Suddenly widowed

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Comment by feelinglonely on April 12, 2013 at 9:12am

Laurajay/Ellen/Joellen---Everything you have mentioned is exactly the way I feel. I so miss my old life--the life we shared--the things I guess we all take for granted. I miss the way I always felt secure because he always had my back and I had his. I hate waking up alone, coming home alone, going to bed alone, going places without him when he should be with me. I pray every day for God to give me the strength to keep going. To know that there are others who feel the way I feel is such a comfort. I just miss my old life.

Comment by Ellen on April 11, 2013 at 12:30pm

Laurajay and Joellen - My feelings echo yours exactly.  How I wish I could turn back the clock and be in my old life with Barry - he always had a smile on his face and made me laugh - although I do drive, he was the one who drove whenever we went on long or short vacation trips - he had the keenest sense of direction than anyone else I have ever known - he knew better ways to get someplace even more than any GPS system - I just miss his being here for me because he made my life feel secure and comfortable - although I am capable of doing most things on my own, I wish he was still here to be able to share my life with him which I had expected to do for many more years to come, just as the two of you also expected.  With time, although we will always miss and love our beloved spouses, we will gradually learn to accept this painful and harsh reality that we and so many others have absolutely no control over.  You are in my thoughts and prayers today and every day.  May God comfort and bless us all.   Ellen

Comment by Joellen on April 11, 2013 at 12:19pm

laurajay you said it all so perfectly. I miss Phil so much his good days his bad days his grumpy days, his joyful days. I miss his eyes the way he would just look at me and I knew what he was thinking, I miss his arms so strong and mighty to hold me ; his lips to kiss me to speak words of encouragement and of love. Hell I just miss my world, my old life. I miss every single thing about him  and the life we had. It is one year and I don't honestly know how I will make year 2. It is so different...  I have never knew or felt such pain before like I have now...  I pray for soft days for us all.

Comment by laurajay on April 11, 2013 at 12:03pm

first thing when you waken...alone.    when you are falling asleep...alone.  no arms to hold you or love you-  no voice to encourage you or assure you.  the one you loved even without words is gone forever. your sense of well-being turned up side down.   never certain when this feeling will grab you ..never ready to face it without distress...endless energy to process this permanent loss which comes in waves of hopelessness and you have only the choice of giving it time to settle again  to pass once more.  only comfort is the truth that others do know and do understand because this is also part of their story.  God grant us favor for the strength to believe in our own healing  and faith to know all are worthy of such favor.   Dear friends,  this hurts so.   lj

Comment by Janice on April 11, 2013 at 7:27am

momto3, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  please try not to torment yourself about his last moments.  I know that is easy for me to say.  I was standing there when my husband collapsed about 40 seconds after saying his chest hurt.  he was walking to the closet to get his jacket to go to the hospital.  he never said anything about being afraid.  he never looked afraid.  he said it really hurt and dropped to the floor.  he never regained consciousness and the emts were never able to get a heartbeat.  I have prayed about this a lot and have been able to finally accept that it probably happened too fast for him to be aware of what was happening.  it has been 2 years and 3 months now.   

Comment by CC77 on April 11, 2013 at 12:29am

momto3

 

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I can understand your pain. It was hard for me thinking what I could have done differently or if somehow changed the order of things.  I finally came to the conclusion, it was all in God's plan. I would have only gotten in the way. My husband was recovery from injuries he sustained in a car/bicycle accident and we thought he was making progress.  However, on March 26, 2013, he went on to glory. One of his passion was spending time in meditation with God.  He loved that.  He is pain free, in peace and enjoying the good life.  So, to help him celebrate, I only thing of the good times we had together while he was alive, which helps cancel out what if theories, which has helped.  God bless you with strength and courage as you heal from the hurt. (hugs to you)

Comment by CC77 on April 11, 2013 at 12:21am

Dee,

Hugs to you too.  It is comforting to know how you feel six months down the road. Gives me something to look forward to.  Thanks to family, friends and my faith in God I too am pressing forward.  Thanks for the uplift.

Comment by momto3 on April 10, 2013 at 7:40pm

My husband died December 11, 2012.  He had driven into the city to go Christmas shopping midmorning, and when he wasn't home by 5pm, I knew something was wrong.  He didn't answer phone or texts.  I had friends start helping me try to call hospitals, etc. to see if something had happened.  I went back to the office we shared around 7pm, and found an address scribbled on a post it note that matched a business telephone number he had dialed that day.  We were able to send the police to do a check welfare, and sure endough -that was where he was.  Based on the information we had, I thnk he died about 11am.  It was a sudden heart attack.  I keep questioning myself in this - he had suffered from indigestion a good deal of the night before, but wouldn't hear of going to the dr. or e.r.  He had lap band surgery two years before, so indigestion wasn't that unusual.  Now when I think back, I think I remember looking at him and thinking to myself that the sweater he had on made him look odd that day - and it was my favorite color on him.  It is so hard - he died alone, in our car, and I don't know what his last minutes were like. 

 

Comment by onmyown on April 10, 2013 at 3:09pm

Thanks Pottergirl!! It has been a struggle and the anniversary always serves as a reminder. Really trying to stay positive this year and focus more on my husband's life, accomplishments and our relationship. Glad to know there are others who can relate.

Comment by CC77 on April 10, 2013 at 1:00pm

                Comment by CC77 1 minute ago           Delete Comment

Hi Kimberly Ann,

So sorry to hear about your husband. I too have difficult times accepting the passing of my husband of 38 years.  What gets me through is my strength and trust in God. I can still feel his love and comfort.  He was at home when he sat down and passed out for a couple of minutes. I called 911 and enroute to the hospital he passed away.  I know that his body is gone but his spirit lives on. One day we will meet again for it is God's promise to us. I think about positive moments when I feel down. Then I do something out of the ordinary, like talk on this platform to others, listen to an audiobook or walk through the mall.  I found that this helps. I am looking at life one day at a time. It doesn't help to think of negative thoughts, it only hurts more.  I know that my husband would want me to do what ever takes to move forward and would not want me to hurt so bad. May God grant you courage and strength right now. 

Connie

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