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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1672
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by Whitedoves9698 on August 12, 2018 at 9:34am

Does anyone live in st. Louis missouri? I am hoping to connect with other widows and widowers. I live in illinois near downtown missouri. Message me if your interested 

Comment by shelley on August 10, 2018 at 3:21pm

Mrs. Hehar, Hospice of the Valley has grief support groups and counselors.  Might be a good place to start.  I know what you mean about the anxiety.  My heart rate & blood pressure went through the roof after my husband died. Laurajay gives good advice-  I keep forgetting that the 'okay' days don 't last.  I get sucked under by waves of hopelessness.  I have to learn to be more conscious of and more prepared for what my life is like now.  

Comment by laurajay on August 10, 2018 at 3:00pm

Mrs.  Hehar.  This  place we are asked to remember  is not for us to give  legal or  medical advice  but to share  our stories.  We  are not  professionals nor  licensed  to tell anyone  what to do- only  to suggest  our  opinions.  Please, like   administration  says,  do not  choose  an action  to take based only  on  what you read here.    My suggestion  is  to not  do anything  for  now  that  will add to your  anxiety.  Not  Landmark  or anything  that  requires  lots  of money  or in any  way  uses  mind  control without  being  licensed/ or without credentials  to do so. 

  Can you begin  with  a  religious  person  who can remind you of your  gift of  life and purpose?  Help you to realize  death is  every person's  experience  sooner  or later.  Assure  you that every crazy,  strange,  surreal  feeling  you are having  is  100% normal  when grief  is  raw/fresh  as yours is~  if not a religious  counselor  what about  social services  or mental health  or  hospice  services?  Can your medical doctor give you suggestions  or refer you to someone? Don't  put it off--pick  someone and  go.  If they don't seem right  when you meet them.  Leave and  try  someone  else. It's  your  life your  choices.  You need  to feel comfortable when choosing  help.

For  now,  while  you are  anxious  and  crying  a lot  and out of sorts in pain-  be your  own best  friend  to  help you in healing. Don't  expect  instant  answers or solutions.  Eat  well no junk-  you want  to get strong to meet life's  new challenges.   Sleep when  you can.  You are not  Wonder Woman.  Don't  expect  to snap back  and have  things back to normal  because  normal  has  had  real  changes and will  never be  the same. Trust  that there is an understanding  within  you that  will  in time  come  to the  surface and help you  move forward.  You just  don't  care and don't  see it  -yet. It will  come.  Slowly.   Best  of  luck.    Be gentle and patient  with yourself  for  a little  longer-  time  required  for healing...lots of  time.

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on August 10, 2018 at 1:38pm

Hi, I sent you a friend request. I've been reading a lot about it and the more I think about it, the more it scares me. I am having really bad anxiety today. I need to pick a therapist and just thinking about making that choice is freaking me out. The heat doesn't help. Please send me some of those suggestions. 

Thank you.

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on August 10, 2018 at 12:55pm

Mrs. Hehar, my sister specifically was involved in it for at least a year or two. Even volunteering so it was less expensive for her. There was some positive to it, in terms of the life coaching/improve yourself sort of advice. But I would say that cult is not too strong of a term. There was a lot of manipulation and control going on, especially the idea that if you seek these things in any other manner from any other place you are doing things wrong, judgement if you don't come as often as they ask, judgement as you leave/try to leave, and the monetary cost that increases. My sister also had a romantic relationship through someone there that became more and more abusive as well, which of course the Landmark people, being the sort of place they were, however much they were aware of did not intervene in, and maybe it was because of her boyfriend's shaping by the place that he thought he could control and manipulate my sister in the same way Landmark was. I would avoid the place. I could point you to other places I would trust for that sort of help, both nationally and if you want to PM me with the area you are in.

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on August 10, 2018 at 12:44pm

I'm not sure really, some reviews call it a cult, but some people say it really helps you think clearer and people come out feeling happier? I feel like it might be a self help kind of group/forum. I heard its like 3 days long from morning til evening and there are group discussions and lectures. Honestly the information on the net seems biased, I tried to search if any widows attend, but I found nothing in my searches. That is why I thought to ask here, maybe someone here has gone? I know someone who had a divorce and attended it, but my situation feels so much different than a divorce. Hell I wish it was a divorce and not a forever never going to see him again in my life situation. Omg I am not having a good day. Just saying that made me cry hysterically. I wish there was someway to fix this.

Comment by shelley on August 10, 2018 at 12:34pm

What is it?

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on August 10, 2018 at 12:14pm

Hi, I was wondering if anyone here has taken this course called Landmark? Someone in my family suggested it to me, saying she wanted to take it. But I have no idea that if what I am going thru it would be a good idea. Has anyone tried it? or any thoughts on it? 

Comment by shellybean on July 23, 2018 at 10:29am

I got the OSHA investigation report for Marcus's accident in the mail on Saturday. It has given me a little bit of peace because now I know exactly what happened, but SO much anger because this could have and should have been prevented. I can feel myself putting up barriers and isolating myself so this anger doesn't lash out at those innocent bystanders in my life. Every.single.thing has pissed me off since I opened the envelope. I want to turn this anger around and be proactive with it... but find myself more interested in brewing and stewing. 

Comment by shelley on July 20, 2018 at 9:28pm

My life:  Wake up, shake off the dreams, do whatever it takes to get through the day.  9:00pm, begin wine and drugs to help me fall asleep.  Dream about searching for my husband, often finding him dead.  Wake up, shake off the dreams....   Repeat.  Day after day.  Night after night.  My life.  

 

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