Suddenly widowed

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Comment by Joellen on September 22, 2012 at 7:17pm

danny and Phil sound just alike. Phil would hold me and just let me sob it out. One winter when we went to the cemetary Phil helped me make 14 little snow men one for each of us around scott's headstone.. then just held me while I cried.... I can't bring myself to go to scott's grave cause Phil's and mine are right next to scott's right now just too damn hard... when Joey took me to the cemetary after they placed our headstone it did me in not only to see scott's there; but phil's name etched in stone just felt like someone stuck a knife through my heart..  Scott's birthday is Sept. 11th. everytime it is talked about in the news my heart breaks more. this year on scott's birthday it was doublly hard as Phil was not here to hold me as I cried instead I was crying for both of them...  kathy you feel free to email me as well. this is a real rough journey we are traveling... hugs and soft days to you

Comment by Mrsbigdog80 on September 22, 2012 at 4:58pm

Joellen, I cant imagine loseing another child (I just have 1left) and I know what you mean about Phil being there for you. Danny would just hold me when I cried my heart out, even thou he was hurting too. Even thou it has been 16yrs ago (he was 8yrs old) I still have melt downs. I have to put flowers on his grave, I have them, but.cant seem to go without Danny. I cant stand being there without Danny to be with me. I know you live in Ohio and I'm in ky but maybe we might meet half way someday and get together and talk about our guys. Hope today isn't too bad. Email any time you want. Hug and peace.kathy

Comment by Joellen on September 22, 2012 at 2:38pm

I too have suffered multiply losses I lost two sons one just 11 years ago but I was able to get through the rough times cause I had Phil at my side to help me,.Now with his death I have to go though the journey alone and it is  the hardest journey of my life. I am almost at 6 months and I feel worse than I did at 4 months.

Comment by tanya on September 22, 2012 at 2:25pm

kathy, i cant imagine the loss of a child. Terrys death was so hard to get a handle on I dont think I could survive a death of one of my children. So sorry you have to handle what has been laid out for you. But you are Gods child and I know he helps you through. Love and Hugs

Comment by Mrsbigdog80 on September 22, 2012 at 2:15pm

Tanya, I'm sorry about father and husband. I too lost the two most important guys in my life. My son Spencer (he was 8yrs old) and my husband Danny. It is devasting, but with the help of Jesus I will get thrum this. God bless. Kathy

Comment by tanya on September 21, 2012 at 11:34pm

I havent worked since I was laid off in December. Since that time I lost my daddy and my husband in the span of 5 months I lost two of the biggest driving forces in my life. I was a daddy girl all my life and it was so hard to lose him. But when Terry died I felt like my life was just in tatters. Luckly my three kids and my two grandkids are such a big part of my life and i am in theirs they make my life worth living. I am so blessed to have them so close. I am ready to get back out into the working world and mingle with people other than my family. But I dont think I want a serious job again had them and dont want them anymore. Just something to keep me sane in the up and coming winter months. I thank each and everyone of you for making this journey more tolerable. And remember God loves YOU and he will help you just as he helps me everyday. Just trust him he will lead you to the path he wants you to take. Love and Hugs

Comment by Joellen on September 21, 2012 at 6:09pm

I feel the same way. sometimes I feel like this is a horrible nightmare and I want to wake up and have it be over and have Phil waiting at the top of the steps when I get home from work with a "Hi babe sure missed you today" glad you are home... God I miss him so much

Comment by lisanrich on September 21, 2012 at 5:54pm

Nancy, I am so very sorry for the way you are feeling.  But, I get it.  I feel the same.  My kids and grandkids live in another state also.  My daughter keeps telling me to take a trip to see them but I'm just not ready to leave my (our) home for very long.  The trips we took, which were a couple times a year, we took together.  I can't imagine taking a trip without Richard.  We NEVER did anything separately.  Just like you, I feel so alone and wonder the same things.  How long can I go on with this pain!!  Will it always be this way??  I'm like an emotional roller coaster right now.  I just want to get off and run into my hubbies arms!!! 

Comment by Joellen on September 21, 2012 at 5:50pm

I feel your pain big time Nancy while the majority of the people I work with are understanding to my face; I still hate work. I never really did before when Phil was alive cause I felt I had a purpose; I was helping us survive as he was retired.  while I do like you have children and grandchildren whom I love dearly they are grown ; have their own lives and bottom line; they are NOT Phil and do not make me feel like I have a purpose in life anymore. I keep hoping to start feeling like I have a reason to go on without Phil yet it is almost 6 months and I have yet to find that reason... I hate feeling empty, lonely, and lost... I need Phil so much and miss him even more and my love for him is never ending... this journey is horrible and I just don't understand the whole thing. I so do sympathize with you Nancy... and hate that you are going through this mess.

Comment by Keith's Wife on September 21, 2012 at 5:17pm

Even if I have to work with creeps, I am still so happy that the majority of you have support systems at work.  I wish I did but I don't.  Tanya, you are exactly right and that is what I am afraid of-they can just eliminate my position or whatever they want.   For right now, I will drive some where else when I feel it coming on.  I hate working and that is so unusual for me.  I never really minded and I was really the main bread winner because Keith had a small business and the last few years were not profitable.  But I never really minded at all...until now.  Now all I want to do is to stay away.  Sundays are the worst.  Not only is Sunday the day he died but my stomach starts hurting just thinking about going into work.  I will survive, though, because I have to.  Though there have been times since I lost Keith that I wonder what is the purpose of my being here without him.  I love my kids and my grandsons but they are grown up and don't live close.  I am just not sure how long I can keep feeling so alone and whether it is really worth it.  I keep praying every day for God to show me the way; lead me because I don't know the way.  I don't usually post at all.  In fact, I have posted more of my feelings in the past two weeks than I have since I found the board.  I just don't know anyone else who "gets it" and at least you all do.

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