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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1667
Latest Activity: 7 hours ago

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Comment by Rainy (Misty) on March 13, 2018 at 3:43pm

Gunnerx2, my first dream was pretty much the same as yours.  In the end of my dream I died after he did.  Crazy stuff.

Comment by daringtoday on March 13, 2018 at 3:27pm

Going.On.Slowly, My partner also died of aortic dissection. He was 52 with some genetic high blood pressure but nothing else. He died on March 22, 2016. While I have been single for much of my life, that didn't make Loren's sudden death any easier. In the short time we were together, we created a life together and I have been unable to get past all that and re-engage with the activities and people from that period. I've been on anti-depressants, which have helped. I've made more single friends and am engaging in some different activities. I've also decided to move and get a fresh start elsewhere. Sending hugs! Amy       

Comment by going.on.slowly on March 13, 2018 at 3:23pm

KMA2106 - my story is very similar.  My amazing husband, Tom, died 2 years ago at the age of 58.  Suddenly.  Aortic dissection.  Healthy, no high blood pressure, no cholesterol problems, active, vibrant, joyful man.  We had plans for retirement.  He worked so so hard for his family for so many years.  That makes me the saddest I think.  That he couldnt have a rest (although he would say "I loved what I did!!") We have 2 sons, 25 and 28.  The oldest  lives with his girlfriend and the youngest is finishing up school across the country and going to do some traveling...all as it should be.  But, for the first time in my life, ( even before I married I had roommates) I live alone.  I don't want to take away anything from my wonderful friends.  They are very supportive but they are all happily married and although I do go out with them I know I have to start cultivating some single/widowed friends.  I have a deep sadness just under the surface of my "I'm fine" and sometimes think about not living anymore.  I don't say that to anyone else except here.  I wouldn't do anything to myself as that would destroy my sons but I do think about death a lot.  I'm 58 years old now and feel like I have a long road ahead of me with little on it.  I think I'm probably a bit depressed.  Intellectually, I know I have to change things but physically, right now, I don't have the energy.  Thanks for listening,

Comment by KMA2106 on March 13, 2018 at 7:26am

EllenJ, my 56year old husband was packing for a work trip and said he was feeling anxious and rubbing his sternum. He complained of no other symptoms (I am a nurse) I decided to drive him to the ER, when he stepped out of the truck in the hospital parking lot he died. He had no health issues. Our daughter was on her honeymoon and our other daughter just had our first grand baby 3 months prior. Life was “on plan” talking about early retirement and our grand babies to come etc. Then it was gone.  My daughter (with my grandson) got a wonderful job opportunity 10 hrs away.  Which made me feel a loss all over again and my other daughter, while living close, is newly married and I feel guilty wanting her attention.  It has been 23 months and it still hurts.  The sharp constant pain has subsided and now s not always present, it is now a deeply embedded pain that I am learning is a part of who I am and will always be.  (We we’re married 33years and my children are also 31 and 29).

i have learned to reach out to family and friends, I do not wait for them because they do not reach out. They honestly don’t know when I need them.  They have never failed me.  I am fortunate, I have learned, that my husband’s family will always be my family.

Comment by EllenJ on March 13, 2018 at 4:03am

My husband passed away in June 2017.  We were married for 34 years and have two children ages 31 and 29.  My husband passed away on a business trip in Chicago.  He had a heart attack in a hotel room, found by a chamber maid doing a room check when he failed to check out.  He was due home the day they found him.  He was packed, dressed and ready to go the airport to catch his flight.  He never made the flight and he never made it home. 

He was 60 years old and had NO history of any heart condition.  No high blood pressure, no high cholesterol, no chest pains, and he worked out.

My daughter who lives 3000 miles away was 5 months pregnant with twin boys at the time of his death.  These are our first grandchildren, who he never get to see.  They were born in Oct 2017 and are really beautiful,  But they do live very far from me so it's difficult. 

My son lives 2 hours east, but clearly he has his own life and the death of his dad has hit him hard. He doesn't really come here, just wants me to go to his home.  Which I have done but it would be nice if he made same effort or would consent to meeting me half way.  He doesn't.

Our dreams have been abashed. You hear this happening to other people but you assume it won't happen to you.

Comment by Tess on March 13, 2018 at 2:20am

LadyAva, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I wish there were sage words of advice I can offer you, but I could use them too if I had them!

I just take each day now. Initially I was attempting to plan my whole life going forward and realized I had no idea what I was doing. Other widows (and widowers) help. They have been my source of comfort and understanding. They've been such a valuable resource to me and now I try to pay it forward.

I hope you enjoy CampWidow. I see so many that are excited about the camp. It should be a good event.

Many hugs to you((( )))

Comment by LadyAva on March 12, 2018 at 7:14pm

Hello Group,

Dec 2, 2016, I married the man of my dream. Six months later he died suddenly! It's been almost ten months since my Moses left. I feel like my lift has been turned upside down. I still can't believe this happened to me.

some days I try hard to be excited about anything! It's very painful! I can't wait until CampWidow Tampa,Fl on

March 23rd. it will mean a lot to me.

many hugs❤️❤️❤️

LadyAva

Comment by Melissa on March 12, 2018 at 11:55am

Yes, I get that, Shelley. It's those little things that hurt the worst.

Comment by shelley on March 11, 2018 at 8:19pm

Thank you, Melissa.  Yes, it was listening to a voicemail from a friend of my husband's.  Did me in.  

Comment by Melissa on March 11, 2018 at 7:43pm

Shelley, Mike is right.

This happens to me all the time. Today started out really badly, now tonight I'm more optimistic. Sometimes it seems to be hour to hour.

"Ambush" is the perfect word for it. The other day I was having a pretty good day. I had to call a repairman, and they couldn't find our account. I gave them our old land line number and the receptionist said, "Oh! Hi, Mrs. Lopez!" I started to cry and cried the rest of the day. It's the things I don't see coming that get me. If I have to meet with an attorney about death stuff, I steel myself and try not to let my guard down. I know it will be hard.

When the dry cleaner says, "Where's Gilbert? I haven't seen him in a while", that can send me to bed for a couple of days. I cry so hard I get these awful headaches and I'm just useless. I'm learning that there's just no preparing for the ambush. We just have to ride it out and know they will get less frequent with time.

You need to cry, though. I have read that grief tears are chemically different than other tears, they contain toxins. Crying helps us heal physically and emotionally. 

I pray for healing for us all.

 

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