This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1684
Latest Activity: 13 hours ago

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Suddenly Widowed to add comments!

Comment by shelley on May 13, 2018 at 12:18pm

Well....    my husband may have answered my question.  When we lived in San Francisco, my husband would get up early, before heading to work, when it was still dark, and bicycle to the Golden Gate Park Rose Garden to pick me a rose.  I know, very wrong thing to do.  But he would leave a beautiful rose on the doorstep before he headed to work.  And he continued to buy me countless bunches of roses over the years.  And today as I was walking the dogs in Santa Cruz, along the levy path, there were suddenly a dozen rose petals on the ground in front of me.  I know they had probably fallen off a Mother's Day bouquet.  But there they were.  Made me think of him and feel a little peaceful.  

Comment by Melissa on May 13, 2018 at 11:13am

Thank you, Marti67. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story did give me hope. It's so dark and so quiet and so frightening, but you finally saw some light. Thank you for sharing your story. Blessings to you.

Comment by shelley on May 13, 2018 at 10:59am

I'm so confused.  It seems like when I'm the most overwhelmed, the most fragile, crying the hardest, I can't feel connected to my husband.  Several weeks ago, for a split second when I was waking up in the morning, it felt like he was with me.  I had actually slept soundly for a few hours and I felt sort of at peace.  For about a week, as I continued to feel somewhat at peace, I continued to feel close to my husband- like he was really with me.  Then I sank back into the abyss, and now I can't feel him or see any signs from him.  Do I need to feel somewhat calm and emotionally quiet to feel my husband's presence?

Comment by marti67 on May 13, 2018 at 9:00am

2nd part

Unexpected, one day I had the first moment I noticed Spring was coming. It was Valentine Day, and I had to go to the cemetery (on that day!) for some 
bureaucracy with indifferent employees used to handle documents without to see that I was the 46 y.o. wife of a 51 y.o. man died too early for my humble opinion.
I went out to the cemetery and glanced to the very boule sky, and the mild air and smiled. It was the 1st time after 6 months.
After that I started to have soome little moments, they were just a few each month, then each week...  I still has trouble to understand how to really "accept" what happened, and to put the word "widow" after my name. But the tunnel wasn't at least so black.
I can tell you now that I needed two whole years to go out from the unacceptance phase of grief. And another year to be able to tell that I love my life again.
I was a horrible, terrible, hard over any description path. But I had no any choice. I often told in that months that if I gave up, death 
would have done 2 victims, and my hubby wouldn't like to see me destroyed.
I have a new life now, a very more deep, aware, spiritual life. I am aware now that life is a gift and thank any single day God gives me.
Yes I still have some sad moments, like this week (his birthday was May, 11), but in all the rest of time am not a shocked, desperade woman.
 I am stronger now, and have nomore fear of Death 
Hopefully my words can give you some hope and faith in future
Love to you all

Comment by marti67 on May 13, 2018 at 9:00am

So sorry for you all :(.
My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on 09-/21/2013. I am Italian and live in Rome so sorry for my poor English. it' s a lot of time I weren't here to read and write... pls read to the end :)
That morning my hubby was with our eldest son, 17. Went to buy schoolbooks and flowers for thew balcony.. I felt unwell, went home and checked the blood pressure which was too high. He told our son he'd like to rest a while for feeling better, fall asleep and in 10 minutes died. Our first son who was in his room heared some strange noises and run into our bedroom and found him with fixed open eyes, tried to give him heart massage, screamed his borther to call 911 and tried to call me (I was at work).
The day after was our 23th marriage anniversary, after other 11 years as fiancee.
Life totaly crashed over me. I had a PTSD, had troubles to just get out 
of bed, and everything, even the littlest one, made me feel overwhelmed and "too much" for me.
Our sons and my mom just took care of everything, meals, laundry and so on... after 15 days my loved clients ( i am an IBCLC, lactation consultant and have a parents support center) forced me to get out home and come back work.
Luckily, God sent me a lot of help. For ex. my  
homeopath became a EMDR pratictioner just the day my husband died and suggested me to start asap EMDR. It was hard, like to go every week into a washing machine, but helped me a lot to fight against the PTSD.
I was totaly destroyes and had a couple of times in which I *understood* why some people 
commit suicide.
I fel myself into a tunnel without an exit. A very dark, black, without any hope and way out one.
How could I keep on living in that deep desperation? I felt My soulmate left me alone (and I was soooo angry with him for it some weeks) and my life had no chance to restore in any way.
I saw nomore any reason to smile, to be happy for a sunny day, or for any other reason.
thought of what happened was the one which with I woke up, I spent the day, and fell asleep. Just sleeping gave me some relief because I stopped to dream for almost all nights.
But, I told you to read to the end, pls do not stop here more hopeless than 10 minutes before.
read 2nd msg (too long)

Comment by Melissa on May 12, 2018 at 4:08pm

My husband died on 11/6/2017. 

I don't think anything can prepare us for the pain. I'm so very, very sorry, Ann. We have each other here, and that is a comfort.

Comment by shelley on May 12, 2018 at 2:37pm

I'm so sorry, Ann.  My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on 11/10/2017.  He had just been 'a little tired'.  I was also not prepared for the pain.  I am so sorry for your loss.  

Comment by stanleybaxter2001 on May 12, 2018 at 2:32pm

Hi, my name is Ann and I am Scottish. Last November 21, 2017 my husband passed suddenly and unexpectedly having felt unwell a few hours before. Has been 6 months since I lost him. Nothing in life has prepared me for this pain.

Comment by EarthSpirit (Carol) on May 8, 2018 at 10:37am

Melissa, I’m glad you liked the quote as as I do; it inspires me every day. I know what you mean about dying; with our loves gone, it just seems OK to be finished too. On bad days, thinking of the future makes me anxious, but meditation has helped me a great deal. That and some wonderful books. One day at a time is as good as it gets. Peace to you and all of us here.

Comment by Melissa on May 4, 2018 at 11:29pm

Carol, thank you for the quote. I'm going to post it on my bathroom mirror, because I have not come up with one good reason to keep living. Not that I would take my own life, but I wouldn't mind if I died, you know?

Gilbert would never want me to give up. He fought Multiple Sclerosis for thirty years and triumphed over it. He was a motivational speaker, bringing hope to so many.

I will honor his memory as you honor your Ralph's. Thank you again.


Members (1684)


© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service