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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I am new to this forum, but not new to this journey. My husband died suddenly in 2013. He had talked about back pain for a few days and never went to have it seen to. He was upstairs marking test papers for his students and was found dead at his desk by his son, who wondered why he hadn't come in to say goodnight to him. The autopsy revealed that he died from an aortic dissection. Obvious to me afterwards, the back pain was a symptom of what was going on. He was 56 years old. 

So of course I regret so much. Why didn't I take a cup of tea up to him, when I had made one for myself? Why wasn't I kinder with my words that evening, that day? Why did I assume that he would be around for so much longer? Because we get caught up in life and the stresses it brings. We forget the important stuff.

My heart breaks for my four children. They are adults now. They lost their Dad way too early. 

It is a new life for me. Some good, some bad. I appear strong and ok on my own, but sometimes the loneliness is so painful. We only have ourselves to look after people say, so why does it seem so difficult sometimes?

Thank you for having this forum.

 

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Replies to This Discussion

laurajay you are right "it was their time to die"...a truth that i don't want to accept 'cos it's painful thank hugs roxi

Hello Laurajay, Elizabeth, going.on.slowly, and silverlady among all of us who lost our beloved spouses suddenly, without warning:  I was there the day he died (that scene has been branded into my brain with no relief or closure coming from it), and the unreality of his death still strikes me regularly.  It's been 14 months now, but I still have this little startle response when I get up to go to a different room & realize I'm alone in the house.  I'll make a plan in my head, and think "we" and then have this startled feeling realizing no we anymore.  I'm still careful turning over in bed for fear I might wake up ... who?  Nobody there.  I know there is no point in reliving the last few days of his life, wondering what would have happened if I'd been home when he collapsed, if the ambulance might have arrived a minute or 2 sooner & made all the difference -- no point but my brain goes there anyway.  
To all of you:  I pray that you will find a moment of joy or satisfaction or contentment at least once during this long holiday season, whether through your connection to God, memories of your beloved, or being with others that you love.  Some of us also prefer to be alone through all of it, and I wish you peace also and comfort from your own company.  Blessings to all of you; I am grateful for your presence here in this forum.

Thank you for your kind holiday wishes KJPE, and the same to you. My heart goes out to you and all the other “suddenly widowed.” Through supporting each other, we help each other survive and live with our suddenly-altered reality.

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