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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1681
Latest Activity: 16 hours ago

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Comment by sweetlady 16 hours ago

I had a mother who wanted me back didn’t like my husband. Or she felt I left her and she had only criticisms, for my sons and called my husband a stranger as. She came first and my mother in law felt she could give the others and her son. Had duty only to her and. She ruled she too wanted him back no matter how good I was to her Gaon he’s gone now more, than 18 yrs and I still agonize as I am alone one son is religious  and has  five children and hem talks against me hard to endure and thoughtless  and one son is single and sort of takes me for granted   So u try to carry I work have a dog and drive but not as happy as I should be elaine

Comment by Gaining Strength 20 hours ago

Dear rm2121,

I am so sorry for all that you and your children have had to endure and continue to suffer.  I am appalled at the lack of concern by the relatives.  I have experienced this sort of behaviour from my husband's relatives when my husband died seven years ago. My mother-in-law actually wished death to my son because he spoke out about their attitude. We are still not on speaking terms. My family was supportive but the live at a minimum nine hours away. Let me tell you that in spite of all that has happened, my children have adjusted to the situation and are capable of taking care of themselves.  It may seem like you can't go on but things will turn around for you and your sons. My recommendation to you is to get out into the community and see where your boys and yourself can attend events that are free. Later, they can volunteer and become an integral part of their neighbourhood.  All this may seem daunting now as everything is new and raw. Try to keep yourself in good health physically. This is really important. 

Your Mom seems very negative and stupid.  She may want to shoot herself.  Tell her to aim well and not make a mess. I am really sorry that you are going through all this pain. Bad treatment of widows exist in my community also with the older people but I have become a bit of a tough girl after my husband's death so I can push back. My problem was that they fought me for matrimonial assets in the belief that everything was acquired due to his efforts and I had nothing to contribute, never mind that I consistently earned more. We went to court five months after he died and the judge kicked them to the curb.  So they are bitter. 

Comment by rm2121 22 hours ago

I’m not well .... I’m. It eatting, lost tons of weight, he took me with him when he passed. I’m not myself anymore. I’m existing but not living. 

Comment by rm2121 22 hours ago

Not referring to Sati,  it my mom said it to hurt me deeply. She doesn’t rant to help me at all. The therapist told me that she is a narcissistic and is getting satisfaction from my struggle. I don’t know how I’m going to do this.... neither side of thigh family is supportive. No one wants to help with the kids to watch or pick up from school. I have to work to feed my kids. We have no life insurance, I make $50 too much to qualify for child action. Does anyone know anyone who’d like to adopt a daughter and two grandchildren? We are in need of love and compassion. We are not getting that within our families. 

Comment by Tess yesterday

Ranjana, is that what you are referring to, is Sati? It is hard to conceive of a mother who lacks the compassion to help her daughter. You are exhausted since you are dealing with so much layered on top of your loss. Your beautiful boys and you deserve better. You have the comfort of each other. Lean on that for now.

I am also so sorry about the life insurance. It is tragic when they put limits based on pre existing conditions. I feel that everyone on this earth has some type of pre existing condition. I hope you have some financial means to carry you through.

Please come back and post to let us know how you are doing.

Hugs to you and the boys.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on Monday

(((Ranjana)))

I'm so sorry for your loss & all you are experiencing. When I first learned of the banished Sati ritual of burning widows on their husband's funeral pyre I was shocked beond belief! Hindus still banish widows from society. Unfortunately, these & other cultural misogynistic practices are also repeated by women to their own destruction. My heart goes out to you - there's nothing worse than having your grief compounded by your own family including INLs; the grandparents of your children. Thoughts & prayers for you & your sons ...

Comment by JenniferR on Monday

I am starting my first Grief share group on Wednesday. 

Comment by rm2121 on Sunday

Hi ... my name is Ranjana. My husband passed away I expectedly on 3/30/18, in front of me and my children. Since his funeral my husbands family as well as mine have abandoned my children and I. We have two beautiful boys... one turned 13 and the other is only 8. Mg boys are still in shock. I’m doing this alone, no life insurance because my husband had a pre existing condition. 

I asked my my mom if she could help with my kids and she told me that I should consider killing myself. I’m in a really difficult point in my life. I’m exhausted and I don’t understand. 

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on Sunday

(((AML & Jennifer)))


Not being able to say good-bye to Bob was very hard for some time. No matter how many times I told myself it was better I had not been there to see his injuries & to say good-bye, my rational brain & the emotion center of my brain were in conflict. Only through the grief process was I able to come to terms with it ...

Comment by AML on Saturday

Hi Jennifer-me too. I struggle with it a lot.  Eric was jogging and colllapsed around the corner from our home. I’m thankful that someone stopped and was there with him, but I hate that I wasn’t there and didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.  There is nothing support group wise in my area either.  I do attend a griefshare group through a local church but I wish there was more.  You’re not alone. 

 

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