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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Comment by Lairey on March 28, 2011 at 10:06am

Thank you Jon and Kane.  Exercise is good, I used to go to the gym all the time, now I have no reason to do it, no incentive.  My 13 year old plays baseball, football, basketball, so I am busy running him around, its good, I keep busy. He'll be starting High School this fall,  I too sometimes walk around my house and think, "what the hell happened" ?- I don't know why, I'll probably never know.  Wow, Kane that is crazy waking up in different clothing, espcially since you are

not taking any meds. 

Comment by Kane on March 28, 2011 at 5:32am



I still have sleep problems as well but mine is nightmares and sleepwalking.  I am not medicated but waiting to get into a sleep clinic to help me with this.  I often wake up in another part of the house and wonder what happened, things are moved or I am wearing different clothing!  Crazy.


I agree with life being turned upsidedown, I am so sorry for how your husband died, how sad.... Glad you are here.

Comment by Jon on March 28, 2011 at 1:44am


My heart goes out to you.  They say when someone dies they see thier life flash before thier eyes.  When someone we love dies the movie just goes on and on over and over.  I continue to relive every minute of my 21 years with Laura.  I think about every thing I did wrong and right.  It takes a huge amount of energy but I wouldn't let it go even if I could.

     For insomnia I have sleeping pills, melotonin, a self hypnosis sleep C.D. and many books, some complicated and boring, very theoretical that work at times but none consistently.  The only thing that works consistently is a hard running workout.  I have a 9 year old so I can only run when he has soccer practice and with the rain in California that has been inconsistent.

     You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Lairey on March 27, 2011 at 8:58pm

Hi Not me, I need ambian to sleep.  My life is turned upside down.  My husband was murdered, we don't know who did this.  We were married 25 years, 2 boys, age 23 and 11, it happened March 16, 2009 and I still think about him every single moment of every day.  Thank you for listening


Comment by Chris on March 27, 2011 at 10:35am
What helped my insomnia was watching a movie in bed - one that I've seen many times and know almost by heart. Kinda lulls the mind to sleep, and is way better than sleeping pills!
Comment by wannabmartha on March 27, 2011 at 8:56am

Tragedy surely does change ones priorities. Maintaining relationships takes on a new sense of importance. My other sons and I look at life and what we spend our time doing in a whole new way.

Insomnia seems to be a recurring theme for many of us. I wonder if anyone has a suggestion that's worked for that. I've been lucky to be able to sleep most of the time.

Comment by Jon on March 27, 2011 at 6:23am

Thank you Kerri, Martha, Jacuser and Maya for your kind thoughts.  I missed my son's soccer and baseball games yesterday, the first games I've missed since Laura died.  I had to load trucks since I can't run trucks at a school while kids are there.  I finished the project I was about to start the day Laura died.  It took about six months.  I didn't bid on any projects for a year after that.  I knew I couldn't bid with my head in a fog.  I just started working again.  I'm very lucky.  My daughter started college this year.  She is now mostly out of the house.  She was so much help last year I was afraid she might try to give up her future to help me and my son.  My son is 9.  He is into sports.  I can deal with that.  I don't think I could raise a daughter or younger boy on my own.  I cried all day loading trucks yesterday.  Tragidy changes ones priorities.  Making money used to matter.  I wanted to give Laura the things she wanted.  Now I'd rather be at my son's soccer game.  The pain and insomnia that had subsided have come back.  I'm not sure which caused which or if both are brought on by exhaustion.

Comment by Ginny Ingenito on March 27, 2011 at 6:19am
I read these stories and gasp, wondering how people manage...then I remember, I did too.  And every time I hear someone else's tale of grief, I feel their pain.  Almost 5 yrs ago my husband was electrocuted in a work-related accident.  Remembering having to tell my 8 yo daughter her dad died can still bring me immediately to tears.  My other two children were 18 and 20.  Losing Joe is still an open wound.  The company he worked for was not held responsible for their actions.  They forced him to work on a job he wasn't trained for, when others who were did work he could have done.  His supervisor had a heated argument that morning with him about doing the work.  There are documented conversations of instructions, all leading to the actions of his death.  They were taking a shortcut to get a job ready for a town firework show that weekend.  The pain of them covering up what happened, adds to our loss.  It's overwhelming, what the laws are, and what a large corporation can get away with.  So after 27 yrs on the job, being a loyal employee, we are left without him as well as losing 2/3 of our income.  We are surviving, but it's hard.  I'm so sorry for all your losses.  I always say life goes on, just not the one we ever expected.
Comment by Maya, GEM's kyttn on March 27, 2011 at 5:29am
I'm so very sorry, Jon!  Many hugs to you and your son.  How are you and your son coping now?
Comment by wannabmartha on March 26, 2011 at 7:08pm

OMGoodness Jon, Your story is tragic. My husband and son died together in a plane crash so I understand your pain.

How are you doing today? How is your son? Do you have other children?


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