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For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause.
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2nd partUnexpected, one day I had the first moment I noticed Spring was coming. It was Valentine Day, and I had to go to the cemetery (on that day!) for some bureaucracy with indifferent employees used to handle documents without to see that I was the 46 y.o. wife of a 51 y.o. man died too early for my humble opinion.I went out to the cemetery and glanced to the very boule sky, and the mild air and smiled. It was the 1st time after 6 months.After that I started to have soome little moments, they were just a few each month, then each week... I still has trouble to understand how to really "accept" what happened, and to put the word "widow" after my name. But the tunnel wasn't at least so black.I can tell you now that I needed two whole years to go out from the unacceptance phase of grief. And another year to be able to tell that I love my life again.I was a horrible, terrible, hard over any description path. But I had no any choice. I often told in that months that if I gave up, death would have done 2 victims, and my hubby wouldn't like to see me destroyed.I have a new life now, a very more deep, aware, spiritual life. I am aware now that life is a gift and thank any single day God gives me.Yes I still have some sad moments, like this week (his birthday was May, 11), but in all the rest of time am not a shocked, desperade woman. I am stronger now, and have nomore fear of Death Hopefully my words can give you some hope and faith in futureLove to you all
So sorry for you all :(.My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on 09-/21/2013. I am Italian and live in Rome so sorry for my poor English. it' s a lot of time I weren't here to read and write... pls read to the end :)That morning my hubby was with our eldest son, 17. Went to buy schoolbooks and flowers for thew balcony.. I felt unwell, went home and checked the blood pressure which was too high. He told our son he'd like to rest a while for feeling better, fall asleep and in 10 minutes died. Our first son who was in his room heared some strange noises and run into our bedroom and found him with fixed open eyes, tried to give him heart massage, screamed his borther to call 911 and tried to call me (I was at work).The day after was our 23th marriage anniversary, after other 11 years as fiancee.Life totaly crashed over me. I had a PTSD, had troubles to just get out of bed, and everything, even the littlest one, made me feel overwhelmed and "too much" for me.Our sons and my mom just took care of everything, meals, laundry and so on... after 15 days my loved clients ( i am an IBCLC, lactation consultant and have a parents support center) forced me to get out home and come back work.Luckily, God sent me a lot of help. For ex. my homeopath became a EMDR pratictioner just the day my husband died and suggested me to start asap EMDR. It was hard, like to go every week into a washing machine, but helped me a lot to fight against the PTSD.I was totaly destroyes and had a couple of times in which I *understood* why some people commit suicide.I fel myself into a tunnel without an exit. A very dark, black, without any hope and way out one.How could I keep on living in that deep desperation? I felt My soulmate left me alone (and I was soooo angry with him for it some weeks) and my life had no chance to restore in any way.I saw nomore any reason to smile, to be happy for a sunny day, or for any other reason.The thought of what happened was the one which with I woke up, I spent the day, and fell asleep. Just sleeping gave me some relief because I stopped to dream for almost all nights.But, I told you to read to the end, pls do not stop here more hopeless than 10 minutes before.read 2nd msg (too long)
My husband died on 11/6/2017.
I don't think anything can prepare us for the pain. I'm so very, very sorry, Ann. We have each other here, and that is a comfort.
I'm so sorry, Ann. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on 11/10/2017. He had just been 'a little tired'. I was also not prepared for the pain. I am so sorry for your loss.
Hi, my name is Ann and I am Scottish. Last November 21, 2017 my husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly having felt unwell a few hours before. Has been 6 months since I lost him. Nothing in life has prepared me for this pain.
Melissa, I’m glad you liked the quote as as I do; it inspires me every day. I know what you mean about dying; with our loves gone, it just seems OK to be finished too. On bad days, thinking of the future makes me anxious, but meditation has helped me a great deal. That and some wonderful books. One day at a time is as good as it gets. Peace to you and all of us here.
Carol, thank you for the quote. I'm going to post it on my bathroom mirror, because I have not come up with one good reason to keep living. Not that I would take my own life, but I wouldn't mind if I died, you know?
Gilbert would never want me to give up. He fought Multiple Sclerosis for thirty years and triumphed over it. He was a motivational speaker, bringing hope to so many.
I will honor his memory as you honor your Ralph's. Thank you again.
Colleen and Carol, my heart goes out to you especially, thinking of the pain, grief and confusion you must have endured being in a foreign country. Carol, it is so new and raw to you now; do take special care of yourself each day.
Tomorrow will be just 7 months for me, but it seems like a lifetime ago. Fairly routine heart repair surgery, then a hospital induced infection. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We met 29 years ago, were married 28, and like all o fus, we were each other’s best friend and the love of each other’s lives. But I focus on the quote: “Giving up on living and loving is not a fitting tribute to love.” So I honor Ralph’s memory and spirit by trying to walk through my days with him on my shoulder, encouraging me on. It’s hard, sad and lonely; and some days are worse than others. In fact, this morning was a “pity party” morning, tears and melancholy. But I went to my Art class, and all my friends there embraced me with their understanding... they all knew Ralph and loved him too.
I don’t post often, but I read your stories and hold you all in my heart as we travel this painful road together. Peace and Namaste.
Maggie...my husband was a beautiful spirited man, we had our challenges here and there like everyone does but we were best friends and companions. No children but we had 3 boxer dogs over the years. The last one Jackson survived his daddy by 3 years and one day. My husband died on May 12th and my Jackson died on May 13th. I knew Jackson was my saving grace those three years and I also knew he would go home the with his daddy before I would so I always told him that I am giving him extra love so when he sees his daddy (my husband) that he needed to slobber him with kisses and love from me. My heart belongs to them....very, very blessed to have had them in my life. I wanted to be with them many times in this journey but knew that GOD had a plan for me and HE takes us in his time not ours. All we can do is to find our bits of peace in our own way and time. Sending love and hugs to all....
I also feel your heartache. What you wrote is so close to my own experiences. I am coming up to 7 years without my soul mate. My husband's family practically disowned me. I do try to understand this is part of their grieving process as well. Most days I don't like where my life has gone or some of the paths I have chosen since my husband's passing. It's a different journey for each of us, but I come here to read others stories. Most times it helps to get me through that day knowing I am not alone and not being judged. I am currently downsizing to move to another state so it seems that a lot of emotions are coming to surface. I know I need to do it as I prayed on it for a long time. How did you make the move? That had to take so much courage and strength.
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