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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1706
Latest Activity: 3 hours ago

Discussion Forum

The Shock Has Worn Off

Started by GrievingandLost37. Last reply by riet 3 hours ago. 8 Replies

The shock of losing my husband has slowly worn off.  I am left with the reality that he is never coming home.  I will never hear his voice again.  He will never walk in the door of our home.  While…Continue

How can the sun still shine?

Started by Solsticeowl. Last reply by Solsticeowl yesterday. 9 Replies

I lost my husband on 2/22/19.  We had only been married 3 years and together almost 7, but it felt like we lived 20 years - happily - in that time.  The number of near misses of almost meeting is…Continue

He deserved so much more love

Started by KJPE. Last reply by DIVA70 on Thursday. 8 Replies

At least once a day, I feel intensely frustrated & sad because my husband was exceptionally wonderful to me, and I keep wanting to give him more love and cannot believe that I can't any more. …Continue

I've never known love like that before

Started by Doxielover. Last reply by KJPE Mar 2. 11 Replies

My Joanna and I were together for 23 yrs. Last May she had a surgery to clip an aneurysm and instead was in surgery 14 hrs for a deep brain bleed. That was the last time I saw her as herself. She had…Continue

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Comment by Kane on March 31, 2011 at 4:21pm
Thank you all for your wise words, we need reminding sometimes that there was actually 2 of us and not just the "sainted" (in my world most of the time) dead spouse!
Comment by Abigail Carter on March 31, 2011 at 3:08pm
Great comment Chris! Amazing how we forget that we too were part of a good relationship. When I wrote my book, I had to really work hard to make my husband sound like a real person, and to not make our marriage seem all shiny and perfect. Because it wasn't. Still, its been many years, and I've definitely run into difficulties with relationships because despite all my efforts I still put him up on that pedestal which not all of my dates appreciated. I'm learning, but its taken nearly 10 years!
Comment by Chris on March 31, 2011 at 2:58pm
When my wife died, I went to counseling.  During those sessions, my counselor frequently asked about what I didn't like about my late wife, the things that were wrong with our relationship, those things that really annoyed me about her.  I didn't understand it at the time, but he was setting me up for future relationships.  Had I not realized that we had a very "human" relationship, no other woman would've stacked up to my late wife & I would've never been happy with anyone else.  We did have a great relationship, but my wife was only half of the equation - I was the other half!  I hope everyone here realizes that if you were a part of a good marriage, it's partially because of you & that you will find happiness again if you want it.
Comment by Laker on March 31, 2011 at 2:46pm

Jon, I've been thinking about your post of 3/28 regarding thinking about everything you did right and wrong.  I think that a lot of us do that and it's so easy to dwell on the things that we could have done better, the times we could have been kinder and the opportunities that we missed.  But, I remind myself that it would have been a pretty sterile relationship if I had never lost my temper, never said things I regretted, that we can't live our lives in a regret-proof way.  At least I couldn't/didn't.  Sometimes reminding myself of this works and sometimes it doesn't.   Some days nothing makes me feel better.

I wish you peace. 

Comment by Lairey on March 28, 2011 at 10:06am

Thank you Jon and Kane.  Exercise is good, I used to go to the gym all the time, now I have no reason to do it, no incentive.  My 13 year old plays baseball, football, basketball, so I am busy running him around, its good, I keep busy. He'll be starting High School this fall,  I too sometimes walk around my house and think, "what the hell happened" ?- I don't know why, I'll probably never know.  Wow, Kane that is crazy waking up in different clothing, espcially since you are

not taking any meds. 

Comment by Kane on March 28, 2011 at 5:32am

Lairey,

 

I still have sleep problems as well but mine is nightmares and sleepwalking.  I am not medicated but waiting to get into a sleep clinic to help me with this.  I often wake up in another part of the house and wonder what happened, things are moved or I am wearing different clothing!  Crazy.

 

I agree with life being turned upsidedown, I am so sorry for how your husband died, how sad.... Glad you are here.

Comment by Jon on March 28, 2011 at 1:44am

Lairey,

My heart goes out to you.  They say when someone dies they see thier life flash before thier eyes.  When someone we love dies the movie just goes on and on over and over.  I continue to relive every minute of my 21 years with Laura.  I think about every thing I did wrong and right.  It takes a huge amount of energy but I wouldn't let it go even if I could.

     For insomnia I have sleeping pills, melotonin, a self hypnosis sleep C.D. and many books, some complicated and boring, very theoretical that work at times but none consistently.  The only thing that works consistently is a hard running workout.  I have a 9 year old so I can only run when he has soccer practice and with the rain in California that has been inconsistent.

     You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Lairey on March 27, 2011 at 8:58pm

Hi Not me, I need ambian to sleep.  My life is turned upside down.  My husband was murdered, we don't know who did this.  We were married 25 years, 2 boys, age 23 and 11, it happened March 16, 2009 and I still think about him every single moment of every day.  Thank you for listening

 

Comment by Chris on March 27, 2011 at 10:35am
What helped my insomnia was watching a movie in bed - one that I've seen many times and know almost by heart. Kinda lulls the mind to sleep, and is way better than sleeping pills!
Comment by wannabmartha on March 27, 2011 at 8:56am

Tragedy surely does change ones priorities. Maintaining relationships takes on a new sense of importance. My other sons and I look at life and what we spend our time doing in a whole new way.

Insomnia seems to be a recurring theme for many of us. I wonder if anyone has a suggestion that's worked for that. I've been lucky to be able to sleep most of the time.

 

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