This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1703
Latest Activity: on Thursday

Discussion Forum

The 6-month mark

Started by Crabby. Last reply by KJPE on Thursday. 9 Replies

I hit the 6-month mark this past Tuesday. As expected, it was very sad and emotional for me. I took off from work Tuesday and Wednesday because I just could not face the world. My daughter did take…Continue

When Friends Step Back

Started by GrievingandLost37. Last reply by KJPE Jan 29. 4 Replies

Since my husband died suddenly, my family and our friends were there for me during the first couple of months.  My family was so supportive and continues to be supportive for me.  Then, some friends…Continue

Other "Firsts"

Started by Crabby. Last reply by Polly Jan 24. 2 Replies

Just some thoughts - I think we've all heard people say that the first year is the hardest. They tell us you have to get through all of the firsts - first holidays, first birthdays, first…Continue

He deserved so much more love

Started by KJPE. Last reply by KJPE Jan 23. 5 Replies

At least once a day, I feel intensely frustrated & sad because my husband was exceptionally wonderful to me, and I keep wanting to give him more love and cannot believe that I can't any more. …Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Susieg on March 2, 2011 at 10:08am
Well Kane,  I think you are very brave.  22 months for me, I still have not done it. And I don't know when I will.....I still wear my rings.  And his.  I still feel married, and I don't see how getting rid of any of these things, or changing my ring to my right hand, is going to make me feel better.
Comment by Kane on March 2, 2011 at 8:11am

Well I just finished cleaning out the last of my husbands clothes - 17 months later.  I have saved lots for the kids (and me) to go through whenever they want!  What a hard thing to do, but I knew I was ready.  I cried the entire time and my kids just played around me and did not ask anything, I think they just knew it was Daddy's stuff! 


Tomorrow is his birthday....we are celebrating with cake and sushi!


I am going to have a cup of tea now, and maybe a big bag of chips (never at 10am!).  How to be kind to yourself on days like today?!

Comment by Soaring Spirits on February 18, 2011 at 6:13pm

About "who can join" -- I don't think it's important to be "accurate" about it... I think it's what you feel, where you feel you belong. There are some who will want to join both (like.... had cancer, but died from it very quickly). But because all the conversation here (and in Long Term illness) is open, people don't have to JOIN just to learn about your experience, only to "mark themselves." So we don't want all the moderators joining both groups just to feel a part of it. If it sounds true to you.... join it (you can friend people regardless of whether you join). Mainly groups are to identify each other, so we see the same faces from page to page, and so that the OTHER discussions are as inclusive as possible. In my experience, OPEN discussions rule -- the differences start to pale the more we learn from each other.

Hugs to you all for sharing... let me know how this is working for you, are you finding things of interest, would you like to do more, etc etc. We're delighted to create a new place that supports YOUR needs!

Comment by Carol Scibelli on February 18, 2011 at 12:49pm
Right...I hear you...I really feel that for me...the way I had such a hard time "getting" that my husband was gone...he could have been sick for years and I still would have felt it was sudden. There is something so awful about the finality.
Comment by Kane on February 18, 2011 at 11:15am
I am with the rest,who cares and it does not matter you can fit in here!!!!!
Comment by Eowyn on February 18, 2011 at 10:33am

I agree- who cares...


Comment by Susieg on February 18, 2011 at 10:26am
Carol, my husband had a series of problems from Sept, 08 to when he died April 30, 2009....we never knew he was as sick as he was, thought his health could be managed.  He was doing okay in the ICU on Tues, Weds morning the doctor told me he was dying....I think you qualify for sudden....who cares?
Comment by Eowyn on February 18, 2011 at 6:50am

I don't know how to rate these things. I would just say that when your husband is fine one day and dies the next morning with no warning it is a uniquely shocking and horrific experience. 


Comment by Carol Scibelli on February 18, 2011 at 6:14am

There's suddenly and there's suddenly and I think I fit in here because my husband died within a month of his diagnosis.  Does that count?  It sure felt sudden to me...

Comment by Kerri H on February 15, 2011 at 8:02pm
Patter and Susieg, there is absolutely nothing any of us can say.  However, this is definitely the place to let out these feelings.  It does suck.  It sucks REALLY bad.  I get so pissed sometimes, especially because my husband chose to take himself away from me, he committed suicide.  I've thought it all including he didn't love me enough to stay with me.  He chose this for me.  And, yeah, it SUCKS (and I have to tell you that word is such a wimpy word for what it really is).  But whether he was the one who chose it or not I believe it was his time or close to it.  Who knows what horrible thing lie ahead of us if things had happened differently.  Regardless of the fact that he killed himself I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loved me.  It was there every time he looked at me, in the calls during the day to see how my day was, in the way he would hold me and touch his forehead to mine.  I know that I am blessed to have my boys because they are probably the only thing that kept me going.  I do know that my husband would be proud of me with everything I'm doing becoming an EMT and a nurse.  And, I know that he would want me to be happy.  No, that is not always enough.  And it is hard to believe that life can be good sometimes or will get better.  But I know it will.  It is better now than it was 6 months ago.  All we can do is our best and take each moment as it comes.  I always tell my boys, generally when they have been fighting and one is saying "but he...", that we are only responsible for our own actions or how we interpret the little things in life.  We can choose to see the negative and bad or we can choose to see the positive and good.  We can also choose to take the bad and make something good out of it.  I'm trying to do this.  ;)

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