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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Suddenly Widowed

For those widowed suddenly or unexpectedly by any cause. 

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 1667
Latest Activity: Jul 4

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Comment by Melissa on July 2, 2018 at 11:29pm

widwom, you might start by looking at the "events" listing at the top of this page. I found a Soaring Spirits meetup in my town. They meet once a month, possibly more often.

I'm sure there are similar groups in Columbus and the Pacific Northwest.

Good luck!

Comment by widwom on July 2, 2018 at 3:38pm

Is there anyone there in the Columbus Ga  area?  I am at the  point where I just really need a human companion.  social media is fine, but it does not have the benefits of face to face or over phone conversation.  I quite possible will be splitting my living arrangements living half year in pacific NW so anone there, I would love to start a friendship on a more old fashioned level.

Comment by shelley on July 1, 2018 at 12:40pm

I had a dream this morning about my husband.  I don't dream about him very often and when I do, I can see him in the dream but he doesn't speak or move.  I speak to him, touch him, feel close to him, but he doesn't respond.  He's just a body.  In this dream I was at my childhood home in Syracuse, New York and I was doing household chores- washing the dishes, etc.  Then suddenly I was upstairs in my room and my husband was there in my bed.  Just his body.  Just sitting there.  Then I was back downstairs telling my Mom that I had to be with John because he was leaving soon.  I went back upstairs to my room, got in bed next to John, and told him that I didn't want him to go, but if he had to, I wanted to spend every second with him.  I said that I wanted to curl up inside him for as long as possible.  I can still see him just sitting there in bed not saying anything, not moving, looking straight ahead.  When I woke up, I tried hard to go back to the dream but I couldn't.  I got up, walked the dogs, etc and when I opened my computer-  there was John's obituary from Legacy.com.  I hadn't gone to any web sites, hadn't checked emails, nothing.  And there was John's smiling face on my computer.  With Legacy.com asking me if I wanted to send flowers.  I've been crying ever since.  Can't stop.  

Comment by EllenJ on June 29, 2018 at 5:17am

My husband had a heart attack too.  No heart symptoms. I

t's been a year, and in this year my daughter gave birth to twins; she was 5 months pregnant when her father died.  She lives in California, I live in NY. My son lives two hours away but he has is own life.  My only sister lives in Maryland.  

Over the last 12 months, I have been to California 3 times....the first time to help my daughter after the birth.  I have been to Florida once, on a family trip planned by my daughter.   I have had people for lunch, and dinner, been to movies and visited other peoples homes when asked.  I go to church when I can (not so sure what I believe anymore but I like the people there).

And now all I want to do is stay home and try to take care of myself.  People think I am depressed, which at some level I probably am.  But I am tired of pushing to be "on" for everyone else.  I just want to be in my own space, watch TV, (I am in the middle of watching 30 season of Survivor!) listen to music, clean, take care of my flowers, and sometimes just stare into space.  I need this time to myself.  Sometimes I feel like this past year didn't allow me to grieve. A couple of friends came by last week and sort posed an intervention, which I was deeply offended by.....and one of them has been a widow for 25 years and the other one is a Social Worker.... 

This is so complicated and sad.  I appreciate all the comments from people here.  I guess eventually I will move on with my life.  I just don't know how. Or when,  Or even why.

I wish my grandchildren lived closer.  When I am around them I feel like I have a purpose.  3000 miles is a long way.

Comment by Allan_sch on June 28, 2018 at 4:20am

Cindy I understand abouting eastin I have lost 20 pounds since my wife passing, we sat down at dinner and enjoyed the evening meal together each evening, we would talk about her and my day, about what we were doing for the weekend, maybe talk about seeing a movie for the weekend, I missing the evening meals with her.  

Comment by Tess on June 28, 2018 at 2:20am

KMA2106 (Cindy), I so get it about feeling as if under a looking glass. It does seem as though it's blah, blah, blah at times. Would it be rude to tell people to shut up? I know they are well-meaning, but sometimes, yes, it is all I can do to keep a somewhat "normal" life going. I lost 15 pounds since my husband's death. I have to listen to everyone imply that I am not eating, which I am so sick of hearing. I do eat, but let's face it, my husband was the cook. It was so much more enjoyable to eat a meal prepared for and shared with him. I eat, but not with the same gusto.

I think grandchildren are sent to help us through. I hope you get to spend time with your grandson and the two upcoming grandchildren. Congratulations on that. Hang in there.

Comment by Melissa on June 27, 2018 at 8:53pm

KMA2106, thank you for your wise words. It's been eight months for me, and not every day is horrible anymore. I still cry every day, and I'm still scared to be alone, but I'm living. Certainly not my best life, or even a "normal" life, but I am living.

I'm not at the point where I can remember the good yet without sobbing myself sick, but at least I see that someday I will.

Thank you again. 

Comment by IBelieveInYou on June 27, 2018 at 6:54pm

CKMA2106 Cindy, thank you for your words this evening. I found them helpful.

Comment by KMA2106 on June 27, 2018 at 6:41pm

My heart goes out to everyone here.  I lost my husband/ bestfriend April 12th  of 2016.  I have been on the rollercoaster ride since then.  It’s such a lonely place.  The only reason I feel I qualify in any way to give advice is because I’ve been exactly where you are.  (If you are less than the 26 month mark). Our eldest daughter gave birth to our first grandson in Jan, our second (and youngest) daughter got married April 9th and my beautiful, healthy husband died getting out of his truck in the hospital parking lot April 12th....life sucks....I’ve been mad, sad, couldn’t eat, cried non stop, did absolutely nothing but listen to music for a yr—people talked to me about not eating—all I heard was blah blah blah and felt like I was under a looking glass....how dare they, I didn’t and don’t know how to do this, I just did it because I had to.  (Plus menopause/ hot flashes and decreased concentration-  ughhhh).

what I want to say is remember the good. Remember the laughs, the special looks, the love...I must say I am very blessed, not everyone gets 32+ yrs of marriage with their best friend.. I’m still angry at God for taking away my Angel but at least I had him...not everyone gets it.  I’m now getting ready to welcome our second and third grandbabies, what he was living for, I want to make him proud, I want to fill my shoes and his shoes for these babies and any future babies to come...I know he isn’t here but I live my life to make him proud of me.

I want to find love again but I want to feel in my heart that he would approve, he was so much more than my husband, he was my everything.

May you all find peace in your journey 

Cindy

Comment by Whitedoves9698 on June 27, 2018 at 1:28pm

is there anyone in Illinois or Missouri? looking for any widows/widowers that would like to meet up and grab coffee or chat. I feel so isolated. ugh Message me if you are interested

 

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