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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
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For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause.
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Latest Activity: 1 hour ago
Heath...believe me when I say that you are experiencing what many of us have with the guilt. I still have times when I struggle to deal with signing a DNR order the day before my wife passed away. I keep asking myself "what if I hadn't signed it, would she still be here?" The thing that sucks about that is I can't possible know the answer but have to instead teach myself to believe that I did the best that I could do at the time. As far as feeling hopeless and not wanting to go on, that is also us in the early stages and particulary me just a few short months ago. It will be 5 months on Thursday for me and reading your posts, I can see myself in your experience right now. We find ourselves wishing time forward to take away some of the pain. I know at first reading about someone who was say 6 months to a year out, I would envy them as I felt if I could just be there the hurt would be over. The hurt is not over and never will be. What I can say is that the edge has been taken off of it. I wake up each day now with the thought in my mind "what am I going to do with today to make it worth something?" My wife would not have appreciated me wasting my life drowning in sorrow so there are many days when I have to do it for her as I cannot do it for myself. It is very early days for you so my advice is treat yourself very gently. Have no expectations and do not allow others to put theirs on you either. This is the time for you to be selfish with what you need. I did send you a friend request so if you are interested and wish to accept I would welcome the opportunity to be a support for you.
@Heath and Brandy1977, each day you do go on is a testament to your love for your wives. The world can seem so bleak, but I would like to believe that our loved ones are in a better place watching over us. We get to honor them each day by sharing their love, their laughter, and their memories with our little corner of the world. I understand the blame you both carry, but that is a mighty load. When you are ready, forgive yourselves. You both did everything you could in that moment.
I lost my husband of 32 years, half my life, on June 30th. He went to the store and didn't come home. I got a call saying he fell and was going by ambulance to the local hospital. they life flighted him from there to our level one trauma center but he never regained consciousness. I made the choice to take him off life support after seeing the CAT scans and having his surgeon tell me he wasn't going to make it. There's much more to my trauma in this but that's all I'll say for now. Just wanted to introduce myself to the group.
Brandy1977. Sorry for your recent loss. TIME is a one word answer for how to move forward without her. Simply no formula or easy, quick process works. Take one thing at a time, be good to yourself and your children and trust time to ease the sharpness of this sudden, unexpected loss.
August 15 will be the one year anniversary. Any suggestions on what to do? My sister in law asked me what I wanted to do. I was actually thinking about just me and my son doing something together, but he has to work, so I was thinking about doing something like going to an out of town restaurant with some girlfriends. I suppose I really should do something with the family, they have been really good to me and they mean well. Her suggestion was going to the cemetery and releasing balloons. I know that some people get great comfort in going to the cemetery. I don't. I have been a few times and I feel horrible afterwards. I talk to Bill all the time, I feel close to him in our room and in his garage. Those spots are usually comforting to me. Anyway, I don't want to go to the cemetery and my son was not real big on the idea either. My mother in law moved in with me in June, so I guess I have to do something that includes her. That makes me sound awful!!! She is sweet and her moving in was something we talked about before he died. But I can't handle a bunch of wailing and I am afraid that is what will happen at the cemetery. I can't be selfish and go off with my girlfriends, which is what I really want to do. I could really use some ideas on what to do.
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