Suddenly widowed

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Comment by Pat222 on July 5, 2012 at 10:27pm

Today makes 1 month since my husband died. Still in that shocked mode and living in a time warp. I've already been through my first father's day and 4th of July... Family is supportive, and I am thankful, but it is the saying, "Not alone, but lonly!" I know it gets better, but it sure as hell hurts right now!

Comment by chez2all on July 5, 2012 at 4:34pm

Hi Ann,

I have a few feelers out.  Thank you for your suggestions, I'll look into it.  My daughters are finding things rough at the moment too and I've been trying to help them but so far the counselors we've found haven't been very helpful...good with platitudes...but not helpful.

My next stop will be the hospice where my first husband died...maybe they can recommend...

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on July 5, 2012 at 8:56am

Pat222, there are several here who have experienced this loss twice and their words help comfort and also give hope, that we can love again even through the pain. Hugs to you, thank you for coming here and sharing. 

Comment by aussiewidow on July 5, 2012 at 7:16am

Chez, found out yesterday that Lifeline has support groups for people in your situation as well as counselling available via Coroner's Court....I suppose that's the forensic one you mentioned.

I think it's good that counselling has been expanded.

The (general bereavement) counselling and support groups only started up here on the central coast several years ago so I'd guess it's something relatively new in most areas.

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on July 4, 2012 at 11:29am

Pat222, so sorry that you are going through this a second time. sorry for your loss. i love your description of grief as sometimes floating on the waves, and sometimes being crashed by them. it is very, very true. some days i feel i am "moving forward" - then i am swept out to see again with the waves of grief crashing over me.  you give me hope in knowing that you recovered from your previous loss.  peace be with you.

Comment by Joellen on July 4, 2012 at 9:22am

Pat222 so sorry you are going through this rough journey again.. it is bad enough to have to go through it once let alone twice.. Bless you. thank you for sharing your thoghts and comments.  I do appreciate all everyone says to help me get through this journey.. thank you all.

Comment by Pat222 on July 3, 2012 at 11:38pm

lovie> I am sorry for your loss and I appreciate your kind words.

Comment by lovie on July 3, 2012 at 11:27pm

Pat222, I am so, so sorry to hear of you going through this grief journey for a second time. I cannot imagine the pain you are in. My husband also died suddenly from a massive heart attack. The numbness and shock cushioned me for several weeks until I could bear to even think of how to move forward and you are right that NO one should decide your timeline. Rest, grieve and mourn until you are strong enough to tackle what needs to be done. Many blessings to you and your daughter as you try to find the light again.

Comment by Pat222 on July 3, 2012 at 10:49pm

Joellen> I am new to this group and website, but I am not new to being a widow. I was first widowed in 1999 and I can remember that it was at the 3 month mark that I felt that I was really going to lose it. I thought of suicide, and if I could have figured out a way to take both myself and my autistic daughter out without it looking like a suicide, I might not be here today. It was so bad that when calling the suicide hot line, I WAS PUT ON HOLD! I did make it through those dark days and found love again. Now, I am widowed again as my second husband died June 5th of a massive heart attack (that is how my first husband died too). The one thing I learned from the first time through this is that YOU decide when to move on as everyone deals with lose differently. It hurts, you cry and you do what you can as you can. It is like floating in the ocean. Some days you are on top of the wave, and some days, the wave crashes down on you and you feel like you are going to drowned in the hurt and pain. Time does help (I need to keep telling myself this as I am in the drownding phase in my current loss). I don't know if this helps at all, but I hope that you know that your feeling like you are falling backward is how it felt to me too.

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on July 3, 2012 at 8:59am

blueskies - glad you can come here and find comfort. Hugs to you. 

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