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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1682
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Comment by shelley on May 15, 2018 at 9:19pm

So it kind of snuck up on me.  I can sort of get through the days; but the nights are really hard.  And I realized that I'm up to a bottle of wine/night plus various drugs.  I realized that I'm not just trying to get to sleep (although that's definitely part of it), I'm trying to knock myself out.  My husband and I had wonderful nights together.  Reading, talking, crossword puzzles, intimacy, a little wine, more puzzles, words with friends, I'd get up and make him a snack, more talking, laughing, joking, cuddling.  Every night with John was magical.  It was when we were closest and at our best.  And now I'm so sad and lost.  I was honest with my therapist and doctor about what I'm doing; they both suggested anti-depressants.  I never thought of myself as someone who would take anti depressants.  So I tried not to take anything tonight- just some sleepy time tea.  And wow.  I'm a mess. I mean, no wonder I've been trying to knock myself out.  I'm in so much pain.  John and I worked so hard on our relationship for so many years; the last ten were the best.  I'll never have that again.  Absolutely impossible.   Sometimes I tell myself, 'Well, you survived his death, you survived the worst thing that could happen'.  But I feel like going on without him night after night is also pretty bad.  Guess I'll try the anti-depressants.  So glad to have this site to turn to.  Thank you!

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on May 14, 2018 at 4:30pm

Shelly what a wonderful thing to find!  

Carol, I'm  5 months out and my heart is just now beginning to catch up with my mind.  It still hurts so much but it's a different hurt from month one, two and three.  Hang in there and take it easy on yourself.  Grief requires patience. 

Marti, thank you for sharing your story.  It is an inspiration to us who are still waiting to love life once again. 

Comment by marti67 on May 13, 2018 at 9:48pm

(((carol))) a big hug to you, with all my heart. First weeks are horrible. I needed two whole months just to "realize" he was not coming back. Something in my mind was interrupted and wasn't talking with other parts.
Take your time, have care of you day by day or if you are not able to think to a whole day, just a few hours. In those days I felt my self overwhelmed even if my mom asked me "ok, let's plan the lunch for tomorrow".
Tomorrow? Which tomorrow?
I cremated him too, and saved one lock of his hair :)
Baby steps, I learned here. Be patience with yourself and make you surround by good friends taking care of you

Comment by marti67 on May 13, 2018 at 9:07pm

(((Melissa)))
glad to have given you some hope.
Trust on me, I actually, really could not believe at all that my life will be restored.
It did, indeed, even if very very slowly.
Do not give up. 

Comment by carol on May 13, 2018 at 5:46pm

Roy will be gone for one month on Wednesday. I still can't believe this is real. I feel like he is away on business and will walk through the door at any moment but I know that's not true. I stood by his lifeless body as the priest blessed him and anointed him and the last time I saw him he was in a casket. He was cremated and all that's left is a box of ashes and one lock of hair that I saved. Every time I think about it, really think about it, I feel like I'm being stabbed in the chest. I'm not sure how life continues after something like this - I know it will but every day is like an eternity.

Comment by Bavaria on May 13, 2018 at 5:04pm

WhereNow your Story is a Mirror Image of mine . 5 1/2 Years and the pain, heartache and grief are still as overwhelming as the day it happened. 

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on May 13, 2018 at 4:40pm

(((Shelley)))
Good for you!
Google "synchronicity" or Carl Jung who coined the term ...
The rose petals were undeniably meant for you!

Comment by shelley on May 13, 2018 at 12:18pm

Well....    my husband may have answered my question.  When we lived in San Francisco, my husband would get up early, before heading to work, when it was still dark, and bicycle to the Golden Gate Park Rose Garden to pick me a rose.  I know, very wrong thing to do.  But he would leave a beautiful rose on the doorstep before he headed to work.  And he continued to buy me countless bunches of roses over the years.  And today as I was walking the dogs in Santa Cruz, along the levy path, there were suddenly a dozen rose petals on the ground in front of me.  I know they had probably fallen off a Mother's Day bouquet.  But there they were.  Made me think of him and feel a little peaceful.  

Comment by Melissa on May 13, 2018 at 11:13am

Thank you, Marti67. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story did give me hope. It's so dark and so quiet and so frightening, but you finally saw some light. Thank you for sharing your story. Blessings to you.

Comment by shelley on May 13, 2018 at 10:59am

I'm so confused.  It seems like when I'm the most overwhelmed, the most fragile, crying the hardest, I can't feel connected to my husband.  Several weeks ago, for a split second when I was waking up in the morning, it felt like he was with me.  I had actually slept soundly for a few hours and I felt sort of at peace.  For about a week, as I continued to feel somewhat at peace, I continued to feel close to my husband- like he was really with me.  Then I sank back into the abyss, and now I can't feel him or see any signs from him.  Do I need to feel somewhat calm and emotionally quiet to feel my husband's presence?

 

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