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Latest Activity: 7 hours ago
Yes to all of it.
I think being thrust into a new world is very scary..it only makes sense that we have a lot of anxiety. Think abut all the things that changed in a blink of an eye: our partner gone, our best friend gone, our confidant gone, financial changes, social changes, rethinking an entire future, being the only parent left etc etc. It's a lot.
i know how you feel. I think my fear is not having my husband here to protect me . I go out in the community and rush back home because I feel I don't have the covering of that Head of my household, The Priest of our home.
iI pray that God will bring us peace! Many hugs❤️❤️
I'm just so tired of being afraid all the time. I don't even really know what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid to go to sleep, I'm afraid when I wake up.
Maybe it's because our spouses passed so quickly. If it happened to him, it could happen to me. Or my friends or my children . . .you get my drift. I pray for just a few minutes of peace.
I know that I had to relive (and continue to do so) the morning he died...from the time that the airline called me that he had collapsed in the airport, to a paramedic friend calling me on my cell from the hospital to "casually and cryptically" ask where I was and how long did I think it would take to arrive at the hospital... until the doctor came in to the family room at the hospital (where I was completely unaware of the severity of what was happening) with tears streaming down his face...
I know the trauma of losing someone takes a long time to process. Going over and over the horrific moments helps our brains make sense and absorb our monumental loss... our hearts are a different matter...
I took my husband to the hospital at 1030 pm, they attempted to revive him thru out the night / morning and at 530 am it came to me that he was only alive because of the fluids they were giving him. The doctors and nurses just kept looking at me (I felt) for what they should do next, no one wanted to tell me my healthy husband had died. I had to tell them to leave him alone. I’m knew as an ICU nurse and wife of 33 years that he was gone. I no longer sleep- I’m afraid to. If I fall asleep I wake up with anxiety and wonder around my house...I am a little better though, I was going outside and running at 4 am ( in Ky we have more bad days than good days with weather). And I’m not a runner. I wish I could sleep.
My dreams have all been positive. When I wake up I can be angry about the dream but then I realize what they meant. I actually had a dream where I was the one who, for lack of better words, dropped dead like he did in the parking lot. They were trying to revive me- I was floating above them and telling my husband that I was ok, there was no pain and there was a sense of peace around me. That gave me a little comfort for him not to have known pain. And hopefully to be surrounded by peace.
i continue to go on in life because he wants me too. I strive to make him proud of me. He has done so much for myself and our girls that’s the least I can do for him. Although, it’s the hardest thing to do. Bless you all. I’m sorry we are all on this journey. I’m just hoping that I will understand God’s plan one day.
sorry for rambling
Mich2018 isn't it something how our bodies react and remember the stress you went through. That amazes me. Stay strong. Carol
Misty I'm so sorry you had an ugly dream too. I assume that your dream ending was because you wanted to be with him again. Lord we are definitely survivors.
Speaking of dreams... today it has been 6 weeks since my dearest passed. Every Tuesday, like clockwork, my brain replays the scene like an awful home movie. No matter what I'm doing, my eyes find the clock at 9:20 when i got the first call from his boss. Then I relive every moment, on the verge of panic attack and tears until 10:47, which is the official time if death. Then I can start to breathe, think and function again. What the heck is that? I can't figure out how to counteract it. It's awful.
Everything is just so different now, I miss my life with my husband, my friends and family try, but they don't get it..it doesn't go away, and it really does not get better, I find it's harder now..I think of death too, but.. I have my dogs who my husband loved so much so I will be here for them as long as it takes...
better days are coming I can feel it in my bones..so hang in and just keep connecting with people who
understand even if they don't know you...you have things to do here yet so don't give up ..your husband is counting on you...that's what keeps me going...just keep letting it out , we are listening..hugs to all of you
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