Suddenly widowed

Comment

Comment by Laker on June 22, 2011 at 10:01pm

jtod4, Coming to this site has become a comforting ritual for me, especially on days like this when everthing just seems so overwhelmingly sad.  I hope that you also find some solace here. 

Comment by eternalaura on June 22, 2011 at 8:48pm

I'm not quite six months  out and no one understands why they will find me sobbing as I drive or do the dishes or even on my runs...except people who can identify. We need a safe place and solid support through others who understand and allow us the time and space to process, grieve and grow in our new unwelcomed roles and identity. We get each other, simple as that.

Comment by DrummerGroupie (Chris) on June 22, 2011 at 2:45pm

Jtod4 -

Sending a big hug your way for a peaceful day.  It is good to have a place where you can go and talk about your feelings, share your pain and know that everyone here will understand and support you.  We're all on this journey together - we all 'get it' and as much as I hate to have to welcome you here - I am glad that you have found the Village. 

Chris

Comment by lorioc42 on June 22, 2011 at 2:04pm

Jtod4

Welcome. I could hear the pain in your telling. I'm sending {{{HUGS}}} your way and praying that as the days, weeks, and months go on you will find your way (with a little help from your friends).

Comment by Chris Scherer on June 22, 2011 at 12:28pm

It's nice to talk about your grief , what you're going through that day, or other tough situations without having someone try & change the subject on you because of how the topic makes them feel...  :-)  We're all proud survivors of the worst that life can give us & proof that you will make it through the tough times.

Comment by jtod4 on June 22, 2011 at 10:50am

Thanks, It seems like everyday on here reading posts, you go from having someone to talk to about anything everyday, to now being on the internet reading about misery, lol, there is only some many things you can talk to a 11 yr old about.  It helps to be able to read about other people in the same situation even though that sounds like a awful thing to say.

Comment by MsKris12 on June 22, 2011 at 9:47am

((hugs)) to you-our stories are so similar-reading your story, I relived mine and I'm so sorry-the pain and loss seems so unbearable at times.  I agree with Teresa-ANY movement is good, just keep moving.

 Please know that you have found a good, safe place to be, surrounded by caring people  who truly get the grief process.  I know I have been blessed several times over within these web pages.

Blessings

Kris

Comment by T on June 22, 2011 at 9:26am

Jtod4,  I'm so, so sorry.  Your post just really struck me.  Maybe it's because there are many similarities to the last few days of my husband, Dave's life.  I did find that is was good to write things down when I had the energy.  I understand the challenge of having young ones at home and dealing with your grief/theirs and the mixed up mess of all of this!

 

Hang in there, you are taking steps.  I found any kind of movement good,  forward or back.

Teresa

Comment by jtod4 on June 22, 2011 at 9:00am

This is my first post.  My wife of 21 years passed away 4/14/11 of a myocardial rupture (heart tear) at the age of 42.  She had triple bypass two years ago and was doing great.  She worked in a very stressful job and was about to retire.  The week before she had what they call a mild heart attack and when they did the heart cath the dr said that the small graft on the bottom of the heart had collasped but it was rerouting itself and with taking medicine she would be fine and there was no damage done to her heart. The morning of her death she had a family dr appoint. and her family dr told her to go ahead and retire and enjoy life, she refilled out a prescribiton for plavix that the dr forgot to give her when she left the hospital 4 days before.  We had a great morning laughing and going to the store and she was excited to be retiring and spending time at home sewing and spending time with are 11 year old son.  When we got home she was filling great and I told her I was going out to mow and I gave her a two way radio and told her I would check on her every 2 mins (lol).  She told me she was going to lay down and take a nap and not to be aggravating her every few mins.(lol) I went outside and appoximantel 30 mins later she came outside holding her chest.  My world ended at that min.  She had done called 911 and I layed her down on the sidewalk and she told me that she didnt think she was going to make it, I promised her she would be fine.  She then told me to tell are son who was at school, that she loved him more than anything and that she loved me and to take care of are boy.  I kissed her and told her she would be fine.  The ambulance showed up and decided to air lift her to hopital where her doctor was and up until the time she got on the helicopter I got to talk and hold her.  We made it to the hospital and they had her in doing a heart cath and that it was when we heard them call a code blue and I just knew.  She fought for numerous hours but she just couldn't hold on and passed away.  Having to go home and tell a 11 year old boy that his mother was gone was the worst thing that I have ever done.  Sorry for writing a book, but the other night I got up in the night to go to the bathroom and my son was on the computer and I looked at him and said where is your mother at, like I was thinking she was in the other room sewing or something.  As soon as I said that it hit me that she was gone and its made for a rough week.  1 step forward and a hundred back.

Comment by twinsmum on June 20, 2011 at 12:41am

Ausbornsl - big hugs to you.....we have been losing quite a few of our Aussie Troops in Iraq over the last few months....quite sickening when these are all innocent people trying to protect our countries and helping other countries.  It affects me more after losing my husband last year.  Everytime I hear a crash on the news (my husband was killed on his motorbike) or another soldier not coming home all my emotions flood back to that 1st phone call and then the emotions/feelings/devastation of my husband not walking through the door or ever talking to me again and those agonising 1st few weeks.

Definately use your support network.  My friends are the ones who got me through.  If it wasn't for them I think I would of curled up in a corner and stayed there.  I still feel like doing that at times - I am 13 months in.

Take care xx

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