This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1681
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

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Comment by Chris on April 20, 2011 at 3:43am

The one thing I hope we all realize is that our grief - the recovery, reactions, feelings, etc - are all "normal" for the individual that's grieving, and also UNIQUE!  Nobody knows exactly what we're going through, no matter how similar the circumstances may be.  So don't get upset or disappointed when your recovery is taking longer or seems harder than someone else's recovery.  What you're feeling is tailor-made for you and you will heal in a manner that suits you best.


The common thread that we all have is that we're still here...

Comment by widowsveilo9 on April 20, 2011 at 1:27am

It's been 1 year and 11 months since my husband was taken...killed.  I have no connection to any memory ...It is unbearable...I loved this man... I adored him...yet his memory feels so far it never  happened... unreal...dettached...from  everything...I don't even cry....why can't I cry or relive the memories...why can I not feel him...Have I gone crazy and made it up??? Is this normal???


Comment by T on April 19, 2011 at 8:04pm
Laska, I'm very close to the 2nd year (4/30). Reading your words sound so normal! I can tell you that I've found that any big day has been difficult due to the anticipation as to what it will be like.   I remember last year relieving the last month of Dave's life.  We didn't even know he was sick, but those days were etched in my mind.  It isn't as numb for me as this 2nd year is coming to an end.  It has changed.  For that I guess I'm grateful.  I still though would rather trade to have May Day  (5/1) with my husband by my side.  I hope and pray that you do find some comfort on Wednesday. Be gentle with yourself.
Comment by MissHIm11 on April 19, 2011 at 9:36am
Hi Simmons. How old are your children? I have a soon to be 15 month old and am 31 weeks pregnant. My husband passed March 12. You will find tons of support on these message boards as well in the chat rooms. Momalone... I sent you a message - hopefully I will run into you in the chat too. One thing I have learned is widows/widowers are so supportive of one another. I hope you both find that too.
Comment by simmons1084 on April 19, 2011 at 9:04am
momalone, I also hope to use my experiences to help other people.. Well, when I figure out how to handle them myself :) I did not plan on moving back in with my parents, it just so happened that the panic attacks started the day we flew up to here to visit them.. It has been extremely helpful to have them here with me though.. I have started seeing a counselor up here.. She plans on using EMDR therapy, which I have seen mentioned on a forum on here.. Praying it works..
Comment by momalone29 on April 19, 2011 at 8:04am
Hey Simmons, I recently joined this site too.  I moved back in with my parents mainly b/c I really needed that extra with my baby.  I'm here for you.  I'm really going to try to participate here and focus on helping others and hopefully it will help me ,too.  Thinking about going to see a grief counselor... any experience with them?
Comment by simmons1084 on April 19, 2011 at 7:27am
Hi everyone.. I am new to the site and finding my way around.  My husband, our three children, and myself were traveling to Tennessee from Louisiana on the day before Thanksgiving when we wrecked and lost Jay.  For the last four months, I thought I was doing ok, but have recently developed PTSD and depression and had to move back in with my parents.  Really struggling with all of this now and hope to making friends with people who can share my experience.. Looking forward to getting to know everyone..
Comment by Norma on April 19, 2011 at 3:20am
Laska, I am where you are also, just past 1 yr and 3 months, I don't know some days I can go almost all day without crying but usually at bedtime I start thinking this has to be a nightmare it can't be real, the whole situation of his death usually replays in my mind and I have to just stop thinking and start praying, sometimes I feel crazy and just want to start screaming how can this be....but actually am afraid once I start I will never stop.. it's hard keeping it together...but each day still rolls around whether I want it to or not... and another day without him just makes it hard to face another day...Curt may be gone but I still feel his love and that is the only thing besides God's grace and mercy that keeps me going.. so prayers and hugs to you along this horrible journey and just know you are not alone in any of it...
Comment by Kimma on April 18, 2011 at 10:19pm


April 17 was 2 years for me. You are normal and it does get better. AT 1 year I went throught the constant replay like you are doing, and now at the 2nd year, it's different. Hang in there, you'll get through the 1 year mark.


Comment by laska on April 18, 2011 at 9:43pm
Wednesday will be one year since he died. Its all I can think about. I know that its just a day, like any other, but sadder. All day today I've tried so hard to keep it together, to not think about where I was a year ago. Sitting in neuro icu, praying and hoping that this horrible nightmare would end and I would wake up and jon and I would walk out of there. Sadly, instead I keep remembering how I sat there, knowing that he was already gone, and wishing like hell I could have done things differently.

Its probably not healthy to think about this, but I wish I would have told him I loved him more. Jon told me at least once a day that he loved me. Sometimes I said it back, others I figured he knew. If I could do it over, I'd tell him every single day how much I loved him. How much I appreciated him being my best friend, how glad I am that I met him.

Some nights, if I lay in bed just right, its like he's there. Those are the mornings I wake up and want to cry because he's not. While I still grieve him, I also grieve our life together. I miss our house, our dogs, and just talking to him after a bad day. I want our life back. I want to take back the shitty things I said. I want to wake up in the morning to jon making coffee and toasting a bagel, and hear 'come on guys, let's go wake mommy up!'

Please tell me I'm normal, and not just cracking up. Tell me the actual physical hurt goes away. And someone please tell me that it gets easier. Because days like today make me think that it will never end.

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