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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1776
Latest Activity: Mar 24

Discussion Forum

Being a new widow

Started by widowboymom34. Last reply by Rainy (Misty) Jan 18. 6 Replies

I became a widow on August 16. I also being the lone ranger in raising our boys, age 9 and 13. I feel like everyone around me things I am a complete idiot and I feel completely alone. I know when my…Continue

Regrets

Started by Elizabeth. Last reply by going.on.slowly Jan 6. 15 Replies

I am new to this forum, but not new to this journey. My husband died suddenly in 2013. He had talked about back pain for a few days and never went to have it seen to. He was upstairs marking test…Continue

Anniversary Today

Started by jlsrdh. Last reply by Mary Oct 9, 2019. 4 Replies

today is my anniversary. The second since Tom died. Last year I was barely functioning, and his memorial service was 2 days after our anniversary. This would have been our 39th. So, I wrote something…Continue

this is perfect site to journal

Started by jlsrdh. Last reply by Laurie Sep 23, 2019. 4 Replies

 this is the perfect site to journal, and express any thoughts and feelings we all go through at these terrible times. Its is helpful to read what others are feeling, thinking too. The responses from…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by jlsrdh on March 24, 2020 at 5:27am

Hello LolaBlue, I'm so sorry for your loss, but you will find this site vey helpful. I lost my husband 8/20/18 like you at home with a sudden cardiac arrest. My CPR also failed to save him. With the current CV and the need to self isolate this is a hard time for all widows and widowers. The little routine that I had established is right now is gone. So, there are many good books you can order about death of a spouse. My favorite is" It's ok that you're not ok" by Megan Devine. I've read 3 times. Some great site online:  widow411, what'syourgrief.com, bertramsblog.com -just to name a few. They all have great articles to read about everything we go through in our grief journey when we lose a spouse.  Get a journal and write anything you are feeling. I wrote numerous blogs on suddenly widowed. For me I needed the connection to others in this journey. And I feel its my journey forever. 

We are all her for, understand what you are feeling 

huge

jlsrdh

Comment by Tess on March 24, 2020 at 5:17am

LolaBlue and sweetlady, I am so sorry for your losses. It is a new strange existence without your partners. I wish you peace in your life going forward. It is an especially difficult time, so be good to yourselves. It is good that you shared your stories with us all. Share as often as you are able.

Hugs to you.

Comment by sweetlady on March 23, 2020 at 5:28pm

I lost my husband Jan 2000 in Israel was devastating and a nightmare still alone at 74. I still work have two sons that dont get along and now married son has cancer and he got it early of the male parts but won’t be easy to go thru chemo. Now with this corona virus it’s troublesome. I work in the school they closed the schools for two weeks all over Suffolk county and they are paying us   I don’t know what will be if they close longer and don’t pay us if in trouble as social security doesn’t covers the Congress due to our corrupt lying and uncompassionate and stupid is not looking out for us looking to give the big cos bailouts that isn’t fair. I can’t out afraid I shouldn’t catch it as I do have bronchitis in my system to be alone is awful and frustrating especially in these times and have a dog who has problems wit h her. Ears so a lot on my plate. Hope we all get thru this not on his position we are alone. Be well write if u can. My heart goes out to u. He was only 54 when he died.  Elaine

Comment by LolaBlue on March 23, 2020 at 4:35pm

Hi!  I am new to the group and widowhood.  I lost my husband Don on 11/17/19 while eating dinner at home.  I had left the room for 3 minutes to put my pj's on and returned to find him collapsed.  I began cpr until EMS arrived, but he did not survive.  In May 2019, he had a pacemaker placed.  He was in chronic afib for over 3 weeks and very critical.  I thought I would lose him then, but God gave us 6 more months.  He was also diagnosed at that time with an aortic aneurysm.  I did not have an autopsy done, but my suspician is the aneurysm blew, although the death certificate states a massive heart attack.  I am still struggling with the trauma of finding him, trying unsuccessfully to save him (I am trained in cpr but also had a badly sprained wrist from a fall a week earlier), and the fear of living and being alone.  I had signed my early retirement papers 2 days before he died and we had plans to visit all the national parks in our motorhome.  I feel so empty.  So heavy with sadness.  So alone. I am blessed with good friends but now we all have to distance from eachother so I feel even more isolated.  Thank you for letting me share my story.  I welcome new friendships and support through this platform of people who have experienced something similar.  Peace. Be well. 

Comment by TorontoKD on March 17, 2020 at 5:03am

Very thoughtful Tess.  It's just starting to settle in how serious this is getting (people are a little less panicked here in Canada but we still have the hoarders).  I mentioned to my friend that I'm overdue for a haircut so I might go today ad she asked how I was going to stay six feet away from the barber.  I'm thinking he's probably not even open.

There's so much I need to take care of that can be done from here, but I just can't get motivated.  I guess it's too soon.

I hope everyone is keeping busy.  Stay safe and healthy.

Comment by Tess on March 17, 2020 at 4:51am

Just checking in on Suddenly Widowed. I know there are some recently widowed that posted. In light of this chaotic outbreak, I just wanted to check in. It’s said that we shouldn’t isolate ourselves, but here we are. I hope you are taking care of yourselves. 
Hoping this passes before too much more time. 
Hugs, Tess

Comment by TorontoKD on March 11, 2020 at 11:57am

Thank you Melissa.  I'm sorry for your loss too. 

My first reaction is to leave and leave now, but I know that's not possible.  There's too much to do first, too many loose ends to tie up, and I don't know where I want to go anyway.  I just know I'm not going to stay here.  We had already made that decision, and I want to stay even less now.

I have been pretty thirsty the last few days...I guess it is dehydrating.  It's also exhausting.  My body feels like I've been carrying a load of bricks around.

Comment by Melissa on March 11, 2020 at 11:44am

Kevin, I'm so very sorry. My husband died suddenly two years ago, and it is a tremendous shock to your system, in every way.

Don't even think about making any decisions now. Let your friends help you as much as possible while you take care of yourself. Behave as if you're recovering from a bad illness. Sleep as much as you can. Drink lots of liquids because grief is actually dehydrating. Try to eat. Cry as much as you need to; it's healthy. 

There is no one way to grieve. Every grief is personal. You aren't going crazy, although sometimes it may feel that way. Please don't make any decisions now, because you can't think clearly enough.

Again, call on your friends and family for help, even if it's just to sit with you. We here are your friends too, and I'm so glad you reached out. We've all been where you are now, and we're here for you.

I wish you peace and comfort.

Melissa

Comment by TorontoKD on March 11, 2020 at 10:24am

Thanks Amy.  Talking to others who have been through the same trauma is helping some, but it still hurts. A lot.

Comment by daringtoday on March 11, 2020 at 9:56am

Kevin, I lost my partner very suddenly nearly four years ago. The first hours, days, weeks and months are incredibly disordering because your world has been literally shattered. Take it easy and do whatever you need to do to get through the day. I found bodywork — yoga and massage — to be incredibly helpful. I waited two years to move and it was a smart decision because I wasn’t capable of a rational choice any earlier. Sending hugs, Amy

 

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