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Tonight I was going through boxes in the basement, trying to declutter some because I have to move.  Don died 9 months ago yesterday.  i went out to get pizza, and when I came home, I found him. He was gone.  So I have to sell my home, which I am hating every step of the way.  Going through the boxes, I found an old Valentine's Day card Don had given me when we first started dating at 16.  I had been looking for it since he died.  I knew I saved it somewhere, but couldn't find it. I pulled a box out from underneath the basement steps that had my name on it, and I said out loud, "Please be in here..."  And it was. I was ecstatic to find it, but hit by a wave of grief that took me down hard. I remember when he gave it to me.  We were at his house and he gave me the card and a tiny little English Ivy plant. Good God I loved that man, and I still do.  38 years of marriage, 40 years of dating. It's just so unfair. I miss him terribly, and today is one of those days when the tears just fall out of my face involuntarily, there's nothing I can do to stop them. But that's okay, they are tears of love for him. 

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Oh Crabby....I cried reading this. 

You are not even past your first year and yet must pack up the house and move.  I am past 5 years and now making the 3rd pass at going through Gary's things.   This is my 2nd time, as I was widowed previously.  That time I moved to a bigger place so I just took everything,and then 13 years after he died I moved, and decided to get rid of everything down to what would fit in my car.   Best thing I ever did, but oh so difficult.

Sending hugs.


I can sense all the pain you are in and I totally understand. I’m at 8 months myself, and the disjointed reality of this awful “new” way of life is often most days horrible. 

Cry all you want, he is worth every tear. Keep those special mementos  and the memories they contain forever if you want. There is no right or wrong way through this,  it is instead whatever you wish  to create and remember. I’m sending you lots of hugs.



Ciao crabby when i discover something write by him i'm hitting by the great wave of pain...yes we're grieving 'cos we're loving so much...and we know now too much well what meaning love them and lose's the time of hopeless feelings... No one can compare to them and they are not and you knows what pain it is....hope that our intense love is not invane...for now the sun  fades away..hold on my friend hugs to you


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