Since Tom died, I watch a lot of tv. It’s noise in a very silent house. I have on the DVR numerous shows, new and old. One of the old shows is Murder, She Wrote.
If your remember the show, and I do, Jessica Fletcher is a widow. Played by Angela Lansbury. Jessica is a mystery writer, sort of always helping the police solve a murder. So last night I decided to watch one on the DVR. This show was from 1987. Part of her dialogue in this show struck me to my core.
Jessica’s friends husband had been murdered. As she pulled a lighter out of the deceased‘s painting smock she said, “one of the hardest things about losing a husband are all the little things he leaves behind. Sooner or later, when the pain subsides you have to put them away.” When I heard that I teared up.
Absolutely correct statement. Gave me pause, yes that is exactly what I had done with his things
I get it. One of my worst times 'after' was picking up my husband's jeans, taking the worn out belt off, pulling the receipts out of the pockets, from the grocery stop he had done just that night.... the minutiae of life, a life that suddenly was not. It strikes in a terrible way and is still a time seared in my mind as one of the worst...
I keep something of Don's in my coat pocket. It was on his keychain with his car keys, and I don't even know what it is. It's some type of oval-shaped pocket tool. He always had some kind of tool in his pocket. He died with a wrench in the pocket of his shorts. My son found it, and kept it.
A life that suddenly was not." That is a spot on description of having someone you love ripped from your life. One minute he was there, the next minute he was gone. It reminds me of these lyrics:
Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold
After I suddenly lost my husband, the only tv show that could keep my attention was The Walking Dead. After a time, I came to realize that it was because the people on the show are constantly losing the ones they love, and that they still have to keep going. I related to the constant loss. It's been 4 years for me now, and I am still unexpectedly touched by those shows which contain the truth of widowhood within them. Some of them are shows I had seen previously, before I was widowed, and it was just another part of the drama for me and did not touch me in the same way that it does now. I think that we as widows can really feel it when somebody who has lost someone speaks their truth about it through a drama. A good new show is After Life with Ricky Gervais.
My thoughts are with all of you. I don't routinely keep up with Suddenly Widowed any longer, because now that I have come to a better place, I find it hard to see the extreme pain that comes with sudden loss as new members join. But I am here to tell you that it does get better.
I am not there yet. Other than his toothbrushes, I have not put up anything. It gives me comfort to have his things near me. Yet I know eventually I will have to. I can't imagine the toll that will take.