Is anyone else tormented by the words you didn't get to say to your loved one? There are so many things I wish I had said before he went to bed that night, but who ever thinks they won't be there in the morning? I do believe he can hear me and I do tell him all the time how important he was/is to me, but it still tears me up not being able to know for sure. This is something I'm learning from. Now on I will say what I am feeling to those that are important to me right then and there instead of waiting for the "perfect timing".
Yes, absolutely. I posted this to the blog yesterday because of this exact thing:
The very last time I was able to communicate with my wife, I ask her "Boo know I love you, right?" and she nodded her head even though she had her eyes closed and was intubated. Then I told her the baby was healthy and she just need to take things one at a time to get better and that I would see her in about an hour or two because she was being taken to the OR. In reality, I think I knew that there was a good chance that would be the last time I would get to communicate with her but I didn't want her to be scared or anything so I lied to her.
I don't feel bad about telling her that I'd see her in an hour or two. I just wish I could've said more things to help reassure her not to worry about anything to help her not be scared.
I feel the same as your blog emphasizes, and sometimes do shout it out, but most times I just speak it to him. I also understand about trying to calm the fear. The end of Sept my husband had spinal surgery and I knew he was totally scared even though he tried to hide it. We have 2 boys and he was pouring out his love and pride to them and me. I would have told him just about anything to help him with that fear. In March he passed from a cerebral aneurysm and none of us were able to speak with him again. As I'm sure you know, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. God bless
Hi Sis. I lost my husband a number of years ago but my dad died in November, he and I were best friends, so close. I did not get to say goodbye and I was with him the last week of his life and I was short-tempered and snapped at him some, but I realized that humans just simply do not have the ability to treat every day like it's someone's last. It's just not how we are made and we should not feel guilty. I try to let go and know that both my husband and my dad know what was in my heart. God bless you my friend.
Thank you, littleblue. It would have been so nice to be able to communicate , for the boys and myself, but he had an aneurysm which caused a stroke, so he made snoring sounds til he passed. At one time, it felt him squeeze my hand and I believe he was telling me he knew I was there. I think I'll hear that snoring for the rest of my life. God Bless
Yes-not having a chance to say anything before he passed is something that bothers me a lot. I, too, talk to him and say what I want him to know. It’s so unfair to have someone leave so suddenly.
I too lost my beloved husband all at once, suddenly with no warning. The state that the suddenness put me in is one in which I revisit that shocked feeling over & over. I would never have wanted him to suffer, but I am paying the price - I don't think he ever knew that his heart had failed; he had no symptoms except that he went unconscious and couldn't stand up....I never got to talk to him about anything relevant to last wishes, I don't even know how he was feeling that last terrible day that he was conscious.
I certainly didn't have a chance to say I love you, you're the light of my life, etc. but I did get to kiss him good bye & say see you at such & such a time, etc. I've been working on making that enough because sudden death forces each of us to settle for whatever our last conscious contact was .... usually much less loving than our heart actually feels.