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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1659
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Melissa yesterday

I'm so sorry about Marcus, shellybean.

I have done EMDR therapy in the past for other issues and found it very helpful. If you have a good therapist with a lot of experience, I would think it could be helpful. I'm not a doctor, but I think it's worth checking out. I wish you only good things.

Comment by shellybean yesterday

My husband, Marcus, was killed in a work accident at a grain elevator on January 2, 2018. We hadn't even been married for 4 months. He was my soul mate. We had been high school sweethearts and reconnected in 2015. Til death do us part was not supposed to happen so soon :'( 

Has anyone in here done EMDR therapy due to the suddenness of their spouse's death?

Comment by Melissa on Wednesday

Hello MomOfBoys.

I'm so terribly sorry about your loss. I don't know how we go on, but we do. My husband died almost eight months ago, and in the beginning I was sure I could not live. I think I managed for my children. I couldn't let them be orphans; I couldn't cause them any more grief.

I know it's a cliche, but you really do live one minute, one breath at a time. Just do the absolute minimum you have to do for now. Eat a little bit every day, even if you have no appetite. Drink lots of water. Grief is dehydrating. Sleep as much as you need to. Ask friends for help. They want to help; they just don't know how. 

Everything seems overwhelming; even the simplest tasks. I realized that the first couple of months of grief are just like recovering from an accident or severe illness. You have been broken, and you need to treat yourself as you would if you'd been very sick. 

You will make it. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but you will do it. Your dear husband would want you to go on, your children need you, your friends and family love you. You also have us, here. We get it. We know how you feel. 

Sometimes you'll feel crazy. You're not. You'll be forgetful, so write things down if you need to. You will feel alone and lost. We all do. I still feel that way, even when I'm with friends. 

You will make it. You can do this. I know you can't imagine it now, but it does get better.

Keep in touch. We're here. I wish you comfort and strength.

Comment by MomOfBoys (Tammi) on Tuesday

Thank you.  Who knew grief was *this* hard.

I hae lost grandparents, etc and that you can actually move on. This?  Big fat no!

I do have three boys as well who live me and it is a comfort.  But I still feel so alone and lost

Thank you all for the kind welcome.

Comment by AML on Tuesday

MomOfBoys, I'm sorry you're here.  I lost my husband almost 8 months ago very suddenly.  He was active, seemingly in good health, no symptoms, and collapsed while jogging and was gone almost instantly.  I can understand how you feel like you can't go on.  In the early days and months all I could say was "I can't, I can't do this".  I have talked myself into "doing the next thing" every hour (sometimes minute) of everyday.  Some days that meant eating or just getting up and taking a shower or getting dressed.  I found a weekly support group which has helped.  I have three sons, 21, 18, and 15 that all live at home.  It has been a huge help and blessing to have them here with me.  Please know you are not alone.  Amy

Comment by Gunnerx2 (Carol) on Tuesday

MomOfBoys being a Widow does not come with a users manual.  We all struggle through each day, especially in the beginning.  Do not be shy to ask for help.  I found I tried to handle everything myself.  Sometimes you just cannot handle it all.  I talk to Dennis all the time.  I know he hears me.  I often feel very much alone on this journey (I hate that word but do not know what to replace it with).  I found a group of Widowed people here in Tampa who have saved my life.  I hated feeling alone and they help with those feelings and even have made me (dare I say it) smile.  Much Love, Carol

Comment by MomOfBoys (Tammi) on Tuesday

Hello,

My husband died unexpectedly, April 2, 2018, due to blunt head trauma after a fall.  He died instantly.

How does one go on?  Cause I feel like I just won't.

Comment by shelley on June 13, 2018 at 6:46pm

Thank you, Mrs.Hehar.  Yes, when I was in shock, I didn't have these thoughts.  Now that the veil has lifted a little, I find myself thinking he's still here somewhere.  Maybe I'm incorporating him into my current life.  Don't know.  I have had several people ask to buy my husband's car.  Can't do it.  Can't let it go.  

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on June 13, 2018 at 6:09pm

Shelley, 

it’s okay, I do the same thing. I feel like he is just gone to work. My husband left on November 15, 2017. I never went to a therapist, but I know I need to make that call. I just keep putting it off. I think it’s progress, I want to believe it is. Having ok moments in a day is all I wish for at this point. I always think omg I need to tell him this or that. I know he isn’t here or he won’t come home but I still pretend. Today his friend came to pick up my husbands motorcycle so we can sell it, it was unexpected, I cried, like I wanted to wail but his parents were there so I went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out. It’s too soon and that’s what everyone tells me but I really hope one day it gets easier to get out thru the day for all of us. I still just count the days as if it’s closer to when we will meet again. 

Comment by shelley on June 13, 2018 at 5:46pm

I have a question but first some background.  My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on November 10, 2017.  My therapist says my PTSD is subsiding.  I feel a little more clear-headed.  This past Saturday I actually had an okay day.  Not a great day, not a good day, just okay.  So.....  I now find myself thinking that John's not gone.  It's actually not as simple as that.  I know he's gone.  But as I get back into routines that were mine, ours, I find myself thinking, 'John will be home soon', 'have to call John now', 'I should do John's laundry'.  I didn't think those thoughts while I was in shock.  Why am I thinking them now?

 

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