Suddenly widowed

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Comment by UpNorthWidow on August 23, 2011 at 7:43am

Lucky - my thoughts are with you today as you travel through this day.

Comment by Lucky on August 23, 2011 at 4:09am

Hi,

Tomorrow 24th August marks two years since my husband passed away through a road accident.The two years have not been easy but with God's grace we have made it this far with my two daughters.I still wonder why God  denied my daughters their father's love and me the love of the man I loved. It is painful to remember the dreams he had for us as a family, which never came to pass.Death is so final. The world is full of people yet it is lonely when the one who cared for us is gone forever. May God will give us Strength to continue and give my daughters the love they missed.Thanks all of you because you understand and know how if feels to recall those very sad moments. Let us continue sharing for these will  lessen  the heavy load of grief in our hearts.

Comment by Booworks on August 22, 2011 at 10:31pm

Had a bit of a meltdown this weekend at a concert that Richard would have loved being at. Just when I think it's getting easier there is something to remind me how much I miss him. I hate being surrounded by friends and family yet feeling so alone. Unless you are where we are you don't get it...I wish I didn't have to get it. I wish I didn't have to explain my meltdowns, I wish people were more comfortable with my emotion. I'm so glad this is a place where people get it, I just wish I didn't need it.

Comment by crying on August 22, 2011 at 4:20pm

Everyone is right.  When everyone stated what can I do?  i wish i had said never forget him..he was a wonderful man, father and husband. However works thinks I should.  how do i go back to a place that doesn't respect my husband.  And if anyone ever says anything bad about him Like he should of let you better financially...well he shouldn't of died at 47 . I love and miss him more each day. Your right how do you have so many wonderful years and then left with so many miserable years.  i can't find the secreat to get better, i seem to get worse.  I guess i can think more now then I could in the early days.

Comment by crying on August 22, 2011 at 4:09pm

Iris

I am coming up to one year.  I did come crashing down from all the stress.  Money is always on my mine 24/7.  I don't even earn half what my husband did.  yet I did have some life insurance so i can't get help from the governement.  Ha funny i am loosing my house and the little life insurance will get me a place and nothing else.  Work just laid me off for two weeks no pay since they think I should be over my husband death by now.. not sure if i will have a job after these two weeks.  Way to help me cope people.  If nothing else Iris act happy and jolly at work..I don't want the same thing to happen to you.  Two weeks without pay,add it to alll the other problems.  Just cry no stop like me.  i wish i could be upbeat for you, but I hate to lie..3 weeks short of a year and I found it got worse

 

Comment by Iris on August 22, 2011 at 1:22pm

Storm, so very true! I always felt terrible for those 'other' people, but did not have a clue about what is really involved and how heartbreaking each task can be, like trying to find medical records and digging through paperwork. So many reminders of years passed, some beautiful memories that are so painful now because this beautiful person that meant more than anything is gone.... Unimaginable that i will never ever see him again. I am still struggling with that. How can someone be around almost every day for 25 years and then get ripped out of my life in a matter of seconds?

Comment by greyeyes10 on August 22, 2011 at 1:14pm

Storm- how can people have no empathy? Even if it makes you feel weird, say something. Anything. Hi. My "best friend" told me shortly before Kevin died that if a conversation came up that she didn't talk to talk about she'd change the subject. At the time I was venting about being the care taker for my mom. This "friend" lived in Germany at the time, and was flying into town. I had told her to find another ride from the airport. That was the day Kevin died. She showed up at my door step, knowing what had happened. Said I'm sorry and talked about random stuff. In front of my family. She was here for 3 weeks. The only time I saw her was at the wedding we were both in. The only time I heard from her was when she sent me a text to say she was on her way to the airport. I found out through her mom, that she was telling everyone I was too drugged up to go see (not true at all). How can someone like that live?

Comment by Chris Scherer on August 22, 2011 at 1:14pm

Storm & greyeyes - I completely understand the frustration, but please don't assume anything until you talk to them.  You'll feel better after telling them how you feel, and you'll likely find out why they've been how they've been.  Whatever you do, don't let the frustration of not understanding make you do something that you'll regret.

Comment by greyeyes10 on August 22, 2011 at 12:49pm

I haven't heard from any of them in 11 months. Disrespect was going to work instead of going to your "best friends" memorial service. Disrespect is not checking on your "best friends" 26 year old widow. They have done nothing but disrespect him. Its not that dont talk about him, its they don't talk at all. I haven't heard from them at all.

If I could go back, when everyone asked me what they could do all I'd say is "talk about him, remember him, don't let his 27 years on this earth die in less than a year." Or go F yourselves. Either or.

Comment by Chris Scherer on August 22, 2011 at 12:44pm

greyeyes10 - the vast majority of people (including friends & family) do not know how to deal with death, especially the death of someone they're close with.  The only easy way to "get through it" is to not think of it.  It's not that they want to disrespect him or that they don't care, they just don't know how to react.  Perhaps reaching out to them and telling them how you feel would help? 

 

I feel the same way about some of my friends & family who have never asked me anything surrounding the death of my late wife, and I haven't done anything about it so please don't think I speak from experience.  Sometimes it's just easier to see things differently when it's not happening to you...

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