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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1702
Latest Activity: 4 hours ago

Discussion Forum

He deserved so much more love

Started by KJPE. Last reply by Mary H 8 hours ago. 1 Reply

At least once a day, I feel intensely frustrated & sad because my husband was exceptionally wonderful to me, and I keep wanting to give him more love and cannot believe that I can't any more. …Continue

Words I Never Got Around To Saying

Started by sis. Last reply by KJPE Jan 9. 6 Replies

Is anyone else tormented by the words you didn't get to say to your loved one? There are so many things I wish I had said before he went to bed that night, but who ever thinks they won't be there in…Continue

Feel like I am in a nightmare I can't wake up from

Started by Kmelli3 (Kate). Last reply by DIVA70 Jan 4. 19 Replies

Hi everyone, I am new to the group.  My husband Tom died of sudden cardiac arrest on November 23rd of this year.   He slumped over in his recliner while watching TV.  I called 911 and did CPR, but it…Continue

Went to bed and didn't wake up

Started by Peacefrog. Last reply by KJPE Jan 3. 15 Replies

 September 13, 2018 was like any other day, he worked out at the gym doing strength training like he had for the last three years. He picked up dinner on the way home steak and cheese hoagies.  It…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by Rkay on April 13, 2018 at 4:58am

I don't know about easier. The sun always comes up but life is so different.  I find myself longing for the sound of that deep laughter that I loved so much.  My soul feels weak and cracked even now..just past 2 years.  But I read something the other day about how sometimes when something breaks it gets puts back together with Gold and while it will never be the same it has now become a work of Art.  Have you ever tried to meditate?  Just taking a few minutes and closing off the world and letting go.  This one right here has helped me so much..I listen to it when I get overwhelmed.. in case the link doesn't work  Look up "Jason Stephenson- Surrender" on Youtube.

https://youtu.be/KfEqviC7rwg

Comment by Melissa on April 12, 2018 at 11:12pm

Shelley, it's been just five months since my husband passed away. I kind of feel as if I'm getting worse. I think reality is starting to sink in. He's not coming back. Ever. I miss him terribly, but I'm also very frightened. We did everything together; made decisions together. Now I have to do everything on my own and I feel so lost. I know I couldn't go back to work yet. I'm good for about three hours in a social situation, then I'm just exhausted and sobbing.

Be gentle with yourself. It takes time. I'm counting on what those who've lived with this this longer are saying. It will get easier as time goes on.

Comment by shelley on April 12, 2018 at 7:11pm

Maybe I should go back to work.  I work in an after school program, didn't think I could go back yet, still crying all the time.  But maybe I can toughen up enough and be distracted.

Comment by IBelieveInYou on April 12, 2018 at 3:06pm

Shelley, sadly I think that is the way it goes. It's been 2.5 years for me since my wife passed. I miss her every single moment of the day. I'm constantly reminded that she's not here; it's like a big dark chasm that is open right next to me. I can tell you that I am getting used to what has become normal. I don't like it but what can be done?

Comment by shelley on April 12, 2018 at 2:12pm

I'm finding that I miss my husband more as time goes on.  I'm doing all the right things-  therapy, support groups, journaling, seeing friends, etc.  But I miss him so much today I feel like I can't breathe.  And it's been 5+ months.  Is this just the way it goes?

Comment by chef (John) on April 3, 2018 at 9:16am

Hugs, shelly.

Comment by shelley on April 1, 2018 at 6:22pm

Dreamt last night that my husband was in bed with me, holding me.  So sad to wake up and realize it was a dream.  Tried and tried to get the dream/feeling back but couldn't.  Cried all day today.  

Comment by shelley on March 31, 2018 at 7:59pm

Was looking forward to seeing an old friend of mine.  A male friend that I dated 40 years ago.  He was a sweet guy, still is.  Was hoping to connect with a man- to get a hug, some male energy.  Not that I'm ready at all to be with another man.  Miss my husband terribly.  I was so disappointed to hear my old friend say, "Well, I guess  you just have to move on".  I've been so fortunate that none of my women friends have said that.  I've read about it here on this web site.  But hadn't experienced it.  Yuk.  

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on March 30, 2018 at 12:09pm
  1. For me, the worst was not being validated or told in advance how bad grief could get & being told to go out socializing when I was suffering from extremely painful anxiety attacks. Panic & anxiety attacks were not the same for me as well as the causes/reasons that spurred them were different. Panic attacks were from decision making - anxiety attacks made me jump out of my skin from unknown fear of the future. In any case, I found it better to nurse myself rather than exacerbate it by engaging in outside activities. Months of periodic isolation didn't make me agoraphobic or a hermit. I certainly can relate to Tjtango in having been a young when suddenly widowed - mine by a car collision ...

There was no subconscious preparation for his death. Bob didn't suffer from a short or long term illness/disease. For a time I beat myself up for not being able to do other things some widow/ers were out doing. I tried, I pushed myself & I suffered for it as well as almost caused a few car accidents myself. It was months before my own therapist asked why I kept holding my chest or gasping for air. That's when I realized he had not heard a thing I had been saying. I was angry feeling like I had been patronized - patted on the head for months by that moron. Later on, I came to learn those widowed by cancer or a life threatening disease, etc do recover sooner than those from a sudden death b/c they are fully subconsciously of the inevitable  ...

My kid's counselors reassured me they were just trying to figure out things  - not to worry, they were resilient. I found they were not immune to death. I took my daugther immediately to ER for what we thought was an asthma attack - it turned out to be an anxiety attack from learning of counselor's death just weeks after her retirement. I always thought something was wrong w/that woman from obvious signs of constant weight & hair loss as well as forever looking nauseous. When I had asked if she was ill - she never once mentioned she had been battling breast cancer for almost 5 years. The following day, my daughter was admitted into the psychiatric hospital - 4 other kids who were also the same therapist's patients were already there. What they experienced was not protective shock but severe traumatic shock - most associated w/victims of a sudden accident. This was the kind that kills as w/Debbie Reynolds learning of her daughter's death. Apparently, I'm still angry at that therapist all these years later for not giving my daughter & all the other already grief stricken kids a heads up by informing us or leaving her practice much sooner to give everyone the opportunity to choose what was best - to protect them by breaking the bond - to not compound their existing state of grief from the loss of their parent ...

Socializing is great for those that do not have problems that prevent it ...

I'm all into listening to those that do suffer from trauma as well as offering support to those that grieve differently as I once did ...

Comment by Gunnerx2 (Carol) on March 30, 2018 at 11:53am

So I talked to my son last night (my step-son).  My daughter (step-daughter) has not spoken to me since December 2017.  I was not sure why or what was going on.  I've reached out and not received any response from her.  I invited Junior to my retirement party at work and told him to see where his sister is if he felt she wanted to come.  He told me that he talked to her about what was going on and she said "She's the adult, she should be calling me".  I should mention that she is 45 years old and I have called, texted and emailed her since December and never get any response.  I really don't have the time or energy for this kind of crap and I'm trying to define "me" after 30 years of being "us".  Her Dad always babied her in every way, she was never wrong and now she does not have that so I know she is hurting and having a hard time but I really do not want to have to validate her existence the way her Dad did.  I'm sure she will never call or reach out again and right now I'm okay with that.  (oh, the check I gave her for $15,000 from some of the insurance money was cashed and cleared before she stopped talking to me).  Sorry, I just had to vent and this is the only safe place where I can.  Carol

 

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