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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1671
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Comment by shelley on May 12, 2018 at 2:37pm

I'm so sorry, Ann.  My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on 11/10/2017.  He had just been 'a little tired'.  I was also not prepared for the pain.  I am so sorry for your loss.  

Comment by stanleybaxter2001 on May 12, 2018 at 2:32pm

Hi, my name is Ann and I am Scottish. Last November 21, 2017 my husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly having felt unwell a few hours before. Has been 6 months since I lost him. Nothing in life has prepared me for this pain.

Comment by EarthSpirit (Carol) on May 8, 2018 at 10:37am

Melissa, I’m glad you liked the quote as as I do; it inspires me every day. I know what you mean about dying; with our loves gone, it just seems OK to be finished too. On bad days, thinking of the future makes me anxious, but meditation has helped me a great deal. That and some wonderful books. One day at a time is as good as it gets. Peace to you and all of us here.

Comment by Melissa on May 4, 2018 at 11:29pm

Carol, thank you for the quote. I'm going to post it on my bathroom mirror, because I have not come up with one good reason to keep living. Not that I would take my own life, but I wouldn't mind if I died, you know?

Gilbert would never want me to give up. He fought Multiple Sclerosis for thirty years and triumphed over it. He was a motivational speaker, bringing hope to so many.

I will honor his memory as you honor your Ralph's. Thank you again.

Comment by EarthSpirit (Carol) on May 4, 2018 at 2:21pm

Colleen and Carol, my heart goes out to you especially, thinking of the pain, grief and confusion you must have endured being in a foreign country. Carol, it is so new and raw to you now; do take special care of yourself each day. 

Tomorrow will be just 7 months for me, but it seems like a lifetime ago. Fairly routine heart repair surgery, then a hospital induced infection. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We met 29 years ago, were married 28, and like all o fus, we were each other’s best friend and the love of each other’s lives. But I focus on the quote: “Giving up on living and loving is not a fitting tribute to love.” So I honor Ralph’s memory and spirit by trying to walk through my days with him on my shoulder, encouraging me on. It’s hard, sad and lonely; and some days are worse than others. In fact, this morning was a “pity party” morning, tears and melancholy. But I went to my Art class, and all my friends there embraced me with their understanding... they all knew Ralph and loved him too. 

I don’t post often, but I read your stories and hold you all in my heart as we travel this painful road together. Peace and Namaste.

Comment by Boxer Mom on May 4, 2018 at 11:10am

Maggie...my husband was a beautiful spirited man, we had our challenges here and there like everyone does but we were best friends and companions. No children but we had 3 boxer dogs over the years. The last one Jackson survived his daddy by 3 years and one day. My husband died on May 12th and my Jackson died on May 13th. I knew Jackson was my saving grace those three years and I also knew he would go home the with his daddy before I would so I always told him that I am giving him extra love so when he sees his daddy (my husband) that he needed to slobber him with kisses and love from me. My heart belongs to them....very, very blessed to have had them in my life. I wanted to be with them many times in this journey but knew that GOD had a plan for me and HE takes us in his time not ours. All we can do is to find our bits of peace in our own way and time. Sending love and hugs to all....

Comment by Violet on May 4, 2018 at 6:37am

Where Now?

I also feel your heartache. What you wrote is so close to my own experiences.  I am coming up to 7 years without my soul mate. My husband's family practically disowned me. I do try to understand this is part of their grieving process as well. Most days I don't like where my life has gone or some of the paths I have chosen since my husband's passing.  It's a different journey for each of us, but I come here to read others stories.  Most times it helps to get me through that day knowing I am not alone and not being judged.  I am currently downsizing to move to another state so it seems that a lot of emotions are coming to surface. I know I need to do it as I prayed on it for a long time.  How did you make the move?  That had to take so much courage and strength.

Comment by Maggie on May 4, 2018 at 4:00am

Boxer Mom...this is one of the most beautiful tributes I've read. Oh how proud your husband would be. Sounds like you had. Wonderful marriage. You are one of the lucky ones.

Comment by Boxer Mom on May 4, 2018 at 2:27am

Where now? I feel your heartache. I am coming up on the 4th year, May 12th of my husband's passing. 34 years together, definitely my soul mate, did everything together. The feeling of only being half, not knowing how to be as an individual is just physically wrenching and my husband was the person I confided in and turned to, talked to about everything. So where to as you ask. I have an internal mantra I say to myself.....I tell my husband how much I love him every day but I also choose to live my life honoring him and the life we had together, using those things that he and I learned in life together and remembering the many things he taught me. I had to change my way of thinking to walk out of the dark valley of such grief. It helped me to tell him that I would finish living out this life here on earth for the both of us! I have within the last year moved to another state, from the home we shared for 28 years, closer to my brother and his wife. I am finding my way thinking of it as a new adventure that he would love to be participating in with me...I know he is because little things here and there happen that you just know he was sending signs. I have no desire to find someone else.....other than finding myself because I will always have my soulmate right here in my heart and soul with me. I hope you can find a way to think of this life you are in now as a blessing that you did find your soulmate in life, many many people never find that and experience the feeling of deep love, and that you can take each day, one day at a time and honor those years you did have together by finding even just one small thing that reminds you and puts a smile on your face. My best to you and everyone reading this....what a journey we are on!

Comment by Tess on May 4, 2018 at 2:18am

WhereNow?, I am sorry for your struggle. I don't know that I have much wisdom to impart, especially being at 20 months out. It is that feeling that you were robbed of the time you could have grown old together. The ultimate injustice. As sad as it is to say, it does feel as if we are waiting to die to be reunited, if fate allows, with our loved ones. I don't know if there is a healing force strong enough to mend the pain of our losses. What can I say...take care of yourself, hang in there, there is purpose in living. It all sounds so trite and I hate to hear it myself.

Hugs, comfort and peace coming your way.

 

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