Suddenly widowed

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Comment by KayCeeMom 2 hours ago

I'm at 22 months now and I have to tell you that for me, life is getting a little better now.  It will never be "right" because, as you know, this isn't something you "get over", like the flu.  It will be with us all of our lives.  But I can remember the pain I felt late last summer and early fall when I was at the year mark and in the months afterwards and I know it hurts a lot less now.  There are still times of pain when songs, conversations, or who knows what catch me off guard.  And I know that I will be "on guard" against that pain for the rest of my life.  But I can see that I do have a life to live now.  There are things I want to see and do in the years before I join him.

I think one piece of advice I received helped me the most - get involved in something new.  Have some reason to get out of the house, something you have to plan for, people who are relying on you.  I started a Girl Scout troop - planning things for the girls to do, figuring out what's needed to help them earn the various pins and patches, has kept me going through some rough spots. Try finding something to keep you going, something that eventually may turn into something to look forward to.

Oh - and in case you are wondering - you don't have to have a daughter in the troop to start a troop.  Anyone can.

Comment by angjoy (Angela) 3 hours ago

Joellen, I feel the same way. I have no life anymore. It was taken away from me 3 weeks ago,tomorrow. My heart is broken. I don't know how I am expected to live like this for the rest of my life. We were married for 35 years and had a good life together. I keep asking why this had to happen. I just don't understand it. I feel like I am just surviving. I don't think that I will ever enjoy life again. I thought that we would be together forever. Yes, this is really tough.

Comment by Joellen 4 hours ago

yes Laurajay if not for our children and grandchildren I would not want to survive but they all go home at the end of a visit; the dial tone returns to the phone at the end of a phone call and I am alone once more. No one to hold me; kiss me; for me to share my day with not like I used to share it with phil..  the days are easier as I try to keep busy but the nights and weekends are brutal  I miss him so at 14 months  to me it is NOT getting much easier

Comment by laurajay 4 hours ago

Joellen...I hear you my friend and send dittos marks to your comments.  If it were not for the kindness of a few neighbors and friends and our precious grandchildren...I wonder if I could even survive?  May 30  wb 14 m0 for me too.  Unlike others, I do not believe this is getting easier at all.  Growing old alone without him is lonely and frightening.  Only the changing seasons for now is an improvement over the long winter... I am whole.  I will survive because I know there is a reason I am here.  I just don't like this and I hate the acceptance I am suppose to feel.  Not.   lj

Comment by Joellen 5 hours ago

angie you said it just how i feel. I do not "live" any more, I have no life. I survive.. my life was with Phil.  when Phil died he took my heart with him. I feel like part of me has been amputated in surgery and never to grow back. so I am in survival mode and I simply hate it when people tell me how good I am doing ; how strong I am; how proud of me they are..  Screw this.I am NOT strong; I am NOT doing so good; I am NOT enjoying things.. I am merely surviving till it is time to join Phil once more... I was married at 19 we were together 42 years  .... how in the hell does one "LIVE"alone and enjoy it after all those years as a couple... this really sucks.. sorry I am down today. It is almost 14 months and at times it feels like just yesterday that he did not wake up in our bed... ths is so wrong.... all our guys should still be here with us growing old, sharing retirement doing all the things we planned... damn this is tough.............................

Comment by Angie aka Woody's Girl 11 hours ago

Hugs back atcha Jan. Thank you.

Comment by adrift 12 hours ago

You couldn't have said it bettef Angie. I mean about the big piece if you, us, dying along with our husbands. That is why I feel like a " half person". Hugs to all Jan

Comment by Angie aka Woody's Girl 12 hours ago

Just watched The Notebook for the first time and I can't seem to stop sobbing. Right when I thought I was doing so well. But that movie triggered something so deep in me. I met my husband when I was barely 18, married less than a year later and married 35 years. We were supposed to grow old together dammit!!!!!!!!! I miss him sooo much and almost 18 months later and at times it still feels like yesterday. Thank you WV for giving me a place to unleash. No one knows the depth of my pain and sorrow but you reading this. Everyone else in my world thinks I'm amazingly strong, a survivor. But a piece of me died that night too.

Comment by adrift 15 hours ago

Oh Janet, that was what was so sad about it. The woman who needed to talk and be heard was my best friend since we were six years old so she will always be able to count on me, even in my darkest days. What upset me was that the two who were monopolizing the conversation are both widows as well! One remarried and the other 11 years out ... But still... Did they forget? I can't imagine that anyone could ... oh well , SIGH...

Comment by janet 17 hours ago

Mommy569 and adrift, it does get easier. Adrift unless they have been there they have no clue.  I hope you can be a friend as she starts this jouney no one of us want to take. 

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