This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1593
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Comment by SilverAnniversary on September 2, 2017 at 4:09pm

It is over. Detour gave its guilty plea and the judge made a decision.

It took all of 2 days.

The reason it was quick and we didn't get the penalty we were hoping for, was because the judge din't want us to have to deal with it any longer. We suffered enough.

I do get a settlement, which Detour was hoping to give in monthly payments over 10 years. I told the crown I can't deal with them that long.

He told the court and the judge agreed. I will get the amount in full and it won't even say Detour on the cheque. They pay the court and the court pays me.

Needless to say it was a relief it was over, despite the Detour group smiling and all happy that they didn't have to pay more. 

Next up, starting January 29, will be a four week trial for the 3 managers. 

For now I will relax and hope to get the money sooner than later. (they have 60 days to pay)

Comment by ImTheMarigold on August 10, 2017 at 4:28am

Super delayed reply here. Tiffany, your comment about money is def not taboo. I'm 36 and my partner died suddenly 8 months ago. He was the bread winner by a long shot and it has been incredibly stressful.  I've had to live off the charity of friends and family, eventually moving out of state and our house and into a small one bedroom apartment somewhere less expensive to live. No will and we weren't married, so not a dime for me (not that it is about that at all). We knew this was my nightmare scenario, since we weren't married yet and I begged him to do something to protect me (he was 22 years older than me). He had an ex-wife to whom all life insurance would go and he'd been meaning to get a supplemental policy know men. A combination of not thinking anything bad could happen and general procrastination on crap like that. Well, here I am now. No savings and a tiny 401k that I stopped putting $ into (all $40 a paycheck) once he died because I needed every penny for survival. So...I don't know how it will work out for you or I. I've met with a financial counselor and am trying to live as frugally as possibly. I guess I'm glad that I still have time to save? I don't make a lot of money but at least I have a job and can be grateful for that. Feel free to commiserate wth me any time.

Comment by MPMom (Colleen) on August 7, 2017 at 6:58pm

On the topic of books, I highly recommend "Tales from a Mediocre Widow"  I connected so much with that book.  It really hit all the points I went though.  

Comment by LadyLipstick on August 7, 2017 at 10:18am

Thank you, AMARINESGIRL for the book recommendation. I hope it helps me as much as it seems to have been a comfort to you.

Comment by AMARINESGIRL on August 7, 2017 at 7:43am

Hi Cookie,

I found a really great book on Amazon and it basically saved me. "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair, PhD. I covers sudden loss and grieving from these two women's perspective. Both lost loved ones suddenly and formed a lasting friendship through their ordeal. It is one of the best books I have read since my Steve died 423 days ago. Yes.....I count the days. Crying less right now because I am focused on other things and just push it down. It takes a lot of steps, daily steps to get from point A to point B. I pray for your strength and peace today. 

Comment by IBelieveInYou on August 7, 2017 at 6:44am

Hi Cookie_love, makes sense to me. Thanks for sharing. 

Comment by Cookie_love on August 7, 2017 at 6:42am
Hey guys I haven't posted in a long time. Today is 2 years since my hubby passed. He died suddenly in a car accident. If anyone needs someone to talk to you can reach out to me. It's crazy I feel I have no words. All I can do is cry. I keep thinking what we were doing this day like I'm reliving it again. It's just torturing myself. People say to do something, maybe I will. I put this day out of my mind and now it's here and this is what I do. No words. Just tears and thoughts. If any of that makes since...
Comment by tifacola (Tiffany) on August 6, 2017 at 9:57am

WeighAnchor, I'm still waiting for the police report and It's been 9-10months since my LH accident. I can fully relate. Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't want or need that information. You have to process what has happened to you in your own way. <3

Comment by WeighAnchor on August 5, 2017 at 8:52am
Thank you guys for the support.I still have not gotten any answers from the autopsy. Its so torturous not knowing, wondering if I could've saved him somehow. It's hard to not feel alone but you guys help. It's also good to know that the fog I am in is ok. Everyone says you have to go through grief and I just cant even tell where I am going or where I am. I am sorry BJ Libra, I know the sadness you feel for your children can only enhance the sorrow. I will say that taking care of my children gives me a purpose, there is nothing else for me on this earth.I would happily die if I wasnt all that they had. Everyone needs something different in their grief.
Comment by IBelieveInYou on August 5, 2017 at 8:14am

You will be strong again. Hang in there and just do the best you can. 


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