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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1688
Latest Activity: on Saturday

Discussion Forum

Grief, guilt, and regret

Started by Crabby. Last reply by Melissa on Friday. 11 Replies

Hello,I lost my husband of 38 years suddenly 11 weeks ago tomorrow. We were empty nesters with two grown children, and two adorable granddaughters. It was a Sunday afternoon, and Don was in our…Continue

Grief, guilt, and regret

Started by Crabby. Last reply by Crabby Oct 14. 4 Replies

Hello,I lost my husband of 38 years suddenly 11 weeks ago tomorrow. We were empty nesters with two grown children, and two adorable granddaughters. It was a Sunday afternoon, and Don was in our…Continue

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Comment by Gunnerx2 (Carol) on June 19, 2018 at 8:40am

MomOfBoys being a Widow does not come with a users manual.  We all struggle through each day, especially in the beginning.  Do not be shy to ask for help.  I found I tried to handle everything myself.  Sometimes you just cannot handle it all.  I talk to Dennis all the time.  I know he hears me.  I often feel very much alone on this journey (I hate that word but do not know what to replace it with).  I found a group of Widowed people here in Tampa who have saved my life.  I hated feeling alone and they help with those feelings and even have made me (dare I say it) smile.  Much Love, Carol

Comment by MomOfBoys (Tammi) on June 19, 2018 at 8:28am


My husband died unexpectedly, April 2, 2018, due to blunt head trauma after a fall.  He died instantly.

How does one go on?  Cause I feel like I just won't.

Comment by shelley on June 13, 2018 at 6:46pm

Thank you, Mrs.Hehar.  Yes, when I was in shock, I didn't have these thoughts.  Now that the veil has lifted a little, I find myself thinking he's still here somewhere.  Maybe I'm incorporating him into my current life.  Don't know.  I have had several people ask to buy my husband's car.  Can't do it.  Can't let it go.  

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on June 13, 2018 at 6:09pm


it’s okay, I do the same thing. I feel like he is just gone to work. My husband left on November 15, 2017. I never went to a therapist, but I know I need to make that call. I just keep putting it off. I think it’s progress, I want to believe it is. Having ok moments in a day is all I wish for at this point. I always think omg I need to tell him this or that. I know he isn’t here or he won’t come home but I still pretend. Today his friend came to pick up my husbands motorcycle so we can sell it, it was unexpected, I cried, like I wanted to wail but his parents were there so I went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out. It’s too soon and that’s what everyone tells me but I really hope one day it gets easier to get out thru the day for all of us. I still just count the days as if it’s closer to when we will meet again. 

Comment by shelley on June 13, 2018 at 5:46pm

I have a question but first some background.  My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on November 10, 2017.  My therapist says my PTSD is subsiding.  I feel a little more clear-headed.  This past Saturday I actually had an okay day.  Not a great day, not a good day, just okay.  So.....  I now find myself thinking that John's not gone.  It's actually not as simple as that.  I know he's gone.  But as I get back into routines that were mine, ours, I find myself thinking, 'John will be home soon', 'have to call John now', 'I should do John's laundry'.  I didn't think those thoughts while I was in shock.  Why am I thinking them now?

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on June 1, 2018 at 11:16am

Sarcasm in being judgemental of others was certainly one way I had dealt w/anger ...
Eventually, I got rid of my Voodoo doll, and began to enjoy Grim Reaper cartoons to confront my anger w/death as well as get a handle on my hatred for everything people said & did in getting to forgiveness albeit starting with ripping out hair. It certainly helped keep me seated instead of jumping over the courtroom bar/railing ... ;-)

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on May 31, 2018 at 6:53am

as usual, :) my thoughts mirror Laurajay.  I'm happy for you Shelly. 

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on May 29, 2018 at 6:32pm

Shelley, you might want to add your movie list "Death at a Funeral". Both the American & British versions w/Peter Dinklage are too funny ...

Comment by laurajay on May 29, 2018 at 12:41am

Certainly  not my role  to judge  but a published psychology professor  who lacks  politeness, thoughtfulness and good manners  ought to think about going on a   sabbatical  and  taking  a few life  skills  classes.  I'm glad the ceremony  went well so your  husband received  the honor  a good man  deserves when he passes  on.  As for the the stepdaughter... You are  wise to let it go and  move on.  Peter   Principal prevails in this situation  imo.

Comment by shelley on May 28, 2018 at 10:15pm

I'd just like to give myself a little credit.  With the advice and support of the members of this website, I was able to attend my stepdaughter's "Celebration of Life" for my husband and support her efforts.  It took place in a meadow in Golden Gate Park; I carefully positioned myself in the crowd of people to be part of the ceremony but to let her be prominent.  She spoke for 50 minutes (a long time!); I did not speak.  This was not unusual-  she's a published  psychology professor and speaks all over the world; I am shy and my relationship with my husband was a very private one.   I was glad to see that she was comforted by the people she invited; I enjoyed listening to the guests I've been close to.  I was able to have empathy for her and wish her peace.  I don't know if I've forgiven her for her poor behavior, but I believe we've turned a corner.  I don't feel angry with her any more.  


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