Just some thoughts - I think we've all heard people say that the first year is the hardest. They tell us you have to get through all of the firsts - first holidays, first birthdays, first anniversaries, etc. But what about other firsts? First time someone in your family is seriously ill and you can't turn to him? First time your car breaks down? First time you get a flat tire? First time your dog is injured? First time you hear something in the middle of the night and you're terrified? I am coming up to 6 months out, and have had every one of these happen. They cause so much stress and anxiety.
I've already had a bunch of those firsts. First time I went to our favorite movie theater, first time I saw his car in the parking lot & realized with a shock that I had driven it, 10 things in the house that have gone wrong that I've had to handle completely by myself. First week of a new semester (I teach) that I leave on Friday & he's not going to be there to enjoy the weekend with. First time I've done each of his chores - took the garbage out crying. First time I had to tell someone who called that he was deceased. I have new realizations, situations in which I suddenly KNOW that he's gone. These last 2-3 weeks, in January, I've had one every day. A new realization that he's gone. Seems like I have to grieve every little one with big tears.
I married my late when I was almost 36, and he only lived another 6 1/2 years, so facing crises alone didn't feel unusual -- just so unfair. I had already struggled through my 20s and half of my 30s alone and I finally had someone to share the burden when it was pulled out from under me.