Suddenly widowed

Comment

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on May 6, 2012 at 2:33am

@ lorioc42, I've felt those same feelings I don't know how many times over this past year. I've sat and cried for hours begging KC-My husband to come get me and take me to where ever he is.Some days it just feels like I don't want this world anymore and I don't think it needs me. But so far I've made it through to another day. Most of the time I've been glad I did! Keep holding on to anything that gives you the strength to get out of bed each morning. I just work for one morning at a time, on the 14th of May it will be 1 year for me and I still don't believe it.

Comment by lorioc42 on May 6, 2012 at 12:21am

Joellen, I think I need few soft days after this past week - which outside of my husbands death, was the worst I think I've ever had.  I won't go into detail so I'll just say that I was teetering on the edge - either of insanity or a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  To be honest, At the time I felt that those were the only two choices I had and I wasn't exactly sure which way I was going to go.  ~breathing a sigh of relief~ I made it through and found myself still here.  I don't want to ever feel that desperate again! Twice in my life is enough!

Comment by Booworks on May 5, 2012 at 11:18pm

Chris, thinking about you. Hugs to you this weekend. Tami

Comment by crying on May 5, 2012 at 10:21pm

Chris
I am at two years on sept 5th. I still cry and tonite watched the door hoping he would walk thru it. I guess our love for our husbands was so deep our lost will be deep and hurt deep

Comment by DrummerGroupie (Chris) on May 5, 2012 at 8:25pm

Thanks for thinking of me Lisa - and it was a tough day.  It amazes me that it's been 2 years and I still sometimes have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea that he is gone. 

Hugs to you Lisa,

Chris

Comment by crying on May 5, 2012 at 8:06pm

Chris
I meant to check on you yesterday but figured a day won't make a difference in hell anyway. But no that I am thinking of you and wish there was something I could do or say for you. Take care of yourself this weekend.
Lisa

Comment by DrummerGroupie (Chris) on May 5, 2012 at 7:57pm

Joellen - It is so hard to try to figure out this new 'normal'.  My step son put it so well when he said that everyone else's life goes on the same and our life as we knew it is over.  We have to start fresh and find our way........and it does suck.  I can't tell you that it doesn't.  Yesterday was 2 years since Mark passed away and I had several meltdowns during the day.  It was like this tidal wave just slapped me.............it just hurts.  I have three dogs - that were Mark's dogs before we met.  One is 17 and he had him since he was 6 weeks old and the other two are 12 and they were born here.  They truly miss him and can't figure out why he hasn't come home.  I leave the TV on everyday when I leave for work - so that they have some voices in the house. 

Lorioc - This road is so hard and friends who have not travelled this journey just don't know what to do or say, so they tend to shy away.  I hate to say that........but I've found that to be true.  Especially Mark's friends - all of the guys who told me at his memorial service that anytime I need them, they'd be here and they'd call to check and see how I was doing.  Some of them I haven't heard from in 2 years now. 

Wishing you'all some peace this evening. 

Chris

Comment by Joellen on May 5, 2012 at 7:07pm

lorioc42.... I totally agree with you,. today is 4 weeks since my husband died and realaity is setting in the shock must be wearing off cause the pain is so damn intense lately.. I did so much better the first two weeks. making calls to insurance company, pension board, etc.  now I just don't know..  I am tempted to keep the tv on low when I leave the house so the dog is not lonely as she has never been alone my husband was retired so he was home with her and she is having a hard time too.plus I would not be walking into a silent house. Lorioc42 I so do feel your pain and I totally agree; everyone goes back to their normal life while we struggle to find our "new Normal" whatever the heck that is... I have even had people who I though were friends shy away from me like I have something that is catchy...  Like I want to shout.. I just lost my husband.. it is not catchy... OMG this road is so hard to travel . Hope you have a soft day tomorrow

Comment by kcc - NM on May 5, 2012 at 7:01pm

lorioc42 - I hate the empty house and quiet the most. Friends get back to their lives and I am left with nothing.

Comment by T on May 4, 2012 at 5:03pm

eternalaura - Sending you strength.  Those empty days are so hard.  One day, one foot at a time. 

 

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