Suddenly widowed

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Comment by janet on June 20, 2012 at 12:15am

Joellen, check with Dianne in Nevada.  She can tell you how to upload pictures here.  She and Supa are full of information.

Comment by Joellen on June 19, 2012 at 8:07pm

thank you Janet...  I would love to share pictures but I do not know how to post pictures on this site. sorry :)  I am trying to get in the right mind set to get something positive out of this trip.. I still have time so with all of your support I am hopeful it will happen. thank you for your encouraging words and support. it means alot to me

Comment by janet on June 19, 2012 at 7:27pm

Joellen, you and your daughter both need some time away from the grieving.  I see this as an opportunity for you to grow and to begin to discover who you are.  I am so excited that you are going and I want pics from your trip.

Each little baby step we take is moving forward andlearning who we truly are as we travel this journey.  This is not an easy one and we will never be who we were but we will be stronger and know just how precious life is going forward.

Comment by Joellen on June 19, 2012 at 6:40pm

Tanya are you a mind reader now?? :) cause yes I have been sitting here all night through many many tears second thinking this whole thing wondering how I can politely get out of going. I too over think everything have forever  How I could tell my daughter that while she struggled the last 2 month with work and nursing school missing her dad so horribly that we are not going how to tell my son and daughter in law and 2 grandchildren we are not joining them and I can't think of a way.  My daughter called from work during one of my spells and said mom get a grip you were doing so good. it is ok to be down a little every now and then but what is wrong I told her I just miss  her dad terribly.. She said come on. Dad would not want you to be crying like this he hated to see you cry... and she is right but I can't help it.Bradley and my daughter in law chris have made the trip sound so relaxing and enjoyable they are doing everything in their power to ease my mind. so I really have no choice On July 14th I am headed out to the outerbanks.. but to say I am not scared is a lie. I am petrified,  I have never driven that far; going there we will be following Bradley but on the way home it is just Mandy , me and my GPS...  I wonder if I really should even consider going. what if I have a bad meltdown don't want to ruin their trip and have them sorry that they asked us to go  along..  Mandy and I have never been to North Carolina..  We have just always vacationed in our own state of Ohio.  and I keep thinking that it is just such a short time since Phil died. when we go it will only be 3 and 1/2 months what will people think.  will they think that I am a fake I really do not miss him and need him and love him as much as I say I do.. then I think what the hell do I care what they think I know in my heart what I feel.  can you tell I am a mess here.. Oh Tanya and lovie and chris you guys are awesome and I appreciate you all so much you are giving me so much support and courage and even a chuckle or two...  I love you all. thank you....  I will be going and hopefully by the time I pull out of my driveway I will be as excited as all of you. thanks friends... you are the best.. I know Phil would want us to go.. even if he were here and he hates the water and beach.. if I wanted to go and because one of our children asked us to go  we would be going... so... thanks again.... hugs to you all Jo

Comment by tanya on June 19, 2012 at 6:05pm

we all are excited for you even you are not.  So go ahead and join the crowd and stop over thinking it. (so says the woman who over thinks EVERYTHING)

Comment by tanya on June 19, 2012 at 5:56pm

dont worry about the drive...I drove from Bristol Tennessee to Kansas City Missouri with just me and my poor ol momma. It took 14 hours but I drove right on thru. No problem. Dont be afraid to live honey if you do you will miss out on so much. Do it in Phils honor and God is always with you. Hugs Tanya

Comment by lovie on June 19, 2012 at 4:29pm

Joellen, Like the others who have posted, I think this trip will be very beneficial to you and your daughter. My husband died of a massive heart attack in September 2009. We had planned an 8 week beach that winter. Of course, I cancelled it, but as the weeks got closer, I felt the need to go there for a week, alone to just rest and remember and cry. So in mid-December, I  took his urn with me and spent a week at the beach grieving, meditating, and crying. I poured my heart out to him (in the urn!) and when I returned home I felt so much more ready to face the new life I had to live alone without him. We had been high school sweethearts and had been together for 40 years, married 36. I knew then that I could face whatever was ahead, but knew that it would be a rough and painful road. My grown children and one grandson went again to the beach on the first anniversay of his death. And, although the veil of sadness was there, we all felt good knowing that it would be exactly what he would have wanted us to do...live again, enjoy each other, and remember all the wonderful times we had as an entire family.  I never would have thought that I could ever feel the peace and joy that I feel today.  I will always carry that ache in my heart for him, but it doesn't stop me from living. This trip will hopefully allow you to see that life can continue, even though we miss our departed loved one. It is still so new for you and your family so do not expect too much too soon. Just remember that each day is a new day toward a new life where you will live again with his memory and spirit inside of you.  Give yourself time, try to rest, and remember God's promise that we will all be united again. Take care and blessing to a good trip for you and your family.

Comment by Joellen on June 19, 2012 at 11:21am

telechick, thank you. I am still a bit aprehensive and scared but I have no choice now My daughter committed us. I am just glad it is for only 1 week. I know I could not do 2 weeks.  I still have some time to get used to the idea of going. I think maybe being together with my one son, daughter, daughter in law and 2 of my grandchildren will help ease the pain a little. thank you for sharing your trip and for your encouragement and support.

Comment by telechick on June 19, 2012 at 11:15am

Joellen,

I'm glad you're going.  I went on a business/personal trip for 8 days the day after Corey's funeral (it had been planned for a while and I needed the training) It was tough, but at the same time it was a relief to get away and suspend reality for just a bit. I travelled to a place that we'd never been together (SD/WY/NE) and saw some beautiful things.  There were little signs throughout the trip that he was there with me. I missed him terribly and coming home was really difficult because I knew he wouldn't be there to greet me, but I am glad I went.

I hope that the change of scenery and the power of the beach/ocean will help to heal you and your family.

Comment by Joellen on June 19, 2012 at 11:02am

Yes Chris Phil would really enjoy the fact that mandy and I were with the kids and haveing a nice time. Even though he would hate this trip if he were here and we were asked to go on vacation with Bradley he would have gone because I would have wanted to go. That is the way he was. always doing what I wanted to do to make me happy and smile..  I have never been to North Carolina so it will be something new for both me and mandy.  again thank you for your kind words,sharing your life with me and calming my heart. hugs and butterflies

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