This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1587
Latest Activity: Oct 15

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Comment by Broken Diva on July 23, 2017 at 9:56am

Thank you "WithoutJim" for your comments.  You said things so eloquently.  I understand what you mean when you said the loneliness at the beginning was different, almost frightening.  Now, I have less anxiety and it is more of a melancholy or numbness feeling.  Thanks too for the encouragement of being grateful for what I do have.  It could always be worse I guess...And I will never give up hope....

Comment by Broken Diva on July 23, 2017 at 8:58am

Hello to everyone.  I am so sorry for your losses and what you are all experiencing.  It's been three years since I lost my husband suddenly and sometimes I feel like it was yesterday.  I still think of him every day and when I go to sleep I have visions of things we used to do.  Does that happen to anyone else?  I also feel like it gets worse with time not better. At first you are in shock and adrenaline helps you get through the motions.  Now when I am doing things I think "would he do this to solve the problem?"  And sometimes, as I knew we were different, I feel sad that he wouldn't approve of some of the things I do!  Does anyone else think like this?  After three years, I feel totally alone, no one -- even my family -- talk about him and they think I am fine!!  No one truly knows how we feel unless they go through it.  I keep trying every day, but STILL get tired and angry at the people who disappeared and are not there and make comments like "MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!"  Karma is a bitch.

Comment by SilverAnniversary on July 17, 2017 at 4:03pm

Thanks for the feedback SweetMelissa2007.

I spoke to the attorney and never asked about time limit. Right now my worry is getting everything out without the kids or family who will be there knowing everything of how I feel. I don't want to be treated with kid gloves or make things worse for my kids. It is hard enough seeing the damage done to our youngest.

I am going to make a start of the impact statement this week.

I am so sorry for anybody dealing with insurance companies. I never had a problem, my bank manager was able to process the papers for the mortgage before we got the cause of death. 

And his company called to make sure I sent in the second form that doubles the money because he was killed at work. But then, they really have no choice to own up as this wasn't just some random freak accident where only one area of the mine was responsible. Every section that was responsible for his health and safety FAILED. Every one. 

Worst part is, I started it by convincing him it was a safe place and would be good for our future. A future he was looking forward too, as was I. Now I am dead on the inside. 

Comment by Nieta on July 17, 2017 at 8:36am


I am truly sorry for your loss.  My own husband died of a sudden and fatal heart attack while at work on February 12th, 2014.  Even more than 3 years along in my journey, I still experience difficulties.  You may hear some describe this journey as a roller coaster of emotions and there is no map.  Unfortunately, we can't really control the poor behavior of others. My SIL for one found it awkward to be friendly with me because, as she put it, we didn't really have that kind of relationship before.  That, of course, as not by my choice - but hers.

I certainly gave more of myself than I knew I would ever receive and that is fine with me, because I never expected anything in return.  Still, she is grieving too and I must respect her way of grieving.  Everyone is different and she's got her own issues.  I can't deny that her behavior hasn't hurt or angered me but It is in my best interest to simply let it go and get own with my own life.

Perspective's a funny thing as well, as everyone has their own version of things and neither is wrong.  Just different people with different opinions who grew up (or didn't) under different circumstances. 

The best advice I can offer is one I try to adhere to myself.  "Take one moment at a time."

It will get easier but, I won't sugar coat it, you may very feel as if you are going out of your mind at times.  You may have more feelings than you know what to do with at any given time and in no particular order.  There are many twists and turns in this journey and no two journey's are exactly alike.  You go at your own pace and do the best you can with what you've got.

Wishing you strength, love and courage in your journey.

Maria (a.k.a., Nieta)

Comment by AMARINESGIRL on July 17, 2017 at 7:09am

I am new to the group. Suddenly widowed 402 days ago at the age of 49. Husband, LtCol USMC (ret) dropped dead of a sudden heart attack at age 51 and 18 months after we were married. Lost my soulmate and best friend like blinking and eye. Devastated is hardly the word for it. Trying to figure out what to do now that an "us" has become an "I" and and "we" is now a "me".  We spent all of our time together like the cliche (peas and carrots), I suppose that is a good enough analogy. Blended our kids together (2 for me, 3 for him) and it was working very well. Now I am faced with a vindictive ex-wife who has cut off all contact with his children and I have not seen them since the funeral. 

I just need someone who can tell me that I am not going to lose my mind and it will be better one day. I hurt every day, all day. Thank you for any comfort you can bestow.

Comment by Nance63 on June 18, 2017 at 4:51pm

Heart attack and cardiac arrest are not the same, but for heavens' sake!  Did the policy specify ONLY heart attack?? that doesn't exactly cause death: cardiac arrest IS death.   You might want to ask the hospital for records. My husband's death certificate lists myocardial infarction leading to cardiac arrest leading to anoxic something.. Racingfan60, do NOT give up!  I've heard more than one story of the insurance companies balking and delaying. You are entitled to that policy payout. good luck!!  So sorry you have to suffer through fighting for that along with the rest!

Comment by mcbeth (Mary Beth) on June 18, 2017 at 8:00am


That is horrible. I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this along with everything else you are having to deal with. Don't give up, that's what they want you to do then they get to keep the money. We didn't go through the same scenario with my husbands workman comp but it was a battle all the way around. They fought us at every step thinking that we would give up. I know lawyers are expensive but maybe there is legal aid that you can get. Good luck lady, keep your chin up.

Comment by Racingfan60 on June 18, 2017 at 6:07am

I too am having trouble getting my husband's life insurance policy to pay off even though it was only for $5,000 dollars that is $5,000 that I can use to ensure that I can afford my youngest son's college tuition for next year when I asked why they were refusing to pay the life insurance they said the policy did not cover cardiac arrest which the ER said my husband died from I along with everyone that I have spoken with said they thought that heart attack and cardiac arrest was the same thing and the salesman that sold my husband the policy did not point that out when he sold him the policy I am still trying to get the policy to pay off but I am almost ready to give up trying.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on June 17, 2017 at 5:40pm


I first asked my Victim Advocate the amount of time I would be alloted to read my impact statement ...

I found the easiest way for me was to write about Bob was from the heart in separate categories as a husband, father, friend, son & community the impact his death took on every person, then I combined them & edited & timed it till I was satisfied I had said everything I wanted to say to the judge ...

As it turned out, I became emotionally overwhelmed leaving the Deputy DA to finish reading my impact statement. Because of the age my children & their PTSD, they neither wrote one or attended court ...

You will do just fine since it will be written in your own words to express your loss ...

Comment by SilverAnniversary on June 14, 2017 at 11:54am

I haven't been on in quite a while.

But now I feel this is my one place to turn.

August 30 and 31 of this year we will be back in court to hear Detour Gold plead guilty of criminal negligence causing death. We should also be getting a trial date for the men. But that seems more difficult with all the lawyers involved.

Now I get to sit down and write my victim impact statement. But I don't know how to start.

He was the victim, I was the one who believed that there was a company which cared about the health and safety of its employees.

I am the one who kissed him on a few occasions saying "I don't have to worry about cyanide anymore"

He was a millwright to support our family, so I can stay home with the kids.

I am the one who felt something off and didn't tell him. (same feeling I had as a child when I seen my grandpa for the last time before he died)

He died because I was willing to believe there was good and he believed in me.

Now he is gone and I will never know how many people contributed to his death.

One of my kids has already started his impact statement, but since he has been in University up till recently, I am not surprised as he has had to write many essays.


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