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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1687
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Discussion Forum

Grief, guilt, and regret

Started by Crabby. Last reply by DIVA70 1 hour ago. 9 Replies

Hello,I lost my husband of 38 years suddenly 11 weeks ago tomorrow. We were empty nesters with two grown children, and two adorable granddaughters. It was a Sunday afternoon, and Don was in our…Continue

Grief, guilt, and regret

Started by Crabby. Last reply by Crabby on Sunday. 4 Replies

Hello,I lost my husband of 38 years suddenly 11 weeks ago tomorrow. We were empty nesters with two grown children, and two adorable granddaughters. It was a Sunday afternoon, and Don was in our…Continue

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Comment by Chris on January 19, 2011 at 12:29pm

My wife, Sarah, was killed while we were on vacation in Italy, trying to start our family.  We were in the Cinque Terre & it was September 27, 2007.  We had climbed down a staircase & onto some rocks to get pictures of the sea - it was rough, but we thought we were up high enough.  A large wave hit while I was taking Sarah's picture & knocked her back, off onto a lower ledge of rocks & then into the Mediterranean.  I jumped down to the lower ledge to see if I could rescue her when a second wave hit and took me into the water.  I remember being underwater thinking that I should've taken a deep breath before the wave hit me when a third wave hit and somehow threw me back onto the lower ledge of rocks.  I climbed back onto the higher ledge and then back onto the trail we had been on in time to watch her drown. 

I met so many amazing people and many good things happened immediately after this tragic event that I cannot begin to list them here.  I will tell you, though, that a memorial for Sarah was erected by the Cinque Terre National Park near the spot where the waves hit, and that the people of the Cinque Terre are among the most caring and loving in the world.  It was also evident to me that God has his hand in everything that happened that day & every day since.

If you'd like to hear more, please feel free to contact me.  It's therapeutic to talk about our losses, ya know... :-)

Comment by Michele Neff Hernandez on January 19, 2011 at 7:35am
Vertical, I love the idea of embracing life like nobody's business :)
Comment by Michele Neff Hernandez on January 19, 2011 at 7:34am

It is amazing to read all the stories here and know we all shared that moment of disorientation and disbelief that happened as someone told us our loved one was dead....when just a moment before they were just living life.

 

My husband died in a cycling accident on August 31, 2005. He went out for his regular Wednesday evening bike ride with his friend, and was hit in the back by a suburban about three miles from our house. He died in the ambulance in the driveway of the hospital. I was in the room as they worked to try to restart his heart, and standing at the end of the bed when they pronounced him dead. I have always felt so lucky to have been with him as his life ended. He never regained consciousness, so there were no spoken words, but he turned his head to the sound of my voice and I was sure in that moment that he knew I was there and knew he was loved.

Comment by Vertical on January 19, 2011 at 7:24am

My husband died in a helicopter training accident on September 20, 2009. He was a flight instructor flying with one of his students who was getting ready to fly with the FAA the following week for his flight instructor certification. Needless to say (or maybe for those with no aviation background), they were not new pilots. The NTSB has not finalized their investigation as of yet...taking a long time.

If you've seen the intro forum then you may have read some of the things I've been doing for myself lately. One of the things that I worked on this past week was to let go of the life I thought I would have - the marriage, growing old together, our son being raised by both of us...the moment I thanked this perception/thought/way of being for what it gave me and then was ready to release it - that act, simple but so complex and difficult, opened my heart and my eyes to living in the present with what I have now. I feel that I can be so much more of a mom to our son than I have been the past year. It also showed me that I can be grateful for what I had and have because of my husband. Instead of longing for what cannot be...I know I'll have my days as I've already had my moments and I haven't even been back in town for 24 hours. But I know it is there. And I am perfectly fine with saying 'this sucks' every single day. Because it does. I didn't want to walk this path but if I have to I'm going to hold on tight to what I had, the love I had and embrace the future like nobody's business.
Comment by Abigail Carter on January 19, 2011 at 7:13am
Thanks Andrea. I am glad you found it helpful. Kids and I are well. I am just in the process of trying to sell a second memoir. Fingers are crossed.
Comment by bps1314 on January 19, 2011 at 6:23am

Our daughters were 10 and 12 at the time.  Before I took him off life support I gave the girls a choice.  They could come to the hospital or remember their daddy having fun with them.  They both chose the happy memories of him. 

He was 48 and the date was September 3, 2009

Comment by Abigail Carter on January 19, 2011 at 6:03am
I got a phone call from my husband telling me he was in the World Trade Center and that I should call 9-11 because a bomb had gone off. The date of course, is now emblazoned in everyone's brain. I thought he was crazy, never said "I love you" and never spoke to him again. Never got a body or any part of a body which I was actually grateful for. Our kids were 2 and 6 at the time.
Comment by Boo on January 19, 2011 at 1:02am

My husband had a stroke and died 12 hours later.  Reading everyone else's messages has made me feel fortunate because I got to say I love you one last time, and so did he.

Comment by Kimma on January 18, 2011 at 9:38pm
My boys were 3 and almost 6 at the time.
Comment by Kimma on January 18, 2011 at 9:38pm

So glad Supa created this group! Andrea and Carol..my husband died of sudden heart attack during a hockey game and collapsed at the bench right after he got off the ice.  Andrea, I am also in Canada.. in BC on west coast.

I got a call and got picked up to go to the hospital where they told me he had passed. I had no idea prior to that. I was just told he collapsed.

He was 42.

 

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