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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Comment by BJ Libra on August 5, 2017 at 12:25am

Thank you IBelieveInYou for the message. I escaped from home thousands miles away and temporary relocated in SC for business. I'm trying to rebuild a new life and hoped this is another me to start a new journey......but it's hard and I just can't stop crying whenever it comes. I left my teenage sweet girl at home, my cousin and her family are taking good care of her. I see her every couple of months and for the days I'm out of country, i'm trying to keep myself extremely busy so to let things occupy my brain. But still, the feeling of sadness always find ways to attack, and I do feel lonely. I know I should take the responsibility for our girl, but I'm not strong enough to face her alone......I know I‘m not a good mum, but what else I can do? Thanks God my girl is stronger than me, she told me as long as I'm good, she's good. I hope one day I can strong enough to face the reality...... 

Comment by Tjtango on August 4, 2017 at 6:06pm
Dear weigh anchor,
it has been almost 15 months for me since I lost my husband and best friend due to complications from what was supposed to be a routine outpatient surgery. We were together almost 30 years. While I can't say my life is good now, it definitely is better then it was and for that I am greatful, I would never want to go back to those early days that you are in the midst of now. All I can say is to just take it one day at a time and it will get better. In those early days when I could barely take a breathe I just kept repeating to myself "you're okay today." The future without my partner just seemed like to much for my brain to handle. Your children need their momma and in having that routine of caring for them that will give you a reason to get out of bed, and I know you can't see it now, but eventually you will begin to heal. I have found great comfort and support from talking with others in similar situations and I hope you will too. We are all members of a club nobody wanted to join, but we can all gain strength from each other. For now just be gentle with yourself as you navigate these uncharted waters. As others have said out hearts go out to you.
Comment by Erica_D_W on August 4, 2017 at 9:56am

Dear WeighAnchor,

My husband died from a heart attack that came out of the blue.  We had no idea there was anything really wrong. We were in our 50's and looking forward to retirement in the next 10 years or so.  So, my heart just breaks for your young family,  I read IBelieveInYou's response to you and I agree whole-heartedly with it. You and your children are in many people's thoughts and prayers even though you have never met them.

Comment by IBelieveInYou on August 4, 2017 at 4:29am

Hello BJ Libra, I'm sorry for your loss. The first anniversary is tough. I sometimes feel like running too. I wish there were answers. Today would have been my wife and I's 27th wedding anniversary. Like you, I miss my spouse and wonder about the meaning of life without her. I hope you can take it easy. Remember to breathe. Do you have a support system that you could call on locally? May I ask, why are you missing your little girl?
No need to respond if too painful. Please take care of yourself and thank you for writing today.

Comment by BJ Libra on August 4, 2017 at 12:14am

It’s approaching the anniversary…… Aug 5th, 2016, the date changed my life completely. My husband past away suddenly by heart attack at home, without any signal…..We’ve married for 23 years and he left me along on this earth!

I’m escaping far far away, from the place we used to have so many memories there……God is guiding me through the darkness, don’t know wheN the pain and sadness will end, but just follow. But I miss him so so much, miss our home, miss my sweet little girl……I want him come back…I want to see him again……I want to talk with him, even it’ll be the last time…..


We all will die someday, but why we live and how? I’m thinking very hard, wherever I go…..but couldn’t figure out. I wonder what’s the meaning of life???Who can tell???

Comment by IBelieveInYou on August 3, 2017 at 1:18pm

Dear WeighAnchor, my condolences. I lost my wife similarly. We were together for 32 years (25 in marriage) and have two young adult children. There are no easy answers to your specific question of how can you live without your beloved husband. This event happened so recently that the best advice I can give you is this: 1. if your mind is in a fog, do not push it away - the fog is protecting you. 2. ask for the help you need from your friends and relations. They want to help but need to be directed by your needs. 3. Come to this site often and read and write as you wish. We are all on the same journey of terrible grief. 4. Don't have high expectations for yourself - putting your socks on one at a time is an accomplishment. 5. Love your children and keep them close. My friend, you are on a tough road that you will learn to cope with in time, but right now focus only on the present if you can. 

You will find this community to be supportive. I never would have thought an online group of strangers would help as much as they have. Sometimes the people here just rant and spew; sometimes their expressions, as raw as they are, have helped me a lot. Please take care of yourself. You and your children are in my thoughts today. 

Comment by WeighAnchor on August 3, 2017 at 1:07pm
Hello there. I am not sure where to start. My husband died very unexpectedly the morning of july 17th. We went to bed as normal, not so much as a headache, I awoke to him making sounds. I thought he was dreaming. I tried to wake him but he wouldn't wake up. I called 911 and did as the lady told me. He stopped breathing before the paramedics arrived 14 minutes later. The paramedics tried for 40 minutes before they gave up. I loved him more than anything on this earth, more than myself. He was only 31 with no medical problems, I turn 30 in two weeks. We have loved each other for 11 years. We have two beautiful children, a 4 yr old girl and a son who turned two three days after he died. I was so happy,I used to think I lived in a fairytale. He was the most incredible man on the face of the earth to me. Now my life is a nightmare. How can I live without him?
Comment by AMARINESGIRL on July 23, 2017 at 11:05am

Hey Tiffany, you can do it! You can and WILL make it. I had a hard time figuring out the financial aspects of my loss because my husband and I had 2 houses. He couldnt afford to sell his, so we split time between the two. After he left, I was trying to fill out a truck load of military paperwork for benefits and pay bills for both houses for 6 months while I moved things out and into storage and cleaning, was overwhelming!! There were times when I would just collapse on the floor and cry and cry, desperate for it to all be a bad dream. 

I have a friend who gave me a wonderful book to read daily. It is called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. She has written several devotionals and is a great inspiration for me. Each day I read the devotional and focus on what it is saying to me. I found hope and some peace by learning to pray and believe that I would get through the financial, emotional, physical aspects of grief. It worked so well for me! Every time I feel overwhelmed I pray to Jesus to take away the darkness and then....I feel it inside. Things have been working out little by little. 

Don't give up and keep praying for strength and peace. It is a daily struggle; nothing is easy with this, but it sure has helped me. I hope you buy the book and keep blogging. It helps me to know that I am not alone in this. Eventhough we don't know one another, I feel that we are all tied together by in invisible bond. 

Prayers for you today!

Comment by Nance63 on July 23, 2017 at 10:58am

While all the posts impact me and call up deep empathy, Tiffany, your post sent me up to my desktop to respond with a resounding YES! Me, too!  I'm not as young as you (I'm in my fifties), but our choices had me a stay at home mom with my husband working hard to keep us in working class status.  My overriding 'emotion' is also fear! 

My marital relationship was not that of soul mates or even really very intimate partners. There is a sadness and grief, certainly, but the practical issues are, for me, the stronger drivers. I married at 19, only held a few part time jobs over the years and have five children, the youngest of whom is intellectually disabled.  I am not physically very well, and am not able to jump into the work force. A few years ago I obtained my Associates degree, very slowly, over a period of five years!  I had thought I had time to slowly move forward in education and in networking and eventually take on a satisfying position... 

Now I feel, irrationally, I do know, that my life has ended. My vision of the future is what has been cut off, and I am still working to uncover what that future might be. My husband died a year ago. I am getting a little better, in some ways, at believing there MAY be a healthy, fulfilling future somewhere ahead of me.

I also know the imposter syndrome, and have talked about this with my new therapist, who raised the topic, but it was not a new topic to me. I get it!  You need validation. WithoutJim's comments were very astute and on target!

Comment by tifacola (Tiffany) on July 23, 2017 at 10:18am

You know what I feel is missing from this thread and something that keeps me up at night? The logistical challenges of being a widow. Losing the bread winner... Is it just because it's rude to talk about money? I was 100% dependant on my husband for nearly half my life, dependant on my parents nearly the other half, and have only recently become independent. But I have massive imposter syndrome and am always scared I'm not going to make it. I'm 35 with no savings and no retirement plan. I'm afraid I'm going to be a homeless old woman some day. I live in one of the most expensive cities in the country and I'll never be able to afford to live and save without a partner. A big chunk of my grief stems from my disappointment of losing my safety net. Screw sadness and loneliness, my grief is all fear based. 


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