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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1694
Latest Activity: on Saturday

Discussion Forum

Went to bed and didn't wake up

Started by Peacefrog. Last reply by Melissa on Saturday. 12 Replies

 September 13, 2018 was like any other day, he worked out at the gym doing strength training like he had for the last three years. He picked up dinner on the way home steak and cheese hoagies.  It…Continue

Life goes on, but it’s so bloody hard

Started by Lal68. Last reply by Lal68 Nov 13. 4 Replies

My husband was 46 and died suddenly.  We thought he had the flu, took him to doctors Thursday and she thought the same. On Friday he had stomach pains so took him back to the doctors where he was…Continue

Random Thoughts on a Rough Weekend

Started by Crabby. Last reply by jlsrdh Nov 7. 13 Replies

Since my husband died 14 weeks ago, I now take 6 pills a day for anxiety and insomnia.  I still don't sleep.I hate eating alone.  I can't even figure out what to shop for or what to make. When I do…Continue

Grief, guilt, and regret

Started by Crabby. Last reply by Melissa Oct 18. 11 Replies

Hello,I lost my husband of 38 years suddenly 11 weeks ago tomorrow. We were empty nesters with two grown children, and two adorable granddaughters. It was a Sunday afternoon, and Don was in our…Continue

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Comment by Angelique on April 4, 2011 at 3:18pm

Your words reveal your deep anguish and I am very sorry. It seems like this group is very helpful so I would say that you made a wise decision to join this group.

I feel so bad for you. I do not know what to say about how you are feeling but I do know that it is horrible and that it is not fair. I am sorry and hope that you can get some information soon. It is sad no matter what but it does help to know. I went to a grief counselor too and it did help me. I do know what you mean that your heart is broken. 

Comment by MissHIm11 on April 4, 2011 at 3:10pm

Hello everyone. I am a new widow. My husband passed on March 12 suddenly in our home. He was only 29. I am still waiting on his cause of death. I hope that finding out what happened will bring me peace. I am not able to comprehend how this happened. He was just here!! He even asked me out on a date for that Saturday night. Just an hour before he collapsed he said he wanted to buy a swing set for our 14 month old daughter and then he said, "I want us to date more" so I called my mom to babysit. I am also 7 months pregnant. He was holding our daughter when he yelled for me to help him and I found him collapsed on our bed. I still can't believe it. How did this happen? Why did this happen? 

I started seeing a grief counselor last week. My next visit is tomorrow. I just can't seem to get the image of him out of my head. My heart is broken. 

I look forward to learning from all of you.  

Comment by Norma on April 3, 2011 at 1:00pm
yeah pity sucks..... just because you want to share memories with other people doesn't mean you want them to feel sorry for you.. I have had to explain this time and time again, It kind of makes me angry too. That's why this site is a God send and a blessing to me.
Comment by Kerri H on April 3, 2011 at 10:12am
My boys and I have an open communication policy.  Anytime they want to talk about their dad we talk.  Most of the time they just make random comments about something dad did or liked.  Sometimes they need more.  Outside of our home people don't want to talk about him.  Then there are strangers who want to know how he died.  I'm always hesitant to explain how he died because no-one understands what went on and then there is the pity that follows.  I can't stand the pity.
Comment by Dawn on April 3, 2011 at 9:36am
In some ways love and grief are very much alike. They both have the power to forever change our lives. Just as I must surrender to love, I must surrender to my grief."

 

From The Journey Through Grief: Reflections on Healing Second Edition by Alan D. Wolflelt, Ph D.

I wanted to share <3 to us all

Comment by Kane on April 3, 2011 at 8:23am

There is a very wise grief theripist, Alan Wolfelt, I saw him speak last spring and he said that having a shrine of you loved on is wonderful, you loved them, it's ok to remember them however you want/need to.  So whatever is working for you right now, let it work for you and do not let anyone tell you otherwise.  A "shrine" is a perfect way to honour your spouse/loved one if that is what you need!!

 

My MIL is in her 70s and hardly talks about her son as well except for the positive, wonderful son he was and noting about how he died, how the kids and I are coping, nothing.  She not very supportive and I have to ask constantly for help.  Sometimes she even uses the "I talked to your Dad and he said..." in front of my young children and that drives me insane cause the kids cannot figure out she talks to their Dad and gets a reply but they cannot.  I think you need to let your MIL be how she will be in her grief, you need to just talk about your husband whenever and however you need too!!!

 

A book by Alan Wolfelt is 100 Practical Ideas After your Husband or Wife Dies, he has nice and interesting suggestions.... 

Comment by Dawn on April 3, 2011 at 8:23am

I think about my hubby all the time and talk to him whenever I want., did in life and will in afterlife. I can't just stop "on a dime" because I can't visually see him, I don't think my mind could handle it, change has to be made slowly so we can grasp it (IMHO) I know I am gonna need alot of help for quite sometime to get me thru this. I have already started therapy, and for the first time in my life take pills ( for anxiety ) I was so hopeless recently I almost went to the mental heath ward, I didn't think I was gonna make it, I didn't want to.. I took a pill and went to bed last night listening to a online program (healing with the masters F.B) I woke this morning feeling completly different, I don't quite know how to explain it but I am feeling much better.<3 to us all

Comment by Lyn on April 3, 2011 at 7:57am
You are NOT crazy.  Remembering those we've lost is healthy I think.  Those who haven't lost someone this close don't have a clue.  I have lots of pictures around - what I didn't want to do was to build a "shrine", but that's not what this is - it's just good memories for me.
Comment by Norma on April 3, 2011 at 7:41am
I am so glad that those on here understand I thought it was just my crazy mind. My mother in law (88) who I live with now, never mentions her son's name, I've been told oh it's because of her stroke, or it's her way of grieving, I don't know personally which it is, even his brother who lives with us too (he had to have multiple bypasses this past year) rarely mentions him. But everyday I do, I NEED TO, just because his body is no longer here doesn't mean the love isn't, speaking and talking about him is good for me, He also deserves to be remembered, he was the kindest, sweetest man I have ever known, and he loved me so much. I also have a blown up poster of him from his work where he was employee of the month before he passed away. I had it framed and I have it so I can see it always. I tell him everyday how much I miss him, and that I love him. Some have told me that maybe it's time to put this away cause it is keeps my grief alive, but I don't think so. It just comforts me to see him. Thanks all for understanding.
Comment by Dawn on April 3, 2011 at 4:51am

Hi everyone,

 I want to thank you all for your thoughts and words. I read everything on the boards some have come before me and sorry to the ones comming after me. I like to talk about my hubby, he might be gone but will NEVER be forgotten. perhaps people think if they don't engage in conversation with us they are helping us to "forget"? Ignore it and it will go away? I start my day with "good morning sweetheart, I love you" and end my day the same way. Our geanddaughter she just turned 7, she has a cough this morning, after I commented on it she said " maybe I got it from granpa" ( he had a cold) I said " no honey granpa can't make you sick, she said " well he's here hes just invisable!.. bless her heart.

 

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