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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Members: 1477
Latest Activity: Aug 19

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Comment by Hope on August 19, 2016 at 5:43am

Waiting widow, I am so sorry for what happened to your husband. That was an awful shock for you. My husband died suddenly under simpler circumstances...in bed with a heart attack. The shock of the death is devastating and for you to know it could have been prevented must be hard to accept. I don't know when or how you will recover but I believe you will. I am starting to feel a little light. Ken died July 10, 2015 and its been dark and hard. I just know if I have to continue to live I need to engage in life and with time find the peace that passes all understanding

Comment by Waiting widow on August 14, 2016 at 9:04pm
Welcome Majel, I am sorry and sad for the reason we are all here. My husband was in a work related accident on April 27th 2015. He was rear ended on the side of road while working, pushed 110 ft the machine he was in flipped over, he suffered a catastrophic head and neck injury. He was removed from the ventilator 1 week later. It is believed the guy that hit him committed suicide. My heart broke that day. I feel as if I will never recover, somedays I am glad the other guy died but sadly other days I wish I could hurt him as much as he has hurt our family.
Comment by daringtoday on August 14, 2016 at 6:15pm

Welcome, Majel! You have a great attitude. What a terrible accident -- I am so sorry for what you've been through. My partner died suddenly on March 22nd of an aortic dissection. He felt ill at 12:30 in the afternoon on the 21st, ended up in the emergency room and died before they could operate on him. I am also trying to avoid bitterness. It can be hard because we had so little time together. Mostly I feel tired and depressed right now. I am doing a grief group, which is very helpful and am also getting coaching and therapy. My coach recommended massage and yoga, and I am finding those help a lot. Grieving is a long, complicated process and I am trying to honor my feelings and move on with my life as best I can. Amy

Comment by IBelieveInYou on August 14, 2016 at 11:39am

Hi Cindy, by strange coincidence, my wife and I were also married on August 4th. We had just celebrated our silver anniversary in 2015 - three months later she passed away as a result of heart attack while getting ready for work. It is good that you are here. What you suffered is uniquely yours but all of us have experienced the sudden loss of a dear one. I find it helpful to listen to those on this list and also to post periodically. I wish you the best  in your journey.

Comment by majel on August 14, 2016 at 11:04am

Hi everyone. I am very new to this site and this seemed like a good group to join. I lost my precious husband of 36 years on August 15th, 2015. Tomorrow it will be the one year anniversary. We were in a very tragic car accident. I was driving and my husband Rich was behind me in the back seat. My father-in-law was in the passenger seat and my mother-in-law was behind him. We were headed south on 35W to Iowa City IA for my father-in-laws family reunion. We were rear ended by a 34 year old woman speeding while trying to download an app on her cell phone to entertain her children. She drifted into our lane, all 4 of us were knocked unconscious. Rich died instantly, my mother-in-law died 2 days later from her injuries and I have re-covered from mine. My father-in-law was unharmed. I miss my husband every day. My daughter said it best, " Mom, this doesn't suck for dad. He is in Heaven. This sucks for you and for our family." I have been very pro-active about dealing with this terrible loss. The strength that I gained being married to Rich for 36 years is helping me cope. I had a fabulous marriage. I just wanted 36 more years but God had other plans. I refuse to be bitter because that would change who I am. I welcome the support of people who have had a sudden loss like mine and have walked in my shoes. I have been through a grief group and saw a therapist for 4 months in the past year. It helped a lot but I am still feeling a great need to connect with other widows of widowers. Have a great Sunday everyone. My name is Cindy and Iive in Minnesota. We celebrated out 36th wedding anniversary on August 4th, 2015 and I turned 57 on the 5th of August. I could not have known that I would lose my precious husband 10 days later.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on August 12, 2016 at 6:08pm

I understand, however, the type of modalities you refer to are not effective treatments for trauma nor the anger/hatred/resentment that sets in. They may relieve stress for a time, but not help w/trauma or for the duration of court proceedings.

A word of caution, if sudden death & trauma are interpreted as being the same as grief from the death of someone who was actively dying then the important symptoms that separate the two are not being treated. Widow brain can also play a part in not seeing the difference(s).

In my experience, therapy was helpful with a highly experienced therapist trained in the treatment of trauma as well as anger. The modalities I found & those I inquired of my therapist were highly effective.

Take care ...

Comment by SilverAnniversary on August 12, 2016 at 3:28pm

Thanks SweetMelissa2007.

I am sorry you are still dealing with a civil case. 9 years is a long time.

I also have my elliptical which helps, my bed lets me sleep (when I do fall asleep). Right now I am just trying to make sure I have a large number of things to go to when and if the time comes. And I am seeing a therapist.

When the new house is built I want to try to do yoga as well, and get back into sewing. 

I also want to get a part time job to get me out of the house. 

Part of me feels if I prepare for the worse either it won't happen or I will survive without any more scars.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on August 12, 2016 at 2:45pm

The whirlpool/hydrotherapy in my bathtub did not relieve my high intensity stress. Once court proceedings commenced, the level of stress progressed as well as required a far more rigorous form of therapy.

You might want to add all the options offered to see if they work for you, however, it will be at a great expense. You might have to try out a varity of stress relievers to find what works for you -the key word is trauma. As for myself, I tried many modalities singularly as well as in combination till I found how to treat my own PTSD & stress effectively. My civil suit is in its 9th year, so I still rely them when needed.

Good luck ...

Comment by Nieta on August 12, 2016 at 9:30am

Just another source to help you in your dream bathtub search...

http://www.wayfair.com/Whirlpool-Bathtubs-C1839878.html?rtype=9&...

Should you ultimately settle upon a regular bathtub, don't forget bubble baths!  My favorite is a Lavender foamng bath by L'Occitaine when I want to spoil myself a little but most bubbles are good bubbles!

Comment by Nieta on August 12, 2016 at 7:46am

Thank you SilverAnniversary!

Patrick definitely had an occasional romantic streak but he also didn't like being the center of attention.  He would always say, "My needs are simple."  Our vow renewal would have just been an intimate ceremony with the two of us and the priest.  Perhaps he will visit me in a dream on our Anniversary and we can have the ceremony there (hint, hint Patrick!)

You should have seen the I Love Lucy caper I had to finagle in order to surprise him for his 30th birthday.  The poor guy was sick as a dog and I knew that the only way to get him out of the house would be to have his judo sensei and one of his  friends call him for his help with something.  It was just a small gathering with a long hero sandwich, a birthday cake and some beverages, but a lot of his childhood friends were there.  When he came home and everyone jumped out to yell, "Surprise!", he told his friends, that I knew they were the only ones that would have been able to get him out feeling the way he did.  I felt so bad that he was under the weather but I think his friends and the small party cheered him up a bit.  He definitely slept like a log that night - lol!

That tube slide from the main floor to the basement sounds awesome!  I am so there - lol!

 

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