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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1684
Latest Activity: 13 hours ago

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Comment by rm2121 on September 16, 2018 at 2:41pm

Hi ... my name is Ranjana. My husband passed away I expectedly on 3/30/18, in front of me and my children. Since his funeral my husbands family as well as mine have abandoned my children and I. We have two beautiful boys... one turned 13 and the other is only 8. Mg boys are still in shock. I’m doing this alone, no life insurance because my husband had a pre existing condition. 

I asked my my mom if she could help with my kids and she told me that I should consider killing myself. I’m in a really difficult point in my life. I’m exhausted and I don’t understand. 

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on September 15, 2018 at 4:26pm

(((AML & Jennifer)))


Not being able to say good-bye to Bob was very hard for some time. No matter how many times I told myself it was better I had not been there to see his injuries & to say good-bye, my rational brain & the emotion center of my brain were in conflict. Only through the grief process was I able to come to terms with it ...

Comment by AML on September 15, 2018 at 12:09pm

Hi Jennifer-me too. I struggle with it a lot.  Eric was jogging and colllapsed around the corner from our home. I’m thankful that someone stopped and was there with him, but I hate that I wasn’t there and didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.  There is nothing support group wise in my area either.  I do attend a griefshare group through a local church but I wish there was more.  You’re not alone. 

Comment by JenniferR on September 15, 2018 at 10:40am

I hate that he was alone and that we didn't get to say goodbye.

Comment by DIVA70 on September 12, 2018 at 5:49pm

Hello Lost! So sorry for you lost. I lost my husband 4 months ago. One moment I'm talking to him and preparing to bring him home from the hospital. An hour later he was in ICU and died moments later. I still cant believe he's gone. As others will tell you there is no timetable for grief. Your feelings are real and the anxiety you are feeling is real. Hopefully you have friends and family who can be there for you as you go through this unwanted journey. I will keep you in my prayers. 

Comment by shelley on September 12, 2018 at 3:34pm

I'm so sorry, Lost.  My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly.  I remember when the shock and denial wore off.  It was so obvious that my brain had been protecting me. It was awful.  Shock and denial was awful.  Reality was and is awful.  It's all awful.  My heart goes out to you.  

Comment by Tess on September 12, 2018 at 3:08pm

Hello Lost. I am so very sorry for your sudden, tragic loss. It must be such a shock to you.

One month is very recent. There is a fog that will be with you for a while. In many ways it serves as protective until you can sort things out.

I know you had your retirement years ahead of you both, so it is expected that you may feel robbed of those future precious years together.

I'm sending virtual hugs your way. Come back and post often.

Comment by Lost on September 12, 2018 at 11:42am

Hello.  I lost my love husband and best friend one month ago. He was only 61, in good health, we had both recently retired and we so happy.  I came out to our car where he was reading and waiting for me and found him. He had already started to turn blue and purple. His book was in his hands. They tried CPR for a long time with no success.  I am struggling to accept this still, I miss him so much, and I just can not imagine my life without him.

Comment by DIVA70 on September 10, 2018 at 9:07am

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. It has been four months since the love of my life made his transition to heaven. I was recently asked what I was going to do with the house. My reply was simple. Nothing. This is the house we built and have lived in together for 29 years. I too find comfort in our home. We often spoke about where our next home would be. You see we planned to live until we were at least a hundred. We had already picked out the independent living facility we wanted to live in if and when we were forced by old age or sickness to move. I see no reason to change those plans. I look forward to spending many more happy years in our home. In fact I recently had the landscaping redone and planted fresh flowers out front. He would have loved it! Yes, there are days when I am inconsolable and tears flow like a river.....but moving to another location would not lessen my sorrow. Here is where I feel the closest to my love. Here is where I can still recall the joy we shared during the 47 years that we were married. I know I am fortunate. I am able to financially make the decision to stay. He and I planned it that way and so far God has allowed me to live our plan. Each person has to make the right decision for himself/herself. For me the right decision is to stay and enjoy what we built together. May God continue to comfort you as you walk this road alone until you are once again united with your loved one.

Comment by shelley on September 10, 2018 at 9:04am

I can't imagine abandoning the mobile home in Santa Cruz because John loved it so much and it was where we were happiest and most intimate.  But I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life there without him.  It's a 1956 trailer and will probably fall apart if moved.  And John loved the people/friends in the trailer park and all the drama that takes place in the trailer park.  So if moved, the trailer would not hold the same meaning.  If I decide to plant myself in San Francisco, I can go back and forth from San Francisco to Santa Cruz.  Thinking about going home to Syracuse and being with family and old friends also feels good.  And then... I could go anywhere.  I could move to a small town and join a quilting club.  I could move to the mountains and go for long walks every day.  I could move to Florida where I have family and friends who moved there from Syracuse.  For three months  after John died, I could only leave the trailer to walk the dogs and run errands.  Slowly I would venture out to see friends in San Francisco.  John and I traveled often to various places in California and loved seeing small town communities.  It's just been in the past few weeks that I've realized that I can live anywhere.  And now I'm sad again thinking about living without him.  Oh well.  

 

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