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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Members: 1339
Latest Activity: on Thursday

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Comment by laurajay on Thursday

H2obapper   you are so young...too young for more years of chronic pain...get some people you love ad ask them to be at the hospital when you have the next surgery.  Try to  think beyond the surgery.  If you were old  I'd say  think again  but at 32  you have  60 or so years to go...just do it and get to the other side of it.  Anxiety is to be expected...prayers    lj

Comment by Hopeful30 on Wednesday
I'm sorry to hear that Traci. Do you keep other reminders around you? I keep pictures at my desk. The world could forget him, but I won't.
Comment by Hopeful30 on Wednesday
H2obapper.... I can't say I've been in a similar situation but I understand what you mean about wanting to avoid the hospital. I hate the hospital my husband was in before those idiots released him too early. Does it have to be done at that hospital? My suggestion also is make sure you have lots of friends and family with you, regardless of where the surgery takes place if you go through with it. I imagine it's normal to have those feelings you are going through. Are you seeing a therapist to help you through them?Sending hugs your way and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Comment by Jigawattica (Traci) on Wednesday

It's the little things that really get to me. My day was going ok until now. My husband and i worked for the same company and I just noticed today that they finally removed him from our system and he is no longer showing on my work's instant messenger. That hurts.

Comment by Maggie on Wednesday
H2o bapper...you are so young and it's so tragic for you. I know you won't believe it now, but the thing you have got going for you is your young age. You will be happy again someday, you just can't see it now and you won't for awhile yet. Just hang in there. I hope you have family or friends to be with you during and after your surgery.
Comment by H2obapper on Wednesday
I'm having a problem I hope you guys can help me with. I was recently told I have to have a 4th back surgery. Being told this brought back so many feelings, largely that I wanted my husband there with me to make this massive decision. I have not made my decision about whether I will be going through with this surgery (Tuesday will be 17 years of pain and I'm only 32) despite talking to a counselor and priest. But that is not what I need the assistance with. Ever since being told that I should have this surgery again, I have been having flash backs to my husband's death and the chest pains and panic attacks are returning in full force despite the medication. If I have this surgery, it will be in the same hospital where my husband suddenly died (which is very traumatic for me; it was last year when I had to have another back surgery). My question, sorry for the long walk to get there, is whether anyone has faced something similar to this? Has anyone had a recurrence of their PTSD or feelings of loss after learning they need a medical procedure? I didn't have this experience last year when I had to have the surgery (granted it was less than 6 months after his passing) so I feel at a loss. I have also been in a really big funk with more depression since learning this news. I have been praying on it, talking to Ray and anyone I'm comfortable telling about this diagnosis, but the general panic and flashbacks are really concerning me. Please help, I'm at my wits end. Thanks.
Comment by laurajay on Wednesday

Rose   read your incoming mail....just start those small things  and every time you have a tiny success in something you will feel a tiny bit better...over time and pain... small daily accomplishment will help  you don't have to want to do things  do them anyway and they will make a path for you-  a path you cannot see right now because you are so low in spirit.   Start to look at life  as a place to help others as well a yourself. Don't have to make sense and can't go back ...but forward is available.     lj

Comment by Dark Rose on Wednesday

Thank you MyLife. It is good that someone understands..

Comment by MyLife on Wednesday

My heart goes out to you, Dark Rose. I know exactly how you're feeling <3 <3 

Comment by Dark Rose on Wednesday

Today has been really hard. I weight a 1000 pounds today. I just wish I didn't exist. I still continue to feel outside of my self, watching my world break, watching the world go on. In a daze of some kind, feeling like a stranger in my own body. I don't understand how something of this kind is possible. I don't want anything, I don't want to get better, whatever that means. I just want my husband back. That is all I want. I am tired of running in circles, running from this nightmare. Trying to exhaust myself i am tired of it, I just want him here so I don't have to do any of this. I want to hear his heart beat, I want to have him around me. I want to watch him sleep. Why can't I do this anymore? Who am I? I don't recognize the girl I now live in. The face if familiar but that is all, what I say and do now just doesn't make sense. 

 

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