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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1654
Latest Activity: 20 hours ago

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Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 24, 2017 at 10:14pm

Greg & Frank:  That link will work for people who haven't yet joined Widowed Village, because it takes them to the Widowed Village sign in page where they would be able to apply. 

For current Widowed Village members to join the Widowed Pen Pal Program you just need to change your profile.  Click on 'Settings' that you'll see over in the left hand column. That will open up the page that has your responses to the profile questions. Scroll down to the question about Pen Pals (it's the 3rd box) and change the response to YES. Then scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page and click on the SAVE button. That will add the green check mark to your profile photo - and when I run the Pen Pal Program the next time you will receive your matches. (I usually run it once a week.)

If you have any questions, let me know.

Dianne

Comment by Frank on December 24, 2017 at 9:27pm

Hi Greg after you left chat I found this:

http://www.soaringspirits.org/widowed-pen-pal

That will get you to the site about WV Pen Pals.

Frank

Comment by Greg on December 22, 2017 at 7:59am

Hi Frank. What do i say? I am so sorry for your loss. Yes ,you and i have gone through a similar event which took our brides away from us. Patti had been diabetic since age 9. She suffered the trials and tribulations of being a diabetic throughout her life until it finally caught up with her. Like your Susan, Patti suffered a heart attack in the middle of the night. The paramedics were able to bring her back but by the time we got to the hospital she had suffered too much brain damage. She passed away 3 days later on our anniversary. She was the love of my life Frank, as I am sure your Susan was to you.  

Comment by Frank on December 21, 2017 at 9:27pm

Hi Greg,

I'm sorry you are here, but here is the best place to be.  Here you can rage, cry, talk and wonder.  We have all gone a through similar event that left us alone, in pain and agony, and adrift.

Susan was a diabetic from age 18.  As time went on she almost lost her sight, had a double bypass, two kidney transplants, and five spine surgeries.  She went to sleep Sunday night, and did not wake up Monday morning. She had a silent heart attack. We were married 35 years.

Comment by Greg on December 20, 2017 at 9:36am

Hello. I lost my Patti two months ago due to Diabetes. It was sudden and not expected. She stopped breathing and went into cardiac arrest in the middle of the night.  She was only 47 and the love of my life. I will never heal. I am here because I need support and to also offer support to you. I am at the lowest point in my life but am thankful that I can reach out to people who understand and share the same feelings I am going through. I wake up some mornings and wonder if it is all worth it anymore? I want to quit my job and move away from everyone. But I have responsibilities that I must meet, namely getting our daughter through college. Only after she graduates and finds her own life will I then move on to whatever God has planned for me. I miss my wife. I miss our weekend adventures. I miss her cooking and her snuggling and her love notes. I miss seeing her waiting for me on our front porch when i come home from work. I miss her gentleness and her kindness. I love my wife with all my heart.

Comment by denverkim on December 20, 2017 at 9:27am

Hello everyone,

I lost my wonderful 49 year-old husband 25 days ago to pancreatic cancer...or what we were eventually told was pancreatic cancer, but they really didn't know for sure.  It was called "poorly differentiated carcinoma of unknown origin" and I doubt the chemo he was supposed to start two days after passing would have done a thing.  He was sick for a total of 20 days is all.  We were raking leaves when he had a sudden pain in his right abdomen, which seemed like appendicitis.  Tests and scans in the ER determined liver lesions and a cyst on his pancreas.  A week in the hospital, biopsies and more tests finally confirmed that cancer was in his pancreas, liver and lungs.  That was one week before he became critical and passed. 

I know I haven't even really even processed the diagnosis, let alone that he is gone from my life forever.  I can't breathe sometimes and feel the crushing weight of loneliness and emptiness.  I am helping myself as much as I think I can...I go to two support groups and have started seeing a grief counselor, so I know that getting out of bed each day and even going to work are victories.  I know that time will help.  There are times it feels like he's been gone months, and then it feels like yesterday. 

Anytime I see a date prior to his passing, I think how I would give everything to be able to go back and tell him to get to the doctor NOW!!!  Maybe we can catch this and treat it before it spreads like the wildfire it was.  Oh, how I hate hindsight.  :(

My heart goes out to everyone here.  I only hope that I can be of help or support for you.

Comment by Sarah on December 18, 2017 at 8:01am

Rosa 

As I began to read your post tears ran down my face

i don’t know why, but maybe because all of you compassionate beautiful people responded to a wounded and broken soul and understands exactly 

i appreciate that very much

thank You

Comment by roark on December 18, 2017 at 7:57am

Hello everyone, I am truly grateful for all of you who shared. And I am sorry we are here. I am not a good writer but reading the posts here helps me a lot. I am crying as I write here and it makes me feel better to cry it out. To tjtango, sarah and gaining strength; your posts resonates to me a lot. I lost my husband June 6, 2015 and this holiday makes it very tough. It is good to have a place to be heard and people that understand you. I am doing a lot of things I never thought I could do from electrical to painting around the house inside and out.  Thanks to you tube I know what was the AC problem before the technician came out. Just now I learned how to change the battery on my car key fab without going to the dealer. I called my 'honey' Steve a lot and telling him how much I love him and miss him. I hope he can hear me. I thank God for having him in  my life and I thanked my honey for his love he shared with me. But now I am alone I need to be strong and keep busy so I won't go crazy. I know I am getting better since I am not crying a lot and able to breath unlike before. I used to have panic attacks and went through grief share in several churches plus a private grief counselor and tons of books in grieving. Without those sources I am either gone or in a psychiatric hospital. You are all correct to say it will never be the same but I hope we find some happiness that we deserve. Happy holidays to you all. My name is Rosa (roark)

Comment by Gaining Strength on December 18, 2017 at 7:19am

Sarah, I  understand.  I started this journey on Sept 16, 2011 after a 33 year marriage. Life is different. I have struggled to appear strong, independent and capable. I am sure that people see me exactly that way. That is what I want. However, there is a part of me that has gone never to return. I  read a lot and try to find examples of people in the past who have overcome adversity and have been resilient.   I use their victory as guidance for my own life.  I no longer ask why, I just accept that this is the way it has to be.  In time, I hope that we all can find our strength to keep on living our lives with some degree of satisfaction while still being able to come here and vent when the need arises.  Stay strong.

Comment by Tjtango on December 18, 2017 at 6:58am

Hi Sarah, 

your comments really resonated with me.  I am 19 months out from losing my best friend and partner of 30 years. Ray had complications after what was supposed to be a "routine" outpatient surgery.  . While my life is definitely better then what it was, I would never want to go back to those dark days when I could barely breathe.  So I guess one could say I'm surviving.  My life is now in black and white, while it used to be in vivid color.  But hey at least I have a tv, so for that I'm thankful. 

I would like to think that one day we will get back some of the joy we once had. I think our partners would want that for us,as I know I would want it for Ray if the situations were reversed. Keep taking things one day,one breath at a time is all we can do.  The holidays don't help, that is for sure.  I know it helps me to know I'm not alone in these feelings, thanks for listening. 

 

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