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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1703
Latest Activity: on Thursday

Discussion Forum

The 6-month mark

Started by Crabby. Last reply by KJPE on Thursday. 9 Replies

I hit the 6-month mark this past Tuesday. As expected, it was very sad and emotional for me. I took off from work Tuesday and Wednesday because I just could not face the world. My daughter did take…Continue

When Friends Step Back

Started by GrievingandLost37. Last reply by KJPE Jan 29. 4 Replies

Since my husband died suddenly, my family and our friends were there for me during the first couple of months.  My family was so supportive and continues to be supportive for me.  Then, some friends…Continue

Other "Firsts"

Started by Crabby. Last reply by Polly Jan 24. 2 Replies

Just some thoughts - I think we've all heard people say that the first year is the hardest. They tell us you have to get through all of the firsts - first holidays, first birthdays, first…Continue

He deserved so much more love

Started by KJPE. Last reply by KJPE Jan 23. 5 Replies

At least once a day, I feel intensely frustrated & sad because my husband was exceptionally wonderful to me, and I keep wanting to give him more love and cannot believe that I can't any more. …Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by shelley on July 20, 2018 at 9:28pm

My life:  Wake up, shake off the dreams, do whatever it takes to get through the day.  9:00pm, begin wine and drugs to help me fall asleep.  Dream about searching for my husband, often finding him dead.  Wake up, shake off the dreams....   Repeat.  Day after day.  Night after night.  My life.  

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on July 20, 2018 at 11:49am

@widwom, I'm about 4 hours away.  It's too bad, I'd like some widda company now and then too. 

Comment by Melissa on July 2, 2018 at 11:29pm

widwom, you might start by looking at the "events" listing at the top of this page. I found a Soaring Spirits meetup in my town. They meet once a month, possibly more often.

I'm sure there are similar groups in Columbus and the Pacific Northwest.

Good luck!

Comment by widwom on July 2, 2018 at 3:38pm

Is there anyone there in the Columbus Ga  area?  I am at the  point where I just really need a human companion.  social media is fine, but it does not have the benefits of face to face or over phone conversation.  I quite possible will be splitting my living arrangements living half year in pacific NW so anone there, I would love to start a friendship on a more old fashioned level.

Comment by shelley on July 1, 2018 at 12:40pm

I had a dream this morning about my husband.  I don't dream about him very often and when I do, I can see him in the dream but he doesn't speak or move.  I speak to him, touch him, feel close to him, but he doesn't respond.  He's just a body.  In this dream I was at my childhood home in Syracuse, New York and I was doing household chores- washing the dishes, etc.  Then suddenly I was upstairs in my room and my husband was there in my bed.  Just his body.  Just sitting there.  Then I was back downstairs telling my Mom that I had to be with John because he was leaving soon.  I went back upstairs to my room, got in bed next to John, and told him that I didn't want him to go, but if he had to, I wanted to spend every second with him.  I said that I wanted to curl up inside him for as long as possible.  I can still see him just sitting there in bed not saying anything, not moving, looking straight ahead.  When I woke up, I tried hard to go back to the dream but I couldn't.  I got up, walked the dogs, etc and when I opened my computer-  there was John's obituary from Legacy.com.  I hadn't gone to any web sites, hadn't checked emails, nothing.  And there was John's smiling face on my computer.  With Legacy.com asking me if I wanted to send flowers.  I've been crying ever since.  Can't stop.  

Comment by EllenJ on June 29, 2018 at 5:17am

My husband had a heart attack too.  No heart symptoms. I

t's been a year, and in this year my daughter gave birth to twins; she was 5 months pregnant when her father died.  She lives in California, I live in NY. My son lives two hours away but he has is own life.  My only sister lives in Maryland.  

Over the last 12 months, I have been to California 3 times....the first time to help my daughter after the birth.  I have been to Florida once, on a family trip planned by my daughter.   I have had people for lunch, and dinner, been to movies and visited other peoples homes when asked.  I go to church when I can (not so sure what I believe anymore but I like the people there).

And now all I want to do is stay home and try to take care of myself.  People think I am depressed, which at some level I probably am.  But I am tired of pushing to be "on" for everyone else.  I just want to be in my own space, watch TV, (I am in the middle of watching 30 season of Survivor!) listen to music, clean, take care of my flowers, and sometimes just stare into space.  I need this time to myself.  Sometimes I feel like this past year didn't allow me to grieve. A couple of friends came by last week and sort posed an intervention, which I was deeply offended by.....and one of them has been a widow for 25 years and the other one is a Social Worker.... 

This is so complicated and sad.  I appreciate all the comments from people here.  I guess eventually I will move on with my life.  I just don't know how. Or when,  Or even why.

I wish my grandchildren lived closer.  When I am around them I feel like I have a purpose.  3000 miles is a long way.

Comment by Allan_sch on June 28, 2018 at 4:20am

Cindy I understand abouting eastin I have lost 20 pounds since my wife passing, we sat down at dinner and enjoyed the evening meal together each evening, we would talk about her and my day, about what we were doing for the weekend, maybe talk about seeing a movie for the weekend, I missing the evening meals with her.  

Comment by Tess on June 28, 2018 at 2:20am

KMA2106 (Cindy), I so get it about feeling as if under a looking glass. It does seem as though it's blah, blah, blah at times. Would it be rude to tell people to shut up? I know they are well-meaning, but sometimes, yes, it is all I can do to keep a somewhat "normal" life going. I lost 15 pounds since my husband's death. I have to listen to everyone imply that I am not eating, which I am so sick of hearing. I do eat, but let's face it, my husband was the cook. It was so much more enjoyable to eat a meal prepared for and shared with him. I eat, but not with the same gusto.

I think grandchildren are sent to help us through. I hope you get to spend time with your grandson and the two upcoming grandchildren. Congratulations on that. Hang in there.

Comment by Melissa on June 27, 2018 at 8:53pm

KMA2106, thank you for your wise words. It's been eight months for me, and not every day is horrible anymore. I still cry every day, and I'm still scared to be alone, but I'm living. Certainly not my best life, or even a "normal" life, but I am living.

I'm not at the point where I can remember the good yet without sobbing myself sick, but at least I see that someday I will.

Thank you again. 

Comment by IBelieveInYou on June 27, 2018 at 6:54pm

CKMA2106 Cindy, thank you for your words this evening. I found them helpful.

 

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