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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1623
Latest Activity: 16 hours ago

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Comment by Sonu on February 1, 2018 at 9:04pm

His birthday is this feb 9th and i am so afraid to face the day. I feel something in my heart and my stomach as the day is approaching. this will be the first birthday when he is not gng to be here with me. I don't know what to do but the mere thought of it gvs me an intense pain and some emotions which i m unable to express

Comment by James.T. on February 1, 2018 at 4:36pm

Mrs. Hehar,  I am right there with you in the thoughts of being lost.  Seems like I can handle the motions of each day, but there doesn't seem to be much purpose to them.  The loneliness and a quiet house seem to be the worst.  Just over two months in, I cry very little, but I am constantly sad and distracted, staring into space wondering when I will be able to find my way past this emptiness.

Comment by Seashell on February 1, 2018 at 11:26am

At the encouragement of my widow's group I went to a medium 2 1/2 years after my husband died. Not only did my husband come through - but my father did also. Recently my daughter asked me if I had gone to the medium again and I told her that I was planning to at some time. 

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on February 1, 2018 at 9:05am

I have a question, I know most ppl will answer with it varies with each individual. 

When will it be bearable? Are the tears ever going to stop? Will there be days when I won’t cry? 

Ive decided I’m going to reach out to a medium. Sounds crazy when I say that to myself, but right now I’m in so much pain, I wonder if he is seeing that, maybe he can give me some answers,or decisions to what I’m supposed to do now? This last week I’ve learned I need to make many decisions that I have no idea about, pay more bills, outrageous hospital bills, but no money to do it with.I feel stuck, my immigration petition is on hold, I don’t have residence and so many institutions won’t allow me to make decisions until I am, I don’t even have health insurance anymore. Everything has become a challenge, I just want to be able to grieve, whatever that means. Literally I want to run away from everything. 

Ive struggled  a lot in my younger years figuring out what I want, finally I had this perfect person that just fit in everywhere. I didn’t have to worry about anything, and then he was gone in seconds, and now I am stuck in a difficult position of not only figuring out my life but making decisions for his. 

I have no idea why I’m being put thru this test but I’m not sure if I have the strength to get thru it. I wish he would just come home. 

Comment by Seashell on February 1, 2018 at 7:11am

KMA2106 I understand what you are going through. It does seem unfair that someone we had looked up to for their strength for so long is gone. Allow yourself the time to grieve. I attended a class on Emotional Healing where the man demonstrated what real grief looks like. It starts deep in the belly with huge sobs coming from deep within. It hurts like hell but afterward it is healing. There were four signs that I had just prior to a grieving process happening. They were (1) anger; (2) being extremely quiet; (3) super talkative; (4) extreme fatigue for no apparent reason. It has taken time to learn to watch for these signs and to allow myself the quiet time I need to grieve. Sometimes I am so busy that I miss them totally and am taken by surprise. My love to all of you in facing this loss in your lives.

Comment by KMA2106 on January 31, 2018 at 5:53pm

I got in my email today and saw all the postings from this group. I wish I wasn’t able to understand but I do and it makes my heart hurt.   I am not at a specific anniversary of any sort at this time but I am at a new level of grieving- I’m mad as hell!!!   It has been 21 months since my husband, who was health, feel to the ground and all the nurses and doctors just kept looking at me like I needed to give them the answer of what to do- he was gone, my beautiful husband was gone- no answers why. These last 2 weeks I have been unable to work out, I’m eating bad and not sleeping- all this results in not feeling good and mad as Hell. I miss him so much. I miss my best friend of 38 years. The man I basically grew up with, raised children with, over came life’s struggles with.  We are supposed to be enjoying our grandson together, our daughters’ accomplishments, our soon to be retirement.  “The best years of our lives”. Instead I am alone. 

Comment by Sonu on January 31, 2018 at 4:47pm

Mrs Hehar, I feel the same every single day. Every night when i go to bed,I wish that i do not see the day again. That unfateful night haunts me. Each and every moment is saturated with our memories. And without him my time has come to stand still. I want to stay isolated.I do not want to talk to my family and friends because every talk ,every happenings of the day reminds me of us and it kills me to think that whatever i do,wherever i i ,he is not going to be there

Comment by Seashell on January 31, 2018 at 2:13pm

The end of 2017 from September on marked my husband's and my birthdays, our anniversary, and holidays. It seemed this year I felt things more intensely and by December I was very depressed and crying almost as I had when Jerry first passed away. I think it is that I am not as numb by the shock anymore. I missed Jerry more and was more emotional when I spoke about him to our daughters. As the New Year began - the clouds finally lifted - and I feel as though I am living life again. It will be 5 years this April. As I look back I wonder where has the time gone?

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on January 31, 2018 at 1:10pm

Is there something in the air today? I can relate to you all because I’ve been upset all day, unbearable pain and tears that are never ending, 11 weeks have rolled by and it feels like yesterday I saw him laying there lifeless. I don’t get it, I want to scream. I pray that my time comes soon. I don’t even have a purpose anymore. Everything feels lost. 

Comment by Maya, GEM's kyttn on January 31, 2018 at 12:57pm

Saturday was 10 years.  It hurts like yesterday.  I've spent much of the last week crying, or on the verge of tears.  I keep thinking that after 10 years the wound should be a little less deep.  I think of the death of a beloved spouse as an amputation.  There's no replacement, no way to grow back the limb, and no way to ignore the loss of it.  I always expected that somehow the wound would grow less painful over time, and that I'd only experience the devastation of the loss again when something knocked against the wound (a poignant memory, an anniversary or saddiversary).  This week, though, it feels like the surgery was yesterday and done with a dull knife and no anestheasia. 

 

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