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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1615
Latest Activity: 23 hours ago

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Comment by Greg on December 20, 2017 at 9:36am

Hello. I lost my Patti two months ago due to Diabetes. It was sudden and not expected. She stopped breathing and went into cardiac arrest in the middle of the night.  She was only 47 and the love of my life. I will never heal. I am here because I need support and to also offer support to you. I am at the lowest point in my life but am thankful that I can reach out to people who understand and share the same feelings I am going through. I wake up some mornings and wonder if it is all worth it anymore? I want to quit my job and move away from everyone. But I have responsibilities that I must meet, namely getting our daughter through college. Only after she graduates and finds her own life will I then move on to whatever God has planned for me. I miss my wife. I miss our weekend adventures. I miss her cooking and her snuggling and her love notes. I miss seeing her waiting for me on our front porch when i come home from work. I miss her gentleness and her kindness. I love my wife with all my heart.

Comment by denverkim on December 20, 2017 at 9:27am

Hello everyone,

I lost my wonderful 49 year-old husband 25 days ago to pancreatic cancer...or what we were eventually told was pancreatic cancer, but they really didn't know for sure.  It was called "poorly differentiated carcinoma of unknown origin" and I doubt the chemo he was supposed to start two days after passing would have done a thing.  He was sick for a total of 20 days is all.  We were raking leaves when he had a sudden pain in his right abdomen, which seemed like appendicitis.  Tests and scans in the ER determined liver lesions and a cyst on his pancreas.  A week in the hospital, biopsies and more tests finally confirmed that cancer was in his pancreas, liver and lungs.  That was one week before he became critical and passed. 

I know I haven't even really even processed the diagnosis, let alone that he is gone from my life forever.  I can't breathe sometimes and feel the crushing weight of loneliness and emptiness.  I am helping myself as much as I think I can...I go to two support groups and have started seeing a grief counselor, so I know that getting out of bed each day and even going to work are victories.  I know that time will help.  There are times it feels like he's been gone months, and then it feels like yesterday. 

Anytime I see a date prior to his passing, I think how I would give everything to be able to go back and tell him to get to the doctor NOW!!!  Maybe we can catch this and treat it before it spreads like the wildfire it was.  Oh, how I hate hindsight.  :(

My heart goes out to everyone here.  I only hope that I can be of help or support for you.

Comment by Sarah on December 18, 2017 at 8:01am

Rosa 

As I began to read your post tears ran down my face

i don’t know why, but maybe because all of you compassionate beautiful people responded to a wounded and broken soul and understands exactly 

i appreciate that very much

thank You

Comment by roark on December 18, 2017 at 7:57am

Hello everyone, I am truly grateful for all of you who shared. And I am sorry we are here. I am not a good writer but reading the posts here helps me a lot. I am crying as I write here and it makes me feel better to cry it out. To tjtango, sarah and gaining strength; your posts resonates to me a lot. I lost my husband June 6, 2015 and this holiday makes it very tough. It is good to have a place to be heard and people that understand you. I am doing a lot of things I never thought I could do from electrical to painting around the house inside and out.  Thanks to you tube I know what was the AC problem before the technician came out. Just now I learned how to change the battery on my car key fab without going to the dealer. I called my 'honey' Steve a lot and telling him how much I love him and miss him. I hope he can hear me. I thank God for having him in  my life and I thanked my honey for his love he shared with me. But now I am alone I need to be strong and keep busy so I won't go crazy. I know I am getting better since I am not crying a lot and able to breath unlike before. I used to have panic attacks and went through grief share in several churches plus a private grief counselor and tons of books in grieving. Without those sources I am either gone or in a psychiatric hospital. You are all correct to say it will never be the same but I hope we find some happiness that we deserve. Happy holidays to you all. My name is Rosa (roark)

Comment by Gaining Strength on December 18, 2017 at 7:19am

Sarah, I  understand.  I started this journey on Sept 16, 2011 after a 33 year marriage. Life is different. I have struggled to appear strong, independent and capable. I am sure that people see me exactly that way. That is what I want. However, there is a part of me that has gone never to return. I  read a lot and try to find examples of people in the past who have overcome adversity and have been resilient.   I use their victory as guidance for my own life.  I no longer ask why, I just accept that this is the way it has to be.  In time, I hope that we all can find our strength to keep on living our lives with some degree of satisfaction while still being able to come here and vent when the need arises.  Stay strong.

Comment by Tjtango on December 18, 2017 at 6:58am

Hi Sarah, 

your comments really resonated with me.  I am 19 months out from losing my best friend and partner of 30 years. Ray had complications after what was supposed to be a "routine" outpatient surgery.  . While my life is definitely better then what it was, I would never want to go back to those dark days when I could barely breathe.  So I guess one could say I'm surviving.  My life is now in black and white, while it used to be in vivid color.  But hey at least I have a tv, so for that I'm thankful. 

I would like to think that one day we will get back some of the joy we once had. I think our partners would want that for us,as I know I would want it for Ray if the situations were reversed. Keep taking things one day,one breath at a time is all we can do.  The holidays don't help, that is for sure.  I know it helps me to know I'm not alone in these feelings, thanks for listening. 

Comment by Sarah on December 18, 2017 at 6:03am

Good Morning to everyone and I am sorry that we have to be here, but thankful that there is a place to share thoughts.

I have not posted for a very long time. I decided therapy, groups and more therapy was my route because I knew that I would never be the same and it is true, I will not be.

I have come a very long way, but after 22 months I find that although my external life is good and I am grateful ...internally I do not feel that I will ever be happy again. I notice the beauty around me and I tell myself how thankful I am, but there is a dullness to everything.  I try to laugh, smile and find pleasure in things, but it seems that I am not who I used to be and where I once smiled and viewed the outdoors and my external surroundings as this beautiful place filled with beauty, it now seems that I just exist and everything is just grey and dull.  I go through the motions of life handling the things that need to be done and hope that something will wake up inside of me that is dormant and get me close to where I once was, happy to be alive.  I no longer wish to be dead, so that is an improvement.  I no longer like holidays or special occasions which were something that we loved and shared together.  I just needed to vent and I appreciate anyone that understands

Comment by InsideLove on December 18, 2017 at 5:38am

Hello Sterling. I am sorry we are meeting here. Yet grateful because, it's only those of us in this position who truly know the depth of our pain and broken heartedness. Prayers go to you now. Indeed tragic as you explained. SO much to get through.

I'm fairly new here having lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly of a routine hip surgery. He came home on July 19th, was home for just 10 days. Then a 911 call because he couldn't breathe. We were planning his return home looking at rehab places. Then he took a bad turn and I had to say goodbye to him. He never came out of his 3rd intubation. My heart is broken. I feel it in my spirit. I feel it in my body. We had plans. All canceled. We had 47 years together in marriage and 49 in love. I miss him every day.

Many of the people I meet here, say we do make it through the grief, we don't get over it. I'm hopeful over time the pain will ease. This is a wonderfully supportive community. I hope you also find grief groups in your community in person. For me they've been a welcome source of comfort.

{{{Hugs}}}

Comment by Sterling on December 17, 2017 at 8:52pm

Hello,

This is my very first post on WV. My husband of 16 years had a PTSD episode on November 24 of this year, and died as the result. It was violent, it was tragic, it was inevitable, but it didn't change the fact that I loved him with all that I had. I'm gutted that the person I once considered to be my best friend, became, in the end, the person I feared, covered for, and tried to shield our children from. I don't know whether to grieve or feel free now, and I feel guilty either way. I'm an epic mess.

Aside from that (and the now obvious fact I have ADD (squirrel!)), our family has two dogs and a cat. My dog is part Husky, part German Shepherd, and part Kleenex, right now. I love that she knows when I need to cry, and she doesn't judge me for it.

Comment by Frank on December 9, 2017 at 8:59pm

Hi Boxer Mom,

Thank you for your kind words and comments.  My grandparents had two boxers... Suzi and Zipper.  They were in the army and the two dogs ruled every base they were stationed at.  Suzi would start the fights and when she tired Zipper would step in and finish it.  Susan and I raised German Shepherds and we sold the pups to the various police departments in the Tidewater area of Virginia.  When we moved to Denver our job (we worked as a team) came with a two bedroom apt and dogs would not fit into our schedule.  We got a pair of 6 month old female kittens, and have been entertained since.   

Take Care & ((((HUGS))))

Frank

 

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