard time but I think that they are getting better. I wish that all this had never happened and he was still here. No one understands this situation except those who have experienced it. I feel bad now for all the people I have known,  who went through this experience and I was not really there for them. All the best to you and your children.

Comment by tagmsw on Thursday
JustJoMissingCed,
I am so sorry you have become a member of the widows club. It is hard connecting with people who don't share our distinction. There truly are no words that I can say to make it better. But understand with time it gets a little easier. My John died 6 1/2 months ago. All was fine, and then he was gone. I found a faith based group called Grief Share to get me started on the hard road to coping. They have a website, and you might find a group in your area. I also attend another therapeutic bereavement group, as well as just finding this amazing site. Take care of yourself. Your husband would want you to. All of us who find ourselves in this awful club, male or female, need to practice self care. We have other responsibilities now, roles that our loved ones filled that are now ours. So take care of yourself by reaching out for help, try to get enough rest and nutrition. Do this for you and for your girls. Lots of people here who care.
Comment by h20polo on Thursday

joanna,

It is soooo strange and unbelievable to find ourselves in this situation.  In February it will be 3 years for me and I still feel like it is not real - I will wake up and bruce will be here.  You find yourself, probably for the first time ever, of REALLY needing your friends only to find that no matter how much they try they can't really be there the way you need them to - how can they when they have not been through it, which unfortunately means they don't realize you can't just get over it after a few months, or even years.  With a Love so deep it actually hurts to the core and because the love is so deep it will take a lifetime to be ok.   

Your husband sounds a lot like mine - religion was a major force in his life - People say he is in a better place thinking that makes us feel better - personally - I am not sad for him - I know he is where he should be and where he lived his life to be - with God - it hurts because he is not here on earth with me - my entire direction and foundation  in life has changed -  I found over these last 2 1/2 years that you really have to make it a conscience decision to keep moving forward and trying to be happy - I literally tell myself every morning "get up and get going"  and I keep moving forward - It sucks - and it is the hardest thing I have eve done but I decided I can lay in bed everyday crying or I can get up and force myself to move on - with that said when I feel the need to cry and break down I let myself.  Hang in there - force yourself to get up - focus on the moment - and when you need to cry - scream - breakdown GO FOR IT - keep crying until you can't cry any more - then get back up and keep going - I tell my kids it's ok to breakdown - I would actually be concerned if you didn't - the deeper the love the deeper the pain -  the important thing is that you always get back up - you are only defeated when you choose to not get back up and keep trying.  i remember telling my daughter one night when she called totally breaking down because of missing her dad that to just call me - break down - talk about it - then try and move on - you may have 30 bad days and then a good day - but as long as you keep going eventually you will have 29 bad days and 2 good days etc.  and  promised her that some time in the future we would be talking and look back and realize - hey we're here - our lives are back to being good (yes we will still miss bruce but we will have learned to live in a "new" happy place) - it's like when you try and grow your hair out - you look at it every day and think it will never grow - then one day you look at yourself and say "hey my hair is long"  - it happens a little at a time - It may take 1 year or 50 but as long as you keep trying it will get better - it won't ever be what it was but that does not mean it can't be good - hang in there girl and don't try and move too fast - allow yourself time to breakdown and cry - just remember to keep getting up.

Comment by JustJoMissingCed on Thursday

Hi

I am a new widow. Very new. And I am desperate. Desperate to find peace. Sad, depressed, but trusting God. I am a christian. Without the Lord, and a few good friends, I'd never get through this. NEVER.. I have two teenage daughters and I was desprate to find support group. I went as far as joining Christian mingle and even , darn whats that group called Harmony or whatever, wanting to find widows, people who are hurt, get our hurt . I have a lot of online friends, but when CEd, that's my husband was here, he fullfilled my need for friends. I love him dearly. HE is my best friend. He died unexpectedly. Only 36 years old. HE is in Heaven, he and I both love Jesus, he lived his life completely for Christ. I've had so much anger, outpuring of grief, feeling robbed. We had our whole life together. WE thought we'd be here together for the rapture.. His death, complications from accidentally steppiong on a sewing needle. I kid you not.. I just am trying to find support, somehow create my new normal, whatever that means and make a few friends.. I have online friends and a ton of fb friends. but lets face it. IF they haven't been widowed , they try to understand, but they just cant. Andpeop;le tire of our grief, unless they themselves are in it.. I just wanted to touch base with you all here. I am so sorry you all are hurting too.

I am here if anyone needs me. My name is Joanna. :)

Comment by onmyown2014 on Thursday

CGP - I'm sorry you've been having a rough time lately.  I wish I knew what to say that would really help.  I think I understand a little of what you're going through - my wife and I would have been trying for a child this year, probably around the time of our big "official" wedding ceremony.  It was just one of the many big steps we would have tried to take this year.  And now, nothing.  No wedding, no child, no buying a house.  When Amy died in December, all of those plans died with her.  I feel like I've lost everything, and if I ever get back to a point where those dreams are possible again, it'll have to be with someone else.  And right now that's very sad for me to think about.

I hope you can get through this OK.

 

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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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