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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

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Members: 1694
Latest Activity: yesterday

Discussion Forum

Went to bed and didn't wake up

Started by Peacefrog. Last reply by Melissa yesterday. 12 Replies

 September 13, 2018 was like any other day, he worked out at the gym doing strength training like he had for the last three years. He picked up dinner on the way home steak and cheese hoagies.  It…Continue

Life goes on, but it’s so bloody hard

Started by Lal68. Last reply by Lal68 Nov 13. 4 Replies

My husband was 46 and died suddenly.  We thought he had the flu, took him to doctors Thursday and she thought the same. On Friday he had stomach pains so took him back to the doctors where he was…Continue

Random Thoughts on a Rough Weekend

Started by Crabby. Last reply by jlsrdh Nov 7. 13 Replies

Since my husband died 14 weeks ago, I now take 6 pills a day for anxiety and insomnia.  I still don't sleep.I hate eating alone.  I can't even figure out what to shop for or what to make. When I do…Continue

Grief, guilt, and regret

Started by Crabby. Last reply by Melissa Oct 18. 11 Replies

Hello,I lost my husband of 38 years suddenly 11 weeks ago tomorrow. We were empty nesters with two grown children, and two adorable granddaughters. It was a Sunday afternoon, and Don was in our…Continue

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Comment by Pianogrl68 on June 26, 2018 at 10:06am

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum. My wonderful husband died 5 months ago and I’m still in a fog. Everything was fine the night before, we were watching movies and giggling as always and I remember how excited he was about the super bowl game the next day and he couldn’t wait to watch his favorite team play. We had made plans for a little get together with friends for the super bowl game that never came to bead he passed away that morning at 5 am. I watched my soul mate, best friend, protector, of 25 years die in front of me and my children. We stood there and watched as the EMT worked on him for almost two hours. His body was left on the kitchen floor for another two hours until the mortuary showed up and I only remember crawling up to him and holding him, begging him to come back and I would not let go of him until they took him away. He saved my life and in the end I couldn’t save his. The pain is insurmountable. He didn’t get to see his team play and win the super bowl. Bits and pieces have been coming back to me and I just feel sick to my stomach and I am unable to walk in my kitchen without shaking and having a lot of anxiety. I still don’t comprehend what has happened . My son had to graduate high school two weeks ago without his father there whom he loved so much and it was incredibly painful. I think back to that morning everyday wishing I could change it. The person I was died with him that day and now I don’t know who to be or how to be, I feel so broken. I started seeing a grief counselor but I feel worse every time I leave. Any way thank you all for taking the time to read this. 

Comment by IBelieveInYou on June 26, 2018 at 7:03am

The sudden loss of our loved ones is terrible. I've been away from this forum for a while and it's now been 2.5 years since the loss of my wife. She died of a heart attack right in front of me and our two young adult children. In the early days and months I felt like I was in a fog. Putting my pants on was an accomplishment. Please take care of yourself right now. Come here to read and share. It has helped me a lot and the healing that I've done has in large measure happened because of this forum. At 2.5 years the intensity of the pain has decreased but it's still hard to know that I will never see the love of my life here again. We met on a blind date in high school and were together for 32 years at the time of her passing. I wish you the peace.

Comment by Avanti on June 26, 2018 at 6:27am

Hello..I’m new to this forum

My world stopped abruptly 13 months back. I’m 28 ....We were childhood lovers. We were in a relationship for 11 years already when he proposed me for marriage last year. It was something I waited all my life for. Everything seemed like a fantasy world. We got married. Yes indeed it was “ the fairytale wedding “ what people call it. And I believed I was the happiest and luckiest person on the planet to have the most loving and caring husband by my side.

Just two months later, one night my husband got a massive cardiac arrest and I lost him forever. He was just 29. It was the end of the fairytale. I wasn’t with him when it happened,  infact nobody was and I didn’t get a chance to even take him to the hospital. “May be I could have saved him” this thought kills me every night.

My husband was my best friend, my mentor, my partner, my childhood love and my world to me. Since my childhood I’m used to talking to him..being with him and now he is gone forever. Life seems a punishment without him now. Just two months after the wedding I became a widow. We waited 12 years to unite forever and this is how our destiny played on us.

Thank you for taking time to read this.

Comment by Melissa on June 25, 2018 at 2:32pm

Whitedoves9698, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. You've had a terrible thing happen, but please don't blame yourself. How could you possibly know? We all think back on what we could have or should have done, but it just makes things harder.

Nine weeks is so recent. You're grief is so fresh. Life is incredibly hard in the first months, but it will get easier. You have a safe place with us here, and we all understand how you feel. Please keep writing and sharing your feelings with us. I wish you peace and comfort.

Comment by Whitedoves9698 on June 25, 2018 at 1:51pm

Hello, sorry if this is a multiple post. Trying to figure out how to post on here. Lost my soulmate, best friend and confidant. He was everything to me. I miss him dearly. He had a heartattack and I feel insurmountable pain and guilt for sitting with him for an hour while he was in cardiac arrest and feeding him tums. How stupid of me. I feel terrible. I want so badly to go back in time and make all the right decisions so that he would be here today. I feel immense heaviness and pain. How could I let this happen? How could I be so dumb? It sickens me. Life is so hard without him. Life is unbearable and doesn't seem livable. 9weeks and the pain seems to progressively get worse. The more I miss him, the more real it becomes, the more I want him, the more I need him. The house is empty and I am alone. It doesn't help that he passed here. Its so difficult. we were together 24/7. We both worked from home. Now I work from home alone with memories of what used to be and what will never be. Our trip to Paris in July will never happen. Our move to NC will never happen. We were so happy. We waited and looked for each other for 10yrs. We were both incredibly happy. The best relationship I have ever had in my entire life....gone... in one hour. Everything.. gone

Comment by Melissa on June 21, 2018 at 11:11am

I'm so sorry about Marcus, shellybean.

I have done EMDR therapy in the past for other issues and found it very helpful. If you have a good therapist with a lot of experience, I would think it could be helpful. I'm not a doctor, but I think it's worth checking out. I wish you only good things.

Comment by shellybean on June 21, 2018 at 6:29am

My husband, Marcus, was killed in a work accident at a grain elevator on January 2, 2018. We hadn't even been married for 4 months. He was my soul mate. We had been high school sweethearts and reconnected in 2015. Til death do us part was not supposed to happen so soon :'( 

Has anyone in here done EMDR therapy due to the suddenness of their spouse's death?

Comment by Melissa on June 20, 2018 at 10:28am

Hello MomOfBoys.

I'm so terribly sorry about your loss. I don't know how we go on, but we do. My husband died almost eight months ago, and in the beginning I was sure I could not live. I think I managed for my children. I couldn't let them be orphans; I couldn't cause them any more grief.

I know it's a cliche, but you really do live one minute, one breath at a time. Just do the absolute minimum you have to do for now. Eat a little bit every day, even if you have no appetite. Drink lots of water. Grief is dehydrating. Sleep as much as you need to. Ask friends for help. They want to help; they just don't know how. 

Everything seems overwhelming; even the simplest tasks. I realized that the first couple of months of grief are just like recovering from an accident or severe illness. You have been broken, and you need to treat yourself as you would if you'd been very sick. 

You will make it. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but you will do it. Your dear husband would want you to go on, your children need you, your friends and family love you. You also have us, here. We get it. We know how you feel. 

Sometimes you'll feel crazy. You're not. You'll be forgetful, so write things down if you need to. You will feel alone and lost. We all do. I still feel that way, even when I'm with friends. 

You will make it. You can do this. I know you can't imagine it now, but it does get better.

Keep in touch. We're here. I wish you comfort and strength.

Comment by MomOfBoys (Tammi) on June 19, 2018 at 2:28pm

Thank you.  Who knew grief was *this* hard.

I hae lost grandparents, etc and that you can actually move on. This?  Big fat no!

I do have three boys as well who live me and it is a comfort.  But I still feel so alone and lost

Thank you all for the kind welcome.

Comment by AML on June 19, 2018 at 1:02pm

MomOfBoys, I'm sorry you're here.  I lost my husband almost 8 months ago very suddenly.  He was active, seemingly in good health, no symptoms, and collapsed while jogging and was gone almost instantly.  I can understand how you feel like you can't go on.  In the early days and months all I could say was "I can't, I can't do this".  I have talked myself into "doing the next thing" every hour (sometimes minute) of everyday.  Some days that meant eating or just getting up and taking a shower or getting dressed.  I found a weekly support group which has helped.  I have three sons, 21, 18, and 15 that all live at home.  It has been a huge help and blessing to have them here with me.  Please know you are not alone.  Amy

 

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