Suddenly widowed

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Comment by Lauralee on July 26, 2012 at 8:57pm

Thank you Joellen and Juliana.  I made that same decision about not getting upset about the money when they insinuated I was the greedy one.  Unfortunately, that is when they cut off all contact also.  In addition to losing my husband, losing the grandchildren is also very tough.  However, I believe now that this is the best thing for me as I feel such a relief from the daily harrassment.  Hopefully, now I can begin to heal.  It is so good to hear others having similar experiences.

Comment by Juliana on July 26, 2012 at 8:35pm

Lauralee, there is nothing I can write that will take away the pain.  I'm so  sorry that you have had the additional heartache of having to deal with "greed".  I went through a bit of that with my brother-in-law.  It was very disappointing, but at least I finally saw his true colors.  I know that the financial aspect of loosing a spouse is horrid.  At the time you need to be able to start healing, you have to deal with money and relationship issues.  I actually got to the point that I decided that I wasn't going to get upset about anything involving money if it didn't effect the way I lived.  It was a conscious choice, and I made it at a very unlikely time.  I was staying with a woman in Arkansas helping her after her breast cancer surgery.  She had major issues.  She's been widowed for seven years and hasn't moved a peg.  She also was passive aggressive.  She can get upset when you don't even know what you've done to upset her.  At night, I would leave my wedding rings (mine and my husband's) on the counter in the bathroom I was using.  I went in one morning, and they were gone.  I knew where I had left them.  I figured out by this time that this woman was a game player.  The game she was playing was "Let's upset Juliana because even if she doesn't know it, she's done something I didn't like. "  I started to panic, then suddenly I became very calm.  I thought, "No, I know what she's doing.  The rings are only things.  They're not worth becoming hysterical over."  When I didn't become upset (despite her encouraging me to frantically look for them), my rings reappeared on the counter the following morning.  If you can understand what people are doing, why they're doing it, that they'd do it to anyone (not just you), then you can depersonalize it.  People are strange.  You have to go through this wretched thing called grief in order to understand it at all.  Bless you.  Hang in there.

Comment by Joellen on July 26, 2012 at 8:12pm

Lauralee first let me say I am so sorry for your loss. your loss occured about a month before mine but in he same way. My Husband and i went to sleep and he did not wake up this happened on April 7th.  I am so sorry to hear of all the nasty stuff you have had to endoure besides losing your precious husband. i am so glad you decided to join us in writing along with reading. this is a fantastic place to be with what we are going through. here are some fantastic people who offer great support,wisdom, and a great shoulder to lean on.they have helped me fantastically as I am sure they will you. Please come here often and share your feelings. we will help you all we can.  Hope in the days ahead you find some peace and soft days

Comment by Lauralee on July 26, 2012 at 7:59pm

I have been reading posts in various groups on this website for several weeks now and felt too fragile to actually "speak".  But, through the tears of reading what others are going through, I feel I can join this group and begin my journey.  Since March 3 when I found my husband dead in bed beside me, I have had to argue about every detail of the funeral with his family, then pack all my possessions, find a new place to live, move, turn over our home, furniture, car, leave all his clothes, personal items, my gifts to him and even his wedding ring to his children because we had not done our wills.  I have also lost those three step-children and six grandchildren to this nasty thing called greed after they harrassed me to give up my "share" of the estate.  It is only now that I am able to feel the grief and alone-ness and I am so surprised by how the grief overcomes you with no warming.  I don't feel I have any control at this point on when it hits.   Of course, there is much good that I have also experienced from my family and friends - it isn't all bad.  All I know is that I had no idea of what widows/widowers went through before this.

Comment by Joellen on July 26, 2012 at 10:27am

agbrown welcome first let me say I am deeply sorry for your loss. what a shock to your system.. Saturday will mark the 4th month since my husband of 42 years died. You are just at the first step of a long journey. come on here often; speak your heart; we are hear to help. while it has only been 4 months for me this web site saved me from despair... the people here are so comforting and supportive. again sorry for your loss but so glad you found us here. I know the pain of being alone I was married at 19 and this is the first time for me being alone.. Like I was told in the very beginning and many times since then. Be kind to yourself. take small baby steps and trust me you will fall back. there will be times that you feel you are doing so well and then the next moment you feel like you fell 10 steps back that is ok. it is all a part of this horrific journey..  Do not even try to take one day at a time right now. take one hour at a time.. and be kind to yourself... you will be in my thoughts.

Comment by agbrown on July 26, 2012 at 9:51am

Hello everyone,  I lost my husband June 22nd 2012  He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer June 1st 2012 he went so fast I am still in shock from it all.  We were together 25 years and it is so hard being alone.  I have so much going on and I don't have the energy right now to do it.

Comment by Joellen on July 25, 2012 at 8:33pm

Emy I know the feeling well Phil died on April 7th so I am not too much farther along this journey than you are and it is hard.  Hope you have a soft day tomorrow... you will be in my thoughts

Comment by Emy on July 25, 2012 at 4:43pm

Joellen, I'm going to ask that they hold off until I leave the parking lot.  I don't want to see it.  I have a strange feeling I will be bed bound on Friday; the loss is still so raw (almost 8 weeks).

Comment by Joellen on July 25, 2012 at 4:26pm

blueskies

thank you for a wonderful post. it all makes good sense to me  I especially like the part about the reunion in heaven... that for sure will be a great day for me. can't wait to kiss my Phil and hug my two sons .. I know that will most likely not be for awhile but just the thought brings a smile to my face. thank you

Comment by Joellen on July 25, 2012 at 4:24pm

emy is there any way that you could not be home when they tow it away? so that you could just come home and it be gone??

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